Anonymous wrote:Those of you who have trust funds -- what messages did your parents give you growing up about working and becoming independent and how do you impart that to your kids?

We get our money from DH's family. No mention of money at all growing up. DH went to private schools, an Ivy and has multiple grad degrees from top programs. Worked for the gov. His father was the same education wise but worked for non-profits.

Our DS knows he has to work hard and try his best. We want him to get a job in the private sector when he grows up.

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who have trust funds -- what messages did your parents give you growing up about working and becoming independent and how do you impart that to your kids?

My parents were poor when I was growing up. I was born into a 1 bedroom apartment. They "stretched" into a 200K in 1984, and I have a trust fund worth millions, as do my sibs. I grew up with rental vacations for a week a the "shore" and public pools if that. I started babysitting at 12 and working at 14. Never stopped.

I actually don't get this strong and oft-stated distinction on this thread that it's somehow ok to question steady "lifestyle maintenance" but not one-off or purpose-specific gifts (unless they are for food or a cell phone in which case they are apparently viewed as lifestyle maintenance).

Personally I don't have a strong opinion that either is ok or not. What I do feel strongly is that people should recognize and acknowledge things that give them a privilege or leg up. Money is fungible! If you are getting one-off gifts you are getting help. do I have a problem with people getting family money? No! But I do have a problem with those who try to imagine away the assistance they are getting in this life.

Actually to me just the fact that you (I'll say we, i'm in this position too) have parents that do occasionally or even COULD give a gift is an enormous boost in life. In your twenties and even after, you are much freer to take risks knowing there is a safety net. Even if you'd hate yourself for using it, it's different than it not being there. Or worse worrying that your parents look to you for their safety net.

It's fine everyone. It's fine to get the money, the education, the security. Just appreciate it.

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who have trust funds -- what messages did your parents give you growing up about working and becoming independent and how do you impart that to your kids?

Our inherited wealth comes from my DH's side, and his parents were not wealthy when he was growing up. They were building a business which later made them rich, and even later made them wealthy when they sold it for a huge amount of money. We have trust funds from them now which we are saving for retirement, college, etc.

I suspect our children will have very large trust funds. If DH and I have any say in them, their access to the funds prior to age 30 or so will be very limited and only for specific purposes. We want them to have things to strive for.

My parents don't have money so I was on my own financially at 18. One of my sisters became really wealthy and she loaned me 6k to help keep me from losing my house ( I fell behind on payments after becoming unemployed). If I had wealthy parents though, I would totally take them up on all offers to pay. I really doubt that money can be given without any strings attached though.

Those of you who have trust funds -- what messages did your parents give you growing up about working and becoming independent and how do you impart that to your kids?

If I was in a situation where I needed financial assistance I would accept from my siblings. My in-laws? Probably not. I am a little too proud to accept help outside my side of family and a few close friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very possible to wish that without insulting people who are blessed with trusts and the like.

Exactly. The bottom line is that if someone's parents are multi multi millionaires and they want to give money to help educate children, etc., refusing that because of some stupid notion of pride is completely irresponsible and silly. These people have never understood the situation and never will. They are envisioning someone stealing money out of grandma's coffee can. I don't see anyone on here who has parents that are extraordinarily wealthy and has refused any kind of help. It just doesn't make any financial sense.

Accepting money for educational purposes is one thing. Accepting money so "we can have the lifestyle we want with a 2 million dollar house, brand new cars, etc." is mooching.

I'm not seeing anyone who did that. That said, I don't see anything wrong with parents helping with housing either if it puts the grandchildren in a better school district, in a safer neighborhood, etc. Buying an adult child a Range Rover or a boat? Sure, that might be a little different. But I still maintain that people who don't have parents in the situation have no understanding of it whatsoever. There are estate planning and tax ramifications for everyone involved. Like I said, it isn't stealing from grandmas coffee can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very possible to wish that without insulting people who are blessed with trusts and the like.

Exactly. The bottom line is that if someone's parents are multi multi millionaires and they want to give money to help educate children, etc., refusing that because of some stupid notion of pride is completely irresponsible and silly. These people have never understood the situation and never will. They are envisioning someone stealing money out of grandma's coffee can. I don't see anyone on here who has parents that are extraordinarily wealthy and has refused any kind of help. It just doesn't make any financial sense.

Accepting money for educational purposes is one thing. Accepting money so "we can have the lifestyle we want with a 2 million dollar house, brand new cars, etc." is mooching.

Anonymous wrote:It's very possible to wish that without insulting people who are blessed with trusts and the like.

Exactly. The bottom line is that if someone's parents are multi multi millionaires and they want to give money to help educate children, etc., refusing that because of some stupid notion of pride is completely irresponsible and silly. These people have never understood the situation and never will. They are envisioning someone stealing money out of grandma's coffee can. I don't see anyone on here who has parents that are extraordinarily wealthy and has refused any kind of help. It just doesn't make any financial sense.

Anonymous wrote:I wish! We have to give my parents some of our money for them to stay afloat. But, I can take pride that DH and I are completely self-made unlike you moochers.

Isn't it ironic..

It's very possible to wish that without insulting people who are blessed with trusts and the like.

Yes. My parents give the limit of the annual gift tax (only towards 2 of us though, not our full family of 4), which we dump directly into savings. They have it and don't need it, and the goal is to save on inheritance taxes later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish! We have to give my parents some of our money for them to stay afloat. But, I can take pride that DH and I are completely self-made unlike you moochers.

So, you wish your parents helped you, they don't, but those whose parents do are "moochers". So, you wish you could be a moocher. I guess moocher is a positive term where you come from?

I just wish that we didn't have to give my parents money!

Anonymous wrote:I wish! We have to give my parents some of our money for them to stay afloat. But, I can take pride that DH and I are completely self-made unlike you moochers.

So, you wish your parents helped you, they don't, but those whose parents do are "moochers". So, you wish you could be a moocher. I guess moocher is a positive term where you come from?