Also, many Phd programs are funded -- that's common in the academic world. That is not the case with professional schools -- law, business, medicine. Students (or their parents) pay except to the extent the qualify for financial aid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If $200k isn't enough for college, the kids have the option to

A: pick a cheaper (state school) university
B: get scholarships
C: take out loans

This fucking bullshit idea that parents owe their kids a $500k full ride to a private university AND grad school, my god...

+1....absolutely absurd. My parents helped with college, I got a scholarship, and loans covered the rest. I never expected that they would have saved that much.

Seriously! My parents saved nothing for me, and I found scholarships and state tuition and made sure I had full coverage during my PhD. Graduated from a prestigious program with only 5k in debt (needed for wisdom teeth extractions). Kids are more resilient than the overly sheltered parents on this board give them credit for.

OK, are you (and any spouse/parent) in a high earning or modest earning field? If you are in a modest earning field - perhaps an academic or in government -- your perspective is perfectly understandable. But if you have a family income of say $500k, then you are in the position of choosing between more of your own lifestyle or a more expensive education for your children. In that case, do you tell your kids they are on their own for grad school, you won't pay more than a state school tuition undergrad, anything else they must do with loans or win scholarships -- just because you want to teach them to fend for themselves? Sorry junior -- we didn't think you'd be Harvard material (or Stanford, MIT, Williams, whatever) and we realize you think that's a great opportunity - but we won't spend $60,000+ annually because you can go to U of MD and get a good education there and don't need the brand name hype. Some people will affirmatively promote that style of parenting - I get it. But having been a kid like you who had to scrape my way through it all with minimal family help, I know there were many opportunities I missed out on and would have a hard time justifying taking that position for my kid if I were able to do more. Let's not be so quick to judge.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - We have grandparents paying that amount for private school. Otherwise, I don't think it's worth it at all, at least not for people at our SES (we make about $400k).

Good God. YOu make 400k and still get grandparents help??

They're into it because they're more of the old school types who think that their grandkids are "too good" for public schools. That's basically what it boils down to. So, if they really insist, why fight it?

I'm just saying that we would never in a million years be willing to pay these tuition rates if it were coming out of our own pocket.

Hmm - did they a choice in spouse? sex of child? Creepy.

It's not creepy, its totally normal in the upper class and even some portions of the UMC of this country for multiple generations going back. Private school isn't an if, it's a expectation, and whether it's paid out of a trust or by older family members looking to reduce their estate, it has always been done. My mother had a trust established by great grandparents that paid for her and her siblings private schools, sleep away camps, and braces. And a nice pot was left over once they were adults. It's just how things are done in certain families. Just because you aren't familiar with this world doesn't make it "creepy".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If $200k isn't enough for college, the kids have the option to

A: pick a cheaper (state school) university
B: get scholarships
C: take out loans

This fucking bullshit idea that parents owe their kids a $500k full ride to a private university AND grad school, my god...

+1....absolutely absurd. My parents helped with college, I got a scholarship, and loans covered the rest. I never expected that they would have saved that much.

Of course parents don't owe kids this. But we're talking about people who are spending $70k per year on private middle school. We already know they have this money. The question is whether it would be better spent later in the child's education.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If $200k isn't enough for college, the kids have the option to

A: pick a cheaper (state school) university
B: get scholarships
C: take out loans

This fucking bullshit idea that parents owe their kids a $500k full ride to a private university AND grad school, my god...

+1....absolutely absurd. My parents helped with college, I got a scholarship, and loans covered the rest. I never expected that they would have saved that much.

Seriously! My parents saved nothing for me, and I found scholarships and state tuition and made sure I had full coverage during my PhD. Graduated from a prestigious program with only 5k in debt (needed for wisdom teeth extractions). Kids are more resilient than the overly sheltered parents on this board give them credit for.

Right?

Oh noes, my parents only covered $200k of my post K-12 education after they blew $7k a month on my K-12 education and I had to pay some of it, how will I survive!?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a similar position to OP, our kids would go to wonderful Carderock elementary in Bethesda but instead we pay $6k / month of our $13k take home for them to go to private. We love the private and it's worth it to us.

