Anonymous wrote:In my case my wife wanted kids and I guess telling her that I didn't ever want to have kids when we started dating as well as several times after we were married just wasn't clear enough. Unfortunately I have an over active sense of commitment and take my obligations far too seriously.

The sad thing is I used to like kids even if I never wanted any, now days I just don't want to be around any kids.

My hats off to the people who love and cherish their children, even the perfect child is no cake walk.

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Anonymous wrote:I had kids because that is what life is about, reproducing.

So the lives of those who can't or won't reproduce are about nothing?

Honestly, yes. Then you are just living to die.

Anonymous wrote:I was raised by a single mother without extended family. She gave me a good childhood in many ways, but we were very different people with different needs, priorities, and values. (Credit to her for loving AND liking me despite having very little in common with me!) Anyway, I grew up really wanting a larger, more secure family. Nothing's guaranteed, but I wanted a spouse, multiple siblings, and place to come home to - physically and emotionally.

That was part of it. Biology, the way a toddler snuggles up to you at bedtime, and the cocky idea that I could do a good job of it also played their own parts.

We have two kids under 4 now and I love them to bits, even when they make me want to pull my hair out. DH wants a third, but I'm feeling a bit 'touched out' to sign up for it right now.

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Anonymous wrote:My now-ex pressured me with the threat of divorce if I didn't relent and have our first child. We'd planned on having kids eventually but I was not yet ready. I gave in and he promptly made me the default parent and forced me to tank my career so he had free rein to pursue his.

I was the more talented and successful one but he used my pregnancy and breast feeding to paint me into the default parent corner. I eventually left.

After all he did, he actually ended up sucking at his job (big law) and being laid off in the big law purge a few years back.

Now i have 70/30 custody and do 100% of the doctors and dentist visits, organizing activities, and emotional support for our child. We have a great relationship and I'll never tell her that her origin story is so bleak. As she grows up she complains more and more about how her dad s always trying to make her do what he wants and "fox" what he sees as her flaws and misguided priorities. I tell her as calmly as I can that I understand and that sometimes it is hard for him to see other people's perspectives but she shouldn't take it personally.

I'm going to do my best to raise her to know she's in charge of her life.

I have always been a good parent but should not have had it forced on me. My life never recovered from having a child with a major asshole.

Own your choices, dear. No one "forced" you to get pregnant and have a child. Certainly not with a "major asshole." Maybe if you start accepting responsibility for your own choices you'll stop resenting your child so much.

NP here. No choice is ever made in a vacuum. It's not always so clearly black and white, especially when you're in a relationship. When her husband gave her an ultimatum, she took the best option available and hoped it would work out.

Anonymous wrote:Just know how completely bizarre this conversation is in the history of life on earth. All living beings procreate. That's how life continues. It is fundamental and basic to all life on earth. Only in the last 40 or 50 years has it become something people choose to do or not to do. It would sound as strange to someone in another time and culture as "why do you choose to eat?" or "why do you choose to sleep?" Having children does not need to be defended when it's the default condition of all life forms.

Speaking evolutionarily, your life technically is wasted if you don't pass along your genes. No need to get all maudlin and talk about Mother Theresa and all the other childless people out there who do good. Yes of course they improve the world while they are alive. But technically the point of life is to pass along your genes, in the long-term genetic competition within the species.