Anonymous wrote:My first thought is polo or fox hunting (you need to belong to a club to do these things-- or be invited by somebody who belongs to the club), but it is somewhat incredulous to think that OP did not realize this was an "elite" activity until she met her inlaws. Though she also said in a post that they are not classest only snobby about this particular activity.

I guess it could be anything. Sailing is a strong possibility, but it just doesn't seem to be that dangerous. Skiing also comes to mind, but, I don't really see how she could get left behind skiing.

After reading through the thread, I am not convinced I'd want to hang out with OP either. Maybe her in-laws aren't as bad as described.

Having done all of the above, they are dangerous. Fox hunting is dangerous because the horses get excited and the terrain is uneven. Polo you get hit by the ball or the other horses. Sailing is fine until there is a squall. Sailing can be VERY dangerous. OP, if the in laws want to take the kids one time for a little outing on a calm day, I would say OK to keep the peace. But as a sport that they did constantly under the grand parents supervision with the attitude they have, No. My MIL had an attitude like that and of course it led t a trip to the hospital for the grand child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fox hunting.

Most people learn how to fox hunt in their 20s. A few in their early 40s but not many.

Huh? OP said she grew up doing the activity. I do wonder if she's still good at it if she is now older and out of practice.

Anyway, sounds like she's gleaned what she wanted from this deeply unsatisfying thread.

Anonymous wrote:Fox hunting.

Most people learn how to fox hunt in their 20s. A few in their early 40s but not many.

Anonymous wrote:It's polo. I am sure it's polo. Or maybe foxhunting. But it's got to be some sort of equestrian sport, because it's something you can't do on your own, and you can sail a small boat on your own. (Also, I don't know anyone who works a second job to afford sailing.)

OP, your ILs are horrible and they are not going to change. If your husband likes riding but not whatever the sport is, sure, do it as a family. Send your kids to play polo occasionally, because letting them get to know their grandparents is a generous act. But limit it according to their interest, your budget, and preserving family time. Do not limit based on your ILs insufferability.

Ha!!! So wrong. Replace the term "second job" with "seeks additional disposable income" and you can readily include a large percentage of people who perform any of these sports. People fund their passions, and these sports are generally quite expensive. Plenty of old money is running out and along with it, "particular" ways of doing things. OP is probably getting caught in the cross hairs of her inlaws bc their social scene is crumbling and they want to passites on these traditions even though neither the children nor op is interested. Sounds like no fun. Op, just ignore them.

Op here, thanks for the relevant comments everyone. There was a lot of filler, but to be expected. Thanks for the advice, it helped me reframe the issue and look at it from other perspectives. I just needed to vent and get a bunch of different takes on it. Signing off.

Damnit 7 pages and we still don't know what we're talking about!

I read the whole post like it was sailing. I'm thinking it's horses though. I have cousins who are really into horses, but they are salt of the earth farmer types. One of them owns a farm and boards rich people's horses for them. She loves it because she gets to be around horses, but makes money for doing it. So she rides, and competes, but if you met her she is rough and tumble. Not snobby at all.

This is pretty unreadable because you don't mention the hobby.

Anonymous wrote:I think your plan of teaching your kids the basics on your own is a good one. When the ILs invite your kids to do whatever this mystery activity is, you can say 'gee, teaching Timmy and sue about cricket this summer has reminded me how much I loved playing growing up, I think we would all like to join you!' I am not sure how exactly they are excluding you, can't you just go along with the kids?


What is it that you want? To you want to finally be included and show them you're an excellent polo player? Or do you want your kids exposed to the show-off-y nature of the sport? If it's the latter, can your little family do it together and invite your ILs yo do it on your turf?

