Anonymous wrote:NCS does have serious problems the leadership and some grades. Some NCS loyalists are offended and defense when they are exposed. The big 3,5, 7, are competing for their desired students, teachers, honors, rankings, reputations, privileges, recognitions, ... ... even though the stakeholders of these schools deny this fact.

Gotta watch out for them "NCS loyalists"!

NCS does have serious problems the leadership and some grades. Some NCS loyalists are offended and defense when they are exposed. The big 3,5, 7, are competing for their desired students, teachers, honors, rankings, reputations, privileges, recognitions, ... ... even though the stakeholders of these schools deny this fact.

Anonymous wrote:"I don't have any particular insight into NCS." So why post anything? On second thought go right ahead because neither do the other people on the thread.

Because another poster specifically asked if these issues are common to girls this age across a variety of schools, or limited to the one. And on that topic I do have knowledge.

"I don't have any particular insight into NCS." So why post anything? On second thought go right ahead because neither do the other people on the thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Interesting, and I have heard this from a few parents. What I have not heard is whether they believe it is because of something unique to NCS, the private school world, just being a young girl, etc. and whether they think this issue could be resolved by changing schools or could have been avoided altogether by choosing another private school (or even public). Perhaps there is no answer because it would all be speculative anyway.

I don't have any particular insight into NCS, but having been a middle school teacher at a grades 6 - 12 independent school, I'll say that what I see described is really a mix of pretty normal with a school that is perhaps not doing as much as it could be to proactively manage the situation. Middle school girls can be mean, and I think it often peaks around eighth grade. Middle school girls can also be really lovely. Individual grade cohorts also develop their own personalities, and I think every school has a really awful one that they struggle to manage now and again, but they also have really wonderful ones sometimes, too. Social media amplifies all this - those who are kind, nice, and positive use it for that, but those who are experimenting with mean girl power can really use it to amplify the reach and impact of awful behavior, often expanding the circle of victims beyond what they would have without it. (Personally I think middle schoolers would be better off without social media and instant communication, but there's no putting the genie back in the bottle). So changing school might help, but it's just so hard to know. Because I'll also say that in my experience almost every girl in middle school feels like she doesn't fit and is pretending everything is fine - there are very few who come through it without struggling. It's a great, hard, wonderful, tumultuous age. Good luck to the parents who are helping their daughters navigate it - it's such a line to talk between supporting and intervening enough without helicoptering. And as someone else noted, remember that nearly all eventually find their place to thrive, though it may take a bit longer for some.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When reading forums like this, it is hard to tell whether it is just the same one or two people who keep posting over and over about how "toxic" the environment was for their DD. I have had two daughters go through the upper school and have never heard one word about them experiencing/observing anything toxic, with the exception of one girl who posted some really mean comments and her whole friend group turned on her as a result. But it was a result brought on by her own inappropriate behavior.

I can understand how, as a mother, if you think your daughter has been treated badly, it is frustrating that you can't really do anything about it, and so lash out over and over about what a terrible place it must be. But your daughter's experience isn't everyone's experience.

I have to wonder if it's the same two or three posters over and over. Also, I wonder about the posters who say NCS was horrible for their daughter yet didn't leave for greener pastures. Must not have been that horrible.

It's just one poster. I felt bad for her until she started the 4th or 5th thread on the same topic.

Anonymous wrote:When reading forums like this, it is hard to tell whether it is just the same one or two people who keep posting over and over about how "toxic" the environment was for their DD. I have had two daughters go through the upper school and have never heard one word about them experiencing/observing anything toxic, with the exception of one girl who posted some really mean comments and her whole friend group turned on her as a result. But it was a result brought on by her own inappropriate behavior.

I can understand how, as a mother, if you think your daughter has been treated badly, it is frustrating that you can't really do anything about it, and so lash out over and over about what a terrible place it must be. But your daughter's experience isn't everyone's experience.

I have to wonder if it's the same two or three posters over and over. Also, I wonder about the posters who say NCS was horrible for their daughter yet didn't leave for greener pastures. Must not have been that horrible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing toxic about the social environment at NCS. Very supportive community and the girls are generally happy (although stressed, as most high schoolers in this area are). Stop perpetuating rumors that may have been true years ago but bear no resemblance to the current reality.

Please. it is totally true now. Why do you think many of the 28 girls applying out for highschool want to leave. One is even willing to go to Wilson rather than return to NCS after not getting into the school she wanted.

NCS's current environment is utterly toxic and the behavior it breeds amongst the girls is awful.

I am sorry if your daughter is not happy at NCS or had a bad experience. I really do mean that. All I can say is that my daughter is having a great experience there and I hope it continues.

