Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 17:41     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is this expected of friends that visit as well, and I'm not talking dinner time, but during the day?

And what would you have done if they were not visiting you?


Did you just fall off the turnip truck? It's good manners to bring new moms food.


+1, and I don't buy only people with kids know to do this. I didn't have my first kid until I was 42, I've been bringing my friends food when they had kids for 20 years.


Well, you are one of the few grannie.


NP; she isn't one of the few, and immature name calling doesn't exactly stake out your position as the one on the side of proper behavior.

I've lived in 5 states since I was old enough to have friends having kids, and in each one food was a welcome and expected new-parent gift.

I completely understand that there are subcultures where this is not the norm, but everyone shouting that at OP should realize that she is a part of her subculture. If she expected food, she's not in one where it's not the norm.


Expecting handouts is not proper behavior.


Like a pp above said, it's not that they're looking for handouts. It's that they were wanting to feel a sense of community and sisterhood. You know, how things used to be? "It takes a village" and all that? You sound incredibly obtuse.

So much "I don't need no stinkin help" attitude on this thread. Live like that if you please, but know that others want to feel connected and cared for by those in their circle. It's likely that they also want to do those things for their friends and family, too. So many people year for that sense of connection and kinship with their community like they saw their mothers and grandmothers have. I know I do.


You get what you give. If there's a reason you don't have that community, it's because you didn't bother to build it. Just because you decided to have a child doesn't make it magically appear.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 17:32     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is this expected of friends that visit as well, and I'm not talking dinner time, but during the day?

And what would you have done if they were not visiting you?


Did you just fall off the turnip truck? It's good manners to bring new moms food.


+1, and I don't buy only people with kids know to do this. I didn't have my first kid until I was 42, I've been bringing my friends food when they had kids for 20 years.


Well, you are one of the few grannie.


NP; she isn't one of the few, and immature name calling doesn't exactly stake out your position as the one on the side of proper behavior.

I've lived in 5 states since I was old enough to have friends having kids, and in each one food was a welcome and expected new-parent gift.

I completely understand that there are subcultures where this is not the norm, but everyone shouting that at OP should realize that she is a part of her subculture. If she expected food, she's not in one where it's not the norm.


Expecting handouts is not proper behavior.


Like a pp above said, it's not that they're looking for handouts. It's that they were wanting to feel a sense of community and sisterhood. You know, how things used to be? "It takes a village" and all that? You sound incredibly obtuse.

So much "I don't need no stinkin help" attitude on this thread. Live like that if you please, but know that others want to feel connected and cared for by those in their circle. It's likely that they also want to do those things for their friends and family, too. So many people year for that sense of connection and kinship with their community like they saw their mothers and grandmothers have. I know I do.


Totally agree. I didn't get a lot of food, but I still remember with gratitude the neighbor who gave us the entire fixings for pulled pork sandwiches! The pork, potato buns, AND pickles. Yum
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 17:29     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is this expected of friends that visit as well, and I'm not talking dinner time, but during the day?

And what would you have done if they were not visiting you?


Did you just fall off the turnip truck? It's good manners to bring new moms food.


+1, and I don't buy only people with kids know to do this. I didn't have my first kid until I was 42, I've been bringing my friends food when they had kids for 20 years.


Well, you are one of the few grannie.


NP; she isn't one of the few, and immature name calling doesn't exactly stake out your position as the one on the side of proper behavior.

I've lived in 5 states since I was old enough to have friends having kids, and in each one food was a welcome and expected new-parent gift.

I completely understand that there are subcultures where this is not the norm, but everyone shouting that at OP should realize that she is a part of her subculture. If she expected food, she's not in one where it's not the norm.


Expecting handouts is not proper behavior.


Like a pp above said, it's not that they're looking for handouts. It's that they were wanting to feel a sense of community and sisterhood. You know, how things used to be? "It takes a village" and all that? You sound incredibly obtuse.

So much "I don't need no stinkin help" attitude on this thread. Live like that if you please, but know that others want to feel connected and cared for by those in their circle. It's likely that they also want to do those things for their friends and family, too. So many people year for that sense of connection and kinship with their community like they saw their mothers and grandmothers have. I know I do.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 17:05     Subject: Nobody brought us food
OP, DH is military, and when DS was born, not of that "tribe" lifted a finger to help me, even though I'd had a c-section and DH was deployed. I was cooking with DS in a sling at 3 days old because I couldn't drive, so fast food wasn't an option. Neither was delivery where we lived. When my mom showed up to help a week later, I'd lost 25 lbs (being obese and breastfeeding helped it fall off that quick, but still).

People suck. You get used to it.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 15:23     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is this expected of friends that visit as well, and I'm not talking dinner time, but during the day?

And what would you have done if they were not visiting you?


Did you just fall off the turnip truck? It's good manners to bring new moms food.


+1, and I don't buy only people with kids know to do this. I didn't have my first kid until I was 42, I've been bringing my friends food when they had kids for 20 years.


Well, you are one of the few grannie.


NP; she isn't one of the few, and immature name calling doesn't exactly stake out your position as the one on the side of proper behavior.

I've lived in 5 states since I was old enough to have friends having kids, and in each one food was a welcome and expected new-parent gift.

I completely understand that there are subcultures where this is not the norm, but everyone shouting that at OP should realize that she is a part of her subculture. If she expected food, she's not in one where it's not the norm.


Expecting handouts is not proper behavior.


+1!!! "Expecting" food is not okay. Expecting anything is not okay unless it's close family!!!
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 14:27     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People on this forum are literally mean for sport. Some of you need to reflect on why you are so awful, and meditate on redemption. Maybe watch The Good Place too....

