Did all the posters blaming OP's wife's (inexcusable) behavior on PPD, breastfeeding, hormones, etc not read the part where OP said she sometimes acted like this BEFORE having kids? Yes, the hirmonal changes from being pregnant, giving birth, &/or breastfeeding could very well be causing her temper to be even worse than it already was but hormones are obviously not the only issue.

What a pathetic thread full of domestic violence defenders.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another poster here who is astounded by the hypocrisy on this thread. It's quite disturbing how many posters on this forum will try their best to excuse domestic violence & blame the victim whenever the wife is the abuser.

-NP who happens to be a woman

+1. Apparently we're free to rough up our children and spouses as long as we're breastfeeding. Good to know!

Not at all. But since we're not allowed to drop spouses off at the shelter, we have so solve the problems we identify. There are only two options: divorce and addressing issues with wife.

As a lawyer I can tell you he will not get sole custody, so failing to address wife's issues will not protect kids.

If he chooses to solve problems within marriage that must include counseling for her and probably meds, but also reducing stressors while she works on herself. She's apparently got anger and anxiety problems compounded by current stressors, and these problems can't be solved with meds and counseling alone. Lifestyle changes are necessary.

That's just a fact.

Anonymous wrote:Another poster here who is astounded by the hypocrisy on this thread. It's quite disturbing how many posters on this forum will try their best to excuse domestic violence & blame the victim whenever the wife is the abuser.

-NP who happens to be a woman

+1. Apparently we're free to rough up our children and spouses as long as we're breastfeeding. Good to know!

PP again. I hadn't read the whole thread but just read she is nursing. I'm 99% sure the rages are from the hormonal swings associated with breastfeeding. It's a thing. Dysphoric milk ejection reflex. Look it up.

Is she breastfeeding? Hormones can do a number on women. Every time a kid makes a mess, it's just one more thing for an already stressed parent to have to deal with. Show some compassion and just try to stay out of her way. It will get better but the messy toddler stage is one of the most frustrating times and if she is also working, I can imagine she is stretched to her limit. Is she taking care of herself? Does she get any rest or time to herself?

That outburst was avusive. I agree that she should look into counseling and meds. However if you want to make this marriage work -- assuming she does her part with treatment, self control, aplologies -- you have to change your lives. Does she commute so far so you can live near YOUR job? You just can't put in the time for therapy or stay calm if you are running yourself ragged like that.

I'm a Lawyer and I can tell you that I f you split, you're not getting sole custody (throwing a cell phone once won't break presumption of joint custody) and could face problems because she's nursing. So if you split, this commute thing would probably have to stop anyway because there's no way for her to do that commute as a functionally single parent on her days.

Bottom line, stay or go you aren't going to be able to coparent these kids or have this marriage with her in the car three hours per day.

She needs to quit nursing too. It's making her even more frazzled and if she's going on anxiety meds she can't nurse.

Anonymous wrote:op here. Alcohol is not involved, and I would be really surprised if drugs were involved. As I said, she has always been prone to irritability and a bad temper. It reared its head less often before 2 kids, and even less often before 1 kid. But it was there. It is true that breaking things is new. i just think that the stresses of balancing career and family have made her irritable most of the time. She has a long commute (90 minutes each way.) I do most of the shopping, cooking, laundry, and daily tidying up after everyone. Cleaning people come for the big stuff. Our younger one is going through a stage of being very clingy with her and wanting to nurse a lot. I fear that our different approaches to life--her being easily frustrated and me being even-tempered--is going to be very hard to manage, even if she manages to curb the outbursts. It really comes to the surface with kids.

That'll do it

Anonymous wrote:Another poster here who is astounded by the hypocrisy on this thread. It's quite disturbing how many posters on this forum will try their best to excuse domestic violence & blame the victim whenever the wife is the abuser.

-NP who happens to be a woman

This thread is reflective of how far this forum has fallen. It's now a haven for advocates of domestic violence.

It's not the same. DW is postpartum still nursing and hormonal. She sounds so frustrated who wouldn't be with that impossible schedule. Op isn't helping. His holier than thou attitude is so condescending and shaming. Your wife is doing her best. She shouldn't be rough with the children or break things, yes, but as her husband you are not taking care of your family. It's clearly too much for her right now. Why don't you offer to shoulder the financial burden so she can spend time resting and taking care of the children. It could save your marriage. And stop criticizing her!

