Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 23:10     Subject: Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
At least she'll confirm she did not marry a Partner in Life. Then she can decide what the next step is. He may just not be cut out for parenting children, maintaining a single family home, or picking up after himself.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 22:46     Subject: Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
The irony is of course that OP thinks she has achieved a victory with her 150-point plan. Who is going to keep track of the plan, make sure both parties are on task, and add to it as needed?

Let's take a guess, shall we?
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 22:27     Subject: Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
Anonymous wrote:The Crux of this problem is that people don't do things they don't give a shit about... making a chore chart doesn't make your dh give a shit...it will probably just build resentment...the key is to get you dh to give a shit enough to do some of the tasks, the do the test yourself or let them go. You have to be prepared that when he finally starts to give a shit he won't do it the same way u do, you have to let it be.


sounds like an excellent game of chicken to play with your children, wife and property. have at it.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 22:07     Subject: Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
The Crux of this problem is that people don't do things they don't give a shit about... making a chore chart doesn't make your dh give a shit...it will probably just build resentment...the key is to get you dh to give a shit enough to do some of the tasks, the do the test yourself or let them go. You have to be prepared that when he finally starts to give a shit he won't do it the same way u do, you have to let it be.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 21:55     Subject: Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
How anything gets done anywhere:
1) Person notices or remembers something that needs to be done
2) Person decides to put the effort in to doing what needs to be done
3) Person knows how to effectively/successfully do what needs to be done

If any of those three -- proactive, not lazy, not stupid -- are missing in your spouse, good luck.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 21:45     Subject: Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This sounds totally crazy, but whatever works for you.

I'm so glad I married an organized planner DH who likes to cook.


Ha ha, that's funny. My DH is not organized, hard working, a planner or a cook. Hoo boy.


I got one of those too. He didn't pack his toiletries bag on our Memorial Day trip; now we have 7 electric shavers in the house but none of them ever get packed!

I thank his mom, for raising hopeless sons.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 21:40     Subject: Re:Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
Anonymous wrote:Who are all these people who can't seem to buy shoes or birthday presents? Honestly, with Zappos and Amazon it takes me about an hour a year. Until I read DCUM it never occurred to me that this was a challenginf and time consuming chore!


too bad someone has to tell the DH to go on Amazon and get a relevant present for the weekend.

most DHs are only capable of EXECUTION, which is a step up from their fathers who just focused on themselves and office work.

maybe next gen DHs will be capable of actually being a head of household and running a household (or at least half of it).
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 21:38     Subject: Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
Anonymous wrote:This sounds dumb and demeaning.


No it isn't. Making an exhaustive list is what you do the first month of counseling. Working on task mgmt, time mgmt, appreciating what others do for the household is very important. especially for ignorant people.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 20:17     Subject: Re:Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Who are all these people who can't seem to buy shoes or birthday presents? Honestly, with Zappos and Amazon it takes me about an hour a year. Until I read DCUM it never occurred to me that this was a challenginf and time consuming chore!


Oh you have a Brannick device at home to measure your childrens' feet, and know which shoe brands run large or small? Is that how you can order shoes without actually taking your children to the store to try shoes on?


They always where the same brand shoe because I know it fits width-wise and I have a plastic shoe sizer that can be bought on Amazon. This is not rocket science. I agree you can overly complicate your life if you want, but I chose not to.


How is making sure your DH pulls his weight complicating your life? DH is free to go to the store, order on Zappos and return 20 times, or get a Brannick device to use at home.


My DH pulls his weight so I don't have an issue. That said, I find it ridiculous to fight about birthday presents, shoes and finding the perfect pediatric dentist because it is trivial. These are not time consuming or complicated tasks. i really don't even know how you get into a situation where you would have to return shoes 20xs.


way to completely miss the point
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 20:16     Subject: Re:Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Who are all these people who can't seem to buy shoes or birthday presents? Honestly, with Zappos and Amazon it takes me about an hour a year. Until I read DCUM it never occurred to me that this was a challenginf and time consuming chore!


Oh you have a Brannick device at home to measure your childrens' feet, and know which shoe brands run large or small? Is that how you can order shoes without actually taking your children to the store to try shoes on?


