Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Wow. You hate your parents huh...

OP maybe he just loves his parents and wants them to feel secure. Maybe this is a way for them to pass some wealth without taxes. If they are putting up the down payment and paying the mortgage thru the rent, then until/ if something goes wrong you have to take over. Yes, there will be taxes but you could draw up an agreement to be gifted annually the extra amount. Although you will have the extra mortage on your credit, if it's paid in time and your debt load is low hiw us that a negative? They aren't starting out with NOTHING down, you should be able to sell if you need to.

This is family. You have two kids with this man, unless there are other serious issues, it doesn't sound like you are headed to divorce. You knew he's in dreamland but you let him manage your investments? Maybe this isn't as bad as your emotions have lead you to believe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Philosophy or not, most people feel that way who had good parents.

I don't know your group of "most people". Many people I know would help their parents but not to the detriment of their own retirement or their children. Parents have no right to think their kids owe them financially.

That was my point. I didn't say one needed to do it to the detriment of themselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We paid off our first home in 10 years. While house hunting for our next home, out of the blue, DH mentioned that we need to buy a house with an MIL suite for his mother to live in someday.

I nearly fell over in shock and told him he was out of his mind. He pouted for a while, but got over it.

His sister ended up buying a house with an MIL suite.

That's a nice outcome for you.
How did the sister's husband feel about this, I wonder?

BIL went along with it to keep peace in the family. 12 years later he dumped DH's sister and 3 kids for his "soul mate" co-worker. Very bitter divorce. DH's sister was outraged when she had to get a job. There are multiple divorces in DH's family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Philosophy or not, most people feel that way who had good parents.

I don't know your group of "most people". Many people I know would help their parents but not to the detriment of their own retirement or their children. Parents have no right to think their kids owe them financially.

Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

I don't agree with it. It's common in Asian cultures to think this way, though. People grow up thinking they owe their parents for everything, and that they must buy their parents houses and take care of them until they die. Personally, I'd feel horrible putting that burden on my kids. Cultures vary, though.

Anonymous wrote:We paid off our first home in 10 years. While house hunting for our next home, out of the blue, DH mentioned that we need to buy a house with an MIL suite for his mother to live in someday.

I nearly fell over in shock and told him he was out of his mind. He pouted for a while, but got over it.

His sister ended up buying a house with an MIL suite.

That's a nice outcome for you.
How did the sister's husband feel about this, I wonder?

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a terrible idea. Judging by the amount of money his parents have in the 401K and the fact that their house is only work $200K, they probably should stay put where they are. This is a very expensive area and a $700K total net worth won't go far. I feel for you OP, you are in a tough spot. Its unfair that your husband is pressuring you into this. If you guys had buckets of money to support his parents, that would be one thing, but it doesn't sound like this is the care. They should be downsizing to a small condo in their retirement, not moving to a bigger house on your dime. It is unfair to you and your children. I get that he wants to take care of his parents, but there are ways to help that don't involve such a heavy burden on your family.

Correction- he wants OP to take care of his parents for him, and shoulder their debt.

Taking care of parents means ensuring they have an adequate standard of living. It doesn't mean enabling their bad decisions. It doesn't mean a fancy house with land that they can't really afford and can't manage on their own, at the expense of your own financial stability.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Philosophy or not, most people feel that way who had good parents.

Yes, but if taking care of your parents necessitates curtailing your retirement planning and shortchanging your own children, then you are just passing the responsibility for your own needs to the next generation, without their consent or input.

This is the ultimate in selfishness. IMO.

Anonymous wrote:Whatever he feels he owes them, he shouldn't do it without OPs consent.

Agree. Doesn't appear like he can, which is probably why he is pouting.

Whatever he feels he owes them, he shouldn't do it without OPs consent.

Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Philosophy or not, most people feel that way who had good parents.

ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Anonymous wrote:Op here:

Contrary to immediate PP, I think I learned a lot from this thread. I"m not going to go for this and have found a lot of logical reasoning, and support on here.

This tread got me from a reactionary, emotional place to one of peaceful logic.

So again, thanks to all of you, especially the poster who shared the personal dementia story. It opened my eyes to the fact that we have to have some conversations about helping family because it is possible that other demands and requests will be made. We need to have that global discussion now before real needs are expressed and clearly this is a want that doesn't benefit either of us or our children.

Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet.

Your detached response makes no sense. Hope it works for you. Great that your ils future is more important than your children's.

We paid off our first home in 10 years. While house hunting for our next home, out of the blue, DH mentioned that we need to buy a house with an MIL suite for his mother to live in someday.

I nearly fell over in shock and told him he was out of his mind. He pouted for a while, but got over it.

His sister ended up buying a house with an MIL suite.