We had a baby nine weeks ago. My mom came when DH returned to work and made a lasagna. My good friend brought me lunch one day and another friend brought over cookies. Another neighbor gave us a big box of diapers and wipes.

I'm not super popular or anything.


Are you saying those are the only things you got? Did you have a baby shower?


Second baby, so no. However we got incredible amounts of hand me downs. I was expecting to have another and I gave a lot away.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 14:24     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is this expected of friends that visit as well, and I'm not talking dinner time, but during the day?

And what would you have done if they were not visiting you?


Did you just fall off the turnip truck? It's good manners to bring new moms food.


+1, and I don't buy only people with kids know to do this. I didn't have my first kid until I was 42, I've been bringing my friends food when they had kids for 20 years.


Well, you are one of the few grannie.


NP; she isn't one of the few, and immature name calling doesn't exactly stake out your position as the one on the side of proper behavior.

I've lived in 5 states since I was old enough to have friends having kids, and in each one food was a welcome and expected new-parent gift.

I completely understand that there are subcultures where this is not the norm, but everyone shouting that at OP should realize that she is a part of her subculture. If she expected food, she's not in one where it's not the norm.


Expecting handouts is not proper behavior.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 14:23     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:People on this forum are literally mean for sport. Some of you need to reflect on why you are so awful, and meditate on redemption. Maybe watch The Good Place too....

We had a baby nine weeks ago. My mom came when DH returned to work and made a lasagna. My good friend brought me lunch one day and another friend brought over cookies. Another neighbor gave us a big box of diapers and wipes.

I'm not super popular or anything.


Are you saying those are the only things you got? Did you have a baby shower?
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 14:00     Subject: Nobody brought us food
People on this forum are literally mean for sport. Some of you need to reflect on why you are so awful, and meditate on redemption. Maybe watch The Good Place too....

We had a baby nine weeks ago. My mom came when DH returned to work and made a lasagna. My good friend brought me lunch one day and another friend brought over cookies. Another neighbor gave us a big box of diapers and wipes.

I'm not super popular or anything.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 13:59     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:OP, I think this is a symptom of how much people complain about food. My family is gluten free, nut free, vegan, my kids are picky eaters, etc, etc. Just think about how often someone on here has posted asking food to take a new family. We're all insecure about taking food now.

That and not that many people cook anymore.

I wish I knew you. I'd bring you a big dinner. I know how much I appreciated it when my kids were newborns.


PP again
*asking what food to take to a new family*
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 13:58     Subject: Nobody brought us food
OP, I think this is a symptom of how much people complain about food. My family is gluten free, nut free, vegan, my kids are picky eaters, etc, etc. Just think about how often someone on here has posted asking food to take a new family. We're all insecure about taking food now.

That and not that many people cook anymore.

I wish I knew you. I'd bring you a big dinner. I know how much I appreciated it when my kids were newborns.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 13:55     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is this expected of friends that visit as well, and I'm not talking dinner time, but during the day?

And what would you have done if they were not visiting you?


Did you just fall off the turnip truck? It's good manners to bring new moms food.


+1, and I don't buy only people with kids know to do this. I didn't have my first kid until I was 42, I've been bringing my friends food when they had kids for 20 years.


Same. My mom's solution to everything was to "bring them food!" and that was completely engrained into me, lol. To the point I feel guilty if I was somehow unable to bring a friend a post-baby dinner.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 13:22     Subject: Re:Nobody brought us food
It sounds like you have a bigger issue.

I will admit that I was bitchy while pregnant and made it clear that MIL was not invited in the first few months after the first baby's birth, partially because she lives across the country and would want to stay with us, but also because she's an unrepentant smoker. She's also NEVER helpful when she visits. Doesn't lift a finger to cook or clean up after herself.

If you ever have more kids, you can make it clear to family that visits are NOT welcome for a few weeks as you get adjusted. Exceptions will be made for helpful visitors that will take the older kid on a special trip for attention or bring food.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 13:17     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hey lady who said that having a healthy newborn isn't a big deal...want to hear how insensitive you sound?

"I can have multiple Orgasms through intercourse alone. It's no big deal. I don't know why some women need vibrators!"

"Labor was painless for me. It's no big deal. I don't know why anyone would need an epidural."



Don't be stupid. I had a life-threatening illness last year, multiple deaths in the family, lost jobs several times, and nearly lost the house. My special needs newborn nearly suffocated from breathing issues, at home, when we brought him back from hospital. I nearly died during the birth of healthy baby. We continued to cook at home, as do the immense majority of people who go through these events.

So YES, I hereby affirm that "wondering why people don't bring food after a birth" is a minor issue.

If you think I'm insensitive, then you are lucky to have lived a charmed life. I envy you!

And no, it's not culturally universal to bring meals for births, as this thread has shown. Thank you.



Listen, sugar, there isn't an Olympics of Suffering. I'm sorry you went through all that stuff. But it doesn't give you the right to belittle others who are having a hard time with something you found easy. I would have thought that your trials and tribulations would have given you more empathy.

I found school easy. I never studied until professional school. And then it was still easy, just a lot of material. Did I for one second tell my classmates who were failing to buck up and stop whining? NOPE. I helped them when they needed help. I was responsible for making sure at least three friends passed.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2017 12:55     Subject: Re:Nobody brought us food
Hey OP and everyone else who has had this happen to them: remember how it feels and when your friend has a baby, bring food!

I now bring food to all my friends after they have babies because I remember how much it meant to me when a few friends were thoughtful enough to bring food.

Don't waste time getting mad about it, just commit to being a better person to your own friends in the future!