Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him he doesn't have to hug, in her presence. His body is his. Teach him to high five or wave a hello. If their relationship isn't close, that's the natural consequence to her behavior - maybe she will learn, maybe not. He might warm up over the course of the visit if she doesn't push; try explaining that to her.

We "force" our daughter to be polite.

She has to give hugs to certain people, and she has to say hello to others.

While I understand the argument against doing so, I know my child. She is very much like me, and she is not a people person. It took me to long to learn as an adult that you have to be nice even when you don't feel like it(I usually don't-my instinct is for the world to just leave me alone, except for my family). I would rather she learn that now.

Being polite doesn't mean hugs and kisses are required. One can be polite by making eye contact and engaging in conversation. Maybe even offering a handshake. But in the real world, adults aren't expected to hug and kiss others against their will.

Anonymous wrote:Nip this in the bud. Your son owns his body and "owes" affection to no one. What a horrible example to set, that affection can be "bought" for gifts or that "good children" give affection.

You are right, OP. Protect your child.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child/

+1.

NP. OP you are spot on correct in your assessment of inappropriate, but you seem to be taking no action to talk to her? AND you need to be teaching your child to use words, not just actions, to say "no I am uncomfortable with having to trade unwanted rouch for approval" in some kid lingo.
Hi Marybetty, Johnny is not looking forward to your visits anymore and I feel bad about that." I suspect she'll ask way and you need to be prepared to say why. You need to express in words clearly and without apology what he cannot. "He is not 'bad' for not touching adults when he doesn't want to. He knows when he is being manipulated and I see it too and it makes me uncomfortable not just for him, but because we are teaching him how not to be manipulated by people, especially for purposed of physical conact."

Anonymous wrote:Tell him he doesn't have to hug, in her presence. His body is his. Teach him to high five or wave a hello. If their relationship isn't close, that's the natural consequence to her behavior - maybe she will learn, maybe not. He might warm up over the course of the visit if she doesn't push; try explaining that to her.

We "force" our daughter to be polite.

She has to give hugs to certain people, and she has to say hello to others.

While I understand the argument against doing so, I know my child. She is very much like me, and she is not a people person. It took me to long to learn as an adult that you have to be nice even when you don't feel like it(I usually don't-my instinct is for the world to just leave me alone, except for my family). I would rather she learn that now.

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Anonymous wrote:This kind of thing has been happening since the beginning of time. Somehow we all survived...

And some of us were abused, molested, pressured into sex, or date raped because we were taught to go along, to be "good," to be liked.

You're making a huge leap there, drama queen.

Educate yourself.

Yes. Grandmas who want to hug and cuddle their infant through preschool grandchildren are child molesters and the epitome of all things evil, ESPECIALLY if the one giving affdction to the child happens to be your mother in law.



And we wonder why society is so broken. The women of dcum cannot even manage the most normal and innocent of family structures.

You are such a dumbass. The point is that children need to learn that their body belongs to them, and they don't HAVE to give affection to anyone. It's NICE if they WANT to give grandma a hug, but they don't HAVE to! The point is that they learn to trust their own instincts. Maybe they don't want to hug their uncle for a reason. Do you get it? Maybe they pick up on things that adults may not notice. Yes, of course the majority of grandparents are fine to hug. But the point is that you teach them that they don't owe affection to ANYONE, and that they ALWAYS get to make choices for THEIR BODY.

+1

+2

I had a relative that completely skeeved me out as a child and I could not explain why. Years later, I learned that he had been a pimp. Kids have great instincts!

+3!

I had an uncle who always gave me a creepy vibe, but seriously never laid a hand on me, even innocently. Couple years later, he molested my cousin.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The child who is not taught that s/he can refuse to hug a relative, is more likely to be a 15 year old who feels unable to refuse to give his or her BF a blowjob.

Oh please, I was taught to hug my grandparents and I had no issue speaking up when an "uncle" was making me uncomfortable and my parents agreed and made sure to keep him away and stop inviting him over when I was there. That is part of parenting to teach when it is ok and safe and when it is not.

Good info here. Sample size: 1.

Trust your instincts, but there is a healthy compromise you can consider. Otherwise you'll be on here complaining g a year from now that grandma seems closer to the cousins than to your kids.