Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Yikes lady. Feeling insecure and trying to justify your own choices much? This is objectively not true

Shrug. It's what I've seen, time and time again. But... to each their own.

You are clueless. As a woman who became a parent in my 30s, having kids older wrecks absolute HAVOC on an older person. There is no comparison. My niece recently had a baby at 23 (5 months ago) and we just got back from the beach where she was parading around in her bikini, but cheeks barely covered. Not a single inch of lose skin or flab. Young bodies bounce. Young bodies are biologically designed to bear children.

You will not find a single older mother who will tell you that having kids at an older age will perserve your looks. It's the absolute down fall into rapid middle age.

Not talking about bodies, really, talking about overall youthfulness and specifically the appearance of the face.

Oh dear god, how i wish this were true! I grew up out west and women in my town got married and had babies early. Boy, was there a striking difference at my HS reunion between those of us who were still changing diapers and those whose kids were in high school. It was us older moms who looked more rough for the wear

And ive taken great care of my body and skin, but wowsers, babies in my late 30s was rough

Anonymous wrote:I met my husband, the summer before my senior year of college I was just 20 years old.He was significantly older at 44, we married 2 years later and I went to med school our daughter was born a year after I finished, and he died 2 years later.

So I'd say things didn't go as planned, I knew that in marrying a man so much older he would go first, but I didn't expect it to be so quickly or so suddenly, but we were very happy when were together.

He's been gone 3 years now, and I'm just starting to see someone special again.
I'm probably about your age op at 33.
I never planned on being a widow and a single mom by 30 and a single and dating mom at 33, but it is what it is.
Life seldom goes 100% the way we plan it. Would'ves and could'evs lead nowhere but bitterness.
We just have to own the choice we make and love the moments we're in.

You sound awesome! Whoever gets you will be one lucky dude (or chick)!

Anonymous wrote:Surprised by all these positive anecdotes. Every man i know who married young cheats.

Might be time to get some new friends

DH and I got married at 24 in the middle of our PhD program and are now 29. I think we are absolutely a great match for one another personality-wise and temperament-wise, but the downside to getting married so young has been dealing with a lot of career "two body" problem issues that perhaps we were not mature enough to handle well. We have done long distance for stints of time on and off for the past few years, and he recently took a faculty job in an area that has very limited job prospects for me, which has led to a lot of resentment. If I get lucky, I might be able to find employment in the city he is relocating to in the next year or two (there is only one employer outside of the university in the area that fits my expertise), but if not, I'm not sure how we are going to resolve this. Basically, I can give up or entirely change my career, he can give up his incredibly competitive dream job, or we can move on from one another.

We have spent the past year fighting about how his dream (to be a tenure track research professor) has been extremely disruptive to our lives due to the fact that a serious academic job search is a national one. He was adamant about wanting to be a professor, and I harbored a lot of resentment about how he was unwilling to at least apply for and seriously consider jobs outside of academia (such as in industry or government) where we might both be able to find jobs in our respective subfields in the same geographic area more easily. Aside from the aspect of personal professional fulfillment, I also don't want to raise a family on one faculty salary, even in a lower COL area. We had considered trying to start a family earlier, but there was a series of setbacks and opportunities that have made it challenging to be in the same city for long stretches of time without sacrificing a lot of career opportunities. It started when we were not able to coordinate our graduation dates, because his PhD advisor moved universities and department put pressure on my husband to graduate early. I realize that prioritizing our career aspirations is a choice. But at this point, despite getting married young, it doesn't mean we are having kids any earlier than those who got married later.

If I had more perspective and didn't get married so young, I would have better appreciated how challenging balancing professional ambitions of two spouses can be, especially when you have very specialized training. Of course, you can't help who you fall in love with, and perhaps if I hadn't married my husband, I would have met someone who I had to work out these issues with anyway.

Surprised by all these positive anecdotes. Every man i know who married young cheats.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your cats will comfort you in your twilight years.

And your husband will be enjoying a parade of 20-something callgirls and strippers.

NP. And I'll be enjoying a parade of pool boys and frat stars. Woo hoo!!!

No you won't, it doesn't work that way ... sorry!

"man, I want an older divorced woman in her late 50's!" said no 'frat star' ever.

I am a young woman who went to college with plenty of frat stars. Trust me, they absolutely like older women. It's a (older) male fantasy that they don't

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your cats will comfort you in your twilight years.

And your husband will be enjoying a parade of 20-something callgirls and strippers.

NP. And I'll be enjoying a parade of pool boys and frat stars. Woo hoo!!!

No you won't, it doesn't work that way ... sorry!

"man, I want an older divorced woman in her late 50's!" said no 'frat star' ever.

This thread makes me sad as it seems like the majority of you are very happy with having kids and getting married young.
I am 32 now and still single. I only wanted kids before 30, ideally at about 27-29/30, those days are gone now. I don't want to be an older mom.
The days of having kids have passed for me now and that is hard to take.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Yikes lady. Feeling insecure and trying to justify your own choices much? This is objectively not true

Shrug. It's what I've seen, time and time again. But... to each their own.

