Anonymous wrote:OP, you're handling this the right way. Let it go for now, and make sure that in the future, you get her something that she can't take offense to.

+ Tell your son to keep his big mouth shut.

Anonymous wrote:OP, your DIL didn't do anything. Your son did. He shouldn't have mentioned it. And if he was saying something because you asked, you shouldn't have asked.

I didn't ask. I had a nice phone convo and then got the texts after, regarding it.

OP, your DIL didn't do anything. Your son did. He shouldn't have mentioned it. And if he was saying something because you asked, you shouldn't have asked.

Anonymous wrote: OP here...in my defense, I did suggest to ds (before Christmas) that I might get a nice Kitchen Aid mixer for her, as mine and my moms also has been the workhorse of our kitchens. Plus I could order it online for them to pickup where they live. Ds informed me they had a mixer, (not a kitchenaid one). In retrospect I should have just got the nice one-but they are going to move after graduating next may and it's one more thing to move.

I guess what I'm feeling is-my MIL has given odd gifts to us for 20 years. Up to and including yesterday Dh and I have always smiled and said Thank You, and never even considered saying anything to her about it. So DS grew up with this example (we taught the kids the same, they got some wierd stuff but handwrote nice thank you notes to her). So what happened? In my family we just don't question others about gifts.

But I'm going to let it go and not mention it again. For safety from now on I'll just get them each the same gift.

OP, I wouldn't get them the "same gift" in the future because then you're just upping the ante. Everyone had their feelings hurt, rightfully or not, but just let it go, and don't let it influence your future gift-giving. Say no to future drama on your part and the kids will hopefully be influenced by your lead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS needs to learn that he doesn't have to communicate every hurt feeling his wife has to the hurt party. I suspect the DIL expressed concern and fear and declared that DS "MUST TALK TO HIS MOM LIKE RITE NAU", and DS, thinking he was doing the right thing, communicated the concern.

Now if DIL went off for 20+ minutes and/or threatened to leave DS over this (or some other ridiculous consequence) that is another matter entirely.

OP, you may want to gently find out just what *was* the DIL's reaction, whether it was "nervous 22 year old reading too much into things" or "journeywoman harpy looking for her master harpy's license" and (re)act accordingly.

I will say it doesn't get better with age -- if it is the latter, I am sorry for you and your son.

Oh God no. Let it go.

That's true. If she is a harpy, it'll come through. If she's a nervous 22 year old, it'll come through.

Just witness this thread -- 2/3 of the responses seem to be "hey it's a nice gift" and 1/3 are all "RAWR YOU GOT THE DOG A GIFT AND IGNORED UR DIL U BITCH LERN SUM MANNERZ"

Just give gifts that you think the recipient will genuinely like. If you do that it doesn't really matter if they are biotchy and ungrateful - your conscious will be clear.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS needs to learn that he doesn't have to communicate every hurt feeling his wife has to the hurt party. I suspect the DIL expressed concern and fear and declared that DS "MUST TALK TO HIS MOM LIKE RITE NAU", and DS, thinking he was doing the right thing, communicated the concern.

Now if DIL went off for 20+ minutes and/or threatened to leave DS over this (or some other ridiculous consequence) that is another matter entirely.

OP, you may want to gently find out just what *was* the DIL's reaction, whether it was "nervous 22 year old reading too much into things" or "journeywoman harpy looking for her master harpy's license" and (re)act accordingly.

I will say it doesn't get better with age -- if it is the latter, I am sorry for you and your son.

Oh God no. Let it go.

That's true. If she is a harpy, it'll come through. If she's a nervous 22 year old, it'll come through.

Just witness this thread -- 2/3 of the responses seem to be "hey it's a nice gift" and 1/3 are all "RAWR YOU GOT THE DOG A GIFT AND IGNORED UR DIL U BITCH LERN SUM MANNERZ"

Ok even my husband, who has the bitchiest mom on earth, thinks that it is a horrible gift.

Do you have a daughter? What would you think would be the message if she had received a gift card for a dog? At the very least you would think it unkind. At its worst you might view it the way many of us do, as a really sh**ty overture. As in you do not think much of her. Give your son the dog gift card then and give the other one to your dil. See this only works beacuase you really got both gifts for your son. Neither had anything to do with her. And it shows!

You gave her a gift certificate to PETsmart!! I would tell everyone I know and laugh about your rudeness for years. My mother in law was horribly paasive aggresive and she never gave me something that rude. Talk about a message!

Tell your son to stop snitching on his wife. He's married now and he should not be repeating to outsiders what goes on in his home with his wife.

If I were you, I would get another gift for the wife but also tell DS to have more discretion.

OP you are the one who needs to work on your manners

Anonymous wrote: OP here...in my defense, I did suggest to ds (before Christmas) that I might get a nice Kitchen Aid mixer for her, as mine and my moms also has been the workhorse of our kitchens. Plus I could order it online for them to pickup where they live. Ds informed me they had a mixer, (not a kitchenaid one). In retrospect I should have just got the nice one-but they are going to move after graduating next may and it's one more thing to move.

I guess what I'm feeling is-my MIL has given odd gifts to us for 20 years. Up to and including yesterday Dh and I have always smiled and said Thank You, and never even considered saying anything to her about it. So DS grew up with this example (we taught the kids the same, they got some wierd stuff but handwrote nice thank you notes to her). So what happened? In my family we just don't question others about gifts.

But I'm going to let it go and not mention it again. For safety from now on I'll just get them each the same gift.

Op
Step back and look at yourself. This is YOUR SONS WIFE not you not your MIL. You gave a rude gift and it seems you were testing DILto see if she would take it Then she told HER HUSBAND (get it) HUSBAND who promptly ran to mom and shared Not a good way to start z relationship

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, OP, it's a bit of a strange gift - you essentially gave a gift to your son and his dog and totally ignored your new daughter in law. Not cool. I'd suggest that you call and explain your reason for the gift.[/quote]

I agree and early on, I would have been hurt by such a gift. Even if I hated it, I think something more personal would have been better. [/quote]

But it WAS personal. The DIL loves the dog and the OP went out of her way to take what little she knows of the DIL to find a gift based on what she knows she loves... which is the dog. It's a very nice, thoughtful gift.

[b]To be hurt by that is the ultimate in diva, spoiled behavior.[[/b][/quote]

Yep. The only way she should be unhappy is it she gave in to DH about getting a dog and is not truly a fan. Real dog people would be thrilled. So maybe there's a tension there OP doesn't know about.[/quote]

I'm a huge dog person, and I spend quite a bit at pet stores. Still, I do not want a giftcard for my dog.

Anonymous wrote:The gift was for the dog, not your DIL. Apologize and get a gift card for your DIL. Your DIL is not a dog. Ask her what stores she like to shop at.

+1

OP, you're handling this the right way. Let it go for now, and make sure that in the future, you get her something that she can't take offense to.

The gift was for the dog, not your DIL. Apologize and get a gift card for your DIL. Your DIL is not a dog. Ask her what stores she like to shop at.