Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 11:41     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So OP is clearly a troll but if she wasn't, a lot of her feelings are understandable. Your spouse is a reflection of you and when he's always awkward I can understand being embarrassed by that. Of course if the awkwardness was around from the beginning the question would come down to why didn't you choose and marry someone "better"?


No, he isn't. My spouse is his own person. He makes his own choices. He is not a reflection of me. Yes, I generally prefer that he behave in a socially acceptable manner and dress decently. But if he doesn't, that's not a reflection of me.


If you choose a spouse who does not behave in a socially acceptable manner, let's say he's boorish and rude, that would reflect upon you as it shows the type of person you've chosen to partner and build a life with. Everyone is their own person but most people do draw connections between spouses since they are literally the family you choose.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 11:40     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - I think your feelings are valid.


That's just it. They're not. Please don't suggest otherwise.


Yes, they are. Feelings are not valid or invalid - they just are. Do you tell your kids they aren't upset when in fact they are clearly upset?


Yes. That is what the millennials keep telling us. Sometimes it is best just to keep your feelings to yourself.


Sure, its is best if I don't tell my husband that I fucking hate him right now because of the stains on his tie, but the feelings themselves are still valid. Maybe indicative of other problems in my life, but I can't deny the momentary anger/hate/rage that boils up in me when I see his wrinkled pants.




Whoa! What a spoiled brat psycho!
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 11:38     Subject: Re:I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As for divorce it really isn't that simple, not to mention no one in my circle has been divorced for reasons beyond infidelity, I would be scrutinized. Plus, I'll be 33 in June. I want children. I'm not getting any younger.
Divorcing and starting over would make my small window of time even smaller.


Would you be ashamed of your kids too?


Why do people keep asking this?
My husband is not a child. That is part of the issue. Children have a social leniency that adults to not have.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 11:32     Subject: Re:I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:As for divorce it really isn't that simple, not to mention no one in my circle has been divorced for reasons beyond infidelity, I would be scrutinized. Plus, I'll be 33 in June. I want children. I'm not getting any younger.
Divorcing and starting over would make my small window of time even smaller.


Would you be ashamed of your kids too?
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 11:25     Subject: Re:I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

I hope your husband goes balls deep in a woman who finds him humorous, sexy and interesting. YOU SUCK, OP.


Lol. If she was willing to be a sister wife that would be great. Give me a break. I'm joking.

He wouldn't cheat that's actually one of his good qualities. He's very loyal. We both are. I wouldn't step out on him either.

People keep asking why I married him or what attracted me to him.

Let's see I met him at 22. He was the nicest of the guys I had dated up to that point. His family wasn't a total mess like the families of past boyfriends. He had chosen a good field to work in.
He was nice. He was cute. We had fun together. The sex wasn't bad. We dated for two years. He asked me to marry him. I said yes. We planned a wedding and a year later were married at 25.

If you are asking if I had giggly butterfly feelings for him. I never did. I felt safe and comfortable around him. I still do feel safe around him.

I do think I loved him or thought I did. I think I still love him now, I don't wish ill on him.

But 10 years later he's not who I thought he would be, and if that's terrible I can own that. It's also disappointing.


As for divorce it really isn't that simple, not to mention no one in my circle has been divorced for reasons beyond infidelity, I would be scrutinized. Plus, I'll be 33 in June. I want children. I'm not getting any younger.
Divorcing and starting over would make my small window of time even smaller.






Ok print this out and keep so you can re-reading in 10 hrs when you are divorcing with 2 kids
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 11:09     Subject: Re:I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:

I hope your husband goes balls deep in a woman who finds him humorous, sexy and interesting. YOU SUCK, OP.


Lol. If she was willing to be a sister wife that would be great. Give me a break. I'm joking.

He wouldn't cheat that's actually one of his good qualities. He's very loyal. We both are. I wouldn't step out on him either.

People keep asking why I married him or what attracted me to him.

Let's see I met him at 22. He was the nicest of the guys I had dated up to that point. His family wasn't a total mess like the families of past boyfriends. He had chosen a good field to work in.
He was nice. He was cute. We had fun together. The sex wasn't bad. We dated for two years. He asked me to marry him. I said yes. We planned a wedding and a year later were married at 25.

If you are asking if I had giggly butterfly feelings for him. I never did. I felt safe and comfortable around him. I still do feel safe around him.

I do think I loved him or thought I did. I think I still love him now, I don't wish ill on him.

But 10 years later he's not who I thought he would be, and if that's terrible I can own that. It's also disappointing.


As for divorce it really isn't that simple, not to mention no one in my circle has been divorced for reasons beyond infidelity, I would be scrutinized. Plus, I'll be 33 in June. I want children. I'm not getting any younger.
Divorcing and starting over would make my small window of time even smaller.




Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 11:04     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:So OP is clearly a troll but if she wasn't, a lot of her feelings are understandable. Your spouse is a reflection of you and when he's always awkward I can understand being embarrassed by that. Of course if the awkwardness was around from the beginning the question would come down to why didn't you choose and marry someone "better"?


No, he isn't. My spouse is his own person. He makes his own choices. He is not a reflection of me. Yes, I generally prefer that he behave in a socially acceptable manner and dress decently. But if he doesn't, that's not a reflection of me.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 11:02     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
OP, I had a longterm affair with someone who was very much like your husband except he was not fat. He was more of a skinny geek. I thought all of his quirks were adorable. And he was great in bed. His wife had become verbally abusive over the years. She was embarrassed by him. It was awful but he finally left her and found someone who loves him the way he is.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 10:51     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
I mean this to be helpful and don't have time to find the nicer version.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1tCAXVsClw


This is so awesome. How have I never heard of this guy?
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 10:45     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
I revel in my dorkiness, and my wife loves me for it. Consequently, I'm comfortable in my own skin which, in turn, helps me a great deal in my social interactions. It's a virtuous cycle.

And, as an aside, it's a horrible thing that there is such a thing as "dancing correctly." Dancing is a joy, even when done incorrectly. It's a shame that joy has been poisoned by people who want to judge it.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 10:42     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Poor guy ?


Hardly. He has a good life.


that was supposed to be a sad face, not a ?

I feel really bad for him. I would be heartbroken if my spouse posted/thought this kind of stuff about me.


It's nothing he doesn't know. He knows he's got terrible fashion sense, he knows he's a nerd that can't dance, he thinks he's fat . I haven't told him any of this.
I can't help noticing other men in comparison.
It's not like I go home and berate him. I've tried helping him ie the clothing. We're still married. I'm not leaving him. We still have sex. We spend "quality couple time" together.
Like I said. Hardly.

You need to do some therapy so you can let go of some of this stuff. A big part of the problem here is you.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 10:24     Subject: Re:I'm ashamed of my husband.


I hope your husband goes balls deep in a woman who finds him humorous, sexy and interesting. YOU SUCK, OP.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 10:07     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.

1. My husband does all of these things, and worse.

2. He is also a brilliant research scientist.

3. He has ADHD and probably a bit of Asperger's, which explains his presentation and communication issues.

4. He thinks outside the box and manages our modest finances in a way which allow us to live well on very little.

5. I understood early on that his "flaws" and "splinter skills" are different consequences of his brain make-up. One can't exist without the other. So I accept the whole package!!!

Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 10:05     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
I worked with a guy whose wife sounded a lot like you. From the offhand comments he made at work, my colleagues and I all felt very sorry for him. He was a decent guy, a good guy, and clearly adored his family.

Falling out of love is one thing. But being a harpy shrew is quite another.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2015 10:02     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:Since when is it misogynistic to want to make a good impression in front of your boss?

It's not everyday you get the opportunity to have dinner with your boss.

I've been feeling like we were growing a part for a while now, and dinner just highlighted that.

I see my boss and his wife, and my colleagues and their spouses, specifically the husbands, and my husband is the odd one out.

You can call me all the names you want, but that doesn't change my feelings. I honestly don't see how I'm any worse than any of the other posters.

I'm not cheating on him. I'm not trying to hook up with my coworkers. I'm not denying him sex.
All I want for him is step his game up a bit more, and realize that what he does impacts me, and apparently that makes me a cunt. Talk about misogyny...


1. Correct, it isn't misogynistic to want to make a good impression in front of your boss. Please re-read the PP for context.

2. Yes, that's very clear, and it's also clear from your level of contempt and disgust that this marriage is in ruins. You don't like your husband's clothes and appearance (perhaps fixable), but above all, you don't like HIM. The way he talks, the way he presents himself, everything about him that you think reflects badly on you.

3. I'll take your word for it that he's awkward, and I get that that might be a little embarrassing for you, but your posts are ice cold and really pretty cruel, and I'm not sure you understand how abnormal it is to discuss one's spouse like this.

4. I know you don't see it, but everyone else does. As several of us have said, we get your embarrassment and some degree of exasperation, and are sure he could smarten up a bit. Many guys could. It's your language and your words and your tone that are so alienating and mean. You are very angry and it just seems like your problems go deeper. You also aren't painting a convincing portrait of yourself as a winner, which you clearly want to be. If your husband is such a doofus, why would a winner like you be with him? Don't have kids with this man, or at all, if you're this harsh with people who don't serve your self-image as perfectly as you demand.