Anonymous wrote:My DH is southeast Asian (not Indian, but same type of culture) and his family didn't support us being together (I'm white). So guess what? He no longer speaks to them, after his mother called me some untranslatable version of "cunt" for no reason other than that I am white. In fact her first reaction was "why does she have to be WHITE?!?!"

You can't pick who you love. And people who are made to choose, will. It makes me sad, but I stay out of it as best I can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 13:08. I know it's hard, when you feel like they had so many choices, but at some level, those people did not speak to her at an emotional level - this catholic guy did. But you, as her sister, have to keep an open mind.

We're Hindu, not Muslim, but a lot of same issues apply. A decade ago, my cousin married an Irish Catholic guy; prior to them getting married, my aunt/uncle tried to convince her to not marry the guy for 3 or 4 *years*. She was steadfast, the guy was patient, and eventually my aunt/uncle gave in. Now most of us cousins are married, mainly to other Hindus. Do you know who is the most respectful son-in-law? The one who touches elders' feet automatically, eats dal-chawal with his hands, makes dosas for kids for sunday morning breakfast, takes his kids to bal vihar when his wife is working, and sat through a 3 hour wedding ceremony, shirtless? My Irish catholic cousin-in-law. Sooo respectful. Way more accommodating than my indian husband or any of my brothers/cousins/etc.

So you never know. You have to give him a chance, see what type of person he is - whether he is willing to take on his future wife's family as his own, as my cousin's spouse has. And I know its different between Islam and Hinduism, but my cousins' children are very very Indian, despite only being half-Indian. They speak our regional language, only eat indian food at home, go to the temple weekly.

At any rate, try to trust that she is looking out for her happiness, not trying to hurt your parents or you. And in the end, you may find your new BIL is a really good human being and that is all that matters in the end.

I understand what you're trying to say, but him being a good person really doesn't make things right for a Muslim family. Marrying a non-Muslim man is scripturally wrong, and all his good qualities would not make this marriage valid; her sister, in fact, cannot even have a Muslim marriage. For a family it's a very hurtful, shameful thing, and a deep sense of failure. The family will receive a lot of backlash and criticism in a Muslim community for this sort of thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 13:08. I know it's hard, when you feel like they had so many choices, but at some level, those people did not speak to her at an emotional level - this catholic guy did. But you, as her sister, have to keep an open mind.

We're Hindu, not Muslim, but a lot of same issues apply. A decade ago, my cousin married an Irish Catholic guy; prior to them getting married, my aunt/uncle tried to convince her to not marry the guy for 3 or 4 *years*. She was steadfast, the guy was patient, and eventually my aunt/uncle gave in. Now most of us cousins are married, mainly to other Hindus. Do you know who is the most respectful son-in-law? The one who touches elders' feet automatically, eats dal-chawal with his hands, makes dosas for kids for sunday morning breakfast, takes his kids to bal vihar when his wife is working, and sat through a 3 hour wedding ceremony, shirtless? My Irish catholic cousin-in-law. Sooo respectful. Way more accommodating than my indian husband or any of my brothers/cousins/etc.

So you never know. You have to give him a chance, see what type of person he is - whether he is willing to take on his future wife's family as his own, as my cousin's spouse has. And I know its different between Islam and Hinduism, but my cousins' children are very very Indian, despite only being half-Indian. They speak our regional language, only eat indian food at home, go to the temple weekly.

At any rate, try to trust that she is looking out for her happiness, not trying to hurt your parents or you. And in the end, you may find your new BIL is a really good human being and that is all that matters in the end.

I understand what you're trying to say, but him being a good person really doesn't make things right for a Muslim family. Marrying a non-Muslim man is scripturally wrong, and all his good qualities would not make this marriage valid; her sister, in fact, cannot even have a Muslim marriage. For a family it's a very hurtful, shameful thing, and a deep sense of failure. The family will receive a lot of backlash and criticism in a Muslim community for this sort of thing.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 13:08. I know it's hard, when you feel like they had so many choices, but at some level, those people did not speak to her at an emotional level - this catholic guy did. But you, as her sister, have to keep an open mind.