You are clueless. As a woman who became a parent in my 30s, having kids older wrecks absolute HAVOC on an older person. There is no comparison. My niece recently had a baby at 23 (5 months ago) and we just got back from the beach where she was parading around in her bikini, but cheeks barely covered. Not a single inch of lose skin or flab. Young bodies bounce. Young bodies are biologically designed to bear children.

You will not find a single older mother who will tell you that having kids at an older age will perserve your looks. It's the absolute down fall into rapid middle age.

Not talking about bodies, really, talking about overall youthfulness and specifically the appearance of the face.

Hahahahaha what?? As an older FTM with a community of similar friends this is just...not true. Trust me. I really do not know where you're getting that but please do yourself a favor and don't harbor any such illusions

Getting it from my experiences and observations. It's fine that you have different ones. We'll just have to agree to disagree

Haha I guess so. Seconding the earlier PP that said a little perspective will be very good for you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Yikes lady. Feeling insecure and trying to justify your own choices much? This is objectively not true

Shrug. It's what I've seen, time and time again. But... to each their own.

You are clueless. As a woman who became a parent in my 30s, having kids older wrecks absolute HAVOC on an older person. There is no comparison. My niece recently had a baby at 23 (5 months ago) and we just got back from the beach where she was parading around in her bikini, but cheeks barely covered. Not a single inch of lose skin or flab. Young bodies bounce. Young bodies are biologically designed to bear children.

You will not find a single older mother who will tell you that having kids at an older age will perserve your looks. It's the absolute down fall into rapid middle age.

Not talking about bodies, really, talking about overall youthfulness and specifically the appearance of the face.

Hahahahaha what?? As an older FTM with a community of similar friends this is just...not true. Trust me. I really do not know where you're getting that but please do yourself a favor and don't harbor any such illusions

Getting it from my experiences and observations. It's fine that you have different ones. We'll just have to agree to disagree

Married at 25. First kid at 27. Third at 32. So thankful I have childbearing behind me. I love being a young Mom. Great career too, I just wrote a book. Having kids young doesn't mean killing your career. Great marriage. Getting married young is underrated.

I met my husband, the summer before my senior year of college I was just 20 years old.He was significantly older at 44, we married 2 years later and I went to med school our daughter was born a year after I finished, and he died 2 years later.

So I'd say things didn't go as planned, I knew that in marrying a man so much older he would go first, but I didn't expect it to be so quickly or so suddenly, but we were very happy when were together.

He's been gone 3 years now, and I'm just starting to see someone special again.
I'm probably about your age op at 33.
I never planned on being a widow and a single mom by 30 and a single and dating mom at 33, but it is what it is.
Life seldom goes 100% the way we plan it. Would'ves and could'evs lead nowhere but bitterness.
We just have to own the choice we make and love the moments we're in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find both men and women, but especially women (probably since they do the majority of child care) look soooooo much older if they had kids young. Not just compared to their childless peers- but when they get older and things have equalized, the ones who had kids young just look more haggard to my eye. Generalizing, of course.

Yikes lady. Feeling insecure and trying to justify your own choices much? This is objectively not true

Shrug. It's what I've seen, time and time again. But... to each their own.

You are clueless. As a woman who became a parent in my 30s, having kids older wrecks absolute HAVOC on an older person. There is no comparison. My niece recently had a baby at 23 (5 months ago) and we just got back from the beach where she was parading around in her bikini, but cheeks barely covered. Not a single inch of lose skin or flab. Young bodies bounce. Young bodies are biologically designed to bear children.

You will not find a single older mother who will tell you that having kids at an older age will perserve your looks. It's the absolute down fall into rapid middle age.

Not talking about bodies, really, talking about overall youthfulness and specifically the appearance of the face.

Hahahahaha what?? As an older FTM with a community of similar friends this is just...not true. Trust me. I really do not know where you're getting that but please do yourself a favor and don't harbor any such illusions

Met DH at 25, married 28 and had 2 kids by 33. Love the person I married. We are still together. Yes, I wish we had kids sooner from a career aspect though I am not sure I could have done grad school with an infant and no family nearby. I'm hellava impressed by the woman that manage that with their marriage intact.

My 30's career wise was harder because I was at the point I could have tried to move into management but with pregnancy and preschool years (getting calls to pick up your child because they run a fever when they are teething) I was worried about taking on more responsibility and wanted to have a flexible job. Then suddenly I woke up at 40 and realized that everyone was moving past me at work, yet where I was in the payscale made it tough to change jobs with the same money and I think I was pigeon holed where I was. It was also where I was doing the work, and thus getting more work, but wasn't necessarily getting the leadership credit. In the end it worked out and I was promoted to a job in a different group. But it felt like all my friends in early 40's with kids roughly the same age were all having the same work crisis.

Keep in mind that dating around in your 20s to take time for yourself and meet a compatible spouse is also smart, because more of your peers are still single never married no kids. There is better chance of meeting and marrying for love and compatibility than to have babies early.