Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an adorable man who is sweet, kind and gentle. Despite his smarts, he isn't very financially motivated and chooses to pursue work that is "fun" and "interesting". I love him a lot, but resent that marrying him means we won't have the life I envisioned; nice house; private school for the children; being a stay at home mother, etc.

Am I wrong to feel this way?Does anyone else secretly wish this too? Did you consider your husband's financial prospects before saying " I do"?

No, but I did require that the man I marry have ambition and goals. Being able to meet goals is attractive.

I expect my DH to keep pace with me when it comes to earnings. I don't ever want to rely on a man, but I also don't want to be the man.

What if he doesn't?

Anonymous wrote:19:41 back again -

I am disabled, but I do/bring in what I can. Unfortunately I AM reliant on dh for most of our needs. It's stressful for him and for me.

I was asking OP, not you, if she is disabled. She is the one I quoted.

No.

Heh.

This thread just underscores why men tend to be leary of higher-socioeconomic status women. Despite all the "equality" talk, women still pretty much expect their husbands to make more money and lose respect if he doesn't.

Marry some woman from a wealthier background and she will never be satisfied.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an adorable man who is sweet, kind and gentle. Despite his smarts, he isn't very financially motivated and chooses to pursue work that is "fun" and "interesting". I love him a lot, but resent that marrying him means we won't have the life I envisioned; nice house; private school for the children; being a stay at home mother, etc.

Am I wrong to feel this way?Does anyone else secretly wish this too? Did you consider your husband's financial prospects before saying " I do"?

No, but I did require that the man I marry have ambition and goals. Being able to meet goals is attractive.

I expect my DH to keep pace with me when it comes to earnings. I don't ever want to rely on a man, but I also don't want to be the man.

Did your DH require that the woman he marry have ambition and goals?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As women who want to bear children we have a lot of responsibilities and are under a lot of physical, emotional and intellectual stress during these years. The least we can do to try to help our situation some, is by ending up with a spouse that can provide a solid financial foundation to soften the blows of the child rearing years. It is VERY HARD to be a mother AND be a breadwinner. Now, if a woman ONLY wants to devote her time to climbing the career ladder, then this argument is irrelevant.

It is equally hard to be a father and the breadwinner. Yet that is pretty much expected, especially on DCUM.
Exactly why is it so much harder as a mother than a father?

Um, because you probably aren't the default parent, nothing hatched out of your vagina, you didn't lactate, you're allowed to go gray, and you aren't expected to wax your hooha before beach vacations . . . Just for starters

Why does lactating and giving birth make it VERY HARD to be a breadwinner? Those are temporary conditions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never disrespect my husband like some of you do.

A lot of these women are NEVER happy. Unless they were married to someone who looks like a male model, multiple Ivy degrees, friends call him "Trip", over 6 feet tall, large penis, and earns at least mid six figures. And they would complain the guy is never home.

I'm happily married and would marry him 1,000xs over.

Male Model-Hell no
Undergrad only from George Mason
Friends call him Keith
6'3"
Above average penis, but not large
225K/yr salary (as I as well)

Anonymous wrote:I would rather have a happy husband and a comfortable life than a wealthy husband who hates his job.

Like me?

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an adorable man who is sweet, kind and gentle. Despite his smarts, he isn't very financially motivated and chooses to pursue work that is "fun" and "interesting". I love him a lot, but resent that marrying him means we won't have the life I envisioned; nice house; private school for the children; being a stay at home mother, etc.

Am I wrong to feel this way?Does anyone else secretly wish this too? Did you consider your husband's financial prospects before saying " I do"?

No, but I did require that the man I marry have ambition and goals. Being able to meet goals is attractive.

I expect my DH to keep pace with me when it comes to earnings. I don't ever want to rely on a man, but I also don't want to be the man.

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an adorable man who is sweet, kind and gentle. Despite his smarts, he isn't very financially motivated and chooses to pursue work that is "fun" and "interesting". I love him a lot, but resent that marrying him means we won't have the life I envisioned; nice house; private school for the children; being a stay at home mother, etc.

Am I wrong to feel this way?Does anyone else secretly wish this too? Did you consider your husband's financial prospects before saying " I do"?

No. My DH did actually make a ton of money -- he was in BigLaw, earning ridiculous amounts, I could have had everything you envision, but I didn't want any of it because I'd rather have my DH around. I finally persuaded him to quit and join government. He makes pennies now, but he's around more, and can spend time with the kids. Financially it's much tighter, but I think it's so important for kids to have both parents around when they're little.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As women who want to bear children we have a lot of responsibilities and are under a lot of physical, emotional and intellectual stress during these years. The least we can do to try to help our situation some, is by ending up with a spouse that can provide a solid financial foundation to soften the blows of the child rearing years. It is VERY HARD to be a mother AND be a breadwinner. Now, if a woman ONLY wants to devote her time to climbing the career ladder, then this argument is irrelevant.

It is equally hard to be a father and the breadwinner. Yet that is pretty much expected, especially on DCUM.
Exactly why is it so much harder as a mother than a father?

Um, because you probably aren't the default parent, nothing hatched out of your vagina, you didn't lactate, you're allowed to go gray, and you aren't expected to wax your hooha before beach vacations . . . Just for starters

Anonymous wrote:I would rather have a happy husband and a comfortable life than a wealthy husband who hates his job.

+1

Anonymous wrote:OP said 88k combined. That's not really doable for someone to stop working and have a child

My husband's salary was 60K when we decided that I would SAH with our child. It was tight, but we managed.

I would rather have a happy husband and a comfortable life than a wealthy husband who hates his job.

I do not wish my DH made more money.

We were so used to living happily on so very little during the early years of our married life that when we started to make more money we were in disbelief.

We are one of those people who think that we are very well off - even though most DCUMers will laugh at us.

We have a very comfortable lifestyle, I am home with our kids now, my DH is home at a reasonable time and spends time with us, our weekends is devoted to hanging out with the family and doing things that we love to do. We have frequent date nights still (after 25 years of marriage).

My DH has the qualifications that will allow him to move to a higher paying job - BUT - he will have less leisure time. I don't think I will exchange our life right now for more money because I want for all of us to be happy. If my DH has less leisure time - everyone suffers - him, me and our kids. It is absolutely not worth it.

Besides, anything that extra money could buy - designer clothes, spa, bigger house, better cars, vacations etc - we do not care about!