I definitely don't have a daughter at NCS, but I have to agree that this years 8th grade is legendary for the mean, toxic, and extreme bullying. These girls are beyond the best fiction...in my craziest or wild dreams, I would never think girls could be so cruel. They are the absolute worst and make Lord of the Flies look like a fairy tale. It's so, so, so beyond bad. I would even suggest criminal and NCS should get a handle on it before something truly tragic results from it. The bad apples should be kicked out and the entire culture of that class needs a complete overhaul! It's not just one or two bad apples! Do the parents not read their kids social media accounts and see what they say about other human beings?!?!?! Where are the adults???

So maybe the girls are applying out for this grade because they were asked to do so? If so, I'm glad NCS recognized the problem and is doing what they can to improve the environment.

Great for many. Huge mistake for us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of these NCS post are a tad depressing. I have a DD at Beauvoir and while we were (and still are not) set on NCS, I would be lying if I said one of the attractive things about Beauvoir was the feeder relationship (opportunity to apply early admissions) with the other schools on The Close and NCS' supposedly highly regarding reputation. After reading thread after thread after thread about NCS (and most of them seeming to balance on the negative side) I am really worried if my DD would be happy there. Yes, I know she will be academically challenged, but will her spirit be crushed by what sounds like such a mean spirited environment? What's even more odd is when I talk to the young ladies who are there now, who attended Beauvoir, they all say how much they like it. When I ask their parents how it is going, there are a few who say there were some rough social years but once their DD found her group things improved drastically. This all seems like so much to put on the shoulder of girls.

Is this the norm in the independent school world? Or is it truly just a NCS thing?

I don't mean to tell you how to live your life but if you have access to actual NCS students and families, why would you turn to an anonymous forum that includes comments made by people with no connection to the school? My daughter really enjoyed her time at NCS. I'm sure if you attended some of the games or performances and struck up a conversation with the girls, you would learn everything you need to know.

Agreed. My daughter is in the US now at NCS and loves it. I do not recognize the school that is described in the negative posts. In my daughter's experience, the school and the girls are incredibly supportive. Then again, if someone says they have a daughter at NCS who doesn't like it, I believe them.

Fortunately for you, because your daughter is already at Beauvoir, you and she should be able to figure out firsthand whether NCS is right for her. Do not base your decision on posts in this thread, even mine.

PP here is something to consider: My DD attends NCS and struggles socially but does not want to consider attending another school. She would likely give you the impression that she loves her school and would not change a thing. As her mother, I know that this is not true and that she is having a difficult time finding her way and making strong connections. My advice to current Beauvoir parents is to be honest about where your DD is in the social chain because it's not likely that this will change once at NCS, even adding new girls.

Interesting, and I have heard this from a few parents. What I have not heard is whether they believe it is because of something unique to NCS, the private school world, just being a young girl, etc. and whether they think this issue could be resolved by changing schools or could have been avoided altogether by choosing another private school (or even public). Perhaps there is no answer because it would all be speculative anyway.

But for your child, so what are doing? Letting her stick it out and find her way? I can only imagine how hard it might be to sit back and watch it but not be able to do much to help fix it. As for the "social chain" what exactly do you mean? Do you mean, where we are financially or do you mean where she is in terms of popularity and friends?

I was referring to where she is in terms of popularity. Although this will be the case no matter where we choose to enroll our DC, I think families overlook this because they assume that 5 years of friendships at BVR will translate well. There is much to be considered, not all children move on to Cathedral schools. What if the closer friends made a different school choice? Sure there may be time to keep those connections outside of school but not having a core group of friends during the day is tough on a young girl. There are plenty of naysayers and deniers but I know this as truth not just for my family. The teachers are wonderful at doing their best to guide and support the girls but they admit to be unaware of many social dynamics until it emotions spill over in some cases.

I am hoping this is not the case for all private schools, if so, our options will be severely limited. We are employing a combination of supports such as counseling, teaching DD how to respond in difficult and hurtful situations and keeping an eye out for a better option. NCS is a great school but I will not sacrifice my DD's emotional and mental health for it, even if she doesn't understand it.

I hope things change for your daughter. You sound like a wonderful parent and very thoughtful and she is lucky to have you. Is your daughter in the lower school? I wish I could help. My daughter is in the lower school. My only advice from personal experience with my other child at a different school is to keep reaching out and help them find friends with simiar interests and personalities. Hopefully she will find her true group or even if she has a few close friends that will help. Best of luck.

