Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 10:19     Subject: If you're a DW who kept her last name
Anonymous wrote:The only people who seem to insist on addressing me as Larla DHlastname are.......our families. WTF? Well, not WTF, because I know exactly WTF they're doing. 12 years later, and they still have to let me know how much they disagree with my choice. All of them know I kept my name, all of them expressed their horror about it, all of them were told "Thanks for your concern, but I'm keeping my name."

So, OP, I feel ya. My mom sends us a check every year for christmas. Every year I have to call her and ask to PLEASE make it out to my actual name, as the bank isn't going to take it with an incorrect name. Much sighing and teeth gnashing ensues.


My mom still addresses stuff to me as "Mrs. John Smith." I took DH's name, but not his first name; screw Emily Post! But as someone wise said above, it's not the hill I want to die on.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2015 22:51     Subject: If you're a DW who kept her last name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I kept my name. At the time, I felt very strongly about it. I've been married almost 20 years now and honestly, OP, this is not the hill to die on.

I don't correct anyone. Fyi, when you have kids, their adorable little friends will call you Mrs. DHLastName and assuming your kid has your DH's last name, their parents will be calling you Larla DHLastName because of your kid's last name.

It's all fine. My kids are now tweens and by this age, the parents and kids have figured it out!


+1

No need to correct anyone. Let it go, OP. As soon as you have kids, you'll be Mrs. ...., like it or not. Kids can't keep different last names straight. They also call you "Larla's mom"


I haven't found this to be the case at all. Now that my kids' friends have outgrown "Larla's mom" phase, I get called either Miss Mary or Ms. Smith, but almost never Mrs. Jones. And even when they were at the Larla's mom stage I rarely got "Mrs. Jones."

Anonymous
Post 12/19/2015 22:47     Subject: If you're a DW who kept her last name
Well, when you send things to them, make sure you put your name on the envelope so they see it.

My relatives all assumed I changed my name but after a number of years of getting Christmas cards from the Smith and Jones family, now they know better.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2015 22:24     Subject: Re:If you're a DW who kept her last name
I really do not mind if random people call me Mrs. DH's last name. I love my DH and being called by his name will not offend me. I also understand that they are assuming that I have followed the norm and taken my DH's Last Name.

People who matter most - DH, ILs, Parents, Relatives, Friends, Employer, School, Govt, Financial Institutions - know me by my maiden name.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2015 22:10     Subject: Re:If you're a DW who kept her last name
Anonymous wrote:It just goes with the territory when you choose to do something not the norm. Like if you name your child Madisyn and have to spend the next 18 years explaining "it's SYN." It's actually one reason a lot of people do change their names or do select standard spellings for kids' names.


In my social/work circle, it's very much the norm not to change one's name. So, no. But I don't correct people, and I don't care. I get to use my name all the time at work, so it's not getting lost.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2015 21:57     Subject: If you're a DW who kept her last name
I don't say anything. But I don't really care. I sign our holiday cards "the (family name)" as we have 3 kids with his last name. Unless it is something legal or medical, I let it go. But keeping my name wasn't a big statement for me. I just didn't feel strongly, so I didn't change my name.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2015 11:21     Subject: Re:If you're a DW who kept her last name
My husband would correct close relatives on his side of the family who would address things to "Mr. and Mrs. Hislastname." Guess it worked because we've been married 5 years now and no one really does that anymore.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2015 11:11     Subject: If you're a DW who kept her last name
Anonymous wrote:I kept my name. At the time, I felt very strongly about it. I've been married almost 20 years now and honestly, OP, this is not the hill to die on.

I don't correct anyone. Fyi, when you have kids, their adorable little friends will call you Mrs. DHLastName and assuming your kid has your DH's last name, their parents will be calling you Larla DHLastName because of your kid's last name.

It's all fine. My kids are now tweens and by this age, the parents and kids have figured it out!


+1

No need to correct anyone. Let it go, OP. As soon as you have kids, you'll be Mrs. ...., like it or not. Kids can't keep different last names straight. They also call you "Larla's mom"
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2015 10:33     Subject: Re:If you're a DW who kept her last name
I don't care. The only time I really made a correction was to a church because I was the one giving the donations and my husband was against it. I explained since the money came from me they might want to consider getting my name right. They did.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2015 15:48     Subject: If you're a DW who kept her last name
I get called Larla (his last name) all the time. But on the flip side, since people often assume we have the same last name, he often gets called John (my last name) so it evens out.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2015 15:33     Subject: If you're a DW who kept her last name
I totally disagree with the majority on this. There is nothing wrong with saying, politely, 'thank you so much for the card! It was so kind of you to think of me. Just an FYI though, I decided to keep my own last name.' That's not rude. If they're your family (even in laws) they should want to respect your choices.

How they respond will tell you a lot. If they keep doing it, you know they're being passive aggressive. Good times.