Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter has extreme anxiety. It's awful and no one knows about it. She hates being left alone at others' homes. So we have kids to our house but my daughter doesn't want to go to other kids' homes (except for one friend we are very close with).

We are in the same situation. You wouldn't know to look at our DD and we try not to advertise it to others but she'll only be comfortable with a drop off situation at a few classmates' houses because we've been there like 10 times as a family.
It's not about trust at all. One amazing family has invited DD over a number of times but we try to host instead. I hope you're not that mother and that you don't think I don't trust you because we do!

This. My super-social 7yo loves playdates but doesn't like to be left at friends' houses. I'm the parent who stays at birthday parties. We had the first drop-off playdates ever during snowzilla, when we had several days off from school. I was so happy they went well.

I don't think everything needs to be balanced or reciprocal - it needs to be whatever works for the kids involved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I can imagine a number of reasons a parent might not let their child have a playdate at someone else's home, but would not want to invade another family's privacy (or discuss a private matter) with an acquaintance.

I had a friend, whose child had a medical condition that required monitoring. The child was fine, but would need medication regularly and the mother knew to watch for the signs. She was not comfortable having her child in another home, even if she was there as it was easier to care for her child at home. We visited them. I have seen families where the kids had severe allergies and were wary of cross-contamination or exposure to the allergens at other homes and so kept their playdates at home. If I had these situations, I might be loathe to discuss this until I knew the family better. I'm pretty concerned about guns and I wouldn't want to ask another family if they had guns in their home, but without knowing if they do or don't have guns, I'm not letting my young children go to their house. I'll gladly host their children, but until they are older and I get them to gun safety classes, I'm not letting my kids go to dropoffs at other homes. In my case, I will (and have) do non-dropoff playdates, but not dropoff playdates. But still, this is my personal issue, but I'm not about to ask other parents if they have guns and make a political war out of playdate invitations.

So, if one of your daughter's friend's parents asked after sending her to your house for multiple playdates, why you don't reciprocate, what would you say? Would you just keep on making excuses?

PP back. If asked, I would say that I have a concern but don't want to ask an impolite question of her family. If she wants to maintain her privacy, she can let the conversation go. If she wants to know my reason, I'll be glad to let her know my concern about not allowing my child into a home with guns until they are old enough to have gun safety instruction. If she asks or pursues the discussion, then I don't have an issue broaching the subject as a discussion (not a judgment against guns, just having young uninformed children around guns).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I can imagine a number of reasons a parent might not let their child have a playdate at someone else's home, but would not want to invade another family's privacy (or discuss a private matter) with an acquaintance.

I had a friend, whose child had a medical condition that required monitoring. The child was fine, but would need medication regularly and the mother knew to watch for the signs. She was not comfortable having her child in another home, even if she was there as it was easier to care for her child at home. We visited them. I have seen families where the kids had severe allergies and were wary of cross-contamination or exposure to the allergens at other homes and so kept their playdates at home. If I had these situations, I might be loathe to discuss this until I knew the family better. I'm pretty concerned about guns and I wouldn't want to ask another family if they had guns in their home, but without knowing if they do or don't have guns, I'm not letting my young children go to their house. I'll gladly host their children, but until they are older and I get them to gun safety classes, I'm not letting my kids go to dropoffs at other homes. In my case, I will (and have) do non-dropoff playdates, but not dropoff playdates. But still, this is my personal issue, but I'm not about to ask other parents if they have guns and make a political war out of playdate invitations.

So, if one of your daughter's friend's parents asked after sending her to your house for multiple playdates, why you don't reciprocate, what would you say? Would you just keep on making excuses?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter has extreme anxiety. It's awful and no one knows about it. She hates being left alone at others' homes. So we have kids to our house but my daughter doesn't want to go to other kids' homes (except for one friend we are very close with).

We are in the same situation. You wouldn't know to look at our DD and we try not to advertise it to others but she'll only be comfortable with a drop off situation at a few classmates' houses because we've been there like 10 times as a family.
It's not about trust at all. One amazing family has invited DD over a number of times but we try to host instead. I hope you're not that mother and that you don't think I don't trust you because we do!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter had severe anxiety at that age and would not play at someone else's house. I was always totally up front with other parents about that though- otherwise it does feel one sided and the dynamic is off.

Hi, I have single DD and I don't allow her to go over to anyone's home. We do invite other kids over. Like this PP, I am clear about it. When asked I say we don't allow our child to go to someone else's home. It is cultural, period. Other parents understand and if they don't oh well. OP I think the problem here is that the parent was never clear. She didn't have to go into detail, all she had to do was say it. I don't pick up cues over texts either, I would have thought they were just a busy family. My best friend is always busy so I have to schedule her weeks ahead of time. But I know that.

.

What culture doesn't allow playdates at other houses? I'm not snarky, just really curious.

Hispanics, Caribbean are two that I know of

I'm latin, I let my kids go on play dates, but not to sleep over. But I'm with OP, just friggin' say it. Don't let another mom drag along with lies. I find that so rude.

Yes, I knew there was going to be one or two people on here that we're going to say but I'm Hispanic or "Latin" and I allow play date. I was just speaking of people whom I knew were not used to play dates becuase of their culture. That is all. As always with these kind of things there are exceptions to the general rule.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she gets a bad vibe from your husband. I have known people whose family members ping my radar and would never let my kids go over even if other people in the family seem nice. Of course she's not going to tell you your husband is creeping her out but it could be that.

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I can imagine a number of reasons a parent might not let their child have a playdate at someone else's home, but would not want to invade another family's privacy (or discuss a private matter) with an acquaintance.

I had a friend, whose child had a medical condition that required monitoring. The child was fine, but would need medication regularly and the mother knew to watch for the signs. She was not comfortable having her child in another home, even if she was there as it was easier to care for her child at home. We visited them. I have seen families where the kids had severe allergies and were wary of cross-contamination or exposure to the allergens at other homes and so kept their playdates at home. If I had these situations, I might be loathe to discuss this until I knew the family better. I'm pretty concerned about guns and I wouldn't want to ask another family if they had guns in their home, but without knowing if they do or don't have guns, I'm not letting my young children go to their house. I'll gladly host their children, but until they are older and I get them to gun safety classes, I'm not letting my kids go to dropoffs at other homes. In my case, I will (and have) do non-dropoff playdates, but not dropoff playdates. But still, this is my personal issue, but I'm not about to ask other parents if they have guns and make a political war out of playdate invitations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter had severe anxiety at that age and would not play at someone else's house. I was always totally up front with other parents about that though- otherwise it does feel one sided and the dynamic is off.

Hi, I have single DD and I don't allow her to go over to anyone's home. We do invite other kids over. Like this PP, I am clear about it. When asked I say we don't allow our child to go to someone else's home. It is cultural, period. Other parents understand and if they don't oh well. OP I think the problem here is that the parent was never clear. She didn't have to go into detail, all she had to do was say it. I don't pick up cues over texts either, I would have thought they were just a busy family. My best friend is always busy so I have to schedule her weeks ahead of time. But I know that.

.

What culture doesn't allow playdates at other houses? I'm not snarky, just really curious.

Hispanics, Caribbean are two that I know of

I'm latin, I let my kids go on play dates, but not to sleep over. But I'm with OP, just friggin' say it. Don't let another mom drag along with lies. I find that so rude.