Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 20:04     Subject: Re:All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
OP here. Well, I just started online dating. It is all new to me. Will definitely try to be more open minded. Thank you.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 14:40     Subject: All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like she's got a lot of opportunities for dating -- more than a lot of childless-women.

May be she needs to practice saying yes to invitations rather than pre-judging men (just as she fears being pre-judged for having a child).


Agreed. You just made my point succinctly (I'm the PP above you).
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 14:39     Subject: All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the same age as you. I find that I fare much better in person. I've met guys while DC is with me, while hanging with friends, and through work. My married friends have husbands that have tried to match me with their friends as well. Online was hit or miss for me. My best guy friend once volunteered to look at my profile years ago. His tweaking lead to alot more hits. He said I didn't have enough full body pics. I have a nice figure but wrongly assumed that more than a few photos would attract guys looking for sex. In fact, it was the opposite. My modesty translated online to having something to hide (like 30 extra pounds, for example). I also talked about ish men didn't care about, according to him.lol

I don't know why single dads are suggested as if they're everywhere. Most "single dads" have visitation every other weekend. 90% of the guys I've met have been single/no kids. I think you should consider guys closer in age to you as well. It's great that you're willing to go to 45, but how about 28-45? Recently, I told a friend that I'm no longer asking a guy for his age. I've met soooo many twentysomethings and ruled them out solely based on age.

How long have you been single?


I'm not understanding why how much custody a single dad has is relevant. The point is, the majority of men in OPs desired age group are either never-married, or divorced, with no kids. Those without kids, when choosing online, as you noted, choose people without children, because they don't have their own. A single dad, regardless of how much he has his children, is more likely to be open to a single mom.


I think she was making some kind of implicit criticism of men for not having custody of their kids.


Incorrect. I was making the point that guys with custody every other weekend are not in the same boat as someone with primary custody. They might understand a little better, but not enough to encourage OP to focus on that demographic. Single dads who have their kids more often can better understand, but again, they're fewer and farther between. I'm speaking from experience as a single mom the same age who has been out here dating and has friends doing the same. My single mom friends have all married/remarried single guys without kids (there is one engaged to a divorced dad). Had I been emotionally ready a few years ago, I'm pretty sure I'd be off the market now too.

I brought up being open to meeting younger men, because I believe this is an area, like a man's height, where women totally discount quality men based off a snap judgment. Its funny how we want guys to accept our kids, yet being 1-2 years younger is a dealbreaker. I'm most certainly guilty of doing the same. I actually went out with a couple of few guys to prove to myself that I was openminded and I can say now that I never gave the guys a fair chance. One guy was 2 years younger and we had so much in common. He was ready to buy his first home, finishing his MBA, willing to trade in his two seater for a sedan (his suggestion, not mine), and wanted a family of his own within 2 years. His mom raised 3 boys alone and he totally got it. In fact, he told me at one point to just call him anytime I was free and he would make time because he knew his schedule was more flexible than mine. I was in a relationship with a guy a couple years older than me, also child free, when I was 27 (he was 29). Totally understanding guy and would drive from Bmore during the week to spend time with me. Had a sister and niece living with him after leaving an abusive marriage. If he was mature at 29, I'm sure there are other guys who are as well at that age. My friend's husband who has tried to hook me up with his remaining single friends is a year younger than my friend.

The biggest shock for me has been older men. The first challenge is making sure they aren't still married!lol More than that, I was surprised to find more than a few single guys who weren't in any hurry to get married. I know there are guys pushing 40 who are ready to settle down, of course, but there's also a segment of late 30s/early 40s men who are still taking their precious time to settle down. In essence, you will find immaturity across the age spectrum. I'm not saying to go after 24yos, but a 2 year difference is small potatoes.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 08:31     Subject: All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the same age as you. I find that I fare much better in person. I've met guys while DC is with me, while hanging with friends, and through work. My married friends have husbands that have tried to match me with their friends as well. Online was hit or miss for me. My best guy friend once volunteered to look at my profile years ago. His tweaking lead to alot more hits. He said I didn't have enough full body pics. I have a nice figure but wrongly assumed that more than a few photos would attract guys looking for sex. In fact, it was the opposite. My modesty translated online to having something to hide (like 30 extra pounds, for example). I also talked about ish men didn't care about, according to him.lol

