Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently married 38 year old man. I like chivalry and treat women accordingly. I found it a turn off if women criticized it. Someone out there for you OP. Hold out for a man with manners

Did he also get your Dad's permission to marry you and gift him with some cattle?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am male and I just hold building doors open for everyone. I thought this was just something that adults do.

If a passenger door for a car is locked, I'll unlock it. In the days of power locks, I'd honestly feel a bit silly walking around a car to open an unlocked door for a able-bodied adult. Maybe I would do this for my grandmother, who physically (and mentally) struggles with things that we take for granted.

As for pulling chairs out -- again, I'd feel silly doing this for an able-bodied grown-up. And you should feel silly for expecting it.

On the other hand, I'm egalitarian and agree with most feminist stances on political issues. Do you want to be treated like a helpless doll who constantly requires "special handling" or do you want to be treated as an equal?

No, but I want you to show more respect for me than a random male also trying to enter through a door. Do I want to be treated like an equal? I will never be an equal given I've been assigned the duty of giving birth and having children. The least you could do is show some appreciation. Also women are less likely to try and enter a door first if they are not giving the chance. A woman on a date with you is most likely trying to be polite and isn't going to push her way through or try and get in front of you. So that's why you should open her door - so she is able to enter through the door first.

I think all of this depends on how much you value traditions and how you were raised. I was raised in a family where we write thank you notes.

Uh, this is bullshit. You have not been *assigned* this duty. You either choose to do so, or you don't. Not all women are mothers, and not all mothers birth their children. Martyr much?

The choice to not do this means I don't have children. My husband by default chooses not to do this but still can have children. Also I live in reality, which means if my husband wants children I have to have them.

Ever heard of adoption? You don't have to bear children. You chose to do so. So quit your bitching.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am male and I just hold building doors open for everyone. I thought this was just something that adults do.

If a passenger door for a car is locked, I'll unlock it. In the days of power locks, I'd honestly feel a bit silly walking around a car to open an unlocked door for a able-bodied adult. Maybe I would do this for my grandmother, who physically (and mentally) struggles with things that we take for granted.

As for pulling chairs out -- again, I'd feel silly doing this for an able-bodied grown-up. And you should feel silly for expecting it.

On the other hand, I'm egalitarian and agree with most feminist stances on political issues. Do you want to be treated like a helpless doll who constantly requires "special handling" or do you want to be treated as an equal?

No, but I want you to show more respect for me than a random male also trying to enter through a door. Do I want to be treated like an equal? I will never be an equal given I've been assigned the duty of giving birth and having children. The least you could do is show some appreciation. Also women are less likely to try and enter a door first if they are not giving the chance. A woman on a date with you is most likely trying to be polite and isn't going to push her way through or try and get in front of you. So that's why you should open her door - so she is able to enter through the door first.

I think all of this depends on how much you value traditions and how you were raised. I was raised in a family where we write thank you notes.

Uh, this is bullshit. You have not been *assigned* this duty. You either choose to do so, or you don't. Not all women are mothers, and not all mothers birth their children. Martyr much?

The choice to not do this means I don't have children. My husband by default chooses not to do this but still can have children. Also I live in reality, which means if my husband wants children I have to have them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am male and I just hold building doors open for everyone. I thought this was just something that adults do.

If a passenger door for a car is locked, I'll unlock it. In the days of power locks, I'd honestly feel a bit silly walking around a car to open an unlocked door for a able-bodied adult. Maybe I would do this for my grandmother, who physically (and mentally) struggles with things that we take for granted.

As for pulling chairs out -- again, I'd feel silly doing this for an able-bodied grown-up. And you should feel silly for expecting it.

On the other hand, I'm egalitarian and agree with most feminist stances on political issues. Do you want to be treated like a helpless doll who constantly requires "special handling" or do you want to be treated as an equal?

No, but I want you to show more respect for me than a random male also trying to enter through a door. Do I want to be treated like an equal? I will never be an equal given I've been assigned the duty of giving birth and having children. The least you could do is show some appreciation. Also women are less likely to try and enter a door first if they are not giving the chance. A woman on a date with you is most likely trying to be polite and isn't going to push her way through or try and get in front of you. So that's why you should open her door - so she is able to enter through the door first.

I think all of this depends on how much you value traditions and how you were raised. I was raised in a family where we write thank you notes.

Uh, this is bullshit. You have not been *assigned* this duty. You either choose to do so, or you don't. Not all women are mothers, and not all mothers birth their children. Martyr much?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to the chivalrous men who have responded. I can't for the life of me understand why any woman would find it insulting.

I (OP) understand why some women find it insulting. I don't agree, but I understand. They feel that chivalry makes them appear helpless and weak. For me, though, it's no reflection of my strength and capabilities. It's just an indication of a man's appreciation and respect.

That's what I think, anyway.

Not about appearances. Men who do this don't appreciate you, per se. They appreciate their feeling of superiority over you.

Geez, you must be the reason some men don't bother with chivalry. It makes me sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am male and I just hold building doors open for everyone. I thought this was just something that adults do.

If a passenger door for a car is locked, I'll unlock it. In the days of power locks, I'd honestly feel a bit silly walking around a car to open an unlocked door for a able-bodied adult. Maybe I would do this for my grandmother, who physically (and mentally) struggles with things that we take for granted.

As for pulling chairs out -- again, I'd feel silly doing this for an able-bodied grown-up. And you should feel silly for expecting it.

On the other hand, I'm egalitarian and agree with most feminist stances on political issues. Do you want to be treated like a helpless doll who constantly requires "special handling" or do you want to be treated as an equal?

No, but I want you to show more respect for me than a random male also trying to enter through a door. Do I want to be treated like an equal? I will never be an equal given I've been assigned the duty of giving birth and having children. The least you could do is show some appreciation. Also women are less likely to try and enter a door first if they are not giving the chance. A woman on a date with you is most likely trying to be polite and isn't going to push her way through or try and get in front of you. So that's why you should open her door - so she is able to enter through the door first.

I think all of this depends on how much you value traditions and how you were raised. I was raised in a family where we write thank you notes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to the chivalrous men who have responded. I can't for the life of me understand why any woman would find it insulting.

I (OP) understand why some women find it insulting. I don't agree, but I understand. They feel that chivalry makes them appear helpless and weak. For me, though, it's no reflection of my strength and capabilities. It's just an indication of a man's appreciation and respect.

That's what I think, anyway.

Not about appearances. Men who do this don't appreciate you, per se. They appreciate their feeling of superiority over you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to the chivalrous men who have responded. I can't for the life of me understand why any woman would find it insulting.

I (OP) understand why some women find it insulting. I don't agree, but I understand. They feel that chivalry makes them appear helpless and weak. For me, though, it's no reflection of my strength and capabilities. It's just an indication of a man's appreciation and respect.

That's what I think, anyway.

Anonymous wrote:I still open doors for DW when we don't have the little ones with us. When I was dating, deal breakers were: 1. women who waited for me to open the car door. For example, if I'm loading something heavy into the trunk and the car is unlocked, don't wait at the door for me. 2. Women who told me they were feminists but also expected me to conform to some traditional gender roles/behaviors they found appealing like chivalry. Just signaled to me a woman who didn't know what she wanted. To be clear, I had no problem dating feminists, but I just expected consistency. Sort of similar to the women in this thread that posted they were just turned off by certain statements made by certain men they were dating.

Anonymous wrote:As a chivalrous man, I hold doors for strangers all the time. If the person doesn't respond in kind with a thanks, I always respond with a "thank you" and smile as I walk away. Common courtesy goes both ways and you would be surprised how many people don't acknowledge it.