Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the title of this thread changes from "Mom's salary" to "one parent's salary," I'll consider reading a single post. What a bunch of BS.

And we have a nutty PP, who says she was making 55K and her household was making 95K, so SHE was the high earner by a huge margin, but she left her job to stay at home because working would have "netted her no income."

No one should take financial advice from someone who has kids and then decides to live on 40K a year instead of 95K a year. Or 40K a year instead of 55K a year.

Although at this point I think PP is just making shit up anyhow--one of these people who just wants to make working moms feel bad.

You are not reading, probably because you are so outraged that you can't think straight. just calm down and listen. That poster was making 55k, her H 95K, she quit to SAH and then returned to the workforce when her kids entered school. Thousands of people do it all the time and don't end up in financial ruin or destitute. Many are even quite happy.

If you are a working mom and feel bad that she chose to SAH instead of take pennies home, that is on you. She is a working mom now, just like you. My income was always too high to SAH and her choice does not make me feel bad, not sure what your hang up are, but they will eat you alive if you don't check yourself.

I'm not outraged and she's not making me feel bad--but posts like that clearly make other people feel bad and it bugs me when people present things with such a rose-colored perspective. Others on this thread have responded thoughtfully -- some decisions have these benefits but these risks, other decisions have these benefits and these risks. Posts that say "I stayed home and am the best mommy everrrrr" just don't add to the discussion, they are just bragging or judgy (or both).

As a working mom, I simply don't read that she thinks she's a great mom. She's was happy with her decision to take a break and focus primarily on her kids. YOU are reading that she thinks she's the best mom ever and that's your hang up. Also, you were so quick to jump all over her and get agressive (a sure sign of anger and outrage) that you were talking nonsense about her HHI.

I'm only responding as a working mom because some of my fellow working moms are so incredibly torn about their decision (or non optional need to work) that they just relish jumping doen the throats of women who can or manage to arrange life so that they can SAH. Own your insecurity and work on that. Trashing other will not make you feel better. I promise. I get it. I too sometimes have my heart pulling me one way and my brain the other and having those two at odds with each other is stressful, but you just have to realize other people do other things and sometimes they are happy. Their contentment is not a judgement on you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the title of this thread changes from "Mom's salary" to "one parent's salary," I'll consider reading a single post. What a bunch of BS.

And we have a nutty PP, who says she was making 55K and her household was making 95K, so SHE was the high earner by a huge margin, but she left her job to stay at home because working would have "netted her no income."

No one should take financial advice from someone who has kids and then decides to live on 40K a year instead of 95K a year. Or 40K a year instead of 55K a year.

Although at this point I think PP is just making shit up anyhow--one of these people who just wants to make working moms feel bad.

You are not reading, probably because you are so outraged that you can't think straight. just calm down and listen. That poster was making 55k, her H 95K, she quit to SAH and then returned to the workforce when her kids entered school. Thousands of people do it all the time and don't end up in financial ruin or destitute. Many are even quite happy.

If you are a working mom and feel bad that she chose to SAH instead of take pennies home, that is on you. She is a working mom now, just like you. My income was always too high to SAH and her choice does not make me feel bad, not sure what your hang up are, but they will eat you alive if you don't check yourself.

I'm not outraged and she's not making me feel bad--but posts like that clearly make other people feel bad and it bugs me when people present things with such a rose-colored perspective. Others on this thread have responded thoughtfully -- some decisions have these benefits but these risks, other decisions have these benefits and these risks. Posts that say "I stayed home and am the best mommy everrrrr" just don't add to the discussion, they are just bragging or judgy (or both).

Anonymous wrote:The really sad story here is money is the overwhelming driving force behind deciding to SAH. Some say they are too poor to SAH, some saying they are too rich. When the real reason to SAH should be about how you want to raise your children.

You are making the assumption that one choice is better than the other. Of course it is about money. The outcome for ilkids in daycare vs not are the same.

I've done both. Worked with my first, but quit 115k job to stay home with the second and now the third. I may go back once two are in school. All my kids are doing fine, no matter if they were home or in daycare.

I will say our home functions better with me at home and I was exhausted and cranky all the time trying to juggle everything while working 50 hrs/week and commuting. Now I'm contributing, but not fully funding, retirement and we are contributing to future college expenses. It's a trade off we were willing to make...other moms trade time with their kids for more financial freedom in the later years. There's no right or wrong answer and I don't think there is any ideal way to do it. Having little ones is hard...no matter what you do. There's no point in putting down someone else's life choice.

Anonymous wrote:The really sad story here is money is the overwhelming driving force behind deciding to SAH. Some say they are too poor to SAH, some saying they are too rich. When the real reason to SAH should be about how you want to raise your children.

Thanks, privledged white momma with lots of choices!

The really sad story here is money is the overwhelming driving force behind deciding to SAH. Some say they are too poor to SAH, some saying they are too rich. When the real reason to SAH should be about how you want to raise your children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the title of this thread changes from "Mom's salary" to "one parent's salary," I'll consider reading a single post. What a bunch of BS.

