Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 21:21     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You are kidding right?

Of course, this happens all the time with well paid and highly educated men. It's starts with cheating and then after being caught with PYT woman, first wife drags DH thru divorce.
Your status or ideal of assortative marriage may hold true in most couples. But some men need to thrill of chase/exploration.

When we started to date exclusively, I told my PYT DW that if she ever got plump, don't expect me to stick around that's how we got together my last serious girlfriend gained weight and was ok with it. As I type, she's running on the custis trail.

Hopefully, you are not letting yourself go.


This is not unusual. It may not be stated in specific terms but men who are conscious about appearance and look to stay fit are not going to settle for long with an out of shape, fat wife.

Does not mean they would immediately divorce the wife but you can be sure they will be looking with interest at younger and more attractive women who take care of their bodies.

It may be shallow but unfortunately it is true.

Hmmm. In my multi-million close-in neighborhood both partners are very fit. But-it's usually the man with the giant gut in situations where that's not true.

Maybe all of you people live out in the far-reaching suburbs. We are 1 mile outside of DC with very educated, very fit people. Most of the mind have options and can still work part-time, from home, if they choose. If they stay home-they are working out, volunteering, etc.

I don't see theses hoardes of bad-looking frumps. Lots of MILFs in lululemon...and lots of the younger chicks with beer guts and muffin tops from all if the beer crawls.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 20:49     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
Anonymous wrote:You are kidding right?

Of course, this happens all the time with well paid and highly educated men. It's starts with cheating and then after being caught with PYT woman, first wife drags DH thru divorce.
Your status or ideal of assortative marriage may hold true in most couples. But some men need to thrill of chase/exploration.

When we started to date exclusively, I told my PYT DW that if she ever got plump, don't expect me to stick around that's how we got together my last serious girlfriend gained weight and was ok with it. As I type, she's running on the custis trail.

Hopefully, you are not letting yourself go.


This is not unusual. It may not be stated in specific terms but men who are conscious about appearance and look to stay fit are not going to settle for long with an out of shape, fat wife.

Does not mean they would immediately divorce the wife but you can be sure they will be looking with interest at younger and more attractive women who take care of their bodies.

It may be shallow but unfortunately it is true.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 18:49     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
Anonymous wrote:You are kidding right?

Of course, this happens all the time with well paid and highly educated men. It's starts with cheating and then after being caught with PYT woman, first wife drags DH thru divorce.
Your status or ideal of assortative marriage may hold true in most couples. But some men need to thrill of chase/exploration.

When we started to date exclusively, I told my PYT DW that if she ever got plump, don't expect me to stick around that's how we got together my last serious girlfriend gained weight and was ok with it. As I type, she's running on the custis trail.

Hopefully, you are not letting yourself go.



She would have done well never to have gained about 190 pounds of jackass in the first place.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 16:38     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
Anonymous wrote:

You can listen to his version of events, or my version of events. But you will be in a living hell, regardless of what you hear.


You are an idiot.

When there is a divorce it is the woman is the one who is often left in the financial lurch and the man does not lose out to the same extent.

Often, not always. Depends on who makes the money, whose family has the money, who has the children and how old they are.

I own my house. I make more money than my husband. We have a serviceable marriage. The question of divorce came up exactly once. He knows where he'd be - in an apartment, with three child support bills, every weekend taken by the kids whom he loves dearly, with half of control over their upbringing lost - uh huh, what a catch!


Comprehension is obviously not your strong suit. I specifically used the word "often" which you repeated. Your case may be an exception but for most women they end up with the short end of the stick.

You may also want to look at the statistics of the number of fathers who don't pay all or part of their child support.


Whatever - it clearly didn't keep me from making enough money to feel the power. You operate in very outdated world when it comes to relative financial weight of partners in the marriage.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 16:35     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am a second wife. My DH left his ex-wife for me. We didn't start seeing each other until after he had moved out of their home and the marriage was rocky at that point. However, he ultimately left her for me.

I hate to break it to some of you bitter ex-wives, but life turned out just fine for us. We got custody of both of my stepchildren when they were 4 and 7. They are adults now. I have a great relationship with both of them. They consider this "home". Their mother wasn't abusive. She wasn't a drug user or an alcoholic. We were just able to show the judge that it would be in best interest of the kids to live with us. The Guardian ad Litem assigned to our case recommended we get custody and that pretty much won the case for us. She got every other weekend and four weeks during the summer.

