Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Allow me to be blunt, any woman who has claimed she can't be friends with another female because she doesn't have anything in common with them has 100% of the time been the problem.

She is usually overly critical of other women while make excuses for men.

She usually suffers from "snowflake syndrome" she is just oh so unique and the only woman on the planet to have xyz interests.

She also typically lacks appropriate social boundaries ie blantantlyflirts with boyfrien/husband of other womean and then plays dumb when called out on it saying things like " I just don't see it like that I'm one of the guys lolz."

It's not them or what you have in common with them that's making you insecure. You are insecure. When you are part of a group of females you think you have to compete with them for attention ( primarily male) doesn't matter that you are married.

When you are the only girl in the group you feel like you are special. " The guys are into me."

Grow up.

I hate to say it, but I have to say that this is pretty accurate, with one large caveat.

I think it paints a picture of a very narcissistic, attention-hungry woman, which I think might be true in some cases.

But in other cases (maybe most), the root is a woman who is really just uncomfortable talking with women and who probably lacks sophisticated social skills.

It's easier as a woman to interact with men because they are typically nicer and will give plenty of attention without requiring much in return. This is usually because they feel a sense of validation that you are even paying attention to them, so that is all they need from you.

If a woman has very little experience with other women and feels anxious about interacting with them, for whatever reason, she might slide into having only male friends simply because it's easier.

Being friends with women as a woman means mastering give-and-take and also demonstrating some kind of have value (otherwise why would they spend time on you?). Just talking to a woman as another woman isn't a gift to her in and of itself.

So, yes, OP, I think you need to think about these things. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. It sounds like you are new to even-footed social interactions. As someone who was once in your position and made an effort to learn more social competence, I can report that it was worth the effort.

Anonymous wrote:Allow me to be blunt, any woman who has claimed she can't be friends with another female because she doesn't have anything in common with them has 100% of the time been the problem.

She is usually overly critical of other women while make excuses for men.

She usually suffers from "snowflake syndrome" she is just oh so unique and the only woman on the planet to have xyz interests.

She also typically lacks appropriate social boundaries ie blantantlyflirts with boyfrien/husband of other womean and then plays dumb when called out on it saying things like " I just don't see it like that I'm one of the guys lolz."

It's not them or what you have in common with them that's making you insecure. You are insecure. When you are part of a group of females you think you have to compete with them for attention ( primarily male) doesn't matter that you are married.

When you are the only girl in the group you feel like you are special. " The guys are into me."

Grow up.

Anonymous wrote:PP here - just a note that I don't sit around judging other women on some sort of unknown female social handbook. There might be some women like that, but none of my friends are like that at all. So you should be more openminded about this and not assume other women are busy judging you.

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to try to offer some advice, though I don't have the same problem as OP. OP, you talk about not relating to your husband's friends' wives, but maybe that is one of the problems. I haven't liked some of my husband's friends' wives at all, not because they are women, but because we had nothing in common and had personalities that might not mesh well. I don't hang out with those women, and it's not a big deal. I can go to a dinner with them, but those women are not going to be my best friends. I bet this is not that unusual. I wouldn't judge your ability to relate to women on those encounters.

What you might want to do if you do want a group of female friends is to think of something that interests you and join a Meetup group. For example, if you like rock climbing, go join a group with women and try your hand at it. It might be awkward at first because I think you have kind of developed some sort of anxiety about this, but if you force yourself to try to engage with women with similar interests, it might help. Then you can see who you are most compatible with. And you need to have an open mind about this.

One last thing - I have given up on a cohesive group of female friends like I had when I was younger. I have some very, very good female friends, but they aren't really friends with each other. It bothers me not to have some sort of little community where everyone is close, but I am accepting that this is good too - to have independent friendships that are deep and meaningful.

Hope this helps!

Anonymous wrote:Reading through this post...I can see how hard it is to be friends with women.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Women are so socially intelligent and attuned about someone's background, social status etc. By interacting with me and looking at my outfits or whatever, they can pretty quickly judge me and decide whether or not I'm someone they wanna associate with. Most often than not, because I am a loner and don't have a huge social life outside of my dh, I'm already not someone they want to actively get to know.

With a guy, all they seem to care about is whether I am funny or if I'm friendly to talk to.

There's so much pressure with women and I'm just not cut out for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I get it. I have been hurt more by female friends than boyfriends. Taylor Swift basically wrote "Bad Blood" for me. My therapist confirmed for me that the Mean Girl thing doesn't end in high school and is even in the workplace, sadly.

But there are plenty of kind and genuine women too. My BFF and I have been together since the 7th grade. Its hard to make friends as an adult but I totally agree that you should persue your own interests outside of your DH....for many reasons. I'm friendly with my DH'S friends wives but I have my own female friends that im closer to.

Do you lIke animals? Rescue groups always need volunteers. Do you play a sport? Etc.

And anyone who called anyone a nasty name on this thread- you need to pick up a mirror and look at yourselves.

Aww another precious snowflake. It's you, op, and woman like you who are the problem.

Nope I actually have the same background as you I used to think nobody likes me, all women this blah blah. Then I turned 30 and realized the common denominator in all my relationship troubles was me and me blaming others and thinking I was oh so unique that no one could get me was my own immaturity. Telling people what they want to hear isn't helpful to them.

You're a bully and a mean girl.

Anonymous wrote:Op, do you think you were born in the wrong body? Since you say this has always been an issue for you and you have always identified more with males, maybe your gender is truly male. Something to consider.

Anonymous wrote:Where is the poster who chimes in on every single thread about SAHMS/working moms to claim that men and women are the exact same, no difference in any way?

This is right up her ally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Women are so socially intelligent and attuned about someone's background, social status etc. By interacting with me and looking at my outfits or whatever, they can pretty quickly judge me and decide whether or not I'm someone they wanna associate with. Most often than not, because I am a loner and don't have a huge social life outside of my dh, I'm already not someone they want to actively get to know.

With a guy, all they seem to care about is whether I am funny or if I'm friendly to talk to.

There's so much pressure with women and I'm just not cut out for it.

Not true.

I suggest you invest in therapy and fix YOUR self esteem issues and why you dislike yourself. Yes yourself. You are a woman and your negative view of women is really a negative view of yourself. Which is actually very sad. I hope that changes for you. Good luck!

OP here. i DO have terrible self esteem. I feel like I have nothing of value to offer as a friend. I don't know any cool people to introduce someone to. I don't have any cool stories to share. i don't know where the cool bars or what the good drinks are, etc.

I've been reclusive for so long that I am so out of touch with the social scene. I find this becomes most apparent with women as with guys, my lack of social know-how only comes across as my being a "girl". I think guys are more forgiving.