Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight. You have one under water property and you think it's a good idea to invest in MORE real estate?!?!

OP here. Our house isn't underwater. We paid cash for all our renovations. We just over-improved for the neighborhood because at the time we thought it was a good idea and that we'd be staying here for the next 30 years. The issue is that I no longer like the neighborhood or feel comfortable here and I'm a SAHM who is home a lot. I would love to move to a better, more social and family friendly neighborhood but I also understand my husband's concerns--if we sold now we'd lose money on the house (about 100K), and there is no guarantee our new neighborhood would be the friendly, welcoming place I'd ideally love to be in. Part of the issue is the loneliness/isolation of having no local family, but like I mentioned, family is in Hawaii and California and they have no plans of ever moving and we don't want to move to those places. Also moving would be a huge hassle as our house is quite large--that's a lot to pack up and move with two young kids and no childcare/family help. So I feel very stuck and unhappy and see a beach house as a good compromise.

Husband works in Arlington--can anyone suggest ideas of a family friendly, extremely social neighborhood between Herndon and Arlington, that's not in Arlington? I would love to be in a neighborhood with lots of young families, some SAHMs, neighborhood get togethers, Halloween parties, etc., an active listserv, a neighborhood pool/park/playground to walk to? Our neighborhood doesn't have any of those things. Also, we really don't want an old house with old house problems, and we want at least 3000 sq. feet, which is why we're in Herndon now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Choose your beach neighborhood carefully. Our first beach house was in a neighborhood with year round residents and summer rentals. It was hard to make connections in the neighborhood. Our current one is in a neighborhood with almost no rentals and mostly families who are there for the summer. Lots of social activities and friends in the new 'hood. It's made a huge difference.

We use it in the summer (2-3 months) and maybe a couple of weekends during the off season. Be realistic about it once your kids hit school age.

Op if you can afford it go for it. If it ends up not working out as you expected or being a burden then sell it.

Where is this? Ours is great - all kids of all ages, and our kids bring friends, too! Plenty of fun to go around

Cape Cod (that's why we don't use it much in the off season).

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you and DH need to really sit and talk (possibly with a therapist). It sounds like he doesn't really care how unhappy you are. You also may need to make some compromises on what you want in a house. You can't have it all. But a beach house will not solve any of this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your realtor at the beach should be able to tell you about the social dynamics of any particular neighborhood or even of a particular block in a neighborhood. Ours was very helpful in this regard.

At the beach you have 3 different type of situations with regards to homes:

1)owners who rent the house out weekly
2)second home owners who live there all summer or a good portion of the summer.
3)year rounders

You want an area of primarily second home owners.

OP here. Why don't we want a neighborhood of year rounders? Why is that not as good as summer owners? I would think that a neighborhood of year rounders would make it easier to make new friends and really become a part of the community.

+1 Other PP here. Our beach house is about 1/2 year round people - who help the caretaker keep watch on our house.

We lived in a neighborhood with about 1/2 year rounders and they tended to want to socialize with each other and not with the summer people. Events like the neighborhood picnic, annual meeting, etc were scheduled for fall or spring. Plus the year rounders were mostly retirees, so didn't have young children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight. You have one under water property and you think it's a good idea to invest in MORE real estate?!?!

OP here. Our house isn't underwater. We paid cash for all our renovations. We just over-improved for the neighborhood because at the time we thought it was a good idea and that we'd be staying here for the next 30 years. The issue is that I no longer like the neighborhood or feel comfortable here and I'm a SAHM who is home a lot. I would love to move to a better, more social and family friendly neighborhood but I also understand my husband's concerns--if we sold now we'd lose money on the house (about 100K), and there is no guarantee our new neighborhood would be the friendly, welcoming place I'd ideally love to be in. Part of the issue is the loneliness/isolation of having no local family, but like I mentioned, family is in Hawaii and California and they have no plans of ever moving and we don't want to move to those places. Also moving would be a huge hassle as our house is quite large--that's a lot to pack up and move with two young kids and no childcare/family help. So I feel very stuck and unhappy and see a beach house as a good compromise.

Husband works in Arlington--can anyone suggest ideas of a family friendly, extremely social neighborhood between Herndon and Arlington, that's not in Arlington? I would love to be in a neighborhood with lots of young families, some SAHMs, neighborhood get togethers, Halloween parties, etc., an active listserv, a neighborhood pool/park/playground to walk to? Our neighborhood doesn't have any of those things. Also, we really don't want an old house with old house problems, and we want at least 3000 sq. feet, which is why we're in Herndon now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight. You have one under water property and you think it's a good idea to invest in MORE real estate?!?!

