Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of two straight-A boys here and a family of teachers. Education #1 priority in my home. We are strict as hell about it. We used to have a "no C's or you are grounded till your next report card" rule. We did all the right things. Everything was fine.

What threw us for a loop? Having a daughter who tests on the low end of average intelligence. All our expectations and plans went out the window. She tries hard, follows all of the same rules our boys do, and gets C's and maybe a couple of B's. Is it bad parenting? Nope. Its called being HUMAN.

Sometimes, you don't get the straight A kid with the high intelligence come out of your womb. It happens. If it didn't happen, the world would be full of high intelligence folks, which is a pretty easy thing to determine is NOT the case lol.

OP, what I would suggest is having your daughter IQ tested. See what you are dealing with. Where should your expectations be? You don't have to have the same rules for all of your kids. Its called good parenting to know your kid and have expectations and rules that are different and appropriate for each kid.

I'd also suggest if you DO find that your daughter is not an academic star in the IQ department, figure out what DOES make her tick. Some people aren't super academic smart but everyone has something about them that can contribute great things to this world. Find that thing, and push HARD on her in that department, and suddenly you'll see confidence rise. This takes TIME. Be patient.

Do not suggest going to the school. I think your daughter is in high school, right? At least at our high school, parents who step in and contact teachers etc to determine "what went wrong" as a PP suggested are viewed as bad parents, because they are not allowing their kid to be in control of their own issues. Its tempting to do it, but you'll most likely get slammed. I'd only suggest going to the school if you DIDNT suspect that this was, as you said, pure laziness. If you suspect depression/suicide/learning disabilities, that's a different story and being proactive at the school level is different.

That's my two cents for today !

I'm the poster with straight A kids that I believe you called smug. If you are the same poster, you had originally stated that you have two academic superstars and one child with an average IQ. I'm a little confused by what you wrote. You state that you had a grounded until next report card rule for a "C"- why would you have that rule if your kids were straight A students? Were they not always straight A students/were there any consequences for B's? I would think it would be more likely that you would have a rule for "B's" if you were strict as "hell" - like you put it.

Also you stated that you have two academic super stars and one child with average intelligence. In your prior post you wrote that you have a child with low average intelligence which is conventionally defined as someone who has a IQ that puts them in the bottom 20-25% of the population. If my child had an IQ in the bottom 20-25% percent of the population of course I would have different standards. I don't know what those standards would be but they would be at the top of what someone in that IQ range would be capable of achieving and I would work hard with my child.

OP- I disagree with you making your child pay for summer school. I think the fact that she has to go to summer school is probably punishment enough for her and making her pay will just take away from the time that she has to devote to her studies. That being said, I'd be completely on top of her for the rest of the school year. The would be no activities, no friends, no car, no cell phone nothing until she brought her grades up. If she has been a C student for a while, you can't expect straight A's- but there is no reason why she can't bring her grades up to a B average if as you say she does not have a LD. However, she'll need a lot of support from you to do that.

Anonymous wrote:Parent of two straight-A boys here and a family of teachers. Education #1 priority in my home. We are strict as hell about it. We used to have a "no C's or you are grounded till your next report card" rule. We did all the right things. Everything was fine.

What threw us for a loop? Having a daughter who tests on the low end of average intelligence. All our expectations and plans went out the window. She tries hard, follows all of the same rules our boys do, and gets C's and maybe a couple of B's. Is it bad parenting? Nope. Its called being HUMAN.

Sometimes, you don't get the straight A kid with the high intelligence come out of your womb. It happens. If it didn't happen, the world would be full of high intelligence folks, which is a pretty easy thing to determine is NOT the case lol.

OP, what I would suggest is having your daughter IQ tested. See what you are dealing with. Where should your expectations be? You don't have to have the same rules for all of your kids. Its called good parenting to know your kid and have expectations and rules that are different and appropriate for each kid.

I'd also suggest if you DO find that your daughter is not an academic star in the IQ department, figure out what DOES make her tick. Some people aren't super academic smart but everyone has something about them that can contribute great things to this world. Find that thing, and push HARD on her in that department, and suddenly you'll see confidence rise. This takes TIME. Be patient.

Do not suggest going to the school. I think your daughter is in high school, right? At least at our high school, parents who step in and contact teachers etc to determine "what went wrong" as a PP suggested are viewed as bad parents, because they are not allowing their kid to be in control of their own issues. Its tempting to do it, but you'll most likely get slammed. I'd only suggest going to the school if you DIDNT suspect that this was, as you said, pure laziness. If you suspect depression/suicide/learning disabilities, that's a different story and being proactive at the school level is different.

That's my two cents for today !

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many schools will only award A's to - at most - 10% of the class, regardless of mastery. So tiger mom above - do you come down hard on your kid if they aren't in the top 10% in all of their classes?

We haven't had that problem.

I'm happy that God gave you kids who can handle your expectations. I warn you that it isn't all about your parenting. The universe has a way of punishing people as smug as you. I used to have an A student. Now he is not. Parenting my child isn't easy, and demanding more than he can do right now would only result in worse outcomes. I have learned some humility. I hope you can find some.

Why do you think demanding more will result in a worse outcome?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many schools will only award A's to - at most - 10% of the class, regardless of mastery. So tiger mom above - do you come down hard on your kid if they aren't in the top 10% in all of their classes?

We haven't had that problem.

I'm happy that God gave you kids who can handle your expectations. I warn you that it isn't all about your parenting. The universe has a way of punishing people as smug as you. I used to have an A student. Now he is not. Parenting my child isn't easy, and demanding more than he can do right now would only result in worse outcomes. I have learned some humility. I hope you can find some.

