Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two books for parents to consider:

--Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls (Rachel Simmons)

--Queen Bees and Wannabes (Rosalind Wiseman)

Both are available from most book retailers. Both are excellent. Queen Bees is a book that can be read with a tween; Odd Girl Out is more appropriate for an older girl to read.

Not sure why these are directed only at girls. Boys have these issues too.

Because for a long time bullying research and literature focused on the traditional, physical, typically male bully. These books were written in response to and as part of increased attention on the issue of relational aggression as a form of bullying, and certainly the form of bullying in which girls are more likely to engage.

Disagree that girls engage in relational bullying more than boys. Boys do it just as much. This is an incorrect stereotype. Boys can be worse because they are outwardly rude about it.

I struggled with how to word that and clearly failed - I didn't mean that girls are more likely to engage in relational aggression than boys are, I meant that girls are more likely to engage in relational aggression than they are to engage in physical aggression.

I understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully for everyone's sake someone will step up and do the right thing to make peace among these girls. They should meet, express their feelings, apologize where apologies are needed, hug and move on.

I can't quite figure out if this is a serious suggestion or not - I can't quite believe it is. Why on earth should they hug and move on? I'd vote for agree to treat each other with more kindness and certainly civility, probably continue disliking each other, and move on. (But I'm of the philosophy that it really is okay for kids to not like or be friends with everyone at their school - they have to be kind, civil, and treat others with respect, but that's all that's required.)

I loathe people with your philosophy. Sounds like mean mom mean girl syndrome.

Well aren't you sweet? I can see right here how you advocate a philosophy of everyone being friends and not being mean....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two books for parents to consider:

--Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls (Rachel Simmons)

--Queen Bees and Wannabes (Rosalind Wiseman)

Both are available from most book retailers. Both are excellent. Queen Bees is a book that can be read with a tween; Odd Girl Out is more appropriate for an older girl to read.

Not sure why these are directed only at girls. Boys have these issues too.

Because for a long time bullying research and literature focused on the traditional, physical, typically male bully. These books were written in response to and as part of increased attention on the issue of relational aggression as a form of bullying, and certainly the form of bullying in which girls are more likely to engage.

Disagree that girls engage in relational bullying more than boys. Boys do it just as much. This is an incorrect stereotype. Boys can be worse because they are outwardly rude about it.

I struggled with how to word that and clearly failed - I didn't mean that girls are more likely to engage in relational aggression than boys are, I meant that girls are more likely to engage in relational aggression than they are to engage in physical aggression.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two books for parents to consider:

--Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls (Rachel Simmons)

--Queen Bees and Wannabes (Rosalind Wiseman)

Both are available from most book retailers. Both are excellent. Queen Bees is a book that can be read with a tween; Odd Girl Out is more appropriate for an older girl to read.

Not sure why these are directed only at girls. Boys have these issues too.

Because for a long time bullying research and literature focused on the traditional, physical, typically male bully. These books were written in response to and as part of increased attention on the issue of relational aggression as a form of bullying, and certainly the form of bullying in which girls are more likely to engage.

Disagree that girls engage in relational bullying more than boys. Boys do it just as much. This is an incorrect stereotype. Boys can be worse because they are outwardly rude about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two books for parents to consider:

--Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls (Rachel Simmons)

--Queen Bees and Wannabes (Rosalind Wiseman)

Both are available from most book retailers. Both are excellent. Queen Bees is a book that can be read with a tween; Odd Girl Out is more appropriate for an older girl to read.

Not sure why these are directed only at girls. Boys have these issues too.

Because for a long time bullying research and literature focused on the traditional, physical, typically male bully. These books were written in response to and as part of increased attention on the issue of relational aggression as a form of bullying, and certainly the form of bullying in which girls are more likely to engage.

Anonymous wrote:Two books for parents to consider:

--Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls (Rachel Simmons)

--Queen Bees and Wannabes (Rosalind Wiseman)

Both are available from most book retailers. Both are excellent. Queen Bees is a book that can be read with a tween; Odd Girl Out is more appropriate for an older girl to read.

Not sure why these are directed only at girls. Boys have these issues too.

Two books for parents to consider:

--Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls (Rachel Simmons)

--Queen Bees and Wannabes (Rosalind Wiseman)

Both are available from most book retailers. Both are excellent. Queen Bees is a book that can be read with a tween; Odd Girl Out is more appropriate for an older girl to read.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully for everyone's sake someone will step up and do the right thing to make peace among these girls. They should meet, express their feelings, apologize where apologies are needed, hug and move on.

I can't quite figure out if this is a serious suggestion or not - I can't quite believe it is. Why on earth should they hug and move on? I'd vote for agree to treat each other with more kindness and certainly civility, probably continue disliking each other, and move on. (But I'm of the philosophy that it really is okay for kids to not like or be friends with everyone at their school - they have to be kind, civil, and treat others with respect, but that's all that's required.)