The poster who spoke of her daughter's hard time, at least in my opinion, was not saying the entire school was that way. What I understood her to say was there is some toxicity that goes on and that too often some would like to act
Like it does not exist. If your daughter has not experienced anything negative that is great, but the same way the toxicity may not be the norm, one might argue your daughter's great experience isn't the norm either. I don't have a dog in the fight, but I think there is more to be gained from acknowledging that everyone's experience is real.

When reading forums like this, it is hard to tell whether it is just the same one or two people who keep posting over and over about how "toxic" the environment was for their DD. I have had two daughters go through the upper school and have never heard one word about them experiencing/observing anything toxic, with the exception of one girl who posted some really mean comments and her whole friend group turned on her as a result. But it was a result brought on by her own inappropriate behavior.

I can understand how, as a mother, if you think your daughter has been treated badly, it is frustrating that you can't really do anything about it, and so lash out over and over about what a terrible place it must be. But your daughter's experience isn't everyone's experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A good friend of mine has enrolled her daughter in three different schools over a 7 year period because the child had difficulty fitting in socially. After the third school the parents realize the child's struggles have far more to do with the child than with the school environment.

And while that may be true for your friend it does not change that there is a toxicity level there that far too many people deny.

... or don't experience! Maybe, you don't have as deep an understanding of the school as you think you do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of these NCS post are a tad depressing. I have a DD at Beauvoir and while we were (and still are not) set on NCS, I would be lying if I said one of the attractive things about Beauvoir was the feeder relationship (opportunity to apply early admissions) with the other schools on The Close and NCS' supposedly highly regarding reputation. After reading thread after thread after thread about NCS (and most of them seeming to balance on the negative side) I am really worried if my DD would be happy there. Yes, I know she will be academically challenged, but will her spirit be crushed by what sounds like such a mean spirited environment? What's even more odd is when I talk to the young ladies who are there now, who attended Beauvoir, they all say how much they like it. When I ask their parents how it is going, there are a few who say there were some rough social years but once their DD found her group things improved drastically. This all seems like so much to put on the shoulder of girls.

Is this the norm in the independent school world? Or is it truly just a NCS thing?

I don't mean to tell you how to live your life but if you have access to actual NCS students and families, why would you turn to an anonymous forum that includes comments made by people with no connection to the school? My daughter really enjoyed her time at NCS. I'm sure if you attended some of the games or performances and struck up a conversation with the girls, you would learn everything you need to know.

Agreed. My daughter is in the US now at NCS and loves it. I do not recognize the school that is described in the negative posts. In my daughter's experience, the school and the girls are incredibly supportive. Then again, if someone says they have a daughter at NCS who doesn't like it, I believe them.

Fortunately for you, because your daughter is already at Beauvoir, you and she should be able to figure out firsthand whether NCS is right for her. Do not base your decision on posts in this thread, even mine.

PP here is something to consider: My DD attends NCS and struggles socially but does not want to consider attending another school. She would likely give you the impression that she loves her school and would not change a thing. As her mother, I know that this is not true and that she is having a difficult time finding her way and making strong connections. My advice to current Beauvoir parents is to be honest about where your DD is in the social chain because it's not likely that this will change once at NCS, even adding new girls.

Interesting, and I have heard this from a few parents. What I have not heard is whether they believe it is because of something unique to NCS, the private school world, just being a young girl, etc. and whether they think this issue could be resolved by changing schools or could have been avoided altogether by choosing another private school (or even public). Perhaps there is no answer because it would all be speculative anyway.

But for your child, so what are doing? Letting her stick it out and find her way? I can only imagine how hard it might be to sit back and watch it but not be able to do much to help fix it. As for the "social chain" what exactly do you mean? Do you mean, where we are financially or do you mean where she is in terms of popularity and friends?

I was referring to where she is in terms of popularity. Although this will be the case no matter where we choose to enroll our DC, I think families overlook this because they assume that 5 years of friendships at BVR will translate well. There is much to be considered, not all children move on to Cathedral schools. What if the closer friends made a different school choice? Sure there may be time to keep those connections outside of school but not having a core group of friends during the day is tough on a young girl. There are plenty of naysayers and deniers but I know this as truth not just for my family. The teachers are wonderful at doing their best to guide and support the girls but they admit to be unaware of many social dynamics until it emotions spill over in some cases.

I am hoping this is not the case for all private schools, if so, our options will be severely limited. We are employing a combination of supports such as counseling, teaching DD how to respond in difficult and hurtful situations and keeping an eye out for a better option. NCS is a great school but I will not sacrifice my DD's emotional and mental health for it, even if she doesn't understand it.

