Anonymous wrote:Men seriously just don't get this because of course nobody randomly just grabs their body. But I have had to explain to my husband even if I usually like your attention, it is really just annoying and invasive to have you walk by and stick your hand down my pants when I'm doing dishes or something. It's like they have this bizarre notion our body is there whenever they get the urge to touch it without ever considering we don't just want to have our tits grabbed while we are sitting on the couch. Even the good normal dudes seem to really not understand that women deserve autonomy and that being groped for their pleasure is not that cool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men seriously just don't get this because of course nobody randomly just grabs their body. But I have had to explain to my husband even if I usually like your attention, it is really just annoying and invasive to have you walk by and stick your hand down my pants when I'm doing dishes or something. It's like they have this bizarre notion our body is there whenever they get the urge to touch it without ever considering we don't just want to have our tits grabbed while we are sitting on the couch. Even the good normal dudes seem to really not understand that women deserve autonomy and that being groped for their pleasure is not that cool.

Just speaking for myself, I no longer have any idea how I can initiate sex in a way that my wife is comfortable with. I'm down to just asking directly -- which is fairly unsexy and usually results in a "no." On my way to this point, I've tried a lot of different things. Coming up behind her while she was doing something routine and kissing her neck has certainly been among the things I've tried. Climbing on her and trying to kiss her while she was sitting on the couch is another thing I've tried. When those things haven't provoked a positive response, I strike them off the list. When I've asked her how she might like me to initiate, she says she doesn't know. (Which I take to mean that she'd prefer I didn't initiate.)

I don't mean to deprive her of her autonomy or grope her for my pleasure, but she's not giving me a lot of cues about what would be welcome, and I'd prefer to avoid a sexless marriage if at all possible.

I don't know how that compares to other marriages where gropings have taken place.

Anonymous wrote:Men seriously just don't get this because of course nobody randomly just grabs their body. But I have had to explain to my husband even if I usually like your attention, it is really just annoying and invasive to have you walk by and stick your hand down my pants when I'm doing dishes or something. It's like they have this bizarre notion our body is there whenever they get the urge to touch it without ever considering we don't just want to have our tits grabbed while we are sitting on the couch. Even the good normal dudes seem to really not understand that women deserve autonomy and that being groped for their pleasure is not that cool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Dude, the thing you are missing is that she asked him not to grope her breasts IN FRONT OF THEIR CHILD. She didn't say "Don't ever touch me sexually again." She didn't say "We are just going to be roommates from now on." She said she didn't feel like it was appropriate for him to just reach over and fondle her breasts while they were sitting there watching TV. Until you have more information that rejection is happening elsewhere, you work with the facts in front of you. The facts in front of you say that she made a fairly reasonable request but used a snippy tone, and then despite trying to talk to him about it later, he continued acting like a jerk.

You need to learn to stop projecting your own issues onto other people's situations, or learn better reading comprehension, or both.

In front of a 17 month old who doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. Go clutch your pearls and be offended elsewhere. There was nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with her saying no, bit the angry response is something to be aware of.

You really need to grow up and learn how married life is, a 17 month old doesn't know what he was trying to do.

I'm guessing the kid was an excuse. If he'd waited until she went to the kitchen and started doing the same thing, I'm guessing that the response would have been more or less the same. Made up excuses just make the rejection that much more frustrating. Because the guy will often take them literally, fix the stated problem, and find that the rejection continues.

Where do you people get these things? The OP said they have sex 1-2x a week, that she's pregnant, that she's exhausted, and that the touching felt inappropriate. What about that - specifically that, not reading between any lines - makes you think it's an excuse?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Based on your description, your DH is being a bit of a baby. But you can err on the side of being the "grown up" and just say "I'm sorry I snapped at you, but ... [and then explain that you are uncomfortable when he does that, etc.]."

It's better to clear the air, then let him get sulky and resentful over what really doesn't sound like a big deal.

She did that. He became cold and stormed out of the house.

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Based on your description, your DH is being a bit of a baby. But you can err on the side of being the "grown up" and just say "I'm sorry I snapped at you, but ... [and then explain that you are uncomfortable when he does that, etc.]."

It's better to clear the air, then let him get sulky and resentful over what really doesn't sound like a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:I know everyone is going to freak out, but honestly, he is abusive. You have a toddler, you're pregnant, we know, and a normal man can empathize what that's like. You're exhausted. It was very big of you to apologize and try to communicate....Him talking to you like that, being stone cold, and storming out of the house... my guess would be he's cheating and setting up some weird rejection-while-gaslighting-you game for his advantage. He sounds self-centered and personality disordered. I'm sorry OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Dude, the thing you are missing is that she asked him not to grope her breasts IN FRONT OF THEIR CHILD. She didn't say "Don't ever touch me sexually again." She didn't say "We are just going to be roommates from now on." She said she didn't feel like it was appropriate for him to just reach over and fondle her breasts while they were sitting there watching TV. Until you have more information that rejection is happening elsewhere, you work with the facts in front of you. The facts in front of you say that she made a fairly reasonable request but used a snippy tone, and then despite trying to talk to him about it later, he continued acting like a jerk.

