Anonymous
Post 07/10/2017 11:55     Subject: He lied
OP, I feel for you. I think you did absolutely the right thing.

He could grow from this. He could go to therapy. He could face his demons and work on himself and become a more honest and trustworthy person and maybe go on to have a real adult relationship later on.

But not with you. He missed his chance with you. I am so, so sorry and I know how this must hurt but you did the right thing. He is not able at this point in his life to have a mature, trusting relationship and is not someone you can marry, even if you loved him very much. I'm sorry this happened to you but I don't think there's any other choice you could have made and you know that you are protecting yourself and doing what needs to be done. You are an adult and you will find another adult to marry and love.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2017 10:37     Subject: He lied
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:ughhhh she took him back. Post back when he ruins your credit and you're headed for divorce so we can say we told you so.

Op here. I did not take him back. I packed up all of his stuff (except for a few items that I'm choosing to keep!). I don't know where he's staying right now, but he is picking up everything this weekend (7/15). I can't live with or have a future with a liar. I thought about taking him back, we met up and talked for 3hrs. I found out a lot of other stuff (abusive childhood, has always felt inferior to other people), but it still doesn't excuse the lying and making up stuff to perpetuate the lie. If he would have come clean sometime during the first 6 months, I would fee different. Almost 3 years later, no, it's too late.


go, OP! You rock! I am cheering you on. Welcome to your very bright future.


Thanks for the update OP. I hope both you and your ex will be able to move forward and find peace.


+1
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2017 09:46     Subject: He lied
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:ughhhh she took him back. Post back when he ruins your credit and you're headed for divorce so we can say we told you so.

Op here. I did not take him back. I packed up all of his stuff (except for a few items that I'm choosing to keep!). I don't know where he's staying right now, but he is picking up everything this weekend (7/15). I can't live with or have a future with a liar. I thought about taking him back, we met up and talked for 3hrs. I found out a lot of other stuff (abusive childhood, has always felt inferior to other people), but it still doesn't excuse the lying and making up stuff to perpetuate the lie. If he would have come clean sometime during the first 6 months, I would fee different. Almost 3 years later, no, it's too late.


go, OP! You rock! I am cheering you on. Welcome to your very bright future.


Thanks for the update OP. I hope both you and your ex will be able to move forward and find peace.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2017 09:40     Subject: He lied
I'm so sorry you are going through this, but you are doing the right thing. People who lie because they feel inferior don't change overnight. He has many years of therapy and hard work to change his default reaction to certain situations.

Stay strong!
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2017 09:39     Subject: He lied
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:ughhhh she took him back. Post back when he ruins your credit and you're headed for divorce so we can say we told you so.

Op here. I did not take him back. I packed up all of his stuff (except for a few items that I'm choosing to keep!). I don't know where he's staying right now, but he is picking up everything this weekend (7/15). I can't live with or have a future with a liar. I thought about taking him back, we met up and talked for 3hrs. I found out a lot of other stuff (abusive childhood, has always felt inferior to other people), but it still doesn't excuse the lying and making up stuff to perpetuate the lie. If he would have come clean sometime during the first 6 months, I would fee different. Almost 3 years later, no, it's too late.


go, OP! You rock! I am cheering you on. Welcome to your very bright future.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2017 09:27     Subject: He lied
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:ughhhh she took him back. Post back when he ruins your credit and you're headed for divorce so we can say we told you so.

Op here. I did not take him back. I packed up all of his stuff (except for a few items that I'm choosing to keep!). I don't know where he's staying right now, but he is picking up everything this weekend (7/15). I can't live with or have a future with a liar. I thought about taking him back, we met up and talked for 3hrs. I found out a lot of other stuff (abusive childhood, has always felt inferior to other people), but it still doesn't excuse the lying and making up stuff to perpetuate the lie. If he would have come clean sometime during the first 6 months, I would fee different. Almost 3 years later, no, it's too late.


Did you return the ring?
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2017 09:23     Subject: He lied
Maybe mom has dementia.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2017 09:22     Subject: He lied
Anonymous wrote:ughhhh she took him back. Post back when he ruins your credit and you're headed for divorce so we can say we told you so.

Op here. I did not take him back. I packed up all of his stuff (except for a few items that I'm choosing to keep!). I don't know where he's staying right now, but he is picking up everything this weekend (7/15). I can't live with or have a future with a liar. I thought about taking him back, we met up and talked for 3hrs. I found out a lot of other stuff (abusive childhood, has always felt inferior to other people), but it still doesn't excuse the lying and making up stuff to perpetuate the lie. If he would have come clean sometime during the first 6 months, I would fee different. Almost 3 years later, no, it's too late.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2017 12:52     Subject: He lied
ughhhh she took him back. Post back when he ruins your credit and you're headed for divorce so we can say we told you so.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2017 08:07     Subject: He lied
Op where are you? Probably took him back already. SMH. Girl dump him!
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2017 20:52     Subject: He lied
NP here. All the PPs saying you need to get his FICO score, check the actual ownership records of his house, check his college records, etc, are missing the point. The point is that you DO NOT WANT TO MARRY SOMEONE WHO YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO CHECK UP ON LIKE THAT. Why on earth would you marry a guy who you don't trust to have told you the truth about whether he actually has the job he says he has or graduated from the college he said he graduated from?