We're Hindu, not Muslim, but a lot of same issues apply. A decade ago, my cousin married an Irish Catholic guy; prior to them getting married, my aunt/uncle tried to convince her to not marry the guy for 3 or 4 *years*. She was steadfast, the guy was patient, and eventually my aunt/uncle gave in. Now most of us cousins are married, mainly to other Hindus. Do you know who is the most respectful son-in-law? The one who touches elders' feet automatically, eats dal-chawal with his hands, makes dosas for kids for sunday morning breakfast, takes his kids to bal vihar when his wife is working, and sat through a 3 hour wedding ceremony, shirtless? My Irish catholic cousin-in-law. Sooo respectful. Way more accommodating than my indian husband or any of my brothers/cousins/etc.

So you never know. You have to give him a chance, see what type of person he is - whether he is willing to take on his future wife's family as his own, as my cousin's spouse has. And I know its different between Islam and Hinduism, but my cousins' children are very very Indian, despite only being half-Indian. They speak our regional language, only eat indian food at home, go to the temple weekly.

At any rate, try to trust that she is looking out for her happiness, not trying to hurt your parents or you. And in the end, you may find your new BIL is a really good human being and that is all that matters in the end.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it ok for your sister to be with some half ass Muslim? Doesn't make sense. You go on and on about your culture and religion but you don't seem genuine yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 13:08. I know it's hard, when you feel like they had so many choices, but at some level, those people did not speak to her at an emotional level - this catholic guy did. But you, as her sister, have to keep an open mind.

We're Hindu, not Muslim, but a lot of same issues apply. A decade ago, my cousin married an Irish Catholic guy; prior to them getting married, my aunt/uncle tried to convince her to not marry the guy for 3 or 4 *years*. She was steadfast, the guy was patient, and eventually my aunt/uncle gave in. Now most of us cousins are married, mainly to other Hindus. Do you know who is the most respectful son-in-law? The one who touches elders' feet automatically, eats dal-chawal with his hands, makes dosas for kids for sunday morning breakfast, takes his kids to bal vihar when his wife is working, and sat through a 3 hour wedding ceremony, shirtless? My Irish catholic cousin-in-law. Sooo respectful. Way more accommodating than my indian husband or any of my brothers/cousins/etc.

So you never know. You have to give him a chance, see what type of person he is - whether he is willing to take on his future wife's family as his own, as my cousin's spouse has. And I know its different between Islam and Hinduism, but my cousins' children are very very Indian, despite only being half-Indian. They speak our regional language, only eat indian food at home, go to the temple weekly.

At any rate, try to trust that she is looking out for her happiness, not trying to hurt your parents or you. And in the end, you may find your new BIL is a really good human being and that is all that matters in the end.

Wow. its soo nice to hear your story. It sounds very similar to us! I have not met this guy yet. I have stalked him on Facebook and he appears to be very obnoxious. He and his friend group seem like typical upper class Bros who wear plaid shirts and pink shorts and party all the time. They don't even seem to have any minority friends in their group. So...I'm confused about what my sister sees in him, based on his facebook, anyhow.

And, I know what he sees in my sister. My sister is incredibly beautiful and is a social butterfly. He seems like the most dorky one among his group of Bros and cannot believe his lucky stars that a hot girl is giving him attention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 13:08. I know it's hard, when you feel like they had so many choices, but at some level, those people did not speak to her at an emotional level - this catholic guy did. But you, as her sister, have to keep an open mind.