Why do you think demanding more will result in a worse outcome?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know DCUM loves to deal with mental disorders and disabilities, but my daughter is NOT suffering from any of these things. You don't have to believe me and that's fine. My daughter wants to fit in with the cool kids, hoping that it will keep her from being picked on about her skin complexion. If her friends aren't doing work, she won't. If they're talking, she's talking and being rude. She doesn't bother to bring books home.

As I said, it's NOT a learning disability. She needs to not worry so much about what others think of her. That will ONLY come from within. We've had talks with her about this but ultimately, she's the one attending school and she's the one who will need to deal with the issues because kids get picked on for all sorts of reasons. I've told her that if we need to step in and handle the school kids we will but it is NO excuse for failing. She understands, says she's since been doing better (she insists that the report card was a wake up call).

I am giving my DD the opportunity to prove she can step up and be responsible. As such, I will monitor her grades and see how the next few weeks go before I decide my next step.

I believe you, OP. My previous suggestion was to tie her school performance with her upcoming drivers license and part-time job. Those are big steps and if she's interested in gaining that level of independence, it may motivate her to work harder for passing grades.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know DCUM loves to deal with mental disorders and disabilities, but my daughter is NOT suffering from any of these things. You don't have to believe me and that's fine. My daughter wants to fit in with the cool kids, hoping that it will keep her from being picked on about her skin complexion. If her friends aren't doing work, she won't. If they're talking, she's talking and being rude. She doesn't bother to bring books home.

As I said, it's NOT a learning disability. She needs to not worry so much about what others think of her. That will ONLY come from within. We've had talks with her about this but ultimately, she's the one attending school and she's the one who will need to deal with the issues because kids get picked on for all sorts of reasons. I've told her that if we need to step in and handle the school kids we will but it is NO excuse for failing. She understands, says she's since been doing better (she insists that the report card was a wake up call).

I am giving my DD the opportunity to prove she can step up and be responsible. As such, I will monitor her grades and see how the next few weeks go before I decide my next step.

Anonymous wrote:Second the dermatologist. Those of us blessed with good skin have no conception of how skin problems can adversely affect a teenager girl. Treat this as an urgent medical problem. BTDT.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I had my daughter write me a letter explaining her poor performance and we had a long family discussion last night.

Long story short, some of her past insecurities have gotten the best of her this past semester (worrying about her looks, how others view her, her skin complexion, etc). It's been a problem since middle school and, while I can coach her into feeling better about herself, she is terribly self conscious. In short, she's focused more on fitting in with her friends than focusing on school in an attempt to be cool to keep kids from talking about her.

She says she's straightened up and has been doing better since the last reporting period. My DH and I are seriously considering homeschooling her because I just don't see a way around getting her to get over these insecurities.

So, long story short...we're working on it.

So I read this as she is feeling anxious while OP read it, again, as a character flaw - she's just worried about fitting in. I don't get it. OP clearly has never had her DD evaluated for LDs or mood issues, there are quite a few red flags here. She would rather thing her DD is dumb and superficial. I see a girl who has always struggled in school but who has never gotten the support she needs to succeed. Since she can't do academics because she's never gotten support she gets her self esteem from her looks and friends and rightfully feels the anxiety of grasping onto these fleeting things. And her mother refuses to get her the help she needs.

Anonymous wrote:Of course expectations should be high. Who shouldn't know that? But they need to be in line with each child. And coupled with loving support and nurturance instead of a one size fits all mentality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many schools will only award A's to - at most - 10% of the class, regardless of mastery. So tiger mom above - do you come down hard on your kid if they aren't in the top 10% in all of their classes?

We haven't had that problem.

I'm happy that God gave you kids who can handle your expectations. I warn you that it isn't all about your parenting. The universe has a way of punishing people as smug as you. I used to have an A student. Now he is not. Parenting my child isn't easy, and demanding more than he can do right now would only result in worse outcomes. I have learned some humility. I hope you can find some.

Why do you think demanding more will result in a worse outcome?

She posted more than one post, and she is very smug. That's all. Demanding more sometimes results in more, but sometimes it does not. I'm glad it is working for her. We can't all have kids in the top 10%, and those of us who do not may not be the lousy undemanding parents you think. Perhaps we're just not sharing everything with a wider audience.

Just because my kids are straight A students does not mean that it is/was easy. You have no idea how hard I work with them or whether my children are easier or more difficult to parent than yours. A child with average intelligence who is getting by with C's isn't applying him/herself. But okay call me smug. It's easier to call me names and dismiss my parenting then it is acknowledge that having high expectations with a good support system leads to better academic results.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many schools will only award A's to - at most - 10% of the class, regardless of mastery. So tiger mom above - do you come down hard on your kid if they aren't in the top 10% in all of their classes?

We haven't had that problem.

I'm happy that God gave you kids who can handle your expectations. I warn you that it isn't all about your parenting. The universe has a way of punishing people as smug as you. I used to have an A student. Now he is not. Parenting my child isn't easy, and demanding more than he can do right now would only result in worse outcomes. I have learned some humility. I hope you can find some.

Why do you think demanding more will result in a worse outcome?

She posted more than one post, and she is very smug. That's all. Demanding more sometimes results in more, but sometimes it does not. I'm glad it is working for her. We can't all have kids in the top 10%, and those of us who do not may not be the lousy undemanding parents you think. Perhaps we're just not sharing everything with a wider audience.

Just because my kids are straight A students does not mean that it is/was easy. You have no idea how hard I work with them or whether my children are easier or more difficult to parent than yours. A child with average intelligence who is getting by with C's isn't applying him/herself. But okay call me smug. It's easier to call me names and dismiss my parenting then it is acknowledge that having high expectations with a good support system leads to better academic results.