You need to learn to stop projecting your own issues onto other people's situations, or learn better reading comprehension, or both.

In front of a 17 month old who doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. Go clutch your pearls and be offended elsewhere. There was nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with her saying no, bit the angry response is something to be aware of.

You really need to grow up and learn how married life is, a 17 month old doesn't know what he was trying to do.

I'm guessing the kid was an excuse. If he'd waited until she went to the kitchen and started doing the same thing, I'm guessing that the response would have been more or less the same. Made up excuses just make the rejection that much more frustrating. Because the guy will often take them literally, fix the stated problem, and find that the rejection continues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Dude, the thing you are missing is that she asked him not to grope her breasts IN FRONT OF THEIR CHILD. She didn't say "Don't ever touch me sexually again." She didn't say "We are just going to be roommates from now on." She said she didn't feel like it was appropriate for him to just reach over and fondle her breasts while they were sitting there watching TV. Until you have more information that rejection is happening elsewhere, you work with the facts in front of you. The facts in front of you say that she made a fairly reasonable request but used a snippy tone, and then despite trying to talk to him about it later, he continued acting like a jerk.

You need to learn to stop projecting your own issues onto other people's situations, or learn better reading comprehension, or both.

In front of a 17 month old who doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. Go clutch your pearls and be offended elsewhere. There was nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with her saying no, bit the angry response is something to be aware of.

You really need to grow up and learn how married life is, a 17 month old doesn't know what he was trying to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are SO many things wrong with gender communications. OP, if you're smart and don't want a dead bedroom like most the people giving you advice , I suggest you approach this with an open mind. He's likely shutting you out because you're miles away from what he thinks the problem is. It engulfs him in grief to think he should have to spell out common courtesy to you.

Usually what upsets me most in these scenarios is that I'm an adult. I'm capable of making my own decisions. I love my spouse. Yet my spouse is talking to me like I don't care about her feelings and that I'm not capable of deciding when thinks are appropriate and taking her best interest in my decision making process also.

For example
DONT touch me !!! Like wtf. You invalidating me as a person when you make a demand like that , ignoring my desires. I don't need you snapping like that.
You should acknowledge him. "Hey honey, I love the effection. It just creeps me in front of our child.

If he left the house. He is super hurt and pissed that you don't trust his judgements. If you want a marriage and not a roommate , sincerely apologize to him and ignore the old hags here that have already ruined their marriages.

What absolute rubbish! Who starts grabbing like that in front of a kid? OP, your DH is a petulant child and you treated him just as he deserved it. And it is not "effection" it is affection. Do not take advice from people who have no clue what intimacy and marriage is about. You are not an object to be handled by him like a toy. All these pps saying he is right are making me so sad for where most women are still when it comes to their self esteem and valuing themselves as independent persons.

You're insane and probably either divorced because you're a cold woman or have been cheated on because you're only capable of emoting anger.

There is nothing wrong with her husband trying to instigate sex with his wife. Unless you're expected to be roommates. With this comes the non-sexual touching too, but if the intimacy is fine, expect non-intimate touch to also decline or stop completely. Yes, they both needed to communicate better, but there is no problem in expecting sex from your spouse whether you're the man or the woman. In reality, when people get married there is an expectation that sex is part of the deal. If it's not - and it's not medical - then one spouse has effectively broken the agreement. This can be fixed but if one spouse refuses, then there is no other option than to leave or conduct an affair. One choice is better as far as the courts of public opinion and law are concerned, but my sympathy usually lies with the spouse being turned down constantly and in a sexless marriage.

Sex is important. If you found out your husband had lunch with another woman one day you wouldn't leave him. If you found out he started to value this other woman's opinion over yours and had feelings you wouldn't leave him. The minute sex is involved (to include things like nude photos) all bets are off. If sex is important enough to nuke a marriage if your husband gets it elsewhere, it's important enough to address and come to an arrangement.

Dude, the thing you are missing is that she asked him not to grope her breasts IN FRONT OF THEIR CHILD. She didn't say "Don't ever touch me sexually again." She didn't say "We are just going to be roommates from now on." She said she didn't feel like it was appropriate for him to just reach over and fondle her breasts while they were sitting there watching TV. Until you have more information that rejection is happening elsewhere, you work with the facts in front of you. The facts in front of you say that she made a fairly reasonable request but used a snippy tone, and then despite trying to talk to him about it later, he continued acting like a jerk.

