Anonymous wrote:Interesting that we're 7 pgs in and OP still hasn't said what her DH does for a living and what his/their HHI is. Given the reference to private practice - I assume lawyer for the gov't or maybe a doctor. 10 yrs in as a gov't lawyer, wouldn't he be at the 160k max for the GS scale? Assuming OP even brings in another 60k (though I expect it to be much much more since she SUCH a high achiever), you're looking at 220k. I get it - that is not the income that is going to get you a new construction $1.8 million home in Bethesda, BUT is it THAT bad?? You can easily get a new construction townhome where I live in close in Arlington for that much - thus getting you out of the 2 bedroom apartment and solving your toy problem.

Is this one of those -- OMG we ONLY make 250k and are SOOOO poor threads??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that we're 7 pgs in and OP still hasn't said what her DH does for a living and what his/their HHI is. Given the reference to private practice - I assume lawyer for the gov't or maybe a doctor. 10 yrs in as a gov't lawyer, wouldn't he be at the 160k max for the GS scale? Assuming OP even brings in another 60k (though I expect it to be much much more since she SUCH a high achiever), you're looking at 220k. I get it - that is not the income that is going to get you a new construction $1.8 million home in Bethesda, BUT is it THAT bad?? You can easily get a new construction townhome where I live in close in Arlington for that much - thus getting you out of the 2 bedroom apartment and solving your toy problem.

Is this one of those -- OMG we ONLY make 250k and are SOOOO poor threads??

OP says she out earns him. If her dh makes 160k and she makes 160K+, then their hhi is at least 320k or more. Unless they have a high amt of debt or some other unusual circumstances, the financial aspect of this post is odd.

Totally missed that she out earns him. So if they have a 300k+ HHI, then I bet this is someone who is annoyed that they can't just go get a $2 million new construction in Bethesda like she sees DH's law school friends who are in biglaw or inhouse doing . . . .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that we're 7 pgs in and OP still hasn't said what her DH does for a living and what his/their HHI is. Given the reference to private practice - I assume lawyer for the gov't or maybe a doctor. 10 yrs in as a gov't lawyer, wouldn't he be at the 160k max for the GS scale? Assuming OP even brings in another 60k (though I expect it to be much much more since she SUCH a high achiever), you're looking at 220k. I get it - that is not the income that is going to get you a new construction $1.8 million home in Bethesda, BUT is it THAT bad?? You can easily get a new construction townhome where I live in close in Arlington for that much - thus getting you out of the 2 bedroom apartment and solving your toy problem.

Is this one of those -- OMG we ONLY make 250k and are SOOOO poor threads??

OP says she out earns him. If her dh makes 160k and she makes 160K+, then their hhi is at least 320k or more. Unless they have a high amt of debt or some other unusual circumstances, the financial aspect of this post is odd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but I kind of agree with you. DH is in sales and always exceeds his quota and is one of the top producers in his office. He wins national contests and by all means is successful at what he does. But he's 41 and only some years cracks 200K and that's barely. That is nothing to sneeze at but there serious money to be made if you're a talented salesman. He always wants to put everything off because he doesn't have consistent income and doesn't know if it will be a good/bad month/year. I work full time and he always promised me I could go part time (4 days/week) this coming year (childcare costs go down) due to my health issues but he reneged again because even though he's having a great year this year he can't predict next year. If I'm realistic it's never going to happen because he's never going to feel comfortable with me reducing my salary by 20% with his income as an unknown. Btw 20% of my income is $14K/year. Not pocket change but not life changing money either. I think part of it is ego--he'd rather have "success" where he is now and is highly regarded vs. go somewhere else and risk not being viewed as talented and successful and BMOC .

I hear about people in sales raking it in and wonder why DH isn't pursuing positions like those. I think it's fear of failure but because of that it impacts all of our lives due to it being so up and down. He's always seeking a huge year but it doesn't pan out. If it did he'd be constantly seeking it again and being pissy when it didn't happen. Honestly if he's never going to seek a position with higher risk/reward I'd rather him take a job with like a 150K salary and call it a day so we can at least budget accurately and we can base decisions on known vs. unknown. He refuses because he says he only wants to be in sales but it affects the whole family. He's great when he gets a deal and then we have to walk on eggshells when he's having a bad streak. I'm over it.

You are complaining about a husband who makes $200k?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP's DH is an AUSA or a DOJ/Main Justice guy, am I right? Sorry but there are guys over there OBSESSED with being on the "right side" and some work really hard for no money compared to what they could make in private practice or even the financial agencies. I'd keep fighting about it - esp since he did agree that he'd go into private practice if necessary. You need to make him realize it's necessary. What about the kids' college? Since you're still in a small apartment, I'm guessing college isn't a huge priority? Is that really ok with him given that he's an ivy undergrad and law grad? Maybe a reason like that lights a fire under him more than home ownership bc lots of guys do see a home as a chore -- i.e. shoveling snow; yard work etc.

I imagine we have different definitions of "necessary."

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that we're 7 pgs in and OP still hasn't said what her DH does for a living and what his/their HHI is. Given the reference to private practice - I assume lawyer for the gov't or maybe a doctor. 10 yrs in as a gov't lawyer, wouldn't he be at the 160k max for the GS scale? Assuming OP even brings in another 60k (though I expect it to be much much more since she SUCH a high achiever), you're looking at 220k. I get it - that is not the income that is going to get you a new construction $1.8 million home in Bethesda, BUT is it THAT bad?? You can easily get a new construction townhome where I live in close in Arlington for that much - thus getting you out of the 2 bedroom apartment and solving your toy problem.