I don't know why single dads are suggested as if they're everywhere. Most "single dads" have visitation every other weekend. 90% of the guys I've met have been single/no kids. I think you should consider guys closer in age to you as well. It's great that you're willing to go to 45, but how about 28-45? Recently, I told a friend that I'm no longer asking a guy for his age. I've met soooo many twentysomethings and ruled them out solely based on age.

How long have you been single?


I have been single for a year. Can't even imagine being with someone who is under 30. It is impossible for men that young to know anything about parenthood and what comes with it. A guy at my gym approached and asked me out - handsome, in great shape and pleasant but way too young for me. Why not just have fun and get laid, right? I would like to go out with someone who can at least seem to be looking for a serious long term relationship.


Good luck to you! Where did you meet?

I don't blame you. I'm a man and having a FWB would not work for me because it would just remind me that I want to connect with someone on more levels. Did meet someone recently and we are taking it slow but definitely potential, and we have both expressed that. Both single parents so there is hope....


Woman friend at work introduced us.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 06:37     Subject: All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
OP sounds like she's got a lot of opportunities for dating -- more than a lot of childless-women.

May be she needs to practice saying yes to invitations rather than pre-judging men (just as she fears being pre-judged for having a child).
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 02:52     Subject: All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the same age as you. I find that I fare much better in person. I've met guys while DC is with me, while hanging with friends, and through work. My married friends have husbands that have tried to match me with their friends as well. Online was hit or miss for me. My best guy friend once volunteered to look at my profile years ago. His tweaking lead to alot more hits. He said I didn't have enough full body pics. I have a nice figure but wrongly assumed that more than a few photos would attract guys looking for sex. In fact, it was the opposite. My modesty translated online to having something to hide (like 30 extra pounds, for example). I also talked about ish men didn't care about, according to him.lol

I don't know why single dads are suggested as if they're everywhere. Most "single dads" have visitation every other weekend. 90% of the guys I've met have been single/no kids. I think you should consider guys closer in age to you as well. It's great that you're willing to go to 45, but how about 28-45? Recently, I told a friend that I'm no longer asking a guy for his age. I've met soooo many twentysomethings and ruled them out solely based on age.

How long have you been single?


I'm not understanding why how much custody a single dad has is relevant. The point is, the majority of men in OPs desired age group are either never-married, or divorced, with no kids. Those without kids, when choosing online, as you noted, choose people without children, because they don't have their own. A single dad, regardless of how much he has his children, is more likely to be open to a single mom.


I think she was making some kind of implicit criticism of men for not having custody of their kids.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 02:23     Subject: All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the same age as you. I find that I fare much better in person. I've met guys while DC is with me, while hanging with friends, and through work. My married friends have husbands that have tried to match me with their friends as well. Online was hit or miss for me. My best guy friend once volunteered to look at my profile years ago. His tweaking lead to alot more hits. He said I didn't have enough full body pics. I have a nice figure but wrongly assumed that more than a few photos would attract guys looking for sex. In fact, it was the opposite. My modesty translated online to having something to hide (like 30 extra pounds, for example). I also talked about ish men didn't care about, according to him.lol

I don't know why single dads are suggested as if they're everywhere. Most "single dads" have visitation every other weekend. 90% of the guys I've met have been single/no kids. I think you should consider guys closer in age to you as well. It's great that you're willing to go to 45, but how about 28-45? Recently, I told a friend that I'm no longer asking a guy for his age. I've met soooo many twentysomethings and ruled them out solely based on age.

How long have you been single?