You need to learn to stop projecting your own issues onto other people's situations, or learn better reading comprehension, or both.

In front of a 17 month old who doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. Go clutch your pearls and be offended elsewhere. There was nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with her saying no, bit the angry response is something to be aware of.

You really need to grow up and learn how married life is, a 17 month old doesn't know what he was trying to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are SO many things wrong with gender communications. OP, if you're smart and don't want a dead bedroom like most the people giving you advice , I suggest you approach this with an open mind. He's likely shutting you out because you're miles away from what he thinks the problem is. It engulfs him in grief to think he should have to spell out common courtesy to you.

Usually what upsets me most in these scenarios is that I'm an adult. I'm capable of making my own decisions. I love my spouse. Yet my spouse is talking to me like I don't care about her feelings and that I'm not capable of deciding when thinks are appropriate and taking her best interest in my decision making process also.

For example
DONT touch me !!! Like wtf. You invalidating me as a person when you make a demand like that , ignoring my desires. I don't need you snapping like that.
You should acknowledge him. "Hey honey, I love the effection. It just creeps me in front of our child.

If he left the house. He is super hurt and pissed that you don't trust his judgements. If you want a marriage and not a roommate , sincerely apologize to him and ignore the old hags here that have already ruined their marriages.

What absolute rubbish! Who starts grabbing like that in front of a kid? OP, your DH is a petulant child and you treated him just as he deserved it. And it is not "effection" it is affection. Do not take advice from people who have no clue what intimacy and marriage is about. You are not an object to be handled by him like a toy. All these pps saying he is right are making me so sad for where most women are still when it comes to their self esteem and valuing themselves as independent persons.

You're insane and probably either divorced because you're a cold woman or have been cheated on because you're only capable of emoting anger.

There is nothing wrong with her husband trying to instigate sex with his wife. Unless you're expected to be roommates. With this comes the non-sexual touching too, but if the intimacy is fine, expect non-intimate touch to also decline or stop completely. Yes, they both needed to communicate better, but there is no problem in expecting sex from your spouse whether you're the man or the woman. In reality, when people get married there is an expectation that sex is part of the deal. If it's not - and it's not medical - then one spouse has effectively broken the agreement. This can be fixed but if one spouse refuses, then there is no other option than to leave or conduct an affair. One choice is better as far as the courts of public opinion and law are concerned, but my sympathy usually lies with the spouse being turned down constantly and in a sexless marriage.

Sex is important. If you found out your husband had lunch with another woman one day you wouldn't leave him. If you found out he started to value this other woman's opinion over yours and had feelings you wouldn't leave him. The minute sex is involved (to include things like nude photos) all bets are off. If sex is important enough to nuke a marriage if your husband gets it elsewhere, it's important enough to address and come to an arrangement.

Dude, the thing you are missing is that she asked him not to grope her breasts IN FRONT OF THEIR CHILD. She didn't say "Don't ever touch me sexually again." She didn't say "We are just going to be roommates from now on." She said she didn't feel like it was appropriate for him to just reach over and fondle her breasts while they were sitting there watching TV. Until you have more information that rejection is happening elsewhere, you work with the facts in front of you. The facts in front of you say that she made a fairly reasonable request but used a snippy tone, and then despite trying to talk to him about it later, he continued acting like a jerk.

You need to learn to stop projecting your own issues onto other people's situations, or learn better reading comprehension, or both.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe going in for a breast grope and getting rebuffed was the first time he was rejected, but I kind of doubt it. He should express himself better, and once again, I'm projecting, but there comes a time as a husband when there appears to be no way to express your desire for affection in a way that isn't met with negativity.

The true answer is often, "kids take it all, there is nothing left for you, so shut up and deal with it." That might be the unfortunate truth, but it's tough to hear.

And damaging to a marrriage. This is why men withdraw emotionally and make themselves either scarce or put up a wall. And by scarce I mean to the wife, not the kid.

You're kidding yourself if you think it doesn't also translate to scarcity for the kid, particularly if the scarcity is due to a man having an affair.

In correct. I can easily bang another woman and separate that time and compartmentalize that, then be home to play with my kid. Some people choose to out their efforts in elsewhere - like working long hours, drinking. If you invest a little time into an affair I is easily accomplished. Not that this guy is having an affair sonthe whole point is not worth discussing.

You can easily bang another woman and compartmentalize that. However, if I was married to you and discovered that you were banging another woman because I told you that I didn't want you to grope my breasts while we were sitting on the couch watching TV with our toddler, we would be getting divorced, which would in fact lead to scarcity.