Anonymous wrote:Not a genetics expert but my nephew is a redhead. Sister is brunette and BIL is Asian! Definitely no cheating. So, it can happen. I don't think hair color is a good indicator of parentage.

This is surprising if the BIL is 100% Asian and red hair is recessive. This means that he must carry the gene for red hair, which I'm guessing is pretty unlikely if he's Asian, no? I am 100% Chinese (parents are immigrants) and DH has blue eyes. We used to joke that if our kids had blue eyes that would mean something interesting happened in my family tree.

Take the test!

I would have to know. There is a better than even chance you will end up divorced and, if you don't establish paternity now you could be on the hook financially for a child not genetically yours till he is 18 or more. This happened to a friend of a friend and nearly broke him financially and mentally.

I could barely get through the first paragraph of that NYT piece without feeling sick to my stomach.

OP, I wouldn't do it.

Anonymous wrote:OP here...

I have decided to get the test done and never, ever reveal the results to anyone (even DCUM!) if its determined that I am not the father.

Thoughts?

I doubt you have that much self-control.

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised the people who say "what good would it do to find out" are the same people who would check the Ashley Madison list to see if their spouses were on it. Personally, I would not want to check either, because about the only thing my DW could do that would be an absolute deal breaker is to have another man's child.

Actually, no one has said they'd check Ashley M on this thread. But even if they did -- different things. You can stop loving a spouse. I couldn't stop loving a kid.

Anonymous wrote:OP is Prince Charles!

Nah. Take a look at Harry now. He looks like a younger version of Charles. Unfortunately. He really looks more like Charles than Diana's body guard.

OP here...

I have decided to get the test done and never, ever reveal the results to anyone (even DCUM!) if its determined that I am not the father.

Thoughts?

I think do the test. There is enough doubt in your mind it will drive you crazy not knowing. Perhaps buy your kid microscope and do three swabs use 2 with your kid on the microscope to make a slide and take one to the bathroom and have the kit under the sink.

This happened to a friend of mine - heartbreaking story. Divorce followed by a sad little boy who don't understand why Daddy only takes his older sister for the weekend now.

I am surprised the people who say "what good would it do to find out" are the same people who would check the Ashley Madison list to see if their spouses were on it. Personally, I would not want to check either, because about the only thing my DW could do that would be an absolute deal breaker is to have another man's child.

OP should read this NYT article about legal ramifications for Dads who found out they were not the biological fathers of their kids. Lots of heartbreaking stories.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/magazine/22Paternity-t.html?_r=0

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by these responses. OPs love for the child should be conditional on whether or not he's the father. Parenting is a huge investment and it's easy to find out the facts so why not do it?

You're surprised that you're the only one who thinks that OP should stop loving his child if he's not the biological father?

Yep, that PP is dumb. I could not stop loving a child I've been raising for 4 years just because I found out he wasn't biologically mine. That's messed up.

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by these responses. OPs love for the child should be conditional on whether or not he's the father. Parenting is a huge investment and it's easy to find out the facts so why not do it?

You're surprised that you're the only one who thinks that OP should stop loving his child if he's not the biological father?

I don't see how finding out that his son isn't his biologically would change anything. He already knows his wife cheated. He loves his son. If his son isn't "his" son, what will that knowledge do? Anything good? Other than satisfy a desire to know, what good can it possibly do?




FWIW, we have friends who both have black hair with pale skin. They have one daughter with black hair and tan skin and one daughter with flaming red hair and freckles. Turns out that there is someone in the great-grandfather generation with red hair. Genetics are weird.