I see. For what it is worth, as someone who was not popular and did not fit in all through middle and most of high school (I had maybe 2 real friends and they were so of outside of the social scene too) is that it is very possible she will eventually find her own way and be better for it. I came into my own in college (almost overnight) and went from being an unpopular kid to have a strong social circle in college. To know me now, is to not recognize me. LOL. In fact, some of my high school classmates who follow me on facebook often comment at how different of a person I am now. Some even have gone as far to say, if I seemed like "this much fun" in high school we might have been closer. Haha. Yeah well in high school there was some things I would never dream of even trying living in my mother's house...so there is that! I hope things take a positive turn for your daughter.

How kind of you. Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of these NCS post are a tad depressing. I have a DD at Beauvoir and while we were (and still are not) set on NCS, I would be lying if I said one of the attractive things about Beauvoir was the feeder relationship (opportunity to apply early admissions) with the other schools on The Close and NCS' supposedly highly regarding reputation. After reading thread after thread after thread about NCS (and most of them seeming to balance on the negative side) I am really worried if my DD would be happy there. Yes, I know she will be academically challenged, but will her spirit be crushed by what sounds like such a mean spirited environment? What's even more odd is when I talk to the young ladies who are there now, who attended Beauvoir, they all say how much they like it. When I ask their parents how it is going, there are a few who say there were some rough social years but once their DD found her group things improved drastically. This all seems like so much to put on the shoulder of girls.

Is this the norm in the independent school world? Or is it truly just a NCS thing?

I don't mean to tell you how to live your life but if you have access to actual NCS students and families, why would you turn to an anonymous forum that includes comments made by people with no connection to the school? My daughter really enjoyed her time at NCS. I'm sure if you attended some of the games or performances and struck up a conversation with the girls, you would learn everything you need to know.

Agreed. My daughter is in the US now at NCS and loves it. I do not recognize the school that is described in the negative posts. In my daughter's experience, the school and the girls are incredibly supportive. Then again, if someone says they have a daughter at NCS who doesn't like it, I believe them.

Fortunately for you, because your daughter is already at Beauvoir, you and she should be able to figure out firsthand whether NCS is right for her. Do not base your decision on posts in this thread, even mine.

PP here is something to consider: My DD attends NCS and struggles socially but does not want to consider attending another school. She would likely give you the impression that she loves her school and would not change a thing. As her mother, I know that this is not true and that she is having a difficult time finding her way and making strong connections. My advice to current Beauvoir parents is to be honest about where your DD is in the social chain because it's not likely that this will change once at NCS, even adding new girls.

Interesting, and I have heard this from a few parents. What I have not heard is whether they believe it is because of something unique to NCS, the private school world, just being a young girl, etc. and whether they think this issue could be resolved by changing schools or could have been avoided altogether by choosing another private school (or even public). Perhaps there is no answer because it would all be speculative anyway.

But for your child, so what are doing? Letting her stick it out and find her way? I can only imagine how hard it might be to sit back and watch it but not be able to do much to help fix it. As for the "social chain" what exactly do you mean? Do you mean, where we are financially or do you mean where she is in terms of popularity and friends?

I was referring to where she is in terms of popularity. Although this will be the case no matter where we choose to enroll our DC, I think families overlook this because they assume that 5 years of friendships at BVR will translate well. There is much to be considered, not all children move on to Cathedral schools. What if the closer friends made a different school choice? Sure there may be time to keep those connections outside of school but not having a core group of friends during the day is tough on a young girl. There are plenty of naysayers and deniers but I know this as truth not just for my family. The teachers are wonderful at doing their best to guide and support the girls but they admit to be unaware of many social dynamics until it emotions spill over in some cases.

I am hoping this is not the case for all private schools, if so, our options will be severely limited. We are employing a combination of supports such as counseling, teaching DD how to respond in difficult and hurtful situations and keeping an eye out for a better option. NCS is a great school but I will not sacrifice my DD's emotional and mental health for it, even if she doesn't understand it.

I see. For what it is worth, as someone who was not popular and did not fit in all through middle and most of high school (I had maybe 2 real friends and they were so of outside of the social scene too) is that it is very possible she will eventually find her own way and be better for it. I came into my own in college (almost overnight) and went from being an unpopular kid to have a strong social circle in college. To know me now, is to not recognize me. LOL. In fact, some of my high school classmates who follow me on facebook often comment at how different of a person I am now. Some even have gone as far to say, if I seemed like "this much fun" in high school we might have been closer. Haha. Yeah well in high school there was some things I would never dream of even trying living in my mother's house...so there is that! I hope things take a positive turn for your daughter.