Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you chose to have three kids with a man you don't respect?

Like I have said multiple times. He put on a good show until recently. Made a lot of false promises and statements to me. I feel duped in a lot of ways. Promises to move for 3-4 years (our youngest is now 3 and sharing a bedroom with two older siblings). Yes this area is expensive. But the current arrangement (family of 5 in a two bedroom condo) is laughable.

Really?

Nothing about this post seems real.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women need to marry up. Not marry lower or even equal. Men then become the pussy in relationships

I'm sorry your relationship isn't great OP. But please don't let posters like the on above convince you it is because you haven't chosen a type-A male who earns twice as much as you. In our family, I am the career focussed ambitious one and I out earn DH. But he is the best life partner I could ever wish for. He is thoughtful, kind, makes sure the whole house runs. He is patient with the kids, he thinks about their school trips, their halloween costumes, he makes sure they have fun lunches. My point is, your relationship is bad because your husband isn't any of these things - that isn't necessarily connected to being the lower earner...

Same here and couldn't be happier. The problem is that OP's husband doesn't step up at home not that he earns less.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You couldn't be more wrong, BTW. I still got it. Total MILF here., even after the three kids. Lol. Still work out and take care of myself.

Oh yeah? Let us decide, why should we believe you?

+1 because a mom in her late thirties with three kids in tow is totally going to be able to attract the tall attractive hot shot ambitious high earner of everyone's dreams. Keep dreaming.

OP sound very eligible to me. I am a may-be-divorced high earning alpha male and would be thrilled to date an achieving with-it attractive woman. She is probably in the same boat as I am, not looking for re-marriage but certainly looking for companionship.


I don't understand the vitriol at OP from men on here. Ambition, power, confidence are male traits that are aphrodisiacs for most women. Being overly critical is a major turn-off for both sexes. Her husband can act like an over-critical man-child but it is going to turn off most women and crush the marriage. No different than if a woman stops having regular sex with her husband - it will destroy most marriages, fair or not. Just how most people are wired.

Her husband sounds miserable to be married to. I have no great advice other than to give him specific directions for what she needs from him (although it sounds like she does this) and otherwise learn to accept that being married to him might be less hassle than being divorced and supporting him financially anyway. Many men make the same unfortunate calculation.

thanks for proving pp's point. Everyone has said she will get some, but will not marry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You couldn't be more wrong, BTW. I still got it. Total MILF here., even after the three kids. Lol. Still work out and take care of myself.

Oh yeah? Let us decide, why should we believe you?

+1 because a mom in her late thirties with three kids in tow is totally going to be able to attract the tall attractive hot shot ambitious high earner of everyone's dreams. Keep dreaming.

OP sound very eligible to me. I am a may-be-divorced high earning alpha male and would be thrilled to date an achieving with-it attractive woman. She is probably in the same boat as I am, not looking for re-marriage but certainly looking for companionship.


I don't understand the vitriol at OP from men on here. Ambition, power, confidence are male traits that are aphrodisiacs for most women. Being overly critical is a major turn-off for both sexes. Her husband can act like an over-critical man-child but it is going to turn off most women and crush the marriage. No different than if a woman stops having regular sex with her husband - it will destroy most marriages, fair or not. Just how most people are wired.

Her husband sounds miserable to be married to. I have no great advice other than to give him specific directions for what she needs from him (although it sounds like she does this) and otherwise learn to accept that being married to him might be less hassle than being divorced and supporting him financially anyway. Many men make the same unfortunate calculation.

I understand your feelings 100% OP.

Anyone would share those sentiments.

It sounds to me as if you are at a standstill right now in your marriage. He doesn't want to step outside of his comfort zone, yet that comfort zone is no longer comfortable and workable for the family.

Sure, change can be scary for some, but it is usually necessary in order to navigate life. A mature person usually realizes this time and time again.

If he cannot or will not change his ways, you can always try a good marriage therapist.

Other than that, you cannot do much else.
That leaves you with two options.

A). Accept him, warts/faults at all and just learn to adapt the best you can.

Or:

B). Figure out a life plan that includes you and your three precious kids. Not him.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly this has nothing to do with OPs looks and there are clearly some very insecure men reading this thread. OP said she isn't interested in meeting a hot shot ambitious high Warner. She never said that or impies that. So you're all way off base. She thought her DH was more ambitious which is why she married him, and he turned out to be a fraud.

Typical men to be reading this thread totally wrong. Pity on your poor wives.

Were you high when you wrote two sentences, in the same paragraph, that directly contradict each other?

Honestly this has nothing to do with OPs looks and there are clearly some very insecure men reading this thread. OP said she isn't interested in meeting a hot shot ambitious high Warner. She never said that or impies that. So you're all way off base. She thought her DH was more ambitious which is why she married him, and he turned out to be a fraud.

Typical men to be reading this thread totally wrong. Pity on your poor wives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You couldn't be more wrong, BTW. I still got it. Total MILF here., even after the three kids. Lol. Still work out and take care of myself.

Oh yeah? Let us decide, why should we believe you?

+1 because a mom in her late thirties with three kids in tow is totally going to be able to attract the tall attractive hot shot ambitious high earner of everyone's dreams. Keep dreaming.

Anonymous wrote:

We have three small children

Abuse? Adultery? Addiction?
NO, none of those??
Then you owe your children an intact family if at all possible.
I couldn't give a crap about your feelings ~ oh, but I might not be "in love" ...

What good is an intact dysfunctional family where the parents hate each other, show no affection or love for each other? What does that teach the children? I genuinely want someone to answer this question for me because people here are always insistent that people stay together no matter what and, in some cases outside of abuse, adultery, addiction, I think the best thing for everyone involved would be to part ways and move on.

Anonymous wrote:Promises to move for 3-4 years (our youngest is now 3 and sharing a bedroom with two older siblings). Yes this area is expensive. But the current arrangement (family of 5 in a two bedroom condo) is laughable.

Why are you having a third baby while being in a two bedroom condo?

Anonymous wrote:
You couldn't be more wrong, BTW. I still got it. Total MILF here., even after the three kids. Lol. Still work out and take care of myself.

Oh yeah? Let us decide, why should we believe you?

Anonymous wrote:
PP this is the OP. Don't do it. You are still so young and can find someone who may have more values similar to yours re work ethic, etc. You sound like you know this man well enough and know what a future would be like with him. If you can accept that and love him then go for it. But you won't be able to change him. Don't end up in my situation. I wish I had paid more attention to the red flags that were there, but I chose to ignore or spin positively.

Please, tell us more about the red flags. What were they and when did you first notice them?

Anonymous wrote:Oh god. He sounds like my bf. I love but it his lack of self esteem / fear of going out and getting a better career is making me cringe inside and lose respect. It's so so hard to respect and admire a guy who can't go out and be a winner. I'm 29 and feel like if my if I leave him I don't have much of a shot at getting a high achieving confident guy at this age. As those are mostly taken up by smart girls in their early twenties.

At this point I should probably marry him and have a few kids and make the best of it.

Ugh, as a man, this makes me sick to read. I hope he wakes up and dumps your ass, or better yet, you should do the right thing and dump him immediately. Put your money where you mouth is and put your ass on the line: go out and get that high achieving, confident guy you think you deserve.

This is entire thread and this specific post, boys, is why you don't marry them.

You should definitely withhold sex

Anonymous wrote:More education does not mean more earning power. It means more education.

Pretty much. Nobody cares about your master's in journalism from Medill, honey.