Anonymous wrote:I thought OP stated DH was lying about things just in conversation. She wasn't asking him anything he was just lying in conversation.
What would you do? Either dispute lie, or just ignore it? I don't think I could just let someone lie.then it becomes the truth.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is constantly lying. I feel like I have to become a detective in order to have a conversation with him.
He drives in to work instead of taking the train, comes home at usual time so I don't realize. It's not a big deal, except that the kids needed the car, went to the station to pick it up and couldn't find it. When I asked DH, he got very defensive. But why not drop a quick text..hey I took the car in today. Its not like he doesn't text me during the day.
It varies between ludicrous, and major lies, or lies by omission. It is to the point that I am questioning myself. I don't even want to talk to him because he will definitely lie. If I call him on it, he will say "I meant to say," or "You misunderstood me." As soon as that starts I don't want to hear it. It will become an argument if I try to say, but you said this and then you said that..
He will say he doesn't buy coffee, he prepares it before he leaves the house. I respond with "Oh I thought you pick up Starbucks." He says, "Well that's when I get off the train." WTH? Why would you even say that? Don't say anything if you feel the need to lie!
Also, its not like I am nagging or badgering "where are you?" "What are you doing?"
He seems very phony and distant lately and will ask me how my day was and then ask me the same question an hour later. Our conversations are very stilted. I am having trouble even explaining it.

Anonymous wrote:It's called gas lighting. It never ends.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm a NP here.
My husbands brother is like this, exactly. Most recently,
I once asked him what he ordered at a restaurant the night before and he said "salmon." I mentioned it to my husband later, asking what DH ordered and it came out his brother ordered a steak. (We eat anything so no vegetarian or special diet for anyone). An inconsequential, meaningless lie. It sounds ridiculous to even type out, but this is what he does. You ask him what cell service he uses, he says Verizon but you notice he has an ATT phone. No significant difference, just a group of people talking about rates. He said he picked up someone from the airport. Turns out that person took a taxi to his house. Again, no one cares, it's small talk. It's been 10 years of weird lies about, really, nothing. So I totally relate.
But what I have found from being a part of their family and seeing the dynamics over the years, is that their mother smothered and micromanaged his brother to death. My husband escaped it somehow, but their mother zoned in on his brother from an early age with nagging and hovering and really controlling stuff.
It is clear to us that his brothers lying is something he learned early on as a coping mechanism to push their mom away, get some semblance of privacy and independence, and just can't stop now, and with other people.
I picture his brother as a little boy just trying to cope with the criticism, nagging and overbearing ways of his mother, and getting some relief from saying he had an apple, when he really had a peach. It's sad .

He probably doesn't even know now that he does it, it's just ingrained in his behavior now.
I'm wondering if your husband has some sort of dynamic like that in his life?