Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I guess you've also had the same experience on DCUM as I have: if you want to get ugly, vitriolic comments on your parenting, just ask for advice about a kid with behavioral health challenges on one of the general boards. I will never forget the poster who told me that public school system had no obligation to teach my "bad" kid. The Kids With Special Needs board is a welcome exception that.

I remind myself that these are folks who are lucky enough not to have a high degree of difficulty kid, and that they have. no. clue.

Luck has nothing to do with that, it is a lot of hard work and a lot of discipline from the birth of the child. A lot of self control. I breastfed my kids exclusively for almost two years each, left a great job every time to stay for a year at home with each of the child and every time had to start all over with my career. lot of time spent with kids on weekends. homemad meals every day despite that I work sometimes 50-60 hours a week. Don't tell me about luck.

+100000000000000
There is no "luck."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I guess you've also had the same experience on DCUM as I have: if you want to get ugly, vitriolic comments on your parenting, just ask for advice about a kid with behavioral health challenges on one of the general boards. I will never forget the poster who told me that public school system had no obligation to teach my "bad" kid. The Kids With Special Needs board is a welcome exception that.

I remind myself that these are folks who are lucky enough not to have a high degree of difficulty kid, and that they have. no. clue.

Luck has nothing to do with that, it is a lot of hard work and a lot of discipline from the birth of the child. A lot of self control. I breastfed my kids exclusively for almost two years each, left a great job every time to stay for a year at home with each of the child and every time had to start all over with my career. lot of time spent with kids on weekends. homemad meals every day despite that I work sometimes 50-60 hours a week. Don't tell me about luck.

I did All those same things, except stayed home for longer and guess what? I have two kids with mental health issues. They are great kids but are subject to their brain chemistry that causes OCD, panic attacks, agoraphobia and resulting behavior issues, because when you are a kid and you have all that going on, you feel very out of control. I also have kids who don't have these problems. Your kids (and mine) have obviously benefitted from good parenting but don't kid yourself into thinking that those of us who struggle somehow didn't check all the boxes. Also, if your kids haven't been through adolescence yet, I wouldn't count out mental health issues arising, because that is often when they present.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I guess you've also had the same experience on DCUM as I have: if you want to get ugly, vitriolic comments on your parenting, just ask for advice about a kid with behavioral health challenges on one of the general boards. I will never forget the poster who told me that public school system had no obligation to teach my "bad" kid. The Kids With Special Needs board is a welcome exception that.

I remind myself that these are folks who are lucky enough not to have a high degree of difficulty kid, and that they have. no. clue.

Luck has nothing to do with that, it is a lot of hard work and a lot of discipline from the birth of the child. A lot of self control. I breastfed my kids exclusively for almost two years each, left a great job every time to stay for a year at home with each of the child and every time had to start all over with my career. lot of time spent with kids on weekends. homemad meals every day despite that I work sometimes 50-60 hours a week. Don't tell me about luck.

+1 Thank you for this.

Anonymous wrote:PP, I guess you've also had the same experience on DCUM as I have: if you want to get ugly, vitriolic comments on your parenting, just ask for advice about a kid with behavioral health challenges on one of the general boards. I will never forget the poster who told me that public school system had no obligation to teach my "bad" kid. The Kids With Special Needs board is a welcome exception that.

I remind myself that these are folks who are lucky enough not to have a high degree of difficulty kid, and that they have. no. clue.

Luck has nothing to do with that, it is a lot of hard work and a lot of discipline from the birth of the child. A lot of self control. I breastfed my kids exclusively for almost two years each, left a great job every time to stay for a year at home with each of the child and every time had to start all over with my career. lot of time spent with kids on weekends. homemad meals every day despite that I work sometimes 50-60 hours a week. Don't tell me about luck.

PP, I guess you've also had the same experience on DCUM as I have: if you want to get ugly, vitriolic comments on your parenting, just ask for advice about a kid with behavioral health challenges on one of the general boards. I will never forget the poster who told me that public school system had no obligation to teach my "bad" kid. The Kids With Special Needs board is a welcome exception that.

I remind myself that these are folks who are lucky enough not to have a high degree of difficulty kid, and that they have. no. clue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet 90% of a kid's problems stems from home.

parents too scared to discipline
too tired to talk
too selfish to sacrifice their time

shitty parenting

Now, on the flip side, the therapists with whom we deal in our job have been wackadoo quacks enabling poor parenting.

lose-lose

Actually, the greatest factor is genetics.

NP here, here. And a mom with an anxiety disorder raising a 12 year old DD with-- you guess it-- an anxiety disorder.

Strong marriage, stable family, safe and stable environment. DH and I knew she was starting from a genetic disadvantage in this area, and have worked hard to give her a safe, secure childhood and to make thoughtful parenting choices. She is a lovely person. We have not been perfect. But we have not been careless or negligent. And you might disagree with some of our parenting choices (attachment parenting? When to start a musical instrument? screen time limits?). But we made a good faith effort.

So: lousy genetics: check and lousy parenting: also check. I will accept 100% of the blame for DD's anxiety issues (okay, 85%. DH get some% of parenting blame too). I hope that DCUM feels the weight of its moral superiority.

