I wish OP would return and tell us how it all turned out and whether this couple is even still together. So...bump.

Anonymous wrote:People, this thread is THREE YEARS OLD.

I know! And the person who brought it up only did so to say "Amen" to a quote. Why?

A mother told her daughter 'Yes, I'm set - let's do this' for months on end and let her rack up a bunch of contracts and deposits all of which will have penalty fees upon cancellation. Now she wants to back out?

No, she's on the hook just as much as if she had co-signed a student loan or mortgage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they need to come up with a set amount. I got 20k, as did all my siblings. Only paid for a fraction of my wedding, but was equal for all siblings.

Not everyone has 20k to give to each of their kids.

Duh. That's why it says "set amount". But 20k-25k does seem to be a middle class standard around the majority of my friends too.

Um, no.

My parents gave each of their six kids $3k.

DH and I spent $5k on our wedding.

Average cost of weddings in the US is $28k. So yes, $20-25k is a middle class standard.

Oral contract and sister liable for costs.
Niece should cut her losses, plan small wedding, exclude sister, eliminate all contact with sister.

OP, if you are still around, can you give us an update on what happened?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your niece is mature enough to get married, she should be mature enough to manage disappointment in the face of financial reality with more grace than she's shown so far.

Well said.

This. Plus you stay out of it.

Anonymous wrote:People, this thread is THREE YEARS OLD.

CRAP!!

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this is really tough.

Your sister REPEATEDLY told her they would help her, and told her they would even take out loans to do it. I think blasting your niece is unfair - her MOTHER repeatedly said they would help. Is this a pattern with your sister? I mean really,if you can't count on your mom to keep her word, who can you count on?

That said, I think your sister needs to come up with an amount they can pay, that includes whatever deposits the couple has paid that they can't get back. Your poor niece. I think this is beyond issues with the wedding - I think your niece is about to see the real, adult version of her parents. It is hard when you really start to see your parents shortcomings.

I agree. Most people tend to view brides as selfish and psycho. In this case though she was promised something—from a parent! A parent she had no reason to distrust (like it’s not her estranged father saying he would pay, who would never even show up for his custody time, ya know). I think your sister should pay something, though maybe not as much as initially expected. It’s just the right thing to do when you’ve made a promise. Also, it seems like she doesn’t want to pay because she made the promise before thinking about it—but she had all the information available to her when she did. She didn’t like, lose a job. Or get cancer and rack up medical bills she’s struggling to pay. An emergency situation would be different.

I'm sure your niece told all of her friends how extravagant the wedding was going to be. Now she is going to have to save face and have a budget wedding. Maybe they can elope and your sister pay for a nice honeymoon.

Anonymous wrote:I am sick, tired and disgusted about the tradition of the brides family paying for EVERYTHING for a wedding.

I say tell the grooms family to pay half!

Here’s a thought: How about the bride and groom pay for their own wedding?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they need to come up with a set amount. I got 20k, as did all my siblings. Only paid for a fraction of my wedding, but was equal for all siblings.

Not everyone has 20k to give to each of their kids.

Duh. That's why it says "set amount". But 20k-25k does seem to be a middle class standard around the majority of my friends too.

Um, no.

My parents gave each of their six kids $3k.

DH and I spent $5k on our wedding.

People, this thread is THREE YEARS OLD.

No one owes anyone a wedding. The marriage is what matters. The rest is a huge industry that guilts you into debt.
Religious ceremonies are free to cheap depending on the couple’s circumstances (our priest suggested $100 donation a couple years back) and a JOP is cheap. Have a good friend ordained on the internet if you wish.
Get a sheet cake, boxed wine, and Italian soda to celebrate with immediate family.
In a few years, when niece and DH can afford it, do a vow renewal in a nice venue with a fancy party after.

Next niece is forewarned.

Anonymous wrote:
Your niece needs to be mature and accept that her mother is a COMPLETE AND UTTER FOOL.

Your sister needs to apologize unreservedly to her poor daughter she strung along.

You need to talk to both of them, or someone else needs to. Your niece can harbor a years-long resentment for it if she needs to (and she will), but what needs to happen now is that she says: "OK, we'll wait to save up for a big wedding" or "OK, we'll plan something smaller".

My goodness, your sister is so dumb!
Have her read my post

In case I wasn't clear, no, your sister should not pay more than she afford for a wedding. Taking out a loan? Dear Lord.