Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The guy and the girl were both drunk off their asses. I feel sorry for both of them that they made such bad decisions.

The decision to get drunk is nowhere near the magnitude of the decision to rape someone. Many, MANY men get drunk and do not rape anyone.

And this is the huge problem with the way our society views drinking. It's given approval as acceptable, yet we never know for absolutely sure how our bodies will react. Many people can't make a rational decision while drunk. George Huguely is a similar example. It's beyond scary what CAN happen, and lives are ruined forever.

That sounds like a problem with people who are sick in the head, not the victims. Getting drunk doesn't turn you into a rapist. And in this case, the girl was actually physically passed out, so it really doesn't matter if she DID say yes at some point. Once someone is unconscious, there is no consent. Ever.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am literally nauseous reading the posts trying to excuse this rapist.

He is not being excused, but it's naive to trust everyone at a party to care about our personal safety. So, right or wrong, fair or not, we need to take steps to look out for ourselves. I remember reading a poster talking about her experience on the metro. When she found herself alone in a car, she switched to another one. That's being smart. Doesn't mean she's 100% safe. Doesn't mean an attacker doesn't deserve punishment.

And by your rationale the woman who was raped on metro 6 weeks ago wasn't paying attention to her safety because she didn't switch cars so that's her fault.

Are you intentionally misinterpreting, restating, and omitting portions of people's comments? Have you read the comments about no one can be completely safe? Have you listened to any grieving parent after the death of a high school or college-aged student where drinking and/or drugs were involved?

Anonymous wrote:Every single woman in this thread knows she has at some point drank too much and if she has a daughter, her daughter will undoubtedly one night or more in college drink too much because that's what happens. You misjudge your tolerance, you're having a good time, and suddenly you're hammered. There but for the grace of God did I never end up raped behind a dumpster when I had too much to drink at 21, and same goes for all of you. And if you have a daughter who at some point will go to parties or bars, you need to think very, very carefully about assigning blame to this girl because it could happen to your daughter just as easily and I highly doubt you would be so sanguine about her "role" in being victimized as you are right now

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am literally nauseous reading the posts trying to excuse this rapist.

He is not being excused, but it's naive to trust everyone at a party to care about our personal safety. So, right or wrong, fair or not, we need to take steps to look out for ourselves. I remember reading a poster talking about her experience on the metro. When she found herself alone in a car, she switched to another one. That's being smart. Doesn't mean she's 100% safe. Doesn't mean an attacker doesn't deserve punishment.

And by your rationale the woman who was raped on metro 6 weeks ago wasn't paying attention to her safety because she didn't switch cars so that's her fault.

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Anonymous wrote:I can understand the sentence. It was basically a hookup at a frat party gone wrong. It doesn't make sense to send one party to prison for years.. There's no way to know when she became unconscious, but it was probably later rather than sooner.

No, IT WAS A RAPE, you idiot

Do you think a woman ever bears any responsibility re staying sober, not trusting drunk strangers, not walking down a street at 2 a.m. alone, etc? We're not doing any favors to perpetuate the myth that women can be and do anything they want and go anywhere they want without being responsible for their own safety to the degree possible. That's beyond naive and truly not very smart.

If I stand naked in the street at 2:00 am it doesn't give anyone the right to rape me.

If a guy comes up to you at 2am, while you're both drunk, and asks you to go have sex with him, and you go with him, is that rape?

If, along the way, you fall over and pass out, and instead of helping you up, he drags you behind a dumpster and has sex with you, yes.

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Anonymous wrote:I can understand the sentence. It was basically a hookup at a frat party gone wrong. It doesn't make sense to send one party to prison for years.. There's no way to know when she became unconscious, but it was probably later rather than sooner.

No, IT WAS A RAPE, you idiot

Do you think a woman ever bears any responsibility re staying sober, not trusting drunk strangers, not walking down a street at 2 a.m. alone, etc? We're not doing any favors to perpetuate the myth that women can be and do anything they want and go anywhere they want without being responsible for their own safety to the degree possible. That's beyond naive and truly not very smart.

Well lucky for you this woman got her comeuppance, huh? That'll teach her!!

You're misinterpreting what I said. Think what you want, but I believe women need to think smart for their own safety as much as is humanly possible. I think the same for men. No one deserves to be hurt, raped, killed, maimed, etc.; and no one can ever be completely safe.

If you're ever raped, I presume you'll blame yourself, then. Surely you would have done something that caused it to happen to you.

If you counsel young men and women in any capacity, I hope you'll instill the idea that we all need to be on the lookout for dangerous situations and not trust people who don't care what happens to us and may even cause harm. It's part of the basic teaching we share with middle and high school students re drug and alcohol safety. Doesn't mean we're assigning blame. It's about safety.

Stop talking

NP here. why stop talking? aren't you going to tell your children that bad things can happen to them if they get so drunk they blackout? Yes he raped her. Yes he was wrong. But I am certainly going to tell my daughter to be careful and safe.

And what are you going to tell your son?

I don't have a son so didn't address that.

Good, I feel a little safer in the world knowing that fact.

Did you take the time to read the previous posts?? It's all about safety for men AND women. Very possibly he wouldn't have raped a woman and basically ruined his life if he'd been sober.

