Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last year they tried to break up our marriage. They went full on crazy and DH got into it with his mother and sister to where he didn't speak to them for months. He still tried so hard to have a relationship with his dad. Last summer he constantly invited his dad fishing and his dad kept turning him down. His dad had time to go fishing with his son in law but completely replaced DH. He replaced him with his son in laws brother who had just gotten out of prison. Never even invited DH. Plus we ran into FIL while he was out with his son in law(SIL's DH) and get this...DH waved to him and FIL looked dead at him and walked away.

But that means he got to spend every Sunday with you! I think you are being overly dramatic: first, you say that his dad dies every Sunday without his son, then you say his dad replaced him with BIL.

That was last year.

Anonymous wrote:Last year they tried to break up our marriage. They went full on crazy and DH got into it with his mother and sister to where he didn't speak to them for months. He still tried so hard to have a relationship with his dad. Last summer he constantly invited his dad fishing and his dad kept turning him down. His dad had time to go fishing with his son in law but completely replaced DH. He replaced him with his son in laws brother who had just gotten out of prison. Never even invited DH. Plus we ran into FIL while he was out with his son in law(SIL's DH) and get this...DH waved to him and FIL looked dead at him and walked away.

But that means he got to spend every Sunday with you! I think you are being overly dramatic: first, you say that his dad dies every Sunday without his son, then you say his dad replaced him with BIL.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be mad if I were you. It's one day that he planned with his dad. You should have gotten groceries prior to the day and 10 minutes is walking distance. There are plenty of things that could have been done to avoid this. You sound jealous, obviously there's more to the story. How come you don't plan dates, or family outings? Why does it fall on your husband? You sound needy. Do you have friends or family to hang out with?

Agree. I wouldn't begrudge him a close tie with his family. I don't understand people who expect someone to choose their spouse and kids over their parents, rather than an equally connected relationship. Then the spouse divorces you or cheats on you and you have no family connection to support you. No.

You know that Sunday's are usually spent with his family, don't sit around moping and waiting until all the food has run out so you can call him in tears and create a scene. Saturday you should have bought groceries or better still tell him to get groceries since he'll be out with the car next day. On the day he's with family, you plan something fun for yourself and DD and on a different day leave DD with him while you spend time with a friend or doing whatever you enjoy. There are 6 other days in the week for you to see each other, just work around this Sunday plan. Or plan to divorce. Those are your choices. Counseling won't solve this.

My personal belief is that the family you create should always come first. I'm a Christian and it's in my beliefs. "Blood is thicker than water" meaning the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. You leave and cleave your family of origin and become one with your wife. DH believes this as well. He's struggled lately and not opened up until yesterday. His dad has just been putting a lot on him and it's really gotten to him and he hasn't been putting DD and I first. We're doing ok now. We decided to take some time away from his family and really focus on spending time as a family unit.

Anonymous wrote:I would not be mad if I were you. It's one day that he planned with his dad. You should have gotten groceries prior to the day and 10 minutes is walking distance. There are plenty of things that could have been done to avoid this. You sound jealous, obviously there's more to the story. How come you don't plan dates, or family outings? Why does it fall on your husband? You sound needy. Do you have friends or family to hang out with?

Agree. I wouldn't begrudge him a close tie with his family. I don't understand people who expect someone to choose their spouse and kids over their parents, rather than an equally connected relationship. Then the spouse divorces you or cheats on you and you have no family connection to support you. No.

You know that Sunday's are usually spent with his family, don't sit around moping and waiting until all the food has run out so you can call him in tears and create a scene. Saturday you should have bought groceries or better still tell him to get groceries since he'll be out with the car next day. On the day he's with family, you plan something fun for yourself and DD and on a different day leave DD with him while you spend time with a friend or doing whatever you enjoy. There are 6 other days in the week for you to see each other, just work around this Sunday plan. Or plan to divorce. Those are your choices. Counseling won't solve this.

Anonymous wrote:I'm calling BS given this new crap from OP. Yeah, that fishing trip got worked out late Saturday night. Now mom has a gambling problem....
"We were away til late Saturday and I couldn't go to the store".....seems like kind of an important detail to leave out, especially when.."DH never does anything with DD and me"..

Nothing to see here folks....on to the next story

No i said he doesn't plan anything with us. I plan the family things and beg him to go.