OP here. Our house isn't underwater. We paid cash for all our renovations. We just over-improved for the neighborhood because at the time we thought it was a good idea and that we'd be staying here for the next 30 years. The issue is that I no longer like the neighborhood or feel comfortable here and I'm a SAHM who is home a lot. I would love to move to a better, more social and family friendly neighborhood but I also understand my husband's concerns--if we sold now we'd lose money on the house (about 100K), and there is no guarantee our new neighborhood would be the friendly, welcoming place I'd ideally love to be in. Part of the issue is the loneliness/isolation of having no local family, but like I mentioned, family is in Hawaii and California and they have no plans of ever moving and we don't want to move to those places. Also moving would be a huge hassle as our house is quite large--that's a lot to pack up and move with two young kids and no childcare/family help. So I feel very stuck and unhappy and see a beach house as a good compromise.

Husband works in Arlington--can anyone suggest ideas of a family friendly, extremely social neighborhood between Herndon and Arlington, that's not in Arlington? I would love to be in a neighborhood with lots of young families, some SAHMs, neighborhood get togethers, Halloween parties, etc., an active listserv, a neighborhood pool/park/playground to walk to? Our neighborhood doesn't have any of those things. Also, we really don't want an old house with old house problems, and we want at least 3000 sq. feet, which is why we're in Herndon now.

Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight. You have one under water property and you think it's a good idea to invest in MORE real estate?!?!

Anonymous wrote:Wait- you SAH and think that a beach house will impact your career? I'm all for staying at home- but it's not a career.

Unless you are still pretending that you are going to head back to work. You won't. No one would if they didn't have to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your realtor at the beach should be able to tell you about the social dynamics of any particular neighborhood or even of a particular block in a neighborhood. Ours was very helpful in this regard.

At the beach you have 3 different type of situations with regards to homes:

1)owners who rent the house out weekly
2)second home owners who live there all summer or a good portion of the summer.
3)year rounders

You want an area of primarily second home owners.

OP here. Why don't we want a neighborhood of year rounders? Why is that not as good as summer owners? I would think that a neighborhood of year rounders would make it easier to make new friends and really become a part of the community.

+1 Other PP here. Our beach house is about 1/2 year round people - who help the caretaker keep watch on our house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your realtor at the beach should be able to tell you about the social dynamics of any particular neighborhood or even of a particular block in a neighborhood. Ours was very helpful in this regard.

At the beach you have 3 different type of situations with regards to homes:

1)owners who rent the house out weekly
2)second home owners who live there all summer or a good portion of the summer.
3)year rounders

You want an area of primarily second home owners.

OP here. Why don't we want a neighborhood of year rounders? Why is that not as good as summer owners? I would think that a neighborhood of year rounders would make it easier to make new friends and really become a part of the community.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like it would be better to take a loss on your house & move locally than put $300k into a house your use maybe 1/4 of the year.

OP here. We put 200K into renovations on this house, and we over-improved for the neighborhood, my husband says we could only sell for about 50 K more than we paid for the house, so we would be losing about 100K when realtors fees and closing costs are taken into account. He does not want to lose this money nor does he want to go through the hassle of moving especially with young kids. He also likes the location in general and has very specific requirements for his commute (his commute is currently 45 minutes each way and he doesn't want that to increase). I like the location in general too, but I don't like our neighborhood at all. Also he doesn't want to downsize and move to an older house, which we would end up doing if we moved closer in to his job. Overall he is very against the idea of moving. He is also against the idea of leaving the area and moving to a new area with lower cost of living. We live here in the DC area, in a distant suburb. We just have no ties/sense of community here. It bothers me every day, and it doesn't bother him at all because he's never home. I feel like he just doesn't understand how much our lack of community bothers me because he's not a SAHP. We're in a non-walkable area, so have to drive to everything, and there are no kids in our neighborhood, just empty nesters mainly. Neighbors are unfriendly and downright nasty towards us. I'd love to move but he is not willing to. Hence, the beach house would appear to be a good compromise.

You absolutely cannot afford to buy a beach house. You need to save this money or pay down a substantial portion of equity on your current residence. You also may need to consider getting a job.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I remember you - you had a couple of long posts during and after the storm about living in some way-out VA suburb and disliking your neighbors, right? I think this was one of them: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/529080.page

If that's the case, I think the PP who asked what you're running away from is spot on. I don't know what the best solution is, but I don't think a beach house is going to fix what's bothering you. My own experience is that if you're unhappy and feel alienated and lonely, you have a couple of choices, none of which are mutually exclusive: get busy with something that takes your mind off your dissatisfaction; get some professional help (therapy, meds, yoga, whatever) to give you a greater sense of peace with your life; and/or make a concerted effort to find people to connect with.

Oh yeah, and try to count your blessings; if all you have to worry about it some cranky neighbors, you're really lucky. Someday you may confront some real problems, and you're going to look back and wonder why you spent so much time feeling unhappy with your life when things were good.

Fwiw, we have a family beach house, which we mostly love for its familiarity, but if you have angst at home, you'll have angst at a beach house. Time to work on what's really bothering you rather than just house hunt your way out of the problem.