I'm not understanding why how much custody a single dad has is relevant. The point is, the majority of men in OPs desired age group are either never-married, or divorced, with no kids. Those without kids, when choosing online, as you noted, choose people without children, because they don't have their own. A single dad, regardless of how much he has his children, is more likely to be open to a single mom.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2015 22:38     Subject: All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the same age as you. I find that I fare much better in person. I've met guys while DC is with me, while hanging with friends, and through work. My married friends have husbands that have tried to match me with their friends as well. Online was hit or miss for me. My best guy friend once volunteered to look at my profile years ago. His tweaking lead to alot more hits. He said I didn't have enough full body pics. I have a nice figure but wrongly assumed that more than a few photos would attract guys looking for sex. In fact, it was the opposite. My modesty translated online to having something to hide (like 30 extra pounds, for example). I also talked about ish men didn't care about, according to him.lol

I don't know why single dads are suggested as if they're everywhere. Most "single dads" have visitation every other weekend. 90% of the guys I've met have been single/no kids. I think you should consider guys closer in age to you as well. It's great that you're willing to go to 45, but how about 28-45? Recently, I told a friend that I'm no longer asking a guy for his age. I've met soooo many twentysomethings and ruled them out solely based on age.

How long have you been single?


I have been single for a year. Can't even imagine being with someone who is under 30. It is impossible for men that young to know anything about parenthood and what comes with it. A guy at my gym approached and asked me out - handsome, in great shape and pleasant but way too young for me. Why not just have fun and get laid, right? I would like to go out with someone who can at least seem to be looking for a serious long term relationship.


Good luck to you! Where did you meet?

I don't blame you. I'm a man and having a FWB would not work for me because it would just remind me that I want to connect with someone on more levels. Did meet someone recently and we are taking it slow but definitely potential, and we have both expressed that. Both single parents so there is hope....
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2015 20:42     Subject: All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the same age as you. I find that I fare much better in person. I've met guys while DC is with me, while hanging with friends, and through work. My married friends have husbands that have tried to match me with their friends as well. Online was hit or miss for me. My best guy friend once volunteered to look at my profile years ago. His tweaking lead to alot more hits. He said I didn't have enough full body pics. I have a nice figure but wrongly assumed that more than a few photos would attract guys looking for sex. In fact, it was the opposite. My modesty translated online to having something to hide (like 30 extra pounds, for example). I also talked about ish men didn't care about, according to him.lol

I don't know why single dads are suggested as if they're everywhere. Most "single dads" have visitation every other weekend. 90% of the guys I've met have been single/no kids. I think you should consider guys closer in age to you as well. It's great that you're willing to go to 45, but how about 28-45? Recently, I told a friend that I'm no longer asking a guy for his age. I've met soooo many twentysomethings and ruled them out solely based on age.

How long have you been single?


I have been single for a year. Can't even imagine being with someone who is under 30. It is impossible for men that young to know anything about parenthood and what comes with it. A guy at my gym approached and asked me out - handsome, in great shape and pleasant but way too young for me. Why not just have fun and get laid, right? I would like to go out with someone who can at least seem to be looking for a serious long term relationship.


I don't blame you. I'm a man and having a FWB would not work for me because it would just remind me that I want to connect with someone on more levels. Did meet someone recently and we are taking it slow but definitely potential, and we have both expressed that. Both single parents so there is hope....
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2015 20:07     Subject: All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the same age as you. I find that I fare much better in person. I've met guys while DC is with me, while hanging with friends, and through work. My married friends have husbands that have tried to match me with their friends as well. Online was hit or miss for me. My best guy friend once volunteered to look at my profile years ago. His tweaking lead to alot more hits. He said I didn't have enough full body pics. I have a nice figure but wrongly assumed that more than a few photos would attract guys looking for sex. In fact, it was the opposite. My modesty translated online to having something to hide (like 30 extra pounds, for example). I also talked about ish men didn't care about, according to him.lol

I don't know why single dads are suggested as if they're everywhere. Most "single dads" have visitation every other weekend. 90% of the guys I've met have been single/no kids. I think you should consider guys closer in age to you as well. It's great that you're willing to go to 45, but how about 28-45? Recently, I told a friend that I'm no longer asking a guy for his age. I've met soooo many twentysomethings and ruled them out solely based on age.

