Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 14:57     Subject: Re:I wanted to have sex with DH today
Anonymous wrote:You brought this on yourself. With everything you had to do and if you wanted sex you should have told him to share the load and he would get to unload. Instead he's asleep and you're bitching. If my DW initiates wanting sex there is not much I won't do to make that happen.


Per my previous replies, one of the major issues is I'm sick of having to ask him to help out when he's home and not working., I want and need him to pitch in a greater share regardless of whether sex is planned or desired or not. Could I have asked him to share the load? Yes. I do that often, and I'm tired of nagging him constantly to help me out.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 14:57     Subject: I wanted to have sex with DH today
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I asked, but haven't heard ... are they even HAVING regular sex? I doubt it. Why would he think last night was any different from any other day?


Op. Not sure what "regular" is, but we have sex about 1x every 1-2 weeks. I think that's decent, considering he works, I work, our kids just turned 5 and 3, and so on. He is the initiator probably 75% of time.


That's low, I'd say. Once a week is the bare minimum and at least once a month you should try to knock his socks off. BTDT.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 14:55     Subject: I wanted to have sex with DH today
Anonymous wrote:I asked, but haven't heard ... are they even HAVING regular sex? I doubt it. Why would he think last night was any different from any other day?


Op. Not sure what "regular" is, but we have sex about 1x every 1-2 weeks. I think that's decent, considering he works, I work, our kids just turned 5 and 3, and so on. He is the initiator probably 75% of time.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 14:49     Subject: Re:I wanted to have sex with DH today
Anonymous wrote:OP, one thing isn't clear: who is more upset about the lack of sex? Him or you?

One thing that worked for DW and I was scheduling sex. We pick one day a week, then we know it will happen that day. We wouldn't pick a kids b-day because we know there will be extra. Instead, we can pick a day where I will be home early,and she isn't loaded up.

It's not romantic but it works. When we waited for spontenaity, it rarely happened.

FWIW, most big law partners have SAHM wives. I can only imagine how chaotic your home is. Can you hire some help?

OP here, I guess I thought texting him about it was kind of scheduling it but you're right, I think it was a bad night for it, given the extras. I think it was my attempt at planned spontaneity and following through.

I do know a lot of folks at the firm whose wives stay at home, but I like to work and like the adult interaction and being challenged. I work half time to be able to juggle appointments, home maintenance responsibilities, other errands, so that they don't have to be done on the weekend when we have the kids.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 14:32     Subject: Re:I wanted to have sex with DH today
Anonymous wrote:Hey, sounds kind of typical. Did he know you wanted to? I appreciate what you did, and I bet he did too. However I think if he knew you were into it he may have skipped exercise or work email


Read the thread. OP said she texted him during the day, so he knew.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 14:31     Subject: Re:I wanted to have sex with DH today
If your husband works in big law why don't you hire more cleaner? Like cleaners for the cleaners?

A kid or the cleaning and organizing seems optional. Your five years olds birthday seems pretry involved. Fine. But like yiu husband I would prefer to decompress or actually work as oppose to participate in all those boring house chores that you think must be done.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 14:26     Subject: I wanted to have sex with DH today
don't. have. kids. = don't. create. martyrs.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 14:24     Subject: Re:I wanted to have sex with DH today
You brought this on yourself. With everything you had to do and if you wanted sex you should have told him to share the load and he would get to unload. Instead he's asleep and you're bitching. If my DW initiates wanting sex there is not much I won't do to make that happen.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 13:33     Subject: Re:I wanted to have sex with DH today
Hey, sounds kind of typical. Did he know you wanted to? I appreciate what you did, and I bet he did too. However I think if he knew you were into it he may have skipped exercise or work email
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 13:31     Subject: I wanted to have sex with DH today
I asked, but haven't heard ... are they even HAVING regular sex? I doubt it. Why would he think last night was any different from any other day?
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 13:30     Subject: Re:I wanted to have sex with DH today
Anonymous wrote:OP, one thing isn't clear: who is more upset about the lack of sex? Him or you?

One thing that worked for DW and I was scheduling sex. We pick one day a week, then we know it will happen that day. We wouldn't pick a kids b-day because we know there will be extra. Instead, we can pick a day where I will be home early,and she isn't loaded up.

It's not romantic but it works. When we waited for spontenaity, it rarely happened.

FWIW, most big law partners have SAHM wives. I can only imagine how chaotic your home is. Can you hire some help?


This isn't that uncommon, most people just call it "date night."
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 13:26     Subject: Re:I wanted to have sex with DH today
OP, one thing isn't clear: who is more upset about the lack of sex? Him or you?

One thing that worked for DW and I was scheduling sex. We pick one day a week, then we know it will happen that day. We wouldn't pick a kids b-day because we know there will be extra. Instead, we can pick a day where I will be home early,and she isn't loaded up.

It's not romantic but it works. When we waited for spontenaity, it rarely happened.

FWIW, most big law partners have SAHM wives. I can only imagine how chaotic your home is. Can you hire some help?
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 13:17     Subject: I wanted to have sex with DH today
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't want sex , OP. If you did, you wouldn't have felt the need to clean for the cleaner or pick up books or break down boxes that could have sat in the garage, or anything younfid after bedtime. You wouldn't have posted on DCUM instead of going upstairs to get it going.

What you wanted was to telegraph to your husband you wanted sex so he would scramble to do chores to "earn" it and when he didn't you didn't want to reward him.


Wow! Your psychic powers must be really strong. What else do you know about the OP's inner thoughts and motivations that you are able to so clearly tell her that she didn't want the thing she stated that she wanted??

All of her actions a follow up comments really illustrate she did not.


Not Pp but I have to agree. She tested him. He didn't know he was being tested. He failed. Now she's mad and her consequence is no sex. That is not fair.


Who are these men who don't follow up when their wives text them that they want to have sex that night? Do they just forget, or are they indifferent?
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 13:09     Subject: I wanted to have sex with DH today
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't want sex , OP. If you did, you wouldn't have felt the need to clean for the cleaner or pick up books or break down boxes that could have sat in the garage, or anything younfid after bedtime. You wouldn't have posted on DCUM instead of going upstairs to get it going.

What you wanted was to telegraph to your husband you wanted sex so he would scramble to do chores to "earn" it and when he didn't you didn't want to reward him.


Wow! Your psychic powers must be really strong. What else do you know about the OP's inner thoughts and motivations that you are able to so clearly tell her that she didn't want the thing she stated that she wanted??

All of her actions a follow up comments really illustrate she did not.


Not Pp but I have to agree. She tested him. He didn't know he was being tested. He failed. Now she's mad and her consequence is no sex. That is not fair.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2017 13:09     Subject: I wanted to have sex with DH today
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't want sex , OP. If you did, you wouldn't have felt the need to clean for the cleaner or pick up books or break down boxes that could have sat in the garage, or anything younfid after bedtime. You wouldn't have posted on DCUM instead of going upstairs to get it going.

What you wanted was to telegraph to your husband you wanted sex so he would scramble to do chores to "earn" it and when he didn't you didn't want to reward him.


Wow! Your psychic powers must be really strong. What else do you know about the OP's inner thoughts and motivations that you are able to so clearly tell her that she didn't want the thing she stated that she wanted??

All of her actions a follow up comments really illustrate she did not.


Sounds like she went about her usual evening activities, which her husband was zero help with. I agree that a number of them are pretty optional, but the fact remains that he sat on his ass doing whatever HE wanted and then went to bed without her. Doesn't sound like a person who's particularly motivated either.