Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 16:41     Subject: Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No not at all. We met when we were 18/19 and married right after college at 24. Money was the furthest thing from my mind (looking back now, that tells me I probably shouldn't have been getting married or that it's mostly luck that it's all worked out - lol).

It ended up working out because he now has a high HHI and I SAHM, which I discovered I wanted after we had our first kid. And you know what? We have ALL the ingredients to have a happy marriage - attraction, mutual respect, kindness, friendship, money, good health, supportive local family, and it's STILL hard at times. Not the marriage part per se but parenting together and the impact that 3 little kids have on a relationship. It's really really hard.

I guess my point is, I think it's smart that you're thinking about all of this. There are a lot of things that affect a marriage and money/how you want to live is a big factor.


+1 ... I am the PP who is married to the lawyer that everyone said I wouldn't have married if he wasn't a lawyer (not true but you are entitled to think what you want). Marriage is hard! No matter what your HHI. Add kids to that and its even harder. No amount of money will make it not hard!


Try it when you both have demanding jobs and not enough money to smooth over the rogue part of life or have a big enough house so you aren't crawling over each other or stuck with long ass commutes.

It's ok, it sounds like you run in wealthy circles that's why you didn't really notice your instinct for filtering (out of the country, only rich people take those jaunts) bc you only rubbed elbows with your people.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 15:54     Subject: Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
Anonymous wrote:No not at all. We met when we were 18/19 and married right after college at 24. Money was the furthest thing from my mind (looking back now, that tells me I probably shouldn't have been getting married or that it's mostly luck that it's all worked out - lol).

It ended up working out because he now has a high HHI and I SAHM, which I discovered I wanted after we had our first kid. And you know what? We have ALL the ingredients to have a happy marriage - attraction, mutual respect, kindness, friendship, money, good health, supportive local family, and it's STILL hard at times. Not the marriage part per se but parenting together and the impact that 3 little kids have on a relationship. It's really really hard.

I guess my point is, I think it's smart that you're thinking about all of this. There are a lot of things that affect a marriage and money/how you want to live is a big factor.


+1 ... I am the PP who is married to the lawyer that everyone said I wouldn't have married if he wasn't a lawyer (not true but you are entitled to think what you want). Marriage is hard! No matter what your HHI. Add kids to that and its even harder. No amount of money will make it not hard!
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 15:31     Subject: Re:Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
God, I love DCUM. Just by looking at the title of this thread I already knew there were going to be a dozen posts like this:

Never. I met my husband when he was a student at Harvard. It was at a party his father, who is a US Senator, was throwing for the governor. He had a ton of student loan debt and an income of $0. But I didn't care, money didn't even cross my mind, I did it all for love. Today he pulls $500K a year and we just bought a beautiful 9000 sq feet house in NW DC. I guess ignoring money and marrying exclusively for love works. It was risky but it paid off!

...and the thread delivered.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 15:27     Subject: Re:Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
Well, my husband had a ton of debt when I married him; we were making $30k-something and $40k-something. Fast forward 13 years later, and he makes close to $150k and I make $120k. That's about as high as our earning potential goes. While we could always do with more money, we both feel like we're fairly compensated, and neither of our jobs intrudes on our family life. I know $150k seems like chump change to a lot of people on DCUM, but neither of us could ever have imagined he'd be making that salary.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 15:25     Subject: Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
Anonymous wrote:It's just as easy to marry a rich man as a poor man.


or

"Marry for money, you'll earn every penny."
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 15:22     Subject: Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
No not at all. We met when we were 18/19 and married right after college at 24. Money was the furthest thing from my mind (looking back now, that tells me I probably shouldn't have been getting married or that it's mostly luck that it's all worked out - lol).

It ended up working out because he now has a high HHI and I SAHM, which I discovered I wanted after we had our first kid. And you know what? We have ALL the ingredients to have a happy marriage - attraction, mutual respect, kindness, friendship, money, good health, supportive local family, and it's STILL hard at times. Not the marriage part per se but parenting together and the impact that 3 little kids have on a relationship. It's really really hard.

I guess my point is, I think it's smart that you're thinking about all of this. There are a lot of things that affect a marriage and money/how you want to live is a big factor.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 15:21     Subject: Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I guess none of us would marry another person who is a slacker. It is always a consideration what kind of life you will be able to have together.

In your situation, I would expect that you complain if you earn $250k and your fiancé $90k. If you earn so little, do not expect to marry a wealthy guy. The rich also want to marry rich.


My fiancé is not a slacker at all! He works a lot and takes his professional life very seriously. I am comparing my situation to my friends who were legal assistants and customer service reps before they married wealthy men and have gone the SAHM route. Now they talk to me about their houses and financial planners. I feel left out and sort of annoyed.


Are your friends hotter than you? The number of potential rich eligible men isn't that high. Unless you're peaking at a 9/10 or a 10/10 with no prior baggage don't hedge your bets on pulling this uber-wealthy stunning bachelor.

If you consider yourself a 9/10 what do other people consider you? Also, men that wealthy aren't stupid. If you're out for money and have nothing to offer there's no incentive for them to commit. When you get successful everything because a game of averages and return on investment. This includes marriages.


This whole side conversation you have going on here is gross. Presumably if the man proposed to her, he thinks she's attractive and you know, actually loves her.


I guess the PP's point is that if you are going to see your husband as an "investment" you should be prepared to be judged under the same light.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 15:16     Subject: Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I guess none of us would marry another person who is a slacker. It is always a consideration what kind of life you will be able to have together.

In your situation, I would expect that you complain if you earn $250k and your fiancé $90k. If you earn so little, do not expect to marry a wealthy guy. The rich also want to marry rich.


