Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 13:09     Subject: Re:What does no boxed gifts please mean?
Anonymous wrote:

+1. It's a free country, lady. My inlaws threw a first birthday party for my DD and wrote no boxed gifts. IN AMERICA! *gasp*


Your inlaws hosted a birthday party for your child? I think that deserves the *gasp* I've heard of grandparents offering to pay not being the host of the party.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 13:05     Subject: Re:What does no boxed gifts please mean?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have never heard of this and I think it is horrible. I would not, absolutely not, comply. It is a GIFT - not a utility payment of cash.


You would give a boxed gift, when the invitation specifically asked you not to?


I sure would! In America, we don't write "no boxed gifts" on invites.


Some people do, otherwise this thread would not exist. PRetty much anyone who says "In America, we..." is a xenophobe.


+1. It's a free country, lady. My inlaws threw a first birthday party for my DD and wrote no boxed gifts. IN AMERICA! *gasp*
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 12:29     Subject: Re:What does no boxed gifts please mean?
I find the request rude, however it's stunning how many posters are equally presumptuous in thinking they need to teach this Mom a lesson by ignoring the request, declining the invite, or not sending a gift. Really? What about the child here who is celebrating her birthday? My advice is to be gracious and send cash or a gift card and let it go. To quote my elementary school principal who hauled me in (just me) because a friend and I were tormenting each other: sometimes you just need to be the better person.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 12:28     Subject: What does no boxed gifts please mean?
Better yet, let's skip the expensive party altogether. I'm just going to give you a gift card in the same amount you gave me, so why bother? I'll buy myself what I want and you can buy yourself what you want and we'll call it a day.

I remember when gifts were a surprise. I got things I never would have known to ask for. Things I loved that expanded my world.

Sure glad those days are over.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 12:21     Subject: Re:What does no boxed gifts please mean?
Some other cultures find the American culture of registries to be low brow. Telling guests what to buy you is rude, if you want specific items why not just do cash only so you can go buy your own stuff? I've also gotten the "registry" for paying for parts of the wedding couple's honeymoon. Um, if you need money here's a check- pay for it yourself.


Registries for weddings, baby showers, even birthdays. I'd rather just give you a Visa gift card or a check and you can do the shopping on your own.





Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 12:18     Subject: What does no boxed gifts please mean?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What's the big deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people.


No, you are wrong. It is wrong to specify that you want cash. It is a big deal and stunningly rude.


It is rude to specify that you want cash -- in mainstream US culture, on most occasions. It's not universally true everywhere for everybody.



However, we are IN THE U.S. I don't care what you're used to elsewhere. You're here now.


We're in the US! We don't need to care what other people do elsewhere in the rest of the world! -- eh, PP?


NP here. What other people do in the rest of the world is all well and good. The point is that when you come to the US and you do something that is considered rude here, you're going to rub people the wrong way. e.g., inviting the whole class to a birthday party, most of whom are probably not used to YOUR cultural norms instead of those in the US and then specifying that you want cash for your six year old, which here is considered, as PP said, stunningly rude. You'll probably get a lot of people just not coming (and maybe they prefer it that way anyway).


No, most people would think "huh, I've never seen that before:, might fleetingly think about whether it's rude, and then attend the party anyway. FOrtunately, most people do not retaliate against small children for a perceived ettiquette slight on the part of the child's parents. See? Here in America we don't do mean things to children because we are offended by something parents did.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 12:14     Subject: Re:What does no boxed gifts please mean?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have never heard of this and I think it is horrible. I would not, absolutely not, comply. It is a GIFT - not a utility payment of cash.


You would give a boxed gift, when the invitation specifically asked you not to?


I sure would! In America, we don't write "no boxed gifts" on invites.


Some people do, otherwise this thread would not exist. PRetty much anyone who says "In America, we..." is a xenophobe.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 11:23     Subject: What does no boxed gifts please mean?
It just means they don't want a bunch of cheap Toy'R'Us eight dollar crap cluttering their house. It's pretty smart actually. Just give them a gift card or nothing and let them combine them and get something that fits in with their family and household.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 11:20     Subject: What does no boxed gifts please mean?
I'm South Asian and this is so normal for wedding invitations that I'm not offended at all. When my sisters got married, my parents refused to put anything in the invitations regarding gifts (no registry info or 'no boxed gifts' line) and people gave cash 90%. I don't think someone is 'trash' for putting that down.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 11:06     Subject: Re:What does no boxed gifts please mean?
This phrase is unnecessarily confusing.

Why not just say "cash only," instead?

Whether or not it's rude or tacky is another question. It's just confusing. I originally thought it meant just unwrapped gifts or clothes or books.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 10:16     Subject: What does no boxed gifts please mean?
I don't think demanding specific gifts (and saying other gifts are unwelcome) is culturally acceptable ANYWHERE.

In South Asia, gifts for weddings are usually cash or jewelry, but I don't think it's ever specified in writing on invitations. It is the South Asian community in the US (maybe also UK) who has started this "no boxed gifts" trend. I'm not sure where they got it form.

It is rude and tacky to put it on invitations like that. Either you specify that you don't want gifts or you accept whatever gifts people gift.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 10:10     Subject: What does no boxed gifts please mean?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What's the big deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people.


No, you are wrong. It is wrong to specify that you want cash. It is a big deal and stunningly rude.


It is rude to specify that you want cash -- in mainstream US culture, on most occasions. It's not universally true everywhere for everybody.



However, we are IN THE U.S. I don't care what you're used to elsewhere. You're here now.


We're in the US! We don't need to care what other people do elsewhere in the rest of the world! -- eh, PP?


NP here. What other people do in the rest of the world is all well and good. The point is that when you come to the US and you do something that is considered rude here, you're going to rub people the wrong way. e.g., inviting the whole class to a birthday party, most of whom are probably not used to YOUR cultural norms instead of those in the US and then specifying that you want cash for your six year old, which here is considered, as PP said, stunningly rude. You'll probably get a lot of people just not coming (and maybe they prefer it that way anyway).


I didn't see anywhere in OP's post stating the whole class was invited. For all we know it may be a birthday party where the majority of the attendants will be from the culture of the birthday girl. OP may be the only or one of only a few non-of-their-culture invited.

OP, if that is the case you could have just called the host to ask the meaning. It wouldn't have been rude.

What's rude is all this nastiness being thrown around about a family that no one on here knows.

But hey, we are in the US! Putting down other people's cultures is what we do!!!!!


Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 09:54     Subject: What does no boxed gifts please mean?
It is confusing to us because it is Not Done. So "no boxed gifts" on a child's birthday party invite could conceivably mean-gift bags only, birthday gifts not in their original packaging, maybe used gifts from goodwill (if the family is very environmentally conscious), maybe they mean no toys, just books? maybe they just want gift cards? Nobody knows because in our country, the tradition is to bring a wrapped gift to a child's party.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 09:35     Subject: What does no boxed gifts please mean?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What's the bid deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people.


No, you are wrong. It is wrong to specify that you want cash. It is a big deal and stunningly rude.


I don't believe it's a big deal. Why do the song and dance about a gift? Times are a changing....if you are going to give a gift, why not give something you know the person wants?


Because they don’t say what they want!
Only an ambiguous [hrase saying what they don’t want - boxed gifts. So I assume unboxed gifts are o.k., bury I don’t know, hence the genuine confusion.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2014 09:27     Subject: Re:What does no boxed gifts please mean?
Anonymous wrote:That's what I would use those extra starbucks gift cards for.


for a 6 year old???