Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about the points below:

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

He is a lazy, selfish, unskilled lover and has gotten fat. I can't be bothered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a woman that does not want kids because she can't imagine her life changing.

Or... You need a woman that will have kids but have a nanny raise them so they don't get in the way. Maybe she can use a surrogate. Somebody that is willing to get plastic surgery so her wrinkles don't turn you off.

Um, no. You simply need a woman who actually values her marriage enough to prioritize even 60 minutes per week for intimacy.
No nanny, surrogate, or plastic surgeon required. Just a wife with a shred of loyalty to her marriage vows.

Bullshit.

There are plenty of men complaining about once a week. They complain that bedtime routine takes 1 hour, poor little bunny doesn't get attention every night.

Plenty of guys won't screw their wife if they gain 20 lbs.

The expections put on wives is to make 50 % of the money do 75% of the housework, do 75% of the child rearing, manage all family relations and to have sex like a porn star and to look like a model.

A small percentage are in sexless marriages. Many men describe their life as "sexless" even though they get sex weekly.

This.

Woman here. I think that's an unfair generalization.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In no particular order: kids, stress, overwork, money worries, sleep deprivation, unhealthy lifestyle/bad diet/lack of exercise, too much alcohol (to relax after a stressful day), various medications that affect libido....i.e. the modern age is full of these things that interfere with intimacy.

If you had into all of these things existing relationship problems then it can be difficult to prioritize sex.

The ladies of DCUM are always talking about "red flags" in potential male husbands. So as a single 33 year old guy, what are the red flags that I should be looking for that would cause a woman to de-prioritize sex in a long term relationship? How can I make sure she doesn't fall prey to all this stuff above and continues to reflect what she advertised during the dating phase?

Dude you are so pathetic cruising DCUM with your mysoginistic fears about women not "reflecting what she advertised during the dating phase." You're 33, not 18! Women don't "fall prey" to kids, stress, overwork, money worries, sleep deprivation ... that's called being a working mother. The point of a marriage is to support each other, not to demand that your partner stay exactly the same as they were when they were young and had no responsibilities. I hope at the least that you don't have kids if you get married (but probably you should not get married at all).

You make it sound like sex a couple times per week is simply impossible. You are exactly the type of wife the PP wants to avoid.

PP, obviously the dating period is when you must ensure sexual compatibility, both by actually having good/frequent sex, and by discussing how your prospective views sex. Have serious talks about the role of sex in marriage, just as you would finances, kids, or any other significant issue. You are ahead of the game by researching on DCUM the kinds of sexual issues that come up. Talk about all of this before buying that ring.

This. There is no *type* of woman to look for. Sporty, not sporty. Fit, not fit. That has nothing to do with it. There are some women who are very into their appearance and want to be pursued, but they don't necessarily have a healthy view of the role of sex in a marriage. Same with men, by the way.

The best thing to do is to talk and try to get a sense of how a potential future spouse views sex in a relationship. That's the only way you'll know that, whatever happens, you will always be able to work through things with your spouse and trust that you and your spouse are on the same page as far as expectations and priorities and how to navigate tough times.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a woman that does not want kids because she can't imagine her life changing.

Or... You need a woman that will have kids but have a nanny raise them so they don't get in the way. Maybe she can use a surrogate. Somebody that is willing to get plastic surgery so her wrinkles don't turn you off.

Um, no. You simply need a woman who actually values her marriage enough to prioritize even 60 minutes per week for intimacy.
No nanny, surrogate, or plastic surgeon required. Just a wife with a shred of loyalty to her marriage vows.

Bullshit.

There are plenty of men complaining about once a week. They complain that bedtime routine takes 1 hour, poor little bunny doesn't get attention every night.

Plenty of guys won't screw their wife if they gain 20 lbs.

The expections put on wives is to make 50 % of the money do 75% of the housework, do 75% of the child rearing, manage all family relations and to have sex like a porn star and to look like a model.

A small percentage are in sexless marriages. Many men describe their life as "sexless" even though they get sex weekly.

This.

I think the "Pervy Perv" poster has valid points, but maybe that's because sex is a top priority for me. Women with a high sex drive go through the same thing. I speak from experience. I talked openly about my need for sex. My exes swore they were also high drive. Then one day, they just weren't.

PP, the shared habit of both of my high drive partners was they both routinely woke me up in the middle of the night for sex. It was a high priority and it didn't fade. I wasn't able to maintain a relationship with one of those partners. Our personalities clashed too much. I'm still happily together with the other.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schedule is the biggest culprit.

"Schedule" is bullshit. You just aren't prioritizing sex. You're busy with work, kids, pets, exercise, etc.? OK, but there are 168 hours in the week, don't tell me you can't set ONE of those hours aside for sex. Stop putting sex at the bottom of the list and letting "other things" push sex off the list.

WHY you don't want to prioritize sex is the real question.

Spoken like a man who would put sex before kids, work, pets, exercise, etc.

Grow up, perv.

Math is hard. Especially for women.

One hour a week for sex leaves 167 other hours for kids, work, pets, exercise, etc. -- and that's plenty of time.

Logic is hard. Especially for women.

If you don't have sex then your kids, work, pets, exercise, etc. -- i.e., your whole life -- will suffer because your spouse will divorce you or cheat. (And if you are a woman, all the other women on DCUM will cheer you on for doing so.)

Grow up, twat.

Text your mom from the basement, you sound hungry and cranky. She needs to bring you some food.