So...contrary to what many of you might want to believe, life is pretty damn good. Money is not an issue. We are not paying any child support at all. We did pay child support for two years ($2,700 a month in Georgia), but that gravy train stopped when we got custody of the kids. We were able to successfully blend our families - I had two, he had two, we have one together. They are all very close and consider each other brothers and sisters in every way because they were raised together. And we've been married over 20 years.

My advise as an ex-wife who was royally screwed by an ex-husband. Let go of the anger and bitterness. Life goes on. You don't have to forgive. But holding onto anger only hurts you and your children.

Actually, the way she put it makes me think that going after custody was dictated primarily by financial reason (anyone who refers to child support as a "gravy train" clearly sees it as a drain on her resources rather than an obligation that's due to the children her husband has fathered.)

As I said, anyone who tried to take my children away from me wouldn't be alive for long.

You are the person that gives many of us second wives a bad reputation. you still had an affair with him as when you started dating while he was married. And, what kind of person takes a persons husband and children. The decent thing to do would have been to let her have the kids. She has every right to be bitter. As a kid, I would completely resent you for breaking up my parents marriage and taking us from our mom.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 16:32     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
Anonymous wrote:You are kidding right?

Of course, this happens all the time with well paid and highly educated men. It's starts with cheating and then after being caught with PYT woman, first wife drags DH thru divorce.
Your status or ideal of assortative marriage may hold true in most couples. But some men need to thrill of chase/exploration.

When we started to date exclusively, I told my PYT DW that if she ever got plump, don't expect me to stick around that's how we got together my last serious girlfriend gained weight and was ok with it. As I type, she's running on the custis trail.

Hopefully, you are not letting yourself go.

I hope your wife had a similar arrangement with you that if you ever lose your job, get an ED, become disabled or have to settle for a less powerful position, you shouldn't expect her to stick around. It's a fair trade. If you insist on her staying slim, she should insist on you staying rich.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 14:06     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
Anonymous wrote:Somebody tell the truth: does this actually happen?
I can't imagine my husband or any of his friends, or any of my friends' husbands or any of our various neighbors or really anybody we know leaving their first wife for something "young, tight and pretty" or whatever PP said. Some of our female friends have gotten pretty plump and peculiar at this point and no husband (or wife!) has left yet. That's not a strategy that fits in with the modern ideal of assortative mating or marriages of companionship, which are predicated on many years of dating, pooled assets, mutual friends and general premeditation. Former "organization kids" and overachievers don't play like that.
This gold digger stuff has to be way overblown. The highly paid and highly educated guys I know would be humiliated to be discovered in this scenario. We aren't talking about the wealthiest Wall Street tycoons here, I grant you, but very respectable men.


Overachievers tend to play exactly like that. The ones you know may not have left their fat/peculiar wives because they are getting it on the side. Alphas like strange nookie.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 14:00     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
You are kidding right?

Of course, this happens all the time with well paid and highly educated men. It's starts with cheating and then after being caught with PYT woman, first wife drags DH thru divorce.
Your status or ideal of assortative marriage may hold true in most couples. But some men need to thrill of chase/exploration.

When we started to date exclusively, I told my PYT DW that if she ever got plump, don't expect me to stick around that's how we got together my last serious girlfriend gained weight and was ok with it. As I type, she's running on the custis trail.

Hopefully, you are not letting yourself go.


Anonymous wrote:Somebody tell the truth: does this actually happen?
I can't imagine my husband or any of his friends, or any of my friends' husbands or any of our various neighbors or really anybody we know leaving their first wife for something "young, tight and pretty" or whatever PP said. Some of our female friends have gotten pretty plump and peculiar at this point and no husband (or wife!) has left yet. That's not a strategy that fits in with the modern ideal of assortative mating or marriages of companionship, which are predicated on many years of dating, pooled assets, mutual friends and general premeditation. Former "organization kids" and overachievers don't play like that.
This gold digger stuff has to be way overblown. The highly paid and highly educated guys I know would be humiliated to be discovered in this scenario. We aren't talking about the wealthiest Wall Street tycoons here, I grant you, but very respectable men.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:31     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am a second wife. My DH left his ex-wife for me. We didn't start seeing each other until after he had moved out of their home and the marriage was rocky at that point. However, he ultimately left her for me.