And we have a nutty PP, who says she was making 55K and her household was making 95K, so SHE was the high earner by a huge margin, but she left her job to stay at home because working would have "netted her no income."

No one should take financial advice from someone who has kids and then decides to live on 40K a year instead of 95K a year. Or 40K a year instead of 55K a year.

Although at this point I think PP is just making shit up anyhow--one of these people who just wants to make working moms feel bad.

You are not reading, probably because you are so outraged that you can't think straight. just calm down and listen. That poster was making 55k, her H 95K, she quit to SAH and then returned to the workforce when her kids entered school. Thousands of people do it all the time and don't end up in financial ruin or destitute. Many are even quite happy.

If you are a working mom and feel bad that she chose to SAH instead of take pennies home, that is on you. She is a working mom now, just like you. My income was always too high to SAH and her choice does not make me feel bad, not sure what your hang up are, but they will eat you alive if you don't check yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husbands salary is the one that "breaks even" with daycare and not one person has suggested he stay home after the kiddo is born. Which is the opposite experience of his pregnant female colleague. Such a double standard!

Did you suggest it?
If not, aren't you part of the problem?

Different PP. Although is isn't common, it also isn't completely unheard of. In the late 1990's I had a guy who returned to the workforce as a PC technician. When he was younger, he was a construction worker and made good money, but his wife's salaried managerial-track career was more important (especially since it had all of the family benefits) so when they had kids, he took off several years, then went back part-time working for a house building company when his kids went to school. Later he hurt his back and got certifications for computer maintenance and went back to work on my team of computer techs. He made significantly less than his wife and probably would have even if he had never quit. When they both retired, she was a director making about 4 times his salary (and well over double what he could have ever earned). He never regretted staying home with his kids.

I have a friend now whose kids are teens. He was a programmer. When his second was born, he quit to stay at home because he made significantly less than his science PhD wife who is now a program manager for a science project. He is just trying to get back into the work force now, but it's hard after nearly 10 years off. But for them, because they could afford it on her salary, he stayed home. He also doesn't regret staying home with his kids.

Anonymous wrote:When the title of this thread changes from "Mom's salary" to "one parent's salary," I'll consider reading a single post. What a bunch of BS.

The fake outrage is strong with this one...

Whoops, cross-posted. I meant (in case it's not obvious) the smug SAH PP.

I also stayed home when they were young (but not for all my kids; I got a job offer and went back to work when one was a baby and guess what, that one turned out just as well as the others). However, I am not so freaking smug about it. For Pete's sake, drop the smugness, PP. It makes you sound like a narcissist, not a good mother.

OP, this is a tough question. Part of the issue is that it's not just salary, but it's also not just daycare. If you look at salary alone, you're missing some economic benefits but if you look at daycare costs alone, you're also missing some economic costs. You have to factor in 401k, career advance, etc., like other PP said. But you also have to factor in costs associated with daycare (baby gets sick, who covers? how much time do you need to allocate for drop off/pick up? how will shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. get done? will you be able to continue to exercise? eat? will it have a negative health impact?). Those are going to be extremely personal answers that will depend a lot on your job location, flexibility, time worked, etc. And, of course, you're not going to find out all the costs and benefits until you go down one path or the other. It's easy for those of us a lot further down the road to say "Do this! I did it and it worked out great!" but that's because we have 20/20 hindsight for our own individual situation.

I don't think it's an easy issue at all. My one piece of advice is that you not think of this as a permanent, unalterable decision. Both come with costs, but you are fortunate, if you're even asking the question, that you can probably reverse course if you go down one path and find that it's not working out well. Maybe you can't change course easily, but you can probably change something.

Anonymous wrote:When the title of this thread changes from "Mom's salary" to "one parent's salary," I'll consider reading a single post. What a bunch of BS.

And we have a nutty PP, who says she was making 55K and her household was making 95K, so SHE was the high earner by a huge margin, but she left her job to stay at home because working would have "netted her no income."

No one should take financial advice from someone who has kids and then decides to live on 40K a year instead of 95K a year. Or 40K a year instead of 55K a year.

Although at this point I think PP is just making shit up anyhow--one of these people who just wants to make working moms feel bad.

When the title of this thread changes from "Mom's salary" to "one parent's salary," I'll consider reading a single post. What a bunch of BS.

Anonymous wrote:I SAH and those were the most cherished and special years of my life. The emotional cost and strain of working with young kids was not worth it. The dooms sayers were not correct. I hopped back into work at a higher pay than I left. I'm not making more money than I ever could have dreamed.

I'm so grateful for those early years. Our stress levels in our home were so low. I applied thr business principals and habits I had learned at my career into running our home. I also just loved being with the kids and being able to have that bond and raise them the was I wanted to aND to experience every milestone.

I feel like I have it all. I had those formative years and now have a great career.

You had your kids young, so you weren't giving up that much by SAH for a few years. You wanted to SAH. Neither of those was true for me.

Anonymous wrote:To think long-term.

+1