Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-

Our son didn't go to his game and we went to the party on time.

Thanks for your input and suggestions; especially to those of you who didn't try to vilify me or suggest that I had ulterior motives for asking the question. As it turned out, I asked MIL and she would have had no problem with us coming to the party after the game and she apologized for the back and forth, so the idea that I was "sticking it to her" in some way was off-base. DH, as it turns out, didn't feel like "fooling with" going to the game and then the party, which really isn't a good enough reason, IMO, but there's only so much I'm willing to fight about. DH did tell coach that our son wouldn't be there.

Events with BIL present are generally stressful and not something any of us look forward to. DH says regularly that he "doesn't like" his brother and that he's an "ass." SIL isn't much better and our kids don't really know one another. Our youngest son is the same age as their oldest son, but they have little in common and at our last outing with them about a year ago, my nephew looked at our son and asked, "What's your name again?" Fun times.

Long ago, I stopped trying to get everyone together or suggesting that DH make plans with his brother so my sons can be closer to their cousins. I try to mitigate when their family "stuff" will cause a problem for the kids or me because there isn't anyone to keep us from getting run over. What's interesting is that MIL and/or FIL never ask why their sons don't ever talk or get together (on the rare occasion BIL calls our house, DH will deliberately not answer the phone) or even why they hardly talk to each other if there's a family event. MIL and FIL don't discuss BIL/SIL/nephews with us. Plus, my FIL has a son that is estranged from him and MIL, even though they live in the same town and BIL is close to MIL's sister's family. The whole situation is sad and strange. It concerns me that our sons have no role models for close sibling relationships, but it is what it is.

Thanks, again!

Glad you didn't punish FIL for MIL's behavior. What any of this has to do with BIL and family is beyond me. As to the bolded above, maybe your MIL and FIL recognize that adults are in charge of their own relationships. It's not for any adult to "foster/nudge/manage" grown men to have a relationship. It's not your place, either. Why would MIL and FIL discuss BIL/SIL/nephews with you?

What part of the fact that I said I don't try to get them all together did you not understand? There IS a place to try to get family together for the sake of our respective children, as others here have mentioned, but I don't even do that. And, do your family members NEVER talk about other family members? Not in a bad way, but just in general? For example, I saw my father last week and he told me that my grandfather was in a car accident. He told me that because he thought I be interested to know and concerned, which I was. I tell DH about the general happenings in my friends' lives. People discuss each other's lives because presumably, we're interested in each other. It will certainly break my heart if my own children grow up and have little to do with each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-

Our son didn't go to his game and we went to the party on time.

Thanks for your input and suggestions; especially to those of you who didn't try to vilify me or suggest that I had ulterior motives for asking the question. As it turned out, I asked MIL and she would have had no problem with us coming to the party after the game and she apologized for the back and forth, so the idea that I was "sticking it to her" in some way was off-base. DH, as it turns out, didn't feel like "fooling with" going to the game and then the party, which really isn't a good enough reason, IMO, but there's only so much I'm willing to fight about. DH did tell coach that our son wouldn't be there.

Events with BIL present are generally stressful and not something any of us look forward to. DH says regularly that he "doesn't like" his brother and that he's an "ass." SIL isn't much better and our kids don't really know one another. Our youngest son is the same age as their oldest son, but they have little in common and at our last outing with them about a year ago, my nephew looked at our son and asked, "What's your name again?" Fun times.

Long ago, I stopped trying to get everyone together or suggesting that DH make plans with his brother so my sons can be closer to their cousins. I try to mitigate when their family "stuff" will cause a problem for the kids or me because there isn't anyone to keep us from getting run over. What's interesting is that MIL and/or FIL never ask why their sons don't ever talk or get together (on the rare occasion BIL calls our house, DH will deliberately not answer the phone) or even why they hardly talk to each other if there's a family event. MIL and FIL don't discuss BIL/SIL/nephews with us. Plus, my FIL has a son that is estranged from him and MIL, even though they live in the same town and BIL is close to MIL's sister's family. The whole situation is sad and strange. It concerns me that our sons have no role models for close sibling relationships, but it is what it is.