Is this one of those -- OMG we ONLY make 250k and are SOOOO poor threads??

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but I kind of agree with you. DH is in sales and always exceeds his quota and is one of the top producers in his office. He wins national contests and by all means is successful at what he does. But he's 41 and only some years cracks 200K and that's barely. That is nothing to sneeze at but there serious money to be made if you're a talented salesman. He always wants to put everything off because he doesn't have consistent income and doesn't know if it will be a good/bad month/year. I work full time and he always promised me I could go part time (4 days/week) this coming year (childcare costs go down) due to my health issues but he reneged again because even though he's having a great year this year he can't predict next year. If I'm realistic it's never going to happen because he's never going to feel comfortable with me reducing my salary by 20% with his income as an unknown. Btw 20% of my income is $14K/year. Not pocket change but not life changing money either. I think part of it is ego--he'd rather have "success" where he is now and is highly regarded vs. go somewhere else and risk not being viewed as talented and successful and BMOC .

I hear about people in sales raking it in and wonder why DH isn't pursuing positions like those. I think it's fear of failure but because of that it impacts all of our lives due to it being so up and down. He's always seeking a huge year but it doesn't pan out. If it did he'd be constantly seeking it again and being pissy when it didn't happen. Honestly if he's never going to seek a position with higher risk/reward I'd rather him take a job with like a 150K salary and call it a day so we can at least budget accurately and we can base decisions on known vs. unknown. He refuses because he says he only wants to be in sales but it affects the whole family. He's great when he gets a deal and then we have to walk on eggshells when he's having a bad streak. I'm over it.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP's DH is an AUSA or a DOJ/Main Justice guy, am I right? Sorry but there are guys over there OBSESSED with being on the "right side" and some work really hard for no money compared to what they could make in private practice or even the financial agencies. I'd keep fighting about it - esp since he did agree that he'd go into private practice if necessary. You need to make him realize it's necessary. What about the kids' college? Since you're still in a small apartment, I'm guessing college isn't a huge priority? Is that really ok with him given that he's an ivy undergrad and law grad? Maybe a reason like that lights a fire under him more than home ownership bc lots of guys do see a home as a chore -- i.e. shoveling snow; yard work etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but I kind of agree with you. DH is in sales and always exceeds his quota and is one of the top producers in his office. He wins national contests and by all means is successful at what he does. But he's 41 and only some years cracks 200K and that's barely. That is nothing to sneeze at but there serious money to be made if you're a talented salesman. He always wants to put everything off because he doesn't have consistent income and doesn't know if it will be a good/bad month/year. I work full time and he always promised me I could go part time (4 days/week) this coming year (childcare costs go down) due to my health issues but he reneged again because even though he's having a great year this year he can't predict next year. If I'm realistic it's never going to happen because he's never going to feel comfortable with me reducing my salary by 20% with his income as an unknown. Btw 20% of my income is $14K/year. Not pocket change but not life changing money either. I think part of it is ego--he'd rather have "success" where he is now and is highly regarded vs. go somewhere else and risk not being viewed as talented and successful and BMOC .

I hear about people in sales raking it in and wonder why DH isn't pursuing positions like those. I think it's fear of failure but because of that it impacts all of our lives due to it being so up and down. He's always seeking a huge year but it doesn't pan out. If it did he'd be constantly seeking it again and being pissy when it didn't happen. Honestly if he's never going to seek a position with higher risk/reward I'd rather him take a job with like a 150K salary and call it a day so we can at least budget accurately and we can base decisions on known vs. unknown. He refuses because he says he only wants to be in sales but it affects the whole family. He's great when he gets a deal and then we have to walk on eggshells when he's having a bad streak. I'm over it.

This has got to be a sarcastic post. If not and I was your DH, I would divorce your ass and make sure you didn't get a penny of my hard-earned money. You are the definition of gold-digger.

Anonymous wrote:A man who has an ivy undergrad, and masters, and is an attorney making low six figures, and is presumably reasonably attractive, is probably in the 95% percentile of males. But DC women have insane expectations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Money isn't everything. My DH is an excellent provider. We agree on everything financially. We save money and still have enough to buy nice clothes, he lets me furnish the home however I want, plan luxury vacations.

But he rarely wants to sleep with me.

What's the problem? This is the dream of every women on this forum.

Anonymous wrote:Money isn't everything. My DH is an excellent provider. We agree on everything financially. We save money and still have enough to buy nice clothes, he lets me furnish the home however I want, plan luxury vacations.

But he rarely wants to sleep with me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are both high achievers. He went to under grad and grad school at ivies but after few years opted for a gov job. I am 7 years younger but out warning him. We have two kids. He said when we were contemplating marriage that if we ever needed him to he would go into private practice and earn more. Fast forward 10years and we are still in dumpy apartment w two kids. I'm at my max earning potential. He refuses to leave gov job because he gets off on being on the "good side" and not being told what to do. I can't host family or send my kids to the local school, am up to my eyeballs in toys, and feel like total failure. Would leave DC any time but he refuses. I naively thought by the time we were at this point we would have household income that would buy decent house in decent school district. We are no where near that. I guess I'm venting.

It sounds to me that you are more upset that DH is not respecting the fact you are unhappy with your apartment lifestyle and location. I get this, because I used to live in an apartment when DS was born, and still dreamed of a single family home with a backyard and school within walking distance.

Instead of focusing on staying where you are and pushing DH to get a higher earning job, think about how to take into his desire to be on the "good side" with your desire for more space somewhere outside of DC. DH can work for a nonprofit or small business somewhere and you can move somewhere else.