What I'm going to do is teach my son to avoid women who think wanting one hour of sex a week makes you a "perv", "emotionally immature" with "unrealistic expectations", and a "a typical d!ck who speaks from and for his penis." There are lots of women out there, and he doesn't need one with that kind of obnoxious attitude.

Good grief, listen to yourselves. YOU ARE CRAZY. It is entirely possible, reasonable, and necessary to have sex on a regular basis, despite your "schedule".

OK - let us know how that goes.

And why are you spending so much time on a MOM website when you should be banging your hot, submissive wife 24x7? Oh wait - she's fictitious.

Apparently math AND reading comprehension are hard for women.

1 hour a week is NOT "24/7".

There is plenty of time to troll DCUM in the 167 hours of the week when I'm not having sex with the wife.

Anonymous wrote:Then go back and review what it means to be married. It is a sexual relationship. And if you can't prioritize even 1 hour per week, you probably should not be married.

And if he can't even prioritize one date a month, neither should he.

The sense of entitlement is really fucking offputting, guys. No woman wants to be seen as a foregone conclusion. If you treat sex as an expectation, so will we.

You want us to keep it sexy? Keep it sexy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a woman that does not want kids because she can't imagine her life changing.

Or... You need a woman that will have kids but have a nanny raise them so they don't get in the way. Maybe she can use a surrogate. Somebody that is willing to get plastic surgery so her wrinkles don't turn you off.

Um, no. You simply need a woman who actually values her marriage enough to prioritize even 60 minutes per week for intimacy.
No nanny, surrogate, or plastic surgeon required. Just a wife with a shred of loyalty to her marriage vows.

Bullshit.

There are plenty of men complaining about once a week. They complain that bedtime routine takes 1 hour, poor little bunny doesn't get attention every night.

Plenty of guys won't screw their wife if they gain 20 lbs.

The expections put on wives is to make 50 % of the money do 75% of the housework, do 75% of the child rearing, manage all family relations and to have sex like a porn star and to look like a model.

A small percentage are in sexless marriages. Many men describe their life as "sexless" even though they get sex weekly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a woman that does not want kids because she can't imagine her life changing.

Or... You need a woman that will have kids but have a nanny raise them so they don't get in the way. Maybe she can use a surrogate. Somebody that is willing to get plastic surgery so her wrinkles don't turn you off.

Um, no. You simply need a woman who actually values her marriage enough to prioritize even 60 minutes per week for intimacy.
No nanny, surrogate, or plastic surgeon required. Just a wife with a shred of loyalty to her marriage vows.

100% agree. Why do so many women think being a good mom and being a good wife are mutually exclusive? You took VOWS to your partner. Stop treating them like an option, an afterthought, or a bank account!! They are so much more than that!

Vows - wtf? I missed the part where I vowed to have sex 1 hr/wk.

What did you vow then?

He can't seem to tear himself away from stupid phone games or whatever he is doing on his phone. Drinks beer and falls asleep on the couch. I have been doing most of the initiating, and he easily gets turned on, but I'm going to see how many days/weeks it takes for him to come to me. I wonder if he'd be sad if he knew most nights I was lying in bed thinking about having sex with him, but he can't put down the phone.

Then go back and review what it means to be married. It is a sexual relationship. And if you can't prioritize even 1 hour per week, you probably should not be married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a woman that does not want kids because she can't imagine her life changing.

Or... You need a woman that will have kids but have a nanny raise them so they don't get in the way. Maybe she can use a surrogate. Somebody that is willing to get plastic surgery so her wrinkles don't turn you off.

Um, no. You simply need a woman who actually values her marriage enough to prioritize even 60 minutes per week for intimacy.
No nanny, surrogate, or plastic surgeon required. Just a wife with a shred of loyalty to her marriage vows.

100% agree. Why do so many women think being a good mom and being a good wife are mutually exclusive? You took VOWS to your partner. Stop treating them like an option, an afterthought, or a bank account!! They are so much more than that!

Vows - wtf? I missed the part where I vowed to have sex 1 hr/wk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a woman that does not want kids because she can't imagine her life changing.

Or... You need a woman that will have kids but have a nanny raise them so they don't get in the way. Maybe she can use a surrogate. Somebody that is willing to get plastic surgery so her wrinkles don't turn you off.

Um, no. You simply need a woman who actually values her marriage enough to prioritize even 60 minutes per week for intimacy.
No nanny, surrogate, or plastic surgeon required. Just a wife with a shred of loyalty to her marriage vows.

100% agree. Why do so many women think being a good mom and being a good wife are mutually exclusive? You took VOWS to your partner. Stop treating them like an option, an afterthought, or a bank account!! They are so much more than that!

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about the points below:

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

#1 - the way he speaks to me and ignores my sexual preferences.
#2 - Yes, still attracted to plenty of men.
#3 - Bad communication and his priorities (ie - my interests aren't high on his list)
#4 - kinda

Anonymous wrote:You need a woman that does not want kids because she can't imagine her life changing.

Or... You need a woman that will have kids but have a nanny raise them so they don't get in the way. Maybe she can use a surrogate. Somebody that is willing to get plastic surgery so her wrinkles don't turn you off.

Um, no. You simply need a woman who actually values her marriage enough to prioritize even 60 minutes per week for intimacy.
No nanny, surrogate, or plastic surgeon required. Just a wife with a shred of loyalty to her marriage vows.