I hate to break it to some of you bitter ex-wives, but life turned out just fine for us. We got custody of both of my stepchildren when they were 4 and 7. They are adults now. I have a great relationship with both of them. They consider this "home". Their mother wasn't abusive. She wasn't a drug user or an alcoholic. We were just able to show the judge that it would be in best interest of the kids to live with us. The Guardian ad Litem assigned to our case recommended we get custody and that pretty much won the case for us. She got every other weekend and four weeks during the summer.

So...contrary to what many of you might want to believe, life is pretty damn good. Money is not an issue. We are not paying any child support at all. We did pay child support for two years ($2,700 a month in Georgia), but that gravy train stopped when we got custody of the kids. We were able to successfully blend our families - I had two, he had two, we have one together. They are all very close and consider each other brothers and sisters in every way because they were raised together. And we've been married over 20 years.

My advise as an ex-wife who was royally screwed by an ex-husband. Let go of the anger and bitterness. Life goes on. You don't have to forgive. But holding onto anger only hurts you and your children. tse


Something about this storyt doesn't add up.

A modern judge ((in a not-backwater county in the South who is not golfing partners with the divorcing father)) would NEVER award basically sole custody of a 4 year old when a healthy, mentally sharp, non-parolee mother is arguing for some equal share of custody.

Your life might be all roses, but your backstory seems off. At least in 2015 outside of honey boo boo land


They probably outspent mom in attorneys and found an evaluator to make up stuff about mom.


I am from Georgia and have NEVER heard of anyone there paying $2700 a month in child support, especially not 20 years ago. Either
PPs new husband is a millionaire (and had the judge in his pocket) or she's full of shit. This whole story has tons of holes.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:22     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
Somebody tell the truth: does this actually happen?
I can't imagine my husband or any of his friends, or any of my friends' husbands or any of our various neighbors or really anybody we know leaving their first wife for something "young, tight and pretty" or whatever PP said. Some of our female friends have gotten pretty plump and peculiar at this point and no husband (or wife!) has left yet. That's not a strategy that fits in with the modern ideal of assortative mating or marriages of companionship, which are predicated on many years of dating, pooled assets, mutual friends and general premeditation. Former "organization kids" and overachievers don't play like that.
This gold digger stuff has to be way overblown. The highly paid and highly educated guys I know would be humiliated to be discovered in this scenario. We aren't talking about the wealthiest Wall Street tycoons here, I grant you, but very respectable men.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:10     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am a second wife. My DH left his ex-wife for me. We didn't start seeing each other until after he had moved out of their home and the marriage was rocky at that point. However, he ultimately left her for me.

I hate to break it to some of you bitter ex-wives, but life turned out just fine for us. We got custody of both of my stepchildren when they were 4 and 7. They are adults now. I have a great relationship with both of them. They consider this "home". Their mother wasn't abusive. She wasn't a drug user or an alcoholic. We were just able to show the judge that it would be in best interest of the kids to live with us. The Guardian ad Litem assigned to our case recommended we get custody and that pretty much won the case for us. She got every other weekend and four weeks during the summer.

So...contrary to what many of you might want to believe, life is pretty damn good. Money is not an issue. We are not paying any child support at all. We did pay child support for two years ($2,700 a month in Georgia), but that gravy train stopped when we got custody of the kids. We were able to successfully blend our families - I had two, he had two, we have one together. They are all very close and consider each other brothers and sisters in every way because they were raised together. And we've been married over 20 years.

My advise as an ex-wife who was royally screwed by an ex-husband. Let go of the anger and bitterness. Life goes on. You don't have to forgive. But holding onto anger only hurts you and your children. tse


Something about this storyt doesn't add up.

A modern judge ((in a not-backwater county in the South who is not golfing partners with the divorcing father)) would NEVER award basically sole custody of a 4 year old when a healthy, mentally sharp, non-parolee mother is arguing for some equal share of custody.

Your life might be all roses, but your backstory seems off. At least in 2015 outside of honey boo boo land


They probably outspent mom in attorneys and found an evaluator to make up stuff about mom.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 13:06     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
Anonymous wrote:I am a second wife. My DH left his ex-wife for me. We didn't start seeing each other until after he had moved out of their home and the marriage was rocky at that point. However, he ultimately left her for me.

I hate to break it to some of you bitter ex-wives, but life turned out just fine for us. We got custody of both of my stepchildren when they were 4 and 7. They are adults now. I have a great relationship with both of them. They consider this "home". Their mother wasn't abusive. She wasn't a drug user or an alcoholic. We were just able to show the judge that it would be in best interest of the kids to live with us. The Guardian ad Litem assigned to our case recommended we get custody and that pretty much won the case for us. She got every other weekend and four weeks during the summer.

