Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone in the family offer to bring food or does MIL have to feed everyone? Everyone in the family should offer to bring something. Say to MIL before hand "I know it's a lot of work to cook for everyone that's coming, so why don't you tell us a few things we can bring, and I can pass along to other family members to bring a few things as well".

This!
Why are you not help cooking?? I feel sorry for mil to cook for everyone. Bring good and go early and help out or font go at all.
You sound quite unhinged actually!

Who is the one asking people over without enough food to serve? When people host, do they do so without having the desire or inclination to serve enough food? Is this the norm anywhere? What a strange "norm" you must have!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In fact, I can't believe why you wouldn't have offered years ago to bring a few things to contribute to the dinner and why nobody else in the family has too?! You're weird, OP. Maybe this is MIL's passive aggressive way of telling everyone that she can't cook for everybody.

I agree. OP sounds cheap and obsessed with food.

OP here. I'm not sure where you are getting your incorrect information. As I stated earlier, we just hosted them for Thanksgiving. We also invited our friends, to diffuse any tensions. Thankfully, everyone ate well AND was sent home with leftovers. Each person brought one dish, which we did not ask them to bring, since it was not their turn to host. The food that was brought, though put out, was generally not eaten. It seemed wasteful to me.

As far as Mil, she insists on hosting. Which, if she can not handle it, then 1.) why wouldn't she assign each person what to bring 2.) or stop inviting more and more people or 3.) stop trying to host if she knows she can not handle it. We offer to bring dishes. She says no. So we bring a few dishes anyway.

Honestly, it never occurred to me to ask anyone or expect anyone to bring enough of the main courses. And it never occurred to me to keep inviting people if there is not enough food to begin with. It certainly never occurred to me to host something, if I was not capable of hosting.

Mil does have issues with food, because of her upbringing, DH says it has always been this way in his house. DH says Mil is cheap. I would never say that, but I have never heard DH say that about anyone. So if he says that about his own mother, it would have to be true for him to say it. Thank you for raising some interesting points that I have to consider.

Agree, OP does sound mentally unstable.

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone in the family offer to bring food or does MIL have to feed everyone? Everyone in the family should offer to bring something. Say to MIL before hand "I know it's a lot of work to cook for everyone that's coming, so why don't you tell us a few things we can bring, and I can pass along to other family members to bring a few things as well".

This!
Why are you not help cooking?? I feel sorry for mil to cook for everyone. Bring good and go early and help out or font go at all.
You sound quite unhinged actually!

Anonymous wrote:I find this story incredible to believe. If you picture what OP wrote, you get cavemen and women eating with their hands and fighting for every crumb, leaving bones and grease on empty plates.

I have a feeling OP is like my brother and SIL. Come late, bring nothing and expect it all to be there when their royal asses arrive. Then have the nerve to not only want plates to bring home but if they brought anything, take that back too.

If this story were even partly true, why would anyone put up with this abuse year after year after year ? I know I wouldn't.

I think this is accurate.

And they wear rags.

Anonymous wrote:In fact, I can't believe why you wouldn't have offered years ago to bring a few things to contribute to the dinner and why nobody else in the family has too?! You're weird, OP. Maybe this is MIL's passive aggressive way of telling everyone that she can't cook for everybody.

I agree. OP sounds cheap and obsessed with food.

In fact, I can't believe why you wouldn't have offered years ago to bring a few things to contribute to the dinner and why nobody else in the family has too?! You're weird, OP. Maybe this is MIL's passive aggressive way of telling everyone that she can't cook for everybody.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I like the "bring desert" idea, too. I will have to decide which to do.

Funny story. Mil does make one desert. No more than 10 pieces of fudge. For 30 people. So it's a free for all! I just wanted to give you the whole picture

I don't know if she doesn't make enough, or it is left over from bridge club, or whatever. But I know (and she knows) that the fudge is the most popular. It's actually pretty funny to watch. Maybe I'll bring more fudge, so there will be enough for everyone. I like that idea.

I agree eat at home, start your own tradition and then go their with dessert in hand, but don't bring fudge. That is her thing. Just do your own thing or you'll be inviting a war with the crazy.

Does anyone in the family offer to bring food or does MIL have to feed everyone? Everyone in the family should offer to bring something. Say to MIL before hand "I know it's a lot of work to cook for everyone that's coming, so why don't you tell us a few things we can bring, and I can pass along to other family members to bring a few things as well".

Anonymous wrote:Do not go. That's it. Don't go. It's Christmas. You don't need that shit. Life is too short. Enjoy the holiday at home with your DH and DC. Make your own traditions.

+1

Why wouldn't your bring food then? A lasagna or schnitzel....whatever. At least your kids would have that. Would it kill you to help out?

This is ridiculous. You are very focused on the food. Your focus should be on the family. Feed your kids before you leave your house. If there is food there when you arrive, you can eat some more -- if there is no food, then you should be fine with what you ate before you left.

You are making this in to a much bigger deal than it needs to be. If DH's family is a mess, just go and put in a couple of hours and leave. End of story.

Your MIL may be mean, but you sound like an inflexible, needy and judgmental person, too.

I don't know why you just don't start your own Christmas traditions by staying home but, if you have to go, why not order dinner from Cracker Barrel and bring it with you?

Do not go. That's it. Don't go. It's Christmas. You don't need that shit. Life is too short. Enjoy the holiday at home with your DH and DC. Make your own traditions.

Anonymous wrote:

Just stop it with the idea of having dinner with these folks. Book yourself a nice dinner at a nice restaurant and then bring a pie to the IL's house to share.

This!

+1000. Absolutely do not email MIL. If you are telling this accurately, then you would just be feeding the crazy. Never feed the crazy is the first rule in dealing with crazy inlaws. I presume you go because H feels like he should have some relatiohsip with family, even crazy as they are, and you would like DC to have some relationship with them. This is fine. We all make do with the family we got stuck with. Don't have the "lord of the flies" dinner though. Show up when you show up with enough dessert items to feed your own family time two or three (get pies at Costco if you don't want the work of baking). Bring presents, exchange hugs and presents, go home and be glad that this is not how your kids are growing up. That's how you deal with crazy and inconsiderate inlaws.