When one kid refers to his “Grandma” not all the other kids think it’s their grandmother too. “Brothers” can have lots of nuances. Words are words - descriptors of things. She’s going to realize that they call your DH “Dad” just like she does. So refer to them as her brothers, and explain that they live with their Mommy when not staying at your house. As she gets older you can more deeply explain the logistics in age-appropriate ways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd has 2 half siblings - 10 and 12 years older. They come over every other weekend. We've never referred to them as her brothers. We've just been confused about how to explain why they leave, where they go, why they may skip a weekend, why they look different, aren't always at grandma's, etc. Now that she is almost three she is asking even more questions and we're not sure if we should teach her the concept of half brothers, refer to them as brothers - though she knows her friends and cousins have siblings that live with them full time. How have others handled this?

Is there a reason you are embarrassed by the situation? Is it complicated because the first relationship was not quite over before your dd was conceived and you are really afraid of where questions may lead? Why doesn’t your partner have 50/50 custody?

The original post was made almost 10 years ago.

Anonymous wrote:My dd has 2 half siblings - 10 and 12 years older. They come over every other weekend. We've never referred to them as her brothers. We've just been confused about how to explain why they leave, where they go, why they may skip a weekend, why they look different, aren't always at grandma's, etc. Now that she is almost three she is asking even more questions and we're not sure if we should teach her the concept of half brothers, refer to them as brothers - though she knows her friends and cousins have siblings that live with them full time. How have others handled this?

Is there a reason you are embarrassed by the situation? Is it complicated because the first relationship was not quite over before your dd was conceived and you are really afraid of where questions may lead? Why doesn’t your partner have 50/50 custody?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our plan was to teach her the difference between brothers - John and Jim are brothers. They have the same parents. John and Jim are your half brothers because you have the same dad.

At such a young age, it just didn't come up. Everyone has a name, and she didn't understand that grandma is also jane. She think's grandma's name is grandma. It is now that she has questions about what a family is, how everyone relates, where everyone lives, etc.

There is something very wrong with you if your plan is to refer to them as her half brothers. They’re not half people.

Well what kind of explanation do you propose for why they live with some other woman most of the time?

“Daddy and Carla are M and J’s mommy and daddy. Then daddy and I had you together.”

That’s literally all it takes. Toddlers accept their reality with very few questions.

So is being a half sibling some sort of shameful, stigmatizing fact that must be tiptoed around and never spoken aloud?

I don’t think it’s that - I think it’s OP finds it so meaningful that she won’t refer to these two boys as “brother” to a toddler. What sort of father lets his kids be treated like OP is treating his sons?!?

That’s what I want to know. What an absolute shite parent to co-sign this situation. Those poor boys.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember, OP's daughter is herself a half sibling. Because it works both ways! So if OP treats "half sibling" like a scary, shameful taboo word that should never be spoken, what message does that send OP's daughter about her own self?

I really think it's so much better to be matter of fact about this. It doesn't have to be this awful truth that people are constantly trying to paper over with happy!blended!family!pressure!

I wonder what these teenage boys call their sister? OP, do you dread visitation weekends? Sounds like you do.

It sounds like OP is trying her hardest to write his other kids out of their life and, if this guy is going along with it, he’s a pretty terrible father.

What did you expect? He sees his older kids every other weekend in a time when 50-50 is pretty standard. He has moved on from more than just his ex-wife.

From day 1, those kids are your child’s siblings. There is no need to explain anything to anyone about it later. You guys dropped the ball on this.

Just start talking about them as brothers. “Your brothers will be here soon.” Etc. Your kid will get used to it. When your kid asks questions, just answer the questions truthfully. You are way overthinking this.

I don’t understand how you have gone this long without dealing with this. I also don’t understand why you only see the kids every other weekend. Maybe suggest having them with you more frequently? It’s good for kids to be with both parents.

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced. This is one of many reasons I promised my sons I would never remarry.

I think most good guys at least try to make an effort. Women have got to stop having more kids with deadbeat dads. It’s so unfair to the kids

I'm divorced. This is one of many reasons I promised my sons I would never remarry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember, OP's daughter is herself a half sibling. Because it works both ways! So if OP treats "half sibling" like a scary, shameful taboo word that should never be spoken, what message does that send OP's daughter about her own self?

I really think it's so much better to be matter of fact about this. It doesn't have to be this awful truth that people are constantly trying to paper over with happy!blended!family!pressure!

I wonder what these teenage boys call their sister? OP, do you dread visitation weekends? Sounds like you do.

It sounds like OP is trying her hardest to write his other kids out of their life and, if this guy is going along with it, he’s a pretty terrible father.

When my half sibling was born, stepmom and dad integrated this info into his understanding of his family. They would explain that, before dad and stepmom got married and had him, dad was married to someone else and had me and my sister. So we all have the same dad but me and my sister have a different mom. When my brother was very little he forgot a couple times and would ask if stepmom was my mom, too, and I would let him know she wasn’t but that his dad is also my dad. nbd.

My mom/dad call my brother my brother and my stepmom/dad call me and my sister his sisters.

I do think it’s important that your child is aware that their father has other kids he is actively parenting…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember, OP's daughter is herself a half sibling. Because it works both ways! So if OP treats "half sibling" like a scary, shameful taboo word that should never be spoken, what message does that send OP's daughter about her own self?

I really think it's so much better to be matter of fact about this. It doesn't have to be this awful truth that people are constantly trying to paper over with happy!blended!family!pressure!

I wonder what these teenage boys call their sister? OP, do you dread visitation weekends? Sounds like you do.

"Replacement family"

Anonymous wrote:Remember, OP's daughter is herself a half sibling. Because it works both ways! So if OP treats "half sibling" like a scary, shameful taboo word that should never be spoken, what message does that send OP's daughter about her own self?

I really think it's so much better to be matter of fact about this. It doesn't have to be this awful truth that people are constantly trying to paper over with happy!blended!family!pressure!

I wonder what these teenage boys call their sister? OP, do you dread visitation weekends? Sounds like you do.