Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you call the gf's parents to at least find out where they're going and if they'll have adults with them?

Not sure what you can do about it at this point tbh, but he's definitely taught you that he can't be trusted with that level of freedom.

Horrible idea, unless you know the parents well. Make him look like a baby and he will start acting out. He is a 18-year-old young man, not a little boy! "if they'll have adults with them" they are adults, you call and start asking those questions and you will humiliate him and become the typical crazy American mom that wont cut the umbilical cord. He is 18for crying out loud and made arrangements to be back in time for school on a ticket he bought himself. Sounds responsible to me.

Anonymous wrote:Can you call the gf's parents to at least find out where they're going and if they'll have adults with them?

Not sure what you can do about it at this point tbh, but he's definitely taught you that he can't be trusted with that level of freedom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS, 18 as of the end of last month, has been in Sweden with his girlfriend and her extended family for the last ten days. His plane ticket, which he did pay for himself, had him returning next week (a two week trip). Just now, he informed us that he changed it and he and the girlfriend won't be coming back until the evening before the first day of school (we aren't in DC) which is adding another six days to his trip.

I am angry on so many levels! He should not have made this decision without asking our permission and I have no clue where he and the girlfriend are going to be for that extra five days and who - if anyone - will be with them. I am angry at myself for letting him go in the first place. I am angry that he is starting his senior year with jet-lag. I am just angry.

Am I overreacting? DH is furious, too, so I cannot bounce this off him. TIA

Yes you are over reacting. He didnt ask permission because he is smart enough to know its easier to ask for forgiveness than having hour-long debates over the extra days. If thats the biggest problem with the kid your in good shape.

Anonymous wrote:DS, 18 as of the end of last month, has been in Sweden with his girlfriend and her extended family for the last ten days. His plane ticket, which he did pay for himself, had him returning next week (a two week trip). Just now, he informed us that he changed it and he and the girlfriend won't be coming back until the evening before the first day of school (we aren't in DC) which is adding another six days to his trip.

I am angry on so many levels! He should not have made this decision without asking our permission and I have no clue where he and the girlfriend are going to be for that extra five days and who - if anyone - will be with them. I am angry at myself for letting him go in the first place. I am angry that he is starting his senior year with jet-lag. I am just angry.

Am I overreacting? DH is furious, too, so I cannot bounce this off him. TIA

Anonymous wrote:DS, 18 as of the end of last month, has been in Sweden with his girlfriend and her extended family for the last ten days. His plane ticket, which he did pay for himself, had him returning next week (a two week trip). Just now, he informed us that he changed it and he and the girlfriend won't be coming back until the evening before the first day of school (we aren't in DC) which is adding another six days to his trip.

I am angry on so many levels! He should not have made this decision without asking our permission and I have no clue where he and the girlfriend are going to be for that extra five days and who - if anyone - will be with them. I am angry at myself for letting him go in the first place. I am angry that he is starting his senior year with jet-lag. I am just angry.

Am I overreacting? DH is furious, too, so I cannot bounce this off him. TIA

Anonymous wrote:DS, 18 as of the end of last month, has been in Sweden with his girlfriend and her extended family for the last ten days. His plane ticket, which he did pay for himself, had him returning next week (a two week trip). Just now, he informed us that he changed it and he and the girlfriend won't be coming back until the evening before the first day of school (we aren't in DC) which is adding another six days to his trip.

I am angry on so many levels! He should not have made this decision without asking our permission and I have no clue where he and the girlfriend are going to be for that extra five days and who - if anyone - will be with them. I am angry at myself for letting him go in the first place. I am angry that he is starting his senior year with jet-lag. I am just angry.

Am I overreacting? DH is furious, too, so I cannot bounce this off him. TIA

Anonymous wrote:I think the kid probably did know his mother would flip her lid and also that she'd want to coddle him "so he wouldn't have jet lag on the first day of school" and that's why he didn't ask. She's unreasonable and he probably was just slipping his leash a bit while he could. Can't blame him at all given what OP has posted, she sounds controlling. Sometimes it is better to ask forgiveness than permission.

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Anonymous wrote:Is this out of character for him? I am curious about how he let you know about his plans.. Did he call you or just send an email? In any case, take this opportunity to take a deep breath and think about your conversation when he does arrive home. Let your DH take the lead with your son. Sometimes a naggy mom doesn't have the same impact. It is time for a discussion about respect, trust etc. This would seriously cross the line in my household. While I always supported my 2 boys, they would NEVER inform me of a 6 day vacation change. Don't allow him to pull the "I am an adult" card. Remind him that if he wants to be an adult, his college tuition is HIS responsibility.

OP here again and thank you everyone. Okay - so...
DS let us know by text. A sort of "by the way..." and is now unreachable as they are somewhere in rural Sweden with, apparently, no cell service. I don't believe it but can't prove it.

He totally paid for this trip with his own money. He had a great summer job and worked hard.

He is not in any fall sport and his schedule is set - but he is senior class president and probably should have been back before school starts to do stuff... but I am not even sure about that.

He is a top student - very responsible with grades/school work and actually very responsible about helping his younger siblings.

He DOES live and eat at home as well as drive our car - but has been tutoring for extra money and hasn't asked us for much since he's been 14.

He will, most likely, get a merit and/or need based scholarship to college.


I am calmer now - thank you all - but just sad. I miss him. I feel like he went to college already and he's gone. I just miss him.

Um. Not to alarm you, but this doesn't seem in line with the responsible kid you paint him to be. I'd be seeking some confirmation that he and gf are okay.

Yeah, that sort of thing is totally typical for that age. They expect to get push back from their parents so they do what they want to do and then avoid, avoid, avoid the parents at all costs (we used to call them "The 'Rents" when I was that age).

It's typical for kids who were raised without respect for their parents.

No. It's typical for kids who are asserting their own independence. I was taught to really toe the line as a teen and listen to my parents who had my best interests at heart. But when I hit college age, I started to make decisions for myself w/o running things by them first. Not every choice I made pleased my parents and looking back some of my choices actually were not the best, but I also owned those choices that I made - they were my choices.

There can be a fine line between a parent guiding their young adult/offering helpful suggestions and a parent micromanaging/deciding things FOR their young adult. If a parent remains a little too over involved they will get the push back that I'm referring to.

You said a whole lot of nothing.
It has nothing to do with asserting independence and everything to do with bad manners and basic courtesy. I don't care how many scholarships, teams, clubs or what grades your kids have if they get to 18 and show the complete rudeness Op's son has you have failed.

Anonymous wrote:It is possible that OP's son didn't think it was a big deal to extend the trip by a few days? Yes, of course, he should have but I have corrected my son on a variety of issue and gotten that dumb-blank look - as if it was a total shock to him that you needed to wipe the counter with a wet cloth to get up the dried jelly or that cars need oil when the oil light comes on.

Regardless, I don;t think it is a big deal. And I do think he sounds like a great kid who is just caught up in his first grown-up trip.

Anonymous wrote:Lucky guy - his balls are going to be completely drained and probably collapse inward on themselves