We're Hindu, not Muslim, but a lot of same issues apply. A decade ago, my cousin married an Irish Catholic guy; prior to them getting married, my aunt/uncle tried to convince her to not marry the guy for 3 or 4 *years*. She was steadfast, the guy was patient, and eventually my aunt/uncle gave in. Now most of us cousins are married, mainly to other Hindus. Do you know who is the most respectful son-in-law? The one who touches elders' feet automatically, eats dal-chawal with his hands, makes dosas for kids for sunday morning breakfast, takes his kids to bal vihar when his wife is working, and sat through a 3 hour wedding ceremony, shirtless? My Irish catholic cousin-in-law. Sooo respectful. Way more accommodating than my indian husband or any of my brothers/cousins/etc.

So you never know. You have to give him a chance, see what type of person he is - whether he is willing to take on his future wife's family as his own, as my cousin's spouse has. And I know its different between Islam and Hinduism, but my cousins' children are very very Indian, despite only being half-Indian. They speak our regional language, only eat indian food at home, go to the temple weekly.

At any rate, try to trust that she is looking out for her happiness, not trying to hurt your parents or you. And in the end, you may find your new BIL is a really good human being and that is all that matters in the end.

Wow. its soo nice to hear your story. It sounds very similar to us! I have not met this guy yet. I have stalked him on Facebook and he appears to be very obnoxious. He and his friend group seem like typical upper class Bros who wear plaid shirts and pink shorts and party all the time. They don't even seem to have any minority friends in their group. So...I'm confused about what my sister sees in him, based on his facebook, anyhow.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 13:08. I know it's hard, when you feel like they had so many choices, but at some level, those people did not speak to her at an emotional level - this catholic guy did. But you, as her sister, have to keep an open mind.

We're Hindu, not Muslim, but a lot of same issues apply. A decade ago, my cousin married an Irish Catholic guy; prior to them getting married, my aunt/uncle tried to convince her to not marry the guy for 3 or 4 *years*. She was steadfast, the guy was patient, and eventually my aunt/uncle gave in. Now most of us cousins are married, mainly to other Hindus. Do you know who is the most respectful son-in-law? The one who touches elders' feet automatically, eats dal-chawal with his hands, makes dosas for kids for sunday morning breakfast, takes his kids to bal vihar when his wife is working, and sat through a 3 hour wedding ceremony, shirtless? My Irish catholic cousin-in-law. Sooo respectful. Way more accommodating than my indian husband or any of my brothers/cousins/etc.

So you never know. You have to give him a chance, see what type of person he is - whether he is willing to take on his future wife's family as his own, as my cousin's spouse has. And I know its different between Islam and Hinduism, but my cousins' children are very very Indian, despite only being half-Indian. They speak our regional language, only eat indian food at home, go to the temple weekly.

At any rate, try to trust that she is looking out for her happiness, not trying to hurt your parents or you. And in the end, you may find your new BIL is a really good human being and that is all that matters in the end.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not bigotry like you all think. Culture and family dynamics are quite different when it comes to Indian families.

NP, and a 2nd gen Indian from a conservative family.

Honestly, you have no idea what is going to happen with her relationship. Maybe she'll marry the guy, maybe she won't. But either way, you are her SISTER, and you just LOVE her. That means keeping your personal feelings aside in this matter, and letting her make her own choice. You don't have to agree, you just remain respectful.

Let me tell you, I have known MANY in this situation. You know what people do when they are feeling emotionally isolated, by being cut off from friends/family? Make bad choices that aren't clear-thinking. Not saying marrying this Catholic guy is a bad decision at all, but either way you don't want her to become isolated. I've seen people dig in their heels and make some wrong choices (that had nothing to do with their race).

And as for being bigoted - yes, our culture is very bigoted. We are bigoted against others NOT from our ethnicity, but also amongst each other. Punjabis looking down on Gujaratis for being vegetarian. Gujaratis thinking the 'Madrasis' are all dark skinned and ugly. South Indians thinking north Indians are idiots who can't speak English, etc.. Let's face it, there are many of us who are very small minded. Not saying we are more bigoted than any other race, but let's just call a spade a spade.