Anonymous wrote:For the record, I'm hiding in my car in the driveway reading this. So I have zero high ground to claim on how long my DH spends in the can.

Lol!

My husband has had a difficult digestive system, exacerbated by anxiety, for as long as I've known him. He can control it by eating better, which he rarely does.

Now that we have kids, he somehow manages his digestion with a 20 minute bathroom visit before they wake up in the morning and another 20 minute visit after they go to bed. During the work day, there's usually at least one 20 minute period in which I receive a barrage of "funny" things he has found on the internet, so I suspect he's in the restroom then too.

The point is that it's possible to be a responsible parent even if you have to spend incomprehensible amounts of time in the bathroom. When I'm unavailable, my husband sometimes takes our toddler into the bathroom with him, and they watch videos or sing or just chat about bathroom topics.

Anyway, OP, I think you should call his bluff. Force the parenting on him and see if the bathroom problems disappear. If he resorts to taking the kids into the bathroom with him, you can probably assume he needs the bathroom time, and then maybe you can work on dietary or medical changes with him.

Anonymous wrote:Op here-he can get OCD with interests. You know how a kid can get obsessive and want anything everything to do with paw patrol for 3 months and then suddenly he discovers Pj masks and then that's all he talks about for weeks. That's my husband with different things. I've made comments about him being OCD and he jokes and says he is but if I mention the ridiculous hours spent in the bathroom he says I'm exaggerating and he can't help it.

What you are describing is not ocd but add

Anonymous wrote:I do this (wife) to get away from everyone. I bring a phone or magazine and hide. Sometimes I run water or shower. Sometimes I put a cushion and pillow on the floor and nap!

I totally do this too.

It is very clear to me that he is addicted to porn.

I do this (wife) to get away from everyone. I bring a phone or magazine and hide. Sometimes I run water or shower. Sometimes I put a cushion and pillow on the floor and nap!

Prostrate troubles - takes forever to urinate.

For the record, I'm hiding in my car in the driveway reading this. So I have zero high ground to claim on how long my DH spends in the can.

He's shirking responsibilities. His comeuppance will be the monstrous hemorrhoids he gets from spending so much time sitting on the can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, after a long day at work, you nag the sh*t out of him to help with the kids and you wonder why he might act avoidantly?

Did I miss something where it stated that DH works and DW does not? What if DW also worked a full day, and then came home and had to deal with all the bedtime nonsense EVERY DAY while DH hid in the bathroom?

My DH has a very sensitive stomach - always has. And he can spend 10-20 minutes on the toilet. But not every night, at the same time, exactly when it's the witching hour. OP, I would tell your DH that you are making him a doctor's appt to discuss this issue, and that he needs to figure out a way to better support you.

DW just needs to open the bathroom door and throw a kid or two in there with him. "Long as you're going to sit there for an hour, you might as well give Larlo his bath."

Hahaha. This is not a medical problem. My DH started taking a really long time in the bathroom after we had kids. I called him out on avoiding responsibilities, and he copped to it. My SIL independently mentioned that my brother has the same habit.

We're onto you, men.

Schedule a twice a week gym or class for you and DH does dinner through bedtime himself. Or you go to class after dinner. If he has a legitimate health problem then he goes to doctor and gets that fixed.

He sounds lazy, selfish, and avoidant. The convenient timing of this stunt says it all. Eat, go escape in private for hours on end with a poop excuse, then emerge after the kids are tucked away and the dishes are done. Nice. I would not stand for this.