Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

I am sorry your wife is so selfish and doesn't think such major decisions should be made together. This sounds like the result of too many Oprah Winfrey shows where "I" come first and "I" have to do what makes me happy. Quite frankly I think the problem is that so many people lack gratitude for what they have and what is good in their lives and just want more of something, in your wife's case, more of me, me, me and the hell with the rest. Well, she is going to find out that the world just isn't sunshine and flowers no matter in which job or situation she ends.

Good grief, your soapbox is just annoying. I was harassed for over a year at a job. I quit with my husband's permission, but I could not have held out any longer. Sometimes work places become unbearably toxic.

+1. Sometimes things go south in a work place and it is time to go. I quit a job after 11 years late last year. I was going to get wrongly forced out if I stayed. Leadership was changing; it was time to go. It got so bad it was affecting my marriage and kids. Husband said it was fine to quit. Will work again. Some time off is not going to hurt us financially.

Why can't you people read???

You all keep giving situations that are irrelevant - because you TALKED TO YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT IT! This DW did NOT. She just left. No conversation. No plan. No concern for where health insurance would come from, where the extra income would come from... She just bailed.

So, stop giving irrelevant examples because they don't apply.

No one said that DW shouldn't leave her job if it was a truly toxic situation. However, the problem is that if it was truly toxic and she wanted to leave, she should have at least talked it over with her husband - not to get permission - but to at least come up with some sort of plan on how the responsibilities would be taken care of when she left.

Now, this poor DH is blindsided by it and they will have to try and come up with something on the fly.

It's totally selfish.

Anonymous wrote:I was harassed and bullied severely at work for years and should have done what your wife is doing. My husband offered, several times, but I felt too guilty and stayed. The result was a long struggle with severe depression and recovery. It wasn't worth staying. It almost killed me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

I am sorry your wife is so selfish and doesn't think such major decisions should be made together. This sounds like the result of too many Oprah Winfrey shows where "I" come first and "I" have to do what makes me happy. Quite frankly I think the problem is that so many people lack gratitude for what they have and what is good in their lives and just want more of something, in your wife's case, more of me, me, me and the hell with the rest. Well, she is going to find out that the world just isn't sunshine and flowers no matter in which job or situation she ends.

Good grief, your soapbox is just annoying. I was harassed for over a year at a job. I quit with my husband's permission, but I could not have held out any longer. Sometimes work places become unbearably toxic.

+1. Sometimes things go south in a work place and it is time to go. I quit a job after 11 years late last year. I was going to get wrongly forced out if I stayed. Leadership was changing; it was time to go. It got so bad it was affecting my marriage and kids. Husband said it was fine to quit. Will work again. Some time off is not going to hurt us financially.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

I am sorry your wife is so selfish and doesn't think such major decisions should be made together. This sounds like the result of too many Oprah Winfrey shows where "I" come first and "I" have to do what makes me happy. Quite frankly I think the problem is that so many people lack gratitude for what they have and what is good in their lives and just want more of something, in your wife's case, more of me, me, me and the hell with the rest. Well, she is going to find out that the world just isn't sunshine and flowers no matter in which job or situation she ends.

Good grief, your soapbox is just annoying. I was harassed for over a year at a job. I quit with my husband's permission, but I could not have held out any longer. Sometimes work places become unbearably toxic.

I don't understand your post at all. First of all, wife doesn't need husband's permission to quit or do anything, but certainly both spouses should talk about life changing and significant decisions. Most likely this OP would have supported his wife's decision if she talked to him about it. You sound like an insecure and weak person, first you were harassed and then you quit with your husband's permission? Really? What country/century are you from?

NP here. You seem to be jumping to conclusions that have no basis from what the PP posted. Maybe you haven't experienced it, but some work situations can get brutally harsh. Not all bosses or co-workers are nice, caring and honest people. Some are selfish, cold, calculating and cruel bullies. It can get to a point where they can threaten one's professional reputation. OP's wife may have felt backed into a corner and wanted to minimize the impact to her reputation, and her ability to get another job. We don't know the details in this situation yet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I'm being real when I say this: you need to ask her why she was let go or fired and tell her you're not mad about that and can help her find a new job. She did not quit. Women with kids are not impetuous like that. They would not pull something that would so significantly affect their kids' well being for their own benefit. I'm saying this as a mom who knows tons of moms: there's a calculus we all run when it comes to making a decision. It nearly always means asking ourselves "how can I do this thing with minimal pain and discomfort or irritation to my kids and husband while bearing the maximum amount of inconvenience myself."