So...contrary to what many of you might want to believe, life is pretty damn good. Money is not an issue. We are not paying any child support at all. We did pay child support for two years ($2,700 a month in Georgia), but that gravy train stopped when we got custody of the kids. We were able to successfully blend our families - I had two, he had two, we have one together. They are all very close and consider each other brothers and sisters in every way because they were raised together. And we've been married over 20 years.

My advise as an ex-wife who was royally screwed by an ex-husband. Let go of the anger and bitterness. Life goes on. You don't have to forgive. But holding onto anger only hurts you and your children.


You are the person that gives many of us second wives a bad reputation. you still had an affair with him as when you started dating while he was married. And, what kind of person takes a persons husband and children. The decent thing to do would have been to let her have the kids. She has every right to be bitter. As a kid, I would completely resent you for breaking up my parents marriage and taking us from our mom.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 12:55     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Women don't age well so there is that plus to the younger second wife.

Guys may not age well if they don't take care of themselves but they have a shit-load more money which, believe it or not, lots of younger women find immensely attractive. Guys are drawn to attractive women and sex and women are drawn to a guy with money. Both are shallow in their own way in terms of their priorities.

If a woman is a single mother with younger children and primary custody, the problems finding another guy are compounded many fold which is why you have all those threads in the relationship forum on where to meet eligible guys if one is a single mother.

Not all guys make more money.


Who are these naive women who think that the money belongs to the men? All of the money is my family's. If we got divorced, he would get nothing. I would keep the house, the cars, everything. I might throw him a bone; more likely, I would give everything to my children and make damn sure he gets nothing. If he ever remarried, he would be either destitute, or living off the sloppy second wife.

Just when you think you know the whole story....surprise! You don't. Until it's too late.

You can listen to his version of events, or my version of events. But you will be in a living hell, regardless of what you hear.


I can't imagine why someone wouldn't want to spend 50 years with you.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 10:51     Subject: All Second Wives are awesome
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DH looks down on women who throw themselves at him. He knows they have low self esteem, and probably daddy issues. He has daughters, and does not want that as any kind of example for them.

"Easy" has never been his thing. He likes a challenge. Smart people like challenge in their lives, not "easy".


Don't know about your husband but I had a colleague who was good looking and intelligent and made good money. Women were all over him. His wife said pretty much what you just did .... and he was banging these women every chance he got.

But you are right about one thing: most men don't want their daughters to be anything like those women.


Of course your husband tells you easy is not his thing - it's to stop your jealousy. If he feels the need to mention this it means he is banging these chicks. When women hit on me I don't always tell my wife because I know it's stupid and I have no interest. But if I give some serious thought to straying I tell my wife how I don't like these women to assuage my guilt.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2015 10:49     Subject: Re:All Second Wives are awesome
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Women don't age well so there is that plus to the younger second wife.

Guys may not age well if they don't take care of themselves but they have a shit-load more money which, believe it or not, lots of younger women find immensely attractive. Guys are drawn to attractive women and sex and women are drawn to a guy with money. Both are shallow in their own way in terms of their priorities.

If a woman is a single mother with younger children and primary custody, the problems finding another guy are compounded many fold which is why you have all those threads in the relationship forum on where to meet eligible guys if one is a single mother.

Not all guys make more money.


Who are these naive women who think that the money belongs to the men? All of the money is my family's. If we got divorced, he would get nothing. I would keep the house, the cars, everything. I might throw him a bone; more likely, I would give everything to my children and make damn sure he gets nothing. If he ever remarried, he would be either destitute, or living off the sloppy second wife.

Just when you think you know the whole story....surprise! You don't. Until it's too late.

You can listen to his version of events, or my version of events. But you will be in a living hell, regardless of what you hear.


You are an idiot.

When there is a divorce it is the woman is the one who is often left in the financial lurch and the man does not lose out to the same extent.

Often, not always. Depends on who makes the money, whose family has the money, who has the children and how old they are.

I own my house. I make more money than my husband. We have a serviceable marriage. The question of divorce came up exactly once. He knows where he'd be - in an apartment, with three child support bills, every weekend taken by the kids whom he loves dearly, with half of control over their upbringing lost - uh huh, what a catch!


Comprehension is obviously not your strong suit. I specifically used the word "often" which you repeated. Your case may be an exception but for most women they end up with the short end of the stick.

You may also want to look at the statistics of the number of fathers who don't pay all or part of their child support.