Dump him, OP. I have a husband who has lied to me several times over the years about little tiny things (mostly about how much something cost- he'll casually tell me lunch only cost him $8 when I know damn well he spent $15 because he used our joint account), and I swear to god I have thought about leaving him over it. What your fiancé told you is an unforgivable lie, and you should absolutely not stay with him. Seriously, good luck.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2017 18:37     Subject: He lied
Anonymous wrote:PP from before, get the F#$K out of this engagement. He's either using you for money or you saw the first signs of his potential to become an abusive partner. Pathological liars are dangerous people, please get help and get out. His Mom probably already knew this about him, the house was her way of telling you to GTFO.
[b]

This. Sister of the liar PP. My mom and I dropped so many hints trying to tell my SIL and I actually went out of my way to tell her but my brother convinced her that I'm the pathological liar and now they don't speak to me! My mom is held hostage with his lies because she's scared to lose access to her only grandkids. My brother lied about the college he attended (he actually told her he attended my college- he never even finished high school!). It came out so random because when I exposed his lies she said "Og and then you're going to tell me he didn't score the winning touchdown for X team in the X cup?". She said it sarcastically and I was like WHAT IN THE F*** he didn't go to college and didn't play football. Google him I told my SIL, someone else made that touchdown hello! It was scary the lies he told her. But the most prominent lie is that my mom and I are crazy, so that way anything we say he can just reply that we are crazy liars.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2017 18:36     Subject: He lied
Anonymous wrote:I need opinions. I've been with my boyfriend for 2.5 yrs. We got engaged in February. We've been slowly transitioning to him moving into my house, it's bigger and better location. From day one he had told me that he owns his house, it's a 2 family house, a tenant upstairs. Well, via a conversation with his mom at dinner last night I found out that he is renting it, doesn't own it, never owned it, has always been the renter. I'm not mad about that, who cares. Tons of people rent. What bothers me is ALL the conversations we've had about him owning his house, how much he owes, how much he could sell it for, how much he gets for rent from the upstairs tenant, how much he could get for renting out his downstairs...so many conversations. Trying to figure out what to do. He would even say he was going to check on a leak the tenant contacted him about. WHERE WAS HE REALLY GOING?? He never once said, "hey, I don't own it".... We're engaged and supposed to get married in 5 months. I feel like this is big. Why lie? What else could he be lying about? Please talk me off the ledge, I'm angry/sad/disappointed. Not sure if what I feel is valid.

Admitting to not reading all the responses just stopping to encourage you off the ledge and to put him on it. No way would I marry him. Oh, and I am a man jic that makes a difference.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2017 18:31     Subject: Re:He lied
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I could possibly get over the initial lie (his stating he owned vs rented) if that was where the discussion had ended. But he continued to lie, made up details, and carried on this fabrication for months or years. There's no getting over that. How will you be able to trust what he says about anything when you know he can so easily lie?


Same here. My ILs were happily married for 40 years. My FIL was completely devoted to MIL and was an incredible caregiver to MIL as she was dying. Yet, prior to their marriage, he didn't tell her he'd been married previously and had 2 kids for whom he gave up his parental rights and they were adopted by their stepfather. MIL didn't find out until DH was 14. I'm told things were rough for a while but they worked through it. I don't know if I could have. But, the difference between these two situations is that my FIL's as a lie of omission. OP's BF actively lied and continued to build the lie.

That's a betrayal of trust I don't know I could get past. You certainly shouldn't be getting married in 4 months. Definitely get some counseling.



Uh, I wouldn't just call that a "lie of omission." This is possibly bigger than the lie about the house.


Yea..that's quite a doozy. Nevermind the fact that he abandoned two children.


FIL made a conscious decision not to tell my MIL of a crucial fact. That IS a lie of omission. I'm not downplaying it, merely categorizing it. DH didn't really care much about it until we had our own kids. He then found it unfathomable. His dad had been his hero and, only then, did he realize what an awful thing his father had done.


As a parent I wouldn't feel guilty for outing-- I'd feel like a failure of a parent for raising this adult who is a pathological liar!


Sanctimommy has finally showed up.

News flash... you can do everything in your power to be a good parent, but shit happens & sometimes it's completely out of our control.

Try not to be so judgemental.
Its a VERY unattractive quality (your husband already knows this quite well) & your own children will suffer greatly for having a parent like you.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2017 18:30     Subject: He lied
RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!! My brother who is likely a sociopath told lies like this to my SIL and now she's stuck with him and his bills and two kids. RUN