But since we now find ourself in this situation, the question remains-- how to best help and support DD? And we've already tried Nana and Kale chips...

Anonymous wrote:What do you think of a therapist who says a psychiatrist is not a medical doctor?

I'd find a new therapist.

Anonymous wrote:What do you think of a therapist who says a psychiatrist is not a medical doctor?

PP here...I guess I need to point out that yes a psychiatrist actually IS a MEDICAL DOCTOR, who goes to medical school, makes diagnoses, and writes prescriptions for medications. Also noteworthy is a psychiatrist's credentials following their name: Dr. Shrink, M.D.

What do you think of a therapist who says a psychiatrist is not a medical doctor?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:an engaged grandparent, aunt, uncle or other family friend is better than any therapist for a teen. at least that's my opinion

I agree!! My mother has been a GOD SEND for my boys! She really is a safe place for them. She listens, does not judge and gives out so much unconditional love. I'm so glad to still have my amazing mom in my kids lives. I don't consider myself a bad parent, but nothing beats a loving grandmother.

This. Therapy will fill up the emptiness that some parents created in heir child's life, but it will not solve the problem in a long run. It is much easier for a parent to accept some mental health diagnosis, spend tons of time and money rather than admit that they failed as a parent and start working on their relations with child.

What about children who have healthy fulfilling relationships with their parents, but still suffer from depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or other mental health issues?

You didn't read my post carefully. If there is some emptiness in child's life, then it will be filled with depression, etc. Relations with parents are great and important, but not the only component of healthy child development.

Our child was in talk therapy for some time and it just wasn't working that well other than to provide a calm part of the day to talk to another adult. The child did start blaming other people for their problems as a result including teachers, coaches, etc. We'd spend most of the time talking to the therapist about issues she didn't see while my child waited outside. Once the neuropsych came back recommending skill based therapy, we were able to get the therapist to change tactics and now the therapy is going so much better. My child is regularly practicing the skills learned and reflecting on them and we are in the process of giving praise when those skills are being used. It's just so much more effective for both parties. There is so much information available to parents these days on how to help their child that a parent only needs therapist one on one for a specific situations. A CBT session for a child should really be 75% of the time in skill based learning and reflecting of the child and 25% in a group discussion with the child and parent.

Anonymous wrote:Many parents believe that if they plop their suicidal-anxious-depressed-substance abusing child in front of a therapist then the therapist can just magically make it all better in one hour per week while the parents do nothing in the family system to change the way they deal with the child or the other children in the home.

Therapy for an adolescent has to involve the PARENTS making major changes and the ones that I have seen are basically unwilling to do that. They just want their child fixed in an hour while they do nothing except pay the bill.

FU

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:an engaged grandparent, aunt, uncle or other family friend is better than any therapist for a teen. at least that's my opinion

I agree!! My mother has been a GOD SEND for my boys! She really is a safe place for them. She listens, does not judge and gives out so much unconditional love. I'm so glad to still have my amazing mom in my kids lives. I don't consider myself a bad parent, but nothing beats a loving grandmother.

This. Therapy will fill up the emptiness that some parents created in heir child's life, but it will not solve the problem in a long run. It is much easier for a parent to accept some mental health diagnosis, spend tons of time and money rather than admit that they failed as a parent and start working on their relations with child.

What about children who have healthy fulfilling relationships with their parents, but still suffer from depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or other mental health issues?

Meds and lots and lots of yoga, meditation, exercise and practicing good social skills to make and keep friends.

Sorry, but yoga and friendships don't cure or even treat bipolar, schizophrenia, and other mental disorders. Help manage? Yes. Treat or cure?Not even.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:an engaged grandparent, aunt, uncle or other family friend is better than any therapist for a teen. at least that's my opinion

I agree!! My mother has been a GOD SEND for my boys! She really is a safe place for them. She listens, does not judge and gives out so much unconditional love. I'm so glad to still have my amazing mom in my kids lives. I don't consider myself a bad parent, but nothing beats a loving grandmother.

This. Therapy will fill up the emptiness that some parents created in heir child's life, but it will not solve the problem in a long run. It is much easier for a parent to accept some mental health diagnosis, spend tons of time and money rather than admit that they failed as a parent and start working on their relations with child.

What about children who have healthy fulfilling relationships with their parents, but still suffer from depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or other mental health issues?

Meds and lots and lots of yoga, meditation, exercise and practicing good social skills to make and keep friends.

Anonymous wrote:So do all these PPs not believe that mental illness is real? Tenn problems are either the logical result of shitty parenting or something they can resolve by just talking to an aunt? How is this any better than the people who think you can just pray the sins away?

I do hope none of YOUR children end up with a real mental health condition, because they will probably be adults who have gone through many difficult years before they get help.

I believe in mental health problems and know they exist. The best improvement that I have seen with mental health problems is through chemical balancing, ie medicine, exercise, eating right. Emotional distress improves more with meditation and other calming techniques and having a good reliable person you can trust to help you solve problems. I haven't seen tremendous progress made with therapists on the whole.