We live near there and I've heard Carderock Elementary described as having a private school feel. You really might want to give it a shot for a year unless there are special needs keeping you away.

I think OP posted that they're doing private for grades 6-12 so I assume she's doing piblic through fifth grade.

That's what OP posted, but I just said I am sending my kids to a private elementary instead of Carderock.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a similar position to OP, our kids would go to wonderful Carderock elementary in Bethesda but instead we pay $6k / month of our $13k take home for them to go to private. We love the private and it's worth it to us.

We live near there and I've heard Carderock Elementary described as having a private school feel. You really might want to give it a shot for a year unless there are special needs keeping you away.

I think OP posted that they're doing private for grades 6-12 so I assume she's doing piblic through fifth grade.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If $200k isn't enough for college, the kids have the option to

A: pick a cheaper (state school) university
B: get scholarships
C: take out loans

This fucking bullshit idea that parents owe their kids a $500k full ride to a private university AND grad school, my god...

+1....absolutely absurd. My parents helped with college, I got a scholarship, and loans covered the rest. I never expected that they would have saved that much.

Seriously! My parents saved nothing for me, and I found scholarships and state tuition and made sure I had full coverage during my PhD. Graduated from a prestigious program with only 5k in debt (needed for wisdom teeth extractions). Kids are more resilient than the overly sheltered parents on this board give them credit for.

Anonymous wrote:If $200k isn't enough for college, the kids have the option to

A: pick a cheaper (state school) university
B: get scholarships
C: take out loans

This fucking bullshit idea that parents owe their kids a $500k full ride to a private university AND grad school, my god...

We don't "owe" it to them, we have done well in life and want to help them out. Life will be tough enough as it is. I'm able to ease their path a bit and am more than happy to do so.

(also, 200K seems low. In this year, 2016, tuition plus living expenses at many good colleges is 60K at least. What will it be in 7-8 years from now?).

Anonymous wrote:If $200k isn't enough for college, the kids have the option to

A: pick a cheaper (state school) university
B: get scholarships
C: take out loans

This fucking bullshit idea that parents owe their kids a $500k full ride to a private university AND grad school, my god...

+1....absolutely absurd. My parents helped with college, I got a scholarship, and loans covered the rest. I never expected that they would have saved that much.

If $200k isn't enough for college, the kids have the option to

A: pick a cheaper (state school) university
B: get scholarships
C: take out loans

This fucking bullshit idea that parents owe their kids a $500k full ride to a private university AND grad school, my god...

Anonymous wrote:In a similar position to OP, our kids would go to wonderful Carderock elementary in Bethesda but instead we pay $6k / month of our $13k take home for them to go to private. We love the private and it's worth it to us.

We live near there and I've heard Carderock Elementary described as having a private school feel. You really might want to give it a shot for a year unless there are special needs keeping you away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - We have grandparents paying that amount for private school. Otherwise, I don't think it's worth it at all, at least not for people at our SES (we make about $400k).

Good God. YOu make 400k and still get grandparents help??

They're into it because they're more of the old school types who think that their grandkids are "too good" for public schools. That's basically what it boils down to. So, if they really insist, why fight it?

I'm just saying that we would never in a million years be willing to pay these tuition rates if it were coming out of our own pocket.

Hmm - did they a choice in spouse? sex of child? Creepy.

Anonymous wrote:Agree, where are the parents who pay out of earned income?
Fwiw, we are in upper elementary and with us there are 10 I would say that mostly pay out of pocket.

38K a year for two in Catholic HS. Full pay, no FA. On the 10 month payment plan less enrollment deposits, it's about $3700/mo. More than mortgage payment. HHI is 500K+, sometimes a lot more so, so we can afford it.

What was the OP's question - does it hurt? Yes. Is it worth it? I think/hope/expect so, but do I have doubts that we're putting 160K into an education that could be had for free? It was important to DW, and peace at home has a price. Sometimes a very specific one.

In a similar position to OP, our kids would go to wonderful Carderock elementary in Bethesda but instead we pay $6k / month of our $13k take home for them to go to private. We love the private and it's worth it to us.