I'm calling BS given this new crap from OP. Yeah, that fishing trip got worked out late Saturday night. Now mom has a gambling problem....
"We were away til late Saturday and I couldn't go to the store".....seems like kind of an important detail to leave out, especially when.."DH never does anything with DD and me"..

Nothing to see here folks....on to the next story

Not OP. To all those suggestion how she could have worked out to have a car, it was as easy as her DH driving to his Dad's and then driving back to his house in his car while his Dad was in his car and leaving the car at their house. They live 10 minutes away! Not to mention the idiocy of his Dad not just picking him up! If I understood right, OP's DH's car was sitting at her ILS's drive way all day loooooooooooooong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you know he has these plans, you know you need to go to the store Nd you know your car is in the shop but your lazy ass didn't get to the store when you should have and now you want to blame him for your shortcomings because you don't have the relationship with your family that he does.

Here's a thought: instead of spending your time whining here, why not clean your distaster of a house? Your biggest problem is YOU.

Is that you, OP's SIL?

Seriously, under what circumstances is it acceptable for OP to be left alone without transportation when her husband's out fishing?

What if their kid got sick? Or cut? Or touched or ate something and had an allergic reaction? Should she call an ambulance or a taxi? I made sure I was never without a car, especially when my kids were little.

It might be time to sit down with DH and have an honest conversation with him. Of course his family is important and I think it's great that you go with him a couple of times a month to visit them. However, he has a responsibility to you and DD too. He might need to hear how you are feeling and together set some guidelines for the relationship that work for both of you.

Assuming your sister has a car, go get groceries and live your life. Stop being so dramatic. So many excuses OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well since I called bawling and he continued to discuss fishing in the background with his dad. I texted him and said "DD and I will be staying with my sister for a few days". He said "you're leaving me because I went fishing with my dad" someone please help me put to words why I'm so angry. I tried to explain that he doesn't put DD and I first.

"No, I'm leaving because you left me in the house with no car and no food." would be my response. He needs counseling, with or without you.

+1000 this.

I think the issue is that you are so pissed about other things with his family that this is the straw that broke the camel's back. The issue is that with your car in the shop, he wasn't being considerate taking an all day trip with the only car. He needed to either work with you to make sure you had everything you needed before taking the car for the day, have someone pick him up, change his fishing trip, have you bring him, uber to his dad's and have them drop him off etc...there were maybe 4 or 5 other acceptable options that would have been more considerate.

And I don't get while you are bawling other than tears of frustration over other stuff.. I would have woken up the baby from a nap and driven him (not great but better than being stuck with no transportation other than uber or taxi) rather than let him drive off with our only car for the day. I mean, I get that it's a pain in the rump to wake a baby from a nap and then get them back to sleep but there are rare times when that happens, like what if I had to drive my DH to the airport and right that moment the baby fell asleep - I'm going to say oh well, you may miss your flight but you have to call a cab because the baby's is sleeping? Or I had to bring the baby for her pediatrician appt and she fell asleep, I pay a cancel fee and reschedule? It's important to keep a schedule but you can't be so tied to it that it's death before ever changing the napping schedule/waking the baby.

Final piece of advice is don't play into the power struggle. You are making it about the time he spends with his parents when it is really about his responsibility to you and his child so you are playing into the parents trap and you may getting push back from him because it seems like you are trying to dictate/control him. You have to work WITH him on how to balance things, not dictate to him how he should handle it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And your DH planned the fishing trip, why? To allow his Dad to manipulate him some more?

I don't think DH truly realized he was being manipulated until yesterday.

Does he realize that now, or do you think he'll want to give FIL the money?

I don't think he would give FIL money.

Anonymous wrote:So you know he has these plans, you know you need to go to the store Nd you know your car is in the shop but your lazy ass didn't get to the store when you should have and now you want to blame him for your shortcomings because you don't have the relationship with your family that he does.

Here's a thought: instead of spending your time whining here, why not clean your distaster of a house? Your biggest problem is YOU.

Is that you, OP's SIL?

Seriously, under what circumstances is it acceptable for OP to be left alone without transportation when her husband's out fishing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And your DH planned the fishing trip, why? To allow his Dad to manipulate him some more?

I don't think DH truly realized he was being manipulated until yesterday.

Does he realize that now, or do you think he'll want to give FIL the money?

Anonymous wrote:And your DH planned the fishing trip, why? To allow his Dad to manipulate him some more?

I don't think DH truly realized he was being manipulated until yesterday.