How long have you been single?


I have been single for a year. Can't even imagine being with someone who is under 30. It is impossible for men that young to know anything about parenthood and what comes with it. A guy at my gym approached and asked me out - handsome, in great shape and pleasant but way too young for me. Why not just have fun and get laid, right? I would like to go out with someone who can at least seem to be looking for a serious long term relationship.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2015 12:49     Subject: All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. So this is my day 2 on Match and I am surprised I am getting tons of messages and winks from men whose profiles indicate they do not want to date women with kids... Hmmm! This is really confusing. Of course, I instantly think they just want sex and I am not interested in just getting laid. Dating websites are not necessary for that, right? Anyway, I answered only one guy so far. What is up with winking? I do not even want to see who winked at me as I think it's so childish... I am so new to this and honestly, am nervous about going out with strangers. I guess I will get used to it. Parenthood has definitely made me paranoid and uptight. I am afraid men will sense that.


This just in. Any woman on a dating website who does not look like Honey Boo Boo's mother gets tons of messages.


This is why if I am ever reincarnated, I want to come back as a woman. Could walk into a bar and find someone to get laid anytime I want. Or go online and have dozens of people wanting to date me.


You can do that now, provided you are willing to sleep with men.


The gay world is generally more superficial than hetero so that might not be so easy.


When men get horny, and the hour is late, their standards go down, gay or straight*. Also, I think it depends on whether you are a "top" or "bottom." The beauty standards tend to be higher for bottoms.

*Holy crap, that was almost poetry!
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2015 12:40     Subject: All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. So this is my day 2 on Match and I am surprised I am getting tons of messages and winks from men whose profiles indicate they do not want to date women with kids... Hmmm! This is really confusing. Of course, I instantly think they just want sex and I am not interested in just getting laid. Dating websites are not necessary for that, right? Anyway, I answered only one guy so far. What is up with winking? I do not even want to see who winked at me as I think it's so childish... I am so new to this and honestly, am nervous about going out with strangers. I guess I will get used to it. Parenthood has definitely made me paranoid and uptight. I am afraid men will sense that.


This just in. Any woman on a dating website who does not look like Honey Boo Boo's mother gets tons of messages.


This is why if I am ever reincarnated, I want to come back as a woman. Could walk into a bar and find someone to get laid anytime I want. Or go online and have dozens of people wanting to date me.


You can do that now, provided you are willing to sleep with men.


The gay world is generally more superficial than hetero so that might not be so easy.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2015 12:21     Subject: All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people aren't marred at 40 because they are ambitious and career-focused.

Or maybe they had issues (who doesn't?) but they have matured and overcame them.

I think some people are just late bloomers, in general.

The challenge is distinguishing the promising late-bloomers from the lemons.

To be fair, though. OP is 31. I can certainly understand by a never-married guy over 40 may


Or maybe they just don't like the dating game. I went a long time between relationships, got married at 38, and consider myself a good spouse. The thought of going to bars or Match was a turn off. Eventually I met someone who was also studying a foreign language.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2015 12:07     Subject: All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
A lot of people aren't marred at 40 because they are ambitious and career-focused.

Or maybe they had issues (who doesn't?) but they have matured and overcame them.

I think some people are just late bloomers, in general.

The challenge is distinguishing the promising late-bloomers from the lemons.

To be fair, though. OP is 31. I can certainly understand by a never-married guy over 40 may
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2015 11:58     Subject: Re:All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am in a weird position in that I am too old to have another child (39 yrs old) but I have a child already. Even the single dads aren't too interested b/c I have my child with me 24/7. Never married guys want someone younger who can still have kids. Sigh.


You do not want to marry a man who has never been married at the age of 39. There is a reason they have never been married- trust me, I married one and it was a disaster. So count yourself lucky that the never-marrieds are not interested in you. Look for divorced or widowed men, preferably with children of their own already.


Of course there is a reason they've never been married- but who says it has to be a bad one? I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but you can't seriously believe your situation would apply to every never married man.