Another poster here who is astounded by the hypocrisy on this thread. It's quite disturbing how many posters on this forum will try their best to excuse domestic violence & blame the victim whenever the wife is the abuser.

-NP who happens to be a woman

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last two guys: get f$cked and drop dead. You don't care about those kids. The DW for sure needs help but meds and compassion tend to be called for when a still nursing woman is apparently commuting 3 hrs a day and working same hours as DH. She's snapping but you two cockcreases want to make this more dramatic. It's pathetic of you both.

Go back to your MRA sites, losers. (And I hope your divorces destroyed you financially!).

LOL - you are an idiot... Figures you would defend an abusive woman based on how you just exploded on here... Wait a minute... IS THAT YOU??? Are you OP's wife???

By the way - the DW is not nursing any longer - as evidenced by the fact that the child is eating messing and getting food on the floor... Not that it matters. She is an abusive, unhinged, crazy. Again, if you read the thread and actually understood it, the OP stated that she had the same problems before the children were born.

Again, learn how to read before making comments.

You're an MRA who has decided OP's DW (not me, you idiot) is something that she may not be.

Also, you're perhaps functionally illiterate. The DW is nursing the younger DC, as written by OP. What was the last book you read, a blurb on Town Hall?

OP pretty much started his post by saying DW ruined Valentines Day. OP said in 2nd post that his wife WAS still nursing (02/14/2017 23:56) along with her FT WOH job and 3 hour commute (1.5hr each way!!!) then puts kids to bed at night one of whom is still very clingy and nursing (I did read and comprehend tho I am not PP you referred to.) I am truly trying to turn this around and see it as if this were a battered or emotionally abused wife writing but while I have a huge amount of compassion for everyone in this scenario I cannot get past the idea of OP setting himself up as so blameless in everything: if you come to DCUM there has to be some insight as to your part in the hell. I cannot see how - if OP as he said hadn't raised his even tempered voice before using this moment to tell this-as OP described angry/out of control woman in the heat of this that she needs patience being a very productive opening to what is truly an out of control situation. There instead has to be some recognition that the life you two have set up is unsustainable and unhealthy for all. Yep - OP may have a hard life? I did not see where he said that he might have a FT WOH job too (?) and OP say he does lots of the housework, but if you're adding on say even 1 hr to DW day (probably closer to 90m) if she only does bedtime with nursing (none in AM??) I just don't get why, given the stress level why he thinks coming in late to start making a 'celebratory dinner' on a week night was a great choice - especially as you'd think he must have already recognized that there was so much stress at home around meals! I don't think anyone is saying that OP's W being rough with kids isn't wrong but again in OP second post he goes on AGAIN about his remarkable even temper v DW anger but if he was so concerned - why hasn't he addressed before? Who cares about Valentines Day and how is he protecting the kids if he comes off mostly as prideful that he "rarely raises his voice": the family is out of control. DH or DW - it doesn't sound like either are looking out for the DC. If anyone needs counseling it's them

Anonymous wrote:Last two guys: get f$cked and drop dead. You don't care about those kids. The DW for sure needs help but meds and compassion tend to be called for when a still nursing woman is apparently commuting 3 hrs a day and working same hours as DH. She's snapping but you two cockcreases want to make this more dramatic. It's pathetic of you both.

Go back to your MRA sites, losers. (And I hope your divorces destroyed you financially!).

LOL - you are an idiot... Figures you would defend an abusive woman based on how you just exploded on here... Wait a minute... IS THAT YOU??? Are you OP's wife???

By the way - the DW is not nursing any longer - as evidenced by the fact that the child is eating messing and getting food on the floor... Not that it matters. She is an abusive, unhinged, crazy. Again, if you read the thread and actually understood it, the OP stated that she had the same problems before the children were born.

Again, learn how to read before making comments.

Last two guys: get f$cked and drop dead. You don't care about those kids. The DW for sure needs help but meds and compassion tend to be called for when a still nursing woman is apparently commuting 3 hrs a day and working same hours as DH. She's snapping but you two cockcreases want to make this more dramatic. It's pathetic of you both.

Go back to your MRA sites, losers. (And I hope your divorces destroyed you financially!).