Thanks, again!

I don't follow the logic in the bolded section. The fact that MIL acted rationally has no bearing on what your intentions were in proposing to be late the dinner.

I also think that all of this exposition about your DH's family is more evidence that it was less about the "commitment to the game" and more about your complicated feelings toward a complicated family dynamic.

Exactly. BIL/SIL/nephews had NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS. It's obvious that you were conflicted for more reasons than just MIL "flakiness."

Anonymous wrote:OP here-

Our son didn't go to his game and we went to the party on time.

Thanks for your input and suggestions; especially to those of you who didn't try to vilify me or suggest that I had ulterior motives for asking the question. As it turned out, I asked MIL and she would have had no problem with us coming to the party after the game and she apologized for the back and forth, so the idea that I was "sticking it to her" in some way was off-base. DH, as it turns out, didn't feel like "fooling with" going to the game and then the party, which really isn't a good enough reason, IMO, but there's only so much I'm willing to fight about. DH did tell coach that our son wouldn't be there.

Events with BIL present are generally stressful and not something any of us look forward to. DH says regularly that he "doesn't like" his brother and that he's an "ass." SIL isn't much better and our kids don't really know one another. Our youngest son is the same age as their oldest son, but they have little in common and at our last outing with them about a year ago, my nephew looked at our son and asked, "What's your name again?" Fun times.

Long ago, I stopped trying to get everyone together or suggesting that DH make plans with his brother so my sons can be closer to their cousins. I try to mitigate when their family "stuff" will cause a problem for the kids or me because there isn't anyone to keep us from getting run over. What's interesting is that MIL and/or FIL never ask why their sons don't ever talk or get together (on the rare occasion BIL calls our house, DH will deliberately not answer the phone) or even why they hardly talk to each other if there's a family event. MIL and FIL don't discuss BIL/SIL/nephews with us. Plus, my FIL has a son that is estranged from him and MIL, even though they live in the same town and BIL is close to MIL's sister's family. The whole situation is sad and strange. It concerns me that our sons have no role models for close sibling relationships, but it is what it is.

Thanks, again!

I don't follow the logic in the bolded section. The fact that MIL acted rationally has no bearing on what your intentions were in proposing to be late the dinner.

I also think that all of this exposition about your DH's family is more evidence that it was less about the "commitment to the game" and more about your complicated feelings toward a complicated family dynamic.

Anonymous wrote:OP here-

Our son didn't go to his game and we went to the party on time.

Thanks for your input and suggestions; especially to those of you who didn't try to vilify me or suggest that I had ulterior motives for asking the question. As it turned out, I asked MIL and she would have had no problem with us coming to the party after the game and she apologized for the back and forth, so the idea that I was "sticking it to her" in some way was off-base. DH, as it turns out, didn't feel like "fooling with" going to the game and then the party, which really isn't a good enough reason, IMO, but there's only so much I'm willing to fight about. DH did tell coach that our son wouldn't be there.

Events with BIL present are generally stressful and not something any of us look forward to. DH says regularly that he "doesn't like" his brother and that he's an "ass." SIL isn't much better and our kids don't really know one another. Our youngest son is the same age as their oldest son, but they have little in common and at our last outing with them about a year ago, my nephew looked at our son and asked, "What's your name again?" Fun times.

Long ago, I stopped trying to get everyone together or suggesting that DH make plans with his brother so my sons can be closer to their cousins. I try to mitigate when their family "stuff" will cause a problem for the kids or me because there isn't anyone to keep us from getting run over. What's interesting is that MIL and/or FIL never ask why their sons don't ever talk or get together (on the rare occasion BIL calls our house, DH will deliberately not answer the phone) or even why they hardly talk to each other if there's a family event. MIL and FIL don't discuss BIL/SIL/nephews with us. Plus, my FIL has a son that is estranged from him and MIL, even though they live in the same town and BIL is close to MIL's sister's family. The whole situation is sad and strange. It concerns me that our sons have no role models for close sibling relationships, but it is what it is.

Thanks, again!

