Anonymous
Post 05/14/2015 23:17     Subject: Re:Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Instead of focusing on the kids and their genders, think about what you're gaining. The women I know who are/were moms to all boys are so much cooler! It's like all those years of fart noises, burping, rough housing really mellow out a gal and give her a good sense of humor. Sometimes I think moms to all girls or to one of each are kind of prissy and still "in control" of too much. This is obviously a lot of generalizing on my part, but I want to be the "mom of boys" type of mom myself, even though I have a daughter.


I hate your whole sexist, internalized misogyny post. Because only "moms of boys" can be cool? Because boys break down their control and self-possession? Because girls just make women humorless and uptight? Do you even hear yourself? And I am a mom of (only) boys!


I know, these threads make me so sad. No wonder negative gender stereotypes persist so consistently in our society.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2015 21:32     Subject: Re:Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
Anonymous wrote:Instead of focusing on the kids and their genders, think about what you're gaining. The women I know who are/were moms to all boys are so much cooler! It's like all those years of fart noises, burping, rough housing really mellow out a gal and give her a good sense of humor. Sometimes I think moms to all girls or to one of each are kind of prissy and still "in control" of too much. This is obviously a lot of generalizing on my part, but I want to be the "mom of boys" type of mom myself, even though I have a daughter.


I hate your whole sexist, internalized misogyny post. Because only "moms of boys" can be cool? Because boys break down their control and self-possession? Because girls just make women humorless and uptight? Do you even hear yourself? And I am a mom of (only) boys!
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2015 21:09     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OMG stop with the "girl drama" and "mom of boys" crap!!

Boys can be overly emotional. Girls can be even-keeled. My nephews cause drama every damn day and my niece is an angel (all tweens/teens).

PLEASE stop generalizing!


OMG a contrary example! Our minds are built to generalize. Learn to accept it.


well except OP was giving class "boy" behavior examples with farting, burping, etc.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2015 17:00     Subject: Re:Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
You could be that crazy couple in Michigan who just had their 13th boy....
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2015 16:59     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OMG stop with the "girl drama" and "mom of boys" crap!!

Boys can be overly emotional. Girls can be even-keeled. My nephews cause drama every damn day and my niece is an angel (all tweens/teens).

PLEASE stop generalizing!


OMG a contrary example! Our minds are built to generalize. Learn to accept it.


Yes but when we generalize, we also start to internalize the message and treat our kids differently. Instead of talking about "girl drama" how about we just treat a kid, who happens to be a girl, like a kid who is going through a difficult phase? The more we talk about "girl drama" and how boys are SO MUCH EASIER as tweens and teens, the more we perpetuate stereotypes that at the end of the day have a negative effect on all women of every age.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2015 15:19     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have weird coping mechanisms but I always told myself if I don't get the daughter I want, it's because the daughter I would get would NOT be the daughter I would want. In other words, she would hate me, we would not get along, we would not have a good adult relationship, etc. "Everything happens for a reason" kind of bullshit. And another reminder to me that not everyone does have that mother-daughter relationship with their daughter, some people have quite a strained relationship. For example, my MIL told us not to name our baby after her (deceased) mother. How horrible!

The point is, even if you get what you think you want, you can't control whether you actually get what you want. Having a daughter is only a chance of having that bond, not a guarantee, and NOT having a daughter is the universe sending the message that I was never destined to - meaning that I am going to go through that disappointment now instead of when I have a terrible relationship with an actual daughter. And I much prefer this world.

Not everyone is comforted by this kind of thing, but it works for me.


I posted earlier (I'm in the two sons club) and this is something I do, too.


Me, too. I just tell myself that my daughter would end up looking like my MIL.



+1. This is a new thought. And makes me feel much, much better.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2015 14:33     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
Anonymous wrote:OMG stop with the "girl drama" and "mom of boys" crap!!

Boys can be overly emotional. Girls can be even-keeled. My nephews cause drama every damn day and my niece is an angel (all tweens/teens).

PLEASE stop generalizing!


OMG a contrary example! Our minds are built to generalize. Learn to accept it.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2015 13:56     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
OMG stop with the "girl drama" and "mom of boys" crap!!

Boys can be overly emotional. Girls can be even-keeled. My nephews cause drama every damn day and my niece is an angel (all tweens/teens).

PLEASE stop generalizing!
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2015 13:55     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
I am not close with my mother at all....I think you have to try and forge your own relationships with your sons, and you will form special bonds with all of them. I'd rather step on hot coals than go to a spa day with my mother because as many PP's said, our personalities don't mesh at all. Just because you have a girl does not guarantee all of the assumptions about mother/daughter relationships. At allllll.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2015 13:42     Subject: Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter
I'm a woman and I'm much closer to my father.