Anonymous wrote:I was gang raped in a German train station. I had too much to drink, and that is why the police wouldn't press charges. They said I wasn't in the position to say no.

I can't read these stories, because it hurts my brain. I have never been the same, and I know that neither of these people will be either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]Every single woman in this thread knows she has at some point drank too much[/b] and if she has a daughter, her daughter will undoubtedly one night or more in college drink too much because that's what happens. You misjudge your tolerance, you're having a good time, and suddenly you're hammered. There but for the grace of God did I never end up raped behind a dumpster when I had too much to drink at 21, and same goes for all of you. And if you have a daughter who at some point will go to parties or bars, you need to think very, very carefully about assigning blame to this girl because it could happen to your daughter just as easily and I highly doubt you would be so sanguine about her "role" in being victimized as you are right now

We're not assigning blame to say that all of us need to be careful about what we're doing and trying our best to avoid dangerous situations. Can we be 100% safe? Of course not. Think about poor Natalie Hollowell. But we can damn sure try our best. Our sons and daughters [i][u]need to hear that message loud and clear.

Bolded is not true. Woman here. I'm middle-aged and have never been drunk. My family is one of non-drinkers. I'm hoping my daughter (and son) never drink.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand the sentence. It was basically a hookup at a frat party gone wrong. It doesn't make sense to send one party to prison for years.. There's no way to know when she became unconscious, but it was probably later rather than sooner.

No, IT WAS A RAPE, you idiot

Do you think a woman ever bears any responsibility re staying sober, not trusting drunk strangers, not walking down a street at 2 a.m. alone, etc? We're not doing any favors to perpetuate the myth that women can be and do anything they want and go anywhere they want without being responsible for their own safety to the degree possible. That's beyond naive and truly not very smart.

Well lucky for you this woman got her comeuppance, huh? That'll teach her!!

You're misinterpreting what I said. Think what you want, but I believe women need to think smart for their own safety as much as is humanly possible. I think the same for men. No one deserves to be hurt, raped, killed, maimed, etc.; and no one can ever be completely safe.

If you're ever raped, I presume you'll blame yourself, then. Surely you would have done something that caused it to happen to you.

If you counsel young men and women in any capacity, I hope you'll instill the idea that we all need to be on the lookout for dangerous situations and not trust people who don't care what happens to us and may even cause harm. It's part of the basic teaching we share with middle and high school students re drug and alcohol safety. Doesn't mean we're assigning blame. It's about safety.

Stop talking

NP here. why stop talking? aren't you going to tell your children that bad things can happen to them if they get so drunk they blackout? Yes he raped her. Yes he was wrong. But I am certainly going to tell my daughter to be careful and safe.

And what are you going to tell your son?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]Every single woman in this thread knows she has at some point drank too much[/b] and if she has a daughter, her daughter will undoubtedly one night or more in college drink too much because that's what happens. You misjudge your tolerance, you're having a good time, and suddenly you're hammered. There but for the grace of God did I never end up raped behind a dumpster when I had too much to drink at 21, and same goes for all of you. And if you have a daughter who at some point will go to parties or bars, you need to think very, very carefully about assigning blame to this girl because it could happen to your daughter just as easily and I highly doubt you would be so sanguine about her "role" in being victimized as you are right now

We're not assigning blame to say that all of us need to be careful about what we're doing and trying our best to avoid dangerous situations. Can we be 100% safe? Of course not. Think about poor Natalie Hollowell. But we can damn sure try our best. Our sons and daughters [i][u]need to hear that message loud and clear.

Bolded is not true. Woman here. I'm middle-aged and have never been drunk. My family is one of non-drinkers. I'm hoping my daughter (and son) never drink.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand the sentence. It was basically a hookup at a frat party gone wrong. It doesn't make sense to send one party to prison for years.. There's no way to know when she became unconscious, but it was probably later rather than sooner.

No, IT WAS A RAPE, you idiot

Do you think a woman ever bears any responsibility re staying sober, not trusting drunk strangers, not walking down a street at 2 a.m. alone, etc? We're not doing any favors to perpetuate the myth that women can be and do anything they want and go anywhere they want without being responsible for their own safety to the degree possible. That's beyond naive and truly not very smart.

Well lucky for you this woman got her comeuppance, huh? That'll teach her!!

You're misinterpreting what I said. Think what you want, but I believe women need to think smart for their own safety as much as is humanly possible. I think the same for men. No one deserves to be hurt, raped, killed, maimed, etc.; and no one can ever be completely safe.

If you're ever raped, I presume you'll blame yourself, then. Surely you would have done something that caused it to happen to you.

If you counsel young men and women in any capacity, I hope you'll instill the idea that we all need to be on the lookout for dangerous situations and not trust people who don't care what happens to us and may even cause harm. It's part of the basic teaching we share with middle and high school students re drug and alcohol safety. Doesn't mean we're assigning blame. It's about safety.

Stop talking

No the last post is 100% correct. Np here.

And yet you can also be incredibly mindful of your safety and still end up in the wrong place at the wrong time and get raped. No woman BEARS RESPONSIBILITY for being raped. Not one.

I don't think PP said she did.

Oh really? Because she specifically bolded the part where she did use the phrase BEARS RESPONSIBILITY