Glad you didn't punish FIL for MIL's behavior. What any of this has to do with BIL and family is beyond me. As to the bolded above, maybe your MIL and FIL recognize that adults are in charge of their own relationships. It's not for any adult to "foster/nudge/manage" grown men to have a relationship. It's not your place, either. Why would MIL and FIL discuss BIL/SIL/nephews with you?

OP here-

Our son didn't go to his game and we went to the party on time.

Thanks for your input and suggestions; especially to those of you who didn't try to vilify me or suggest that I had ulterior motives for asking the question. As it turned out, I asked MIL and she would have had no problem with us coming to the party after the game and she apologized for the back and forth, so the idea that I was "sticking it to her" in some way was off-base. DH, as it turns out, didn't feel like "fooling with" going to the game and then the party, which really isn't a good enough reason, IMO, but there's only so much I'm willing to fight about. DH did tell coach that our son wouldn't be there.

Events with BIL present are generally stressful and not something any of us look forward to. DH says regularly that he "doesn't like" his brother and that he's an "ass." SIL isn't much better and our kids don't really know one another. Our youngest son is the same age as their oldest son, but they have little in common and at our last outing with them about a year ago, my nephew looked at our son and asked, "What's your name again?" Fun times.

Long ago, I stopped trying to get everyone together or suggesting that DH make plans with his brother so my sons can be closer to their cousins. I try to mitigate when their family "stuff" will cause a problem for the kids or me because there isn't anyone to keep us from getting run over. What's interesting is that MIL and/or FIL never ask why their sons don't ever talk or get together (on the rare occasion BIL calls our house, DH will deliberately not answer the phone) or even why they hardly talk to each other if there's a family event. MIL and FIL don't discuss BIL/SIL/nephews with us. Plus, my FIL has a son that is estranged from him and MIL, even though they live in the same town and BIL is close to MIL's sister's family. The whole situation is sad and strange. It concerns me that our sons have no role models for close sibling relationships, but it is what it is.

Thanks, again!

Anonymous wrote:OP, reading your post it seems obvious you are pissed at MIL. So you are thinking about being obstinate about sticking to your plan to go to the game.

I get that she's being a pain but 75th bday parties don't come along every day. You should put family first. Your child will probably always remember grandpa's 75th bday party, but not that game.
You
I would have your DH call the coach however.

You might be right, who knows. But what I want to know is why everyone thinks kids will forget everything later on? If I really wanted to go to a game at that age and my parents forced me to go to some dumb family thing I wasn't interested in, I guarantee I'd remember that and how mad I was at the time (even if I understand it as an adult.) Kids have thoughts and feelings and opinions too, and sometimes they're not the ones we as adults agree with. Don't assume that because he's a kid he'll just forget all about it in a month. He might go to the party and have a wonderful time and know he made the right choice, or he might go and have a miserable time and wish he had been at the game.

OP, reading your post it seems obvious you are pissed at MIL. So you are thinking about being obstinate about sticking to your plan to go to the game.

I get that she's being a pain but 75th bday parties don't come along every day. You should put family first. Your child will probably always remember grandpa's 75th bday party, but not that game.

I would have your DH call the coach however.

Anonymous wrote:I think too many posters are being overly harsh with OP. I think she has a valid point due to the flip flopping of the party.

If as a matter of principle she thinks the MIL was out of line then OP should not go to the party, out of protest.

It has NOTHING AT ALL to do with the kid's sport because OP blew that off pretty easily in the first place. She's just using it as a pretext to screw with the MIL's party arrangements because she's just as nutty and controlling as her MIL.

Let's all realize that OP's saying the team is a committment thing is just a bullshit excuse to be vindictive and "punish" the MIL for the flip-flopping back and forth on the party.

OP, at least be honest--you want to STICK IT to your MIL cause your angry at her for the flip-flopping but you are gutless too so are using the kid's committment to the team sport as your excuse for YOUR decision.

LOL no one gives a shit about some middle school team sport LEAST OF ALL OP.

OP: Since all the adults involved in the decision-making process are clearly insane, let your son be the one to decide what he wants to do.