They always where the same brand shoe because I know it fits width-wise and I have a plastic shoe sizer that can be bought on Amazon. This is not rocket science. I agree you can overly complicate your life if you want, but I chose not to.


How is making sure your DH pulls his weight complicating your life? DH is free to go to the store, order on Zappos and return 20 times, or get a Brannick device to use at home.


So you create or over-complicate tasks so that you can nag your husband when he doesn't do them?


the point is DH can do the shoe shopping as long as he actually does it.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 18:13     Subject: Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It seems like there are some women on this board who find it no big deal to work, order groceries, cook, clean, make all the medical appointments, bring the kids to the appointments, find backup care for days school is closed, leave work early when the nurse calls saying your kid has a fever, buy gifts for other kids' birthdays, plan your own kid's birthday party, get the car fixed, research summer camps, buy the kids' clothes and shoes and coats and backpacks, pack snacks, bring your kid to speech therapy, sign them up for swimming lessons, keep track of permission slips, and sign up to chaperone field trips. Etc. If that's you, awesome! But for some of us mortals it is a lot and we would like our partners to share the load.


Full disclosure, I don't do all those things. I actively sought out a spouse who I knew would be an equal partner and I'm just wondering why others didn't. That's why this version of scorekeeping seems so wacky to me.


This is me too. No way in hell would I have children with someone who can't carry his weight. Full disclosure, my DH does all medical appt and I do the very time consuming tasks of shoe buying, present shopping and underwear shopping. I got the easier job
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 18:09     Subject: Re:Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Who are all these people who can't seem to buy shoes or birthday presents? Honestly, with Zappos and Amazon it takes me about an hour a year. Until I read DCUM it never occurred to me that this was a challenginf and time consuming chore!


Oh you have a Brannick device at home to measure your childrens' feet, and know which shoe brands run large or small? Is that how you can order shoes without actually taking your children to the store to try shoes on?


They always where the same brand shoe because I know it fits width-wise and I have a plastic shoe sizer that can be bought on Amazon. This is not rocket science. I agree you can overly complicate your life if you want, but I chose not to.


How is making sure your DH pulls his weight complicating your life? DH is free to go to the store, order on Zappos and return 20 times, or get a Brannick device to use at home.


My DH pulls his weight so I don't have an issue. That said, I find it ridiculous to fight about birthday presents, shoes and finding the perfect pediatric dentist because it is trivial. These are not time consuming or complicated tasks. i really don't even know how you get into a situation where you would have to return shoes 20xs.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 18:06     Subject: Re:Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Who are all these people who can't seem to buy shoes or birthday presents? Honestly, with Zappos and Amazon it takes me about an hour a year. Until I read DCUM it never occurred to me that this was a challenginf and time consuming chore!


Oh you have a Brannick device at home to measure your childrens' feet, and know which shoe brands run large or small? Is that how you can order shoes without actually taking your children to the store to try shoes on?


They always where the same brand shoe because I know it fits width-wise and I have a plastic shoe sizer that can be bought on Amazon. This is not rocket science. I agree you can overly complicate your life if you want, but I chose not to.


How is making sure your DH pulls his weight complicating your life? DH is free to go to the store, order on Zappos and return 20 times, or get a Brannick device to use at home.


So you create or over-complicate tasks so that you can nag your husband when he doesn't do them?
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 18:04     Subject: Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
Anonymous wrote:Does he get stickers for doing his chores? My kids are really motivated by stickers.


?
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2017 18:03     Subject: Re:Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Who are all these people who can't seem to buy shoes or birthday presents? Honestly, with Zappos and Amazon it takes me about an hour a year. Until I read DCUM it never occurred to me that this was a challenginf and time consuming chore!


Oh you have a Brannick device at home to measure your childrens' feet, and know which shoe brands run large or small? Is that how you can order shoes without actually taking your children to the store to try shoes on?


They always where the same brand shoe because I know it fits width-wise and I have a plastic shoe sizer that can be bought on Amazon. This is not rocket science. I agree you can overly complicate your life if you want, but I chose not to.


How is making sure your DH pulls his weight complicating your life? DH is free to go to the store, order on Zappos and return 20 times, or get a Brannick device to use at home.