Yeah, no... no interest in ingratiating myself. As I mentioned, I was suprised by their exclusion and poor behavior, as I generally considered them fairly decent people. However, this particular activity is really where the caustic vanity comes out, and I think that is what I most want to limit my children's exposure to. If they are interested in the sport, there are other ways to learn, and we can keep the inlaws at arm length. My children don't have a tight bond with them, as they lead lives far different from this sport would suggest and are not close enough geographically to be too much of a pest. my children will determine their level of intereSt as well, and so far are not showing any signs of interest. There is pressure from the grandparents that "those with this name simply do this" that my children have already picked up on... i thibkbthey will be able to make their own decision..

overall we have a solid relationship without much friction, and I was finding myself torn over this roadblock. I really value my relationship with them, and I think they will gradually adjust to the changing times. I will be more gracious with them than they have been with me.

Anonymous wrote:Falconry.

Love you! This has got to be it!

7 pages of speculation and OP still won't throw us a bone. I am in the polo/fox hunting camp, though, I don't really understand how OP could have grown up doing it in a low key, non-snobby way vs. her in laws snobby, insufferable way.

Whatever this activity is, she believes that she can introduce it in a low key, non-snobby way. OP is in a bubble of clueless privilege if she thinks polo/fox hunting can be done this way.

When I first read the post golf came to mind, but it is not dangerous at all.

It's polo. I am sure it's polo. Or maybe foxhunting. But it's got to be some sort of equestrian sport, because it's something you can't do on your own, and you can sail a small boat on your own. (Also, I don't know anyone who works a second job to afford sailing.)

OP, your ILs are horrible and they are not going to change. If your husband likes riding but not whatever the sport is, sure, do it as a family. Send your kids to play polo occasionally, because letting them get to know their grandparents is a generous act. But limit it according to their interest, your budget, and preserving family time. Do not limit based on your ILs insufferability.

I'm curious whether you'd have chosen to teach your kids yourself if you weren't upset with your inlaws. If you had already planned to do that, then by all means, continue. If you're only doing this to keep the kids in the sport but away from your inlaws, you'll come off as petty.

You've said your husband doesn't like the sport. You haven't said if he shares your concerns about keeping the kids from participating with your parents. You also haven't indicated that he would have joined you if his parents invited you. Another poster suggested, and I agree, that it's possible that your inlaws didn't want to invite you without your husband. Thus, knowing he doesn't like the sport, they chose not to invite either of you.

At any rate, I don't find it odd for grandparents to want to do something with grandchildren, especially older grandchildren, without the parents around. They need to form their own relationships and bonds.

I think your plan of teaching your kids the basics on your own is a good one. When the ILs invite your kids to do whatever this mystery activity is, you can say 'gee, teaching Timmy and sue about cricket this summer has reminded me how much I loved playing growing up, I think we would all like to join you!' I am not sure how exactly they are excluding you, can't you just go along with the kids?


What is it that you want? To you want to finally be included and show them you're an excellent polo player? Or do you want your kids exposed to the show-off-y nature of the sport? If it's the latter, can your little family do it together and invite your ILs yo do it on your turf?

I think it is pickle ball!

OP, I don't understand how your ILs have excluded you from participating all of these years - do you need to be invited by them to do it? Why can't you just do the activity on your own and you and your spouse can teach it to your kids?

I know some posters suggested it might be sailing bc that is a snobby sport. I took up sailing as an adult, and notwithstanding the elitist reputation of sailing, I have found that many of the people who love to sail are very salt of the earth, down to earth, low key people who are just happy to share their passion with others who feel the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Secret Order of Competitive Lawn Dart Throwing (played seasonally at a country club)

Nude Sports/Nudist Encampment at exclusive members only resort in the Caribbean

Mt. Everest climbers (seasonal, weather-dependent, exclusive)

Shriners/Fez Hat wearers/Midget Car Drivers

Figure Skating!

Dude, do you not remember the first rule of the Secret Order of Competitive Lawn Dart Throwing?

Clearly some lonely people out there

Anonymous wrote:Secret Order of Competitive Lawn Dart Throwing (played seasonally at a country club)

Nude Sports/Nudist Encampment at exclusive members only resort in the Caribbean

Mt. Everest climbers (seasonal, weather-dependent, exclusive)

Shriners/Fez Hat wearers/Midget Car Drivers

Figure Skating!

Dude, do you not remember the first rule of the Secret Order of Competitive Lawn Dart Throwing?