That sounds like mean advice for kids. Don't we want our kids to feel as though they are friends on some level with all in their community? Your philosophy sounds mean spirited.

The only people I know who as adults look back and say they were "friends with...all" in their school were the few most popular kids (some mean-girls, some not) who had the option because everyone *wanted* to be friends with the cool kids. Those who lived a more average existence (not the most popular, not the least) generally weren't under any illusions that everyone was their friend.

But it occurs to me that maybe the stumbling block is the difference between an introvert and an extrovert's definition of friend. I got along with everyone in my school, but as an introvert defined my friends as the relative small group I was close to - ate lunch with, hung out with, talked about personal things with, knew their phone numbers by heard, etc.. It's entirely possible that an extrovert would have considered themselves friends with some of the people I thought of as friendly acquaintances.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You sounded reasonable and sane until your last statement. The girl who sent the screenshots would not be "bullying" the victim. She would "tattling" on her fellow gossips.

Tattling is contacting a person of authority in order to get them to take some action. Sending a screenshot to a classmate, or friend, or friend's classmate isn't tattling because it's not going to result in any action.

Wohoho. I can't believe I read this and that you apparently mean this. Really, sending a screenshot to a classmate, friend or friend's classmate isn't going to result in any action? Are you kidding me? It isn't perpetuating and escalating the gossip? It isn't widening the circle of mean girl tactics?

It is appalling that this is what you believe. You need to know that you are totally and utterly wrong in your assessment! Your value system is completely messed up. I don't know if you are a parent or a student but no wonder this school has so many issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully for everyone's sake someone will step up and do the right thing to make peace among these girls. They should meet, express their feelings, apologize where apologies are needed, hug and move on.

I can't quite figure out if this is a serious suggestion or not - I can't quite believe it is. Why on earth should they hug and move on? I'd vote for agree to treat each other with more kindness and certainly civility, probably continue disliking each other, and move on. (But I'm of the philosophy that it really is okay for kids to not like or be friends with everyone at their school - they have to be kind, civil, and treat others with respect, but that's all that's required.)

That sounds like mean advice for kids. Don't we want our kids to feel as though they are friends on some level with all in their community? Your philosophy sounds mean spirited.

It is wrong, and now you know why those girls behave the way they do. Imagine if instead, their mothers taught them how to find the good in their classmates. It isn't hard to do.

Actually, I come at it from the side of having been the victim and feeling for the victim. Having been in her shoes, I really really hated when the mean girls said sorry for the sake of the adults who wanted to smooth things over and pretend kids were all sweetness and light and innocence who all got along, expecting me to go along with this new (often insincere) "friendship." You as an adult don't get along with everyone; you're not friends with everyone; why would you expect that of a child? As I said, I expect my daughter to treat everyone with kindness and respect. I certainly don't expect her to be friends with, or hug and makeup with, the boy who is tormenting her at school this year. I think it's a lot healthier to teach her that he's having a hard time this year, she still has to be kind, but not that she has to go beyond that into some idealized childhood where everyone is friends.

Anonymous wrote:I am very concerned to read the posts re STA rising 7th grade as my son will be new to the class this fall. What if anything is the school doing to address the issues?

Not sure if the school is aware of the severity, as much is relational aggression - purposely telling other boys not to talk to or invite certain boys to things even though they have mutual friends. Telling one boy they are all signing up for a certain activity so a boy signed up for it and then he realized they had never signed up for it but purposely told him that to trick him into doing the club without them. The school did have lots of group talks about general behavior and values but it doesn't get through to the group in question. Most of the grade is nice though and most of the boys that are part of the group that exhibited really mean behavior and offensive comments hang out together and are lax players (plus one other). So when people say girls treat one another worse than boys I strongly disagree, as I have seen some pretty vicious relational aggression from boys.

Anonymous wrote:

You sounded reasonable and sane until your last statement. The girl who sent the screenshots would not be "bullying" the victim. She would "tattling" on her fellow gossips.

Tattling is contacting a person of authority in order to get them to take some action. Sending a screenshot to a classmate, or friend, or friend's classmate isn't tattling because it's not going to result in any action.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully for everyone's sake someone will step up and do the right thing to make peace among these girls. They should meet, express their feelings, apologize where apologies are needed, hug and move on.

I can't quite figure out if this is a serious suggestion or not - I can't quite believe it is. Why on earth should they hug and move on? I'd vote for agree to treat each other with more kindness and certainly civility, probably continue disliking each other, and move on. (But I'm of the philosophy that it really is okay for kids to not like or be friends with everyone at their school - they have to be kind, civil, and treat others with respect, but that's all that's required.)

That sounds like mean advice for kids. Don't we want our kids to feel as though they are friends on some level with all in their community? Your philosophy sounds mean spirited.

It is wrong, and now you know why those girls behave the way they do. Imagine if instead, their mothers taught them how to find the good in their classmates. It isn't hard to do.