Big to small, we do this. It's why we run errands while the baby is napping or go out for girls night when the kids are in bed, or cancel a girls night without complaint when husband's work event comes up. It's just how moms are wired/ we do stuff for ourselves but we figure out a way first to minimize the negative impact for everyone else in the family.

She was fired and embarrassed to tell you but I really don't think she just quit knowing her job provides insurance and a much needed salary and is now unwilling to even discuss. Probe further.

Wow. You are damn naive. So you don't know that some mothers are selfish? Or abuse their children?

Obviously I do. We are talking about op's family situation though which is an intact nuclear family with parents who clearly care enough to do things like buy a walkable home in a good school district. THOSE moms don't do this stuff. Obviously if abuse were an issue he would have raised it from the jump.

There are plenty of selfish or abusive mothers in walkable homes in good school districts. Don't be naive and classist.

Seriously, what an obnoxious and absurd statement. Having the means to buy a home in a good school district has nothing to do with how good of a parent someone is. There are plenty of wonderful parents who struggle financially, and plenty of bad parents who are wealthy. Money is not the same as caring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I'm being real when I say this: you need to ask her why she was let go or fired and tell her you're not mad about that and can help her find a new job. She did not quit. Women with kids are not impetuous like that. They would not pull something that would so significantly affect their kids' well being for their own benefit. I'm saying this as a mom who knows tons of moms: there's a calculus we all run when it comes to making a decision. It nearly always means asking ourselves "how can I do this thing with minimal pain and discomfort or irritation to my kids and husband while bearing the maximum amount of inconvenience myself."

Big to small, we do this. It's why we run errands while the baby is napping or go out for girls night when the kids are in bed, or cancel a girls night without complaint when husband's work event comes up. It's just how moms are wired/ we do stuff for ourselves but we figure out a way first to minimize the negative impact for everyone else in the family.

She was fired and embarrassed to tell you but I really don't think she just quit knowing her job provides insurance and a much needed salary and is now unwilling to even discuss. Probe further.

Wow. You are damn naive. So you don't know that some mothers are selfish? Or abuse their children?

Obviously I do. We are talking about op's family situation though which is an intact nuclear family with parents who clearly care enough to do things like buy a walkable home in a good school district. THOSE moms don't do this stuff. Obviously if abuse were an issue he would have raised it from the jump.

There are plenty of selfish or abusive mothers in walkable homes in good school districts. Don't be naive and classist.

I was harassed and bullied severely at work for years and should have done what your wife is doing. My husband offered, several times, but I felt too guilty and stayed. The result was a long struggle with severe depression and recovery. It wasn't worth staying. It almost killed me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: you should quit your job too.

hahaha

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I'm being real when I say this: you need to ask her why she was let go or fired and tell her you're not mad about that and can help her find a new job. She did not quit. Women with kids are not impetuous like that. They would not pull something that would so significantly affect their kids' well being for their own benefit. I'm saying this as a mom who knows tons of moms: there's a calculus we all run when it comes to making a decision. It nearly always means asking ourselves "how can I do this thing with minimal pain and discomfort or irritation to my kids and husband while bearing the maximum amount of inconvenience myself."

Big to small, we do this. It's why we run errands while the baby is napping or go out for girls night when the kids are in bed, or cancel a girls night without complaint when husband's work event comes up. It's just how moms are wired/ we do stuff for ourselves but we figure out a way first to minimize the negative impact for everyone else in the family.

She was fired and embarrassed to tell you but I really don't think she just quit knowing her job provides insurance and a much needed salary and is now unwilling to even discuss. Probe further.

Wow. You are damn naive. So you don't know that some mothers are selfish? Or abuse their children?

Obviously I do. We are talking about op's family situation though which is an intact nuclear family with parents who clearly care enough to do things like buy a walkable home in a good school district. THOSE moms don't do this stuff. Obviously if abuse were an issue he would have raised it from the jump.

Anonymous wrote:I was harassed and bullied severely at work for years and should have done what your wife is doing. My husband offered, several times, but I felt too guilty and stayed. The result was a long struggle with severe depression and recovery. It wasn't worth staying. It almost killed me.

Anonymous wrote:While her reasons may seem superficial to you, mental health is a big deal. Money can always be replaced , but not ones peace of mind.

Support her decision.

Happy Wife, Happy Life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she want to be a SAHM now or will she be looking for another job? Maybe she'll find it quickly. You should be supportive of her right now.

I agree plus they will save a ton on daycare and other costs. Maybe have her take a year off or until they are in school.