My fiancé is not a slacker at all! He works a lot and takes his professional life very seriously. I am comparing my situation to my friends who were legal assistants and customer service reps before they married wealthy men and have gone the SAHM route. Now they talk to me about their houses and financial planners. I feel left out and sort of annoyed.


Are your friends hotter than you? The number of potential rich eligible men isn't that high. Unless you're peaking at a 9/10 or a 10/10 with no prior baggage don't hedge your bets on pulling this uber-wealthy stunning bachelor.

If you consider yourself a 9/10 what do other people consider you? Also, men that wealthy aren't stupid. If you're out for money and have nothing to offer there's no incentive for them to commit. When you get successful everything because a game of averages and return on investment. This includes marriages.


This whole side conversation you have going on here is gross. Presumably if the man proposed to her, he thinks she's attractive and you know, actually loves her.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 14:51     Subject: Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
"Marry for money, you'll earn every penny."

Not a good idea on it's own. You need attraction, kindness, and mutual respect to make a marriage work long term.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 14:41     Subject: Re:Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
Anonymous wrote:Basically for women who do not marry money, it does not end well.

I do not know a single woman who's husband does not make good money who is happy or comfortable.



Surely you realize most women don't marry rich men, don't you?
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 14:31     Subject: Re:Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I met my husband when I was 25 ... he was in his first year of law school but it was right around the law bubble crash/economy crash so it wasn't a given he would get a big law job after law school. Knew he would have considerable law school debt (over $200K) but fell in love and got married. We got married right out of law school, I was making 50k and he didn't have a job yet and we both had a ton of grad school debt ($260k between the two of us).

Here we are almost 8 years later and he has a big law job (makes close to $300K) and I have a very flexible job making $60k and we have two kids. Life is good. But I married first for love and it has worked out nicely.


Would you have married him if he wasn't in law school?


PP here .. Yep! Actually knew him before he went to law school but reconnected later when he had started law school. I think is a misconception that people who go to law school all get big law cushy jobs. Most lawyers come out of law school with huge amounts of debt and don't have big law jobs.


Yeah another story of marrying when DH was making nothing and they married for love but now he takes in the bucks.

I love this obtuse variant: it's clear she wasn't interested when she first met him, but second time around he was in law school and she saw dollar signs. But she married for love.


+1

Lawyers tend to make good living whether or not they go the big law route.

No one would look down on a man in law school and serious doubt his earning potential.

She'd be singing a different tune if she met him, he went to a liberal arts graduate program, got married and brought in only 90k.



I don't believe all these "I married a man who I knew would make good money for love"

Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 14:29     Subject: Re:Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
Anonymous wrote:I met my husband when I was 25 ... he was in his first year of law school but it was right around the law bubble crash/economy crash so it wasn't a given he would get a big law job after law school. Knew he would have considerable law school debt (over $200K) but fell in love and got married. We got married right out of law school, I was making 50k and he didn't have a job yet and we both had a ton of grad school debt ($260k between the two of us).

Here we are almost 8 years later and he has a big law job (makes close to $300K) and I have a very flexible job making $60k and we have two kids. Life is good. But I married first for love and it has worked out nicely.


That is shitload of school debt which is great that DH making $300K. I am sure he is ambitious/driven and so are you.

From DH perspective, I got serious with my DW when she was making $45K and now makes $140K in the guberment. I saw the potential in her and pushed her to job hop. It payed off, and we live cushy lives.

Money matters in marriage and can't buy happiness.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 14:29     Subject: Re:Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I met my husband when I was 25 ... he was in his first year of law school but it was right around the law bubble crash/economy crash so it wasn't a given he would get a big law job after law school. Knew he would have considerable law school debt (over $200K) but fell in love and got married. We got married right out of law school, I was making 50k and he didn't have a job yet and we both had a ton of grad school debt ($260k between the two of us).

Here we are almost 8 years later and he has a big law job (makes close to $300K) and I have a very flexible job making $60k and we have two kids. Life is good. But I married first for love and it has worked out nicely.


Would you have married him if he wasn't in law school?


PP here .. Yep! Actually knew him before he went to law school but reconnected later when he had started law school. I think is a misconception that people who go to law school all get big law cushy jobs. Most lawyers come out of law school with huge amounts of debt and don't have big law jobs.


Yeah another story of marrying when DH was making nothing and they married for love but now he takes in the bucks.

I love this obtuse variant: it's clear she wasn't interested when she first met him, but second time around he was in law school and she saw dollar signs. But she married for love.


haha PP here ... no I was leaving the country so it didn't work out timing wise. We reconnected when I returned to the US. Being in law school didn't matter one way or another to me.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 14:26     Subject: Re:Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
Anonymous wrote:I met my husband when I was 25 ... he was in his first year of law school but it was right around the law bubble crash/economy crash so it wasn't a given he would get a big law job after law school. Knew he would have considerable law school debt (over $200K) but fell in love and got married. We got married right out of law school, I was making 50k and he didn't have a job yet and we both had a ton of grad school debt ($260k between the two of us).

Here we are almost 8 years later and he has a big law job (makes close to $300K) and I have a very flexible job making $60k and we have two kids. Life is good. But I married first for love and it has worked out nicely.


So you were making $50k in 2008 or so... teacher?
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 14:25     Subject: Re:Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
Anonymous wrote:Basically for women who do not marry money, it does not end well.

I do not know a single woman who's husband does not make good money who is happy or comfortable.



I wanted love. It makes life easier, I think. My husband only makes about 100k a year. He's a good man though. If we ever really need money, I can make 350k/year. For now, I think I'll just work one day a week and take care of the baby. We don't need much to live on. I'll go back to full time work eventually so I can stash some money away for college. Luckily, working one day a week is enough to keep my skills up so that I can work full time if I have to.