Anonymous
Post 10/03/2015 15:32     Subject: how do mothers see women without kids?
I have kids. I know lots of people who don't have kids, either because they didn't want to, or were busy doing other things. I don't have an opinion on it - obviously they know what is best for their lives better than I do.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2015 15:24     Subject: how do mothers see women without kids?
Anonymous wrote:Depends on the woman:
-younger than 30? I see her like me trying to get adulthood going, enjoying the newlywed bliss etc. I was her 10 yrs ago so I can relate as a "past me"
-coworker my age (mid-30s) or older? Friendly but nothing in common. I'm thinking of my kids, they are thinking of their hobbies. They don't want kids...I don't have time for hobbies. I just try to stick to work-related conversations as our personal lives are totally different.
-any age and I find out (not by asking) but if they share as they want kids? Then I can relate as my children were conceived via fertility treatments.

Otherwise, I really don't care that much what other people do/don't do with their lives. Perhaps because I was 32 and had plenty of disposable income but felt so unfulfilled before my babies, I really could care less if they have better stuff. But if stuff or travels or whatever makes them feel more fulfilled than a child, good for them!

But the ONE thing I feel give up when you don't procreate is the right to judge children/parents. You really have NO clue unless you've been a parent. And just because you become a stepmom or stepdad when a kid is half grown (as my aunt who thinks of herself as a mom for marrying a man with a teenage daughter), you still have NO clue what it is like to be a parent to small children. So when a 6mo old is crying on an airplane, you have no right to complain. You were a crying 6mo old at one point too but because you checked the "no" block to parenting... you have NO idea.



I disagree with this. Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I have to tolerate horrible behavior from other people and their kids. They made a choice to have them. They like to wax eloquent about the joy of motherhood. Great. Guess what? You don't get to tell me how great your life is because you are a mom and how empty mine is and then play the "you don't know what it's like" trump card when your children are being obnoxious.

I never judge a parent for a crying child. But I do judge a parent who doesn't make an effort to remove the crying child from a restaurant or other venue where it might be really affecting other people. An airplane is different because it's impossible to step outside with the kid. But even still, I've seen parents respond by at least trying to quiet their child, and even if they aren't successful, I respect them and appreciate that they are trying.

It's the parents who do nothing and let their children just scream and scream and have the attitude that because they decided to have kids, everyone has to deal with it.

Anonymous
Post 10/03/2015 14:45     Subject: how do mothers see women without kids?
Op here. Thanks for all the responses. I feel like a stick out like a sore thumb because I don't have kids. I realize it's a side-effect of everything we went through. I have that outside-looking-in feeling sometimes when I hear women talking about their kids. Hopefully, that feeling will recede with time.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2015 19:12     Subject: how do mothers see women without kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:^^^^pp here and want to add: it's hard not to be self-absorbed if you don't have kids.


Ah, yes. Social workers, nurses, pediatric life specialists,nursing home attendants, teachers in inner city schools....they are all very self-absorbed unless they have kids. After all, being a parent is the ONLY way one can learn to think beyond his or herself.


I'd say that's the exception rather than the rule, wouldn't you?


Nope.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2015 17:41     Subject: Re:how do mothers see women without kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Pity. Infertility aside, they say they know what they are missing with no kids, but they have no clue. Oh, I hang out with my nieces and nephews all the time...yeah right. How could someone who does not have a child TRULY know what they are missing??


You don't seem to know what you're missing, which is decency, perspective, and imagination.

Sincerely, a satisfied parent who knows that parenting isn't the only thing that exists.

+1000
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2015 16:36     Subject: how do mothers see women without kids?
About to have my first - a little bit late in life. I really thought we might be a couple without kids. You know what? It would have been fine.
I look forward to maintaining all of my friendships I've cultivated with women who do and don't have kids.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2015 14:07     Subject: how do mothers see women without kids?
Anonymous wrote:I love my childfree friends! They are so fun b.c they get to travel and have lots of cool things to talk about. I love seeing their vacation pictures on FB. Frankly, I'm bored to tears by parents who won't STFU about their kids sports or grades. Most of my real friends who are parents are fun, interesting people, as are my childfree friends.

And don't get me started on my childfree, gay male friends who live in Manhattan! Favorite friends ever.

-mom of three


Love this. I pray in my next life I am a good-looking gay man. For real.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2015 14:03     Subject: how do mothers see women without kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:^^^^pp here and want to add: it's hard not to be self-absorbed if you don't have kids.


Ah, yes. Social workers, nurses, pediatric life specialists,nursing home attendants, teachers in inner city schools....they are all very self-absorbed unless they have kids. After all, being a parent is the ONLY way one can learn to think beyond his or herself.


I'd say that's the exception rather than the rule, wouldn't you?
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2015 14:02     Subject: Re:how do mothers see women without kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Pity. Infertility aside, they say they know what they are missing with no kids, but they have no clue. Oh, I hang out with my nieces and nephews all the time...yeah right. How could someone who does not have a child TRULY know what they are missing??


You don't seem to know what you're missing, which is decency, perspective, and imagination.

Sincerely, a satisfied parent who knows that parenting isn't the only thing that exists.

Well said.


+1
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2015 13:55     Subject: how do mothers see women without kids?
Anonymous wrote:I have worked with men and women without kids. They have full lives filled with friends, travel, leisure, work. They ask about my kids and I ask about their lives. I don't really think anything...

Same. Sometimes I worry I talk too much about my kids... But that's just the phase of life I'm in. I don't have cool vacations to talk about!
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2015 13:52     Subject: Re:how do mothers see women without kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Pity. Infertility aside, they say they know what they are missing with no kids, but they have no clue. Oh, I hang out with my nieces and nephews all the time...yeah right. How could someone who does not have a child TRULY know what they are missing??


You don't seem to know what you're missing, which is decency, perspective, and imagination.

Sincerely, a satisfied parent who knows that parenting isn't the only thing that exists.

Well said.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 23:36     Subject: Re:how do mothers see women without kids?
Anonymous wrote:Pity. Infertility aside, they say they know what they are missing with no kids, but they have no clue. Oh, I hang out with my nieces and nephews all the time...yeah right. How could someone who does not have a child TRULY know what they are missing??


You don't seem to know what you're missing, which is decency, perspective, and imagination.

Sincerely, a satisfied parent who knows that parenting isn't the only thing that exists.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 15:21     Subject: how do mothers see women without kids?
Anonymous wrote:My husband and I weren't able to have kids. (We tried everything and then some.) At work, and in our circle of friends, the women with kids really have a sort of lovely community of sorts. How do women like this see women without kids?


I have kids and my closest friends are still my old friends without kids. We are all still the same people but with different time commitments. Having kids doesn't always mean an immediate bond forms. It's like assuming all people of the same race or ethnicity get along. I've met more people with kids I don't gel with than people without.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 14:49     Subject: how do mothers see women without kids?
I love my childfree friends! They are so fun b.c they get to travel and have lots of cool things to talk about. I love seeing their vacation pictures on FB. Frankly, I'm bored to tears by parents who won't STFU about their kids sports or grades. Most of my real friends who are parents are fun, interesting people, as are my childfree friends.

And don't get me started on my childfree, gay male friends who live in Manhattan! Favorite friends ever.

-mom of three
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2015 14:00     Subject: Re:how do mothers see women without kids?
Pity. Infertility aside, they say they know what they are missing with no kids, but they have no clue. Oh, I hang out with my nieces and nephews all the time...yeah right. How could someone who does not have a child TRULY know what they are missing??