Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think people have the impression i'm a major bridezilla, I definitely may have given that impression. However, it's out of fear for what my Mom may do at my wedding. She's made it pretty clear so far she wants nothing to do with me on my actual wedding day. So far she has:

*Told my sister she wants to be "anonymous". Not involved in the processional or escorted down the aisle by an usher.
*Not given me any baby photos of myself and her for the slideshow.
*Refused to come to my bridal shower, engagement party, post-wedding brunch.
*Refused to come to my wedding unless I invited all of her family and extended family (of which, only 5 RSVP'd, the rest didn't even bother to say they weren't coming nor even congratulate me).
*Has only asked questions about the wedding in direct relation to herself ("Who is sitting at my table? What am I going to drink?")


She is doing this to slight me. She told my sister she's upset that my Dad is the one who gets to walk me down the aisle. She feels my Stepmom is the one who should have the role of the mother of the bride, which is BS.

Anonymous wrote:OP, based on your list in your post above at 10:12 -- can you step back from what seems to be your own expectation the she should want to play the role of mother of the bride and instead try to see that it's actually positive that she is cutting herself out of that role?

You say that she insists your stepmom play mother of the bride. You seem to want your mom to embrace that job despite her horrible behavior. I hope you can let go of that expectation and be glad that rather than your having to say, "You've behaved so badly that I'm asking you not attend the shower/party/brunch" etc., she is absenting herself. Less stress for you, in the end, if she is just minimally present. It hurts for you, surely, but at least if she is not present she cannot bring her resentment of your dad, or her demands and attention-seeking, into every single aspect of the celebration.

Regarding the ceremony--don't go just by what she told your sister. Too easy for mom to deny it and throw a tantrum on the day when she discovers you have not arranged for her to be escorted like a VIP. Get it clear with your mom in advance so there is no day-of-the-wedding drama. Same goes for the wedding reception/brunch; tell her there is a very strict limit on numbers and a deadline and that if she is serious about not attending, you must take her at her word and will let the restaurant or caterer know.

If you have a close and understanding relative who knows your mom is being a serious drama queen, maybe you can enlist that person to be basically her chaperone for the day--someone who keeps an eye on her and can distract her if she's starting to do her me, me, me routine. Sad to have to think about that for your own wedding but if you want her there, you might want to consider an unofficial mom-watcher.

Anonymous wrote:What is this odd trend of matchy matchy for the mother/MIL to the wedding party?? Understand not wearing white - but saying she needs to compliment the bridesmaids? color scheme? Really??? All I asked my M/MIL was that they wear something they felt wonderful in so that they would enjoy themselves. (I did have bridesmaids but gave them a color and said any dress within that range was fine w/me.) There is NO tradition of this - it is a made up fad. And yes - just let it go.

Anonymous wrote:Op here, well I definitely gave her a reaction unfortunately. I wasn't rude, but she's not calling or emailing me back.

Also, mother of the brides are supposed to complement the bride and bridesmaids, not match. It's the standard etiquette.

Anonymous wrote:Ypu need to give her options beyond grey, silver, and beige. Those are pretty hideous on some people. Let her wear coral or whatever color she wants. As you get older, it gets hated and harder to find clothes that do not make you look ridiculous. Cut her some slack and just tell her want colors ypu freer her not to wear.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I've got one of those moms. Put your foot down OP, and tell her the ride is over, get off. She wears what you tell her is acceptable or she is not welcome at your wedding!. You will need to repeat that often after the marriage. You must be very firmly clear with hubby to be that you must always present a United front or she will use the divide and conquer method to control the marriage. This is where her control stops, or she isn't welcome. Get used to putting your foot down now.

Wow! I cannot imagine being told what I had to wear or else unless I was in the military or flipping burgers. Really? Who thinks this is rational, let alone acceptable behavior??

You mean if your mom was a narcissist and wanted to wear a dress to your wedding to compete with you, you'd be okay with that? What if she wore an S&M outfit? Would you not tell her what the dress code is? You clearly don't have a mom like OP, if her mom is indeed a narcissist.