Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm so sorry OP! You reacted very well and I hope your presentation was a success, despite what happened.

Take the best lawyer you can afford and get legal advice right away, even if you end up not divorcing him. There is a lot you need to know about protecting your assets and getting a fair share of his for your children, starting with not moving out yourself, not having intimate relations with him, etc.

Big hugs, and good luck.

It seems that not having intimate relations with him created the problem.

They always say that.

Anonymous wrote:
I'm so sorry OP! You reacted very well and I hope your presentation was a success, despite what happened.

Take the best lawyer you can afford and get legal advice right away, even if you end up not divorcing him. There is a lot you need to know about protecting your assets and getting a fair share of his for your children, starting with not moving out yourself, not having intimate relations with him, etc.

Big hugs, and good luck.

It seems that not having intimate relations with him created the problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She started sleeping with him and lost the 30 pounds she put on since they got married. It's all good now.

You're such an ass.

Honestly... has HE stopped gambling, gotten a job and/or stopped dating other women? Go F yourself.

Anonymous wrote:She started sleeping with him and lost the 30 pounds she put on since they got married. It's all good now.

You're such an ass.

She started sleeping with him and lost the 30 pounds she put on since they got married. It's all good now.

HEY OP! How about an update? How are you doing? I was thinking about you over the holidays and hoping you were doing okay.

I agree 100%. My husband is a lawyer whose 1st wife had the affair, and he did exactly what is suggested below. Even held her had while smiling and encouraging her to get a job. He ended up with 1/2 custody because of his patience. (And she is still miserable!)

YES YES YES!

Here are my suggestions:
1) agreed with- first thing is first. Dont freak him out. Act like you are willing to forgive him, so he doesnt try to cover things and delete things too quickly. Make sure to get as much "evidence" as possible. Screen shots, e-mails, look at your bills- are there questionable charges on his part. Get all your finances in a row. Get all account balances, write down everything. Start taking pictures of your home, room by room. So you know what was there at this very moment in case something happens to disappear later. Trust me.
2) Once you have all important documents, finances, evidence, etc. with you- take it to a trusted person's house. Say, family member or close friend. I would also include very special and important things like pictures, heirlooms, jewlery.
3) Sit him down and let him know you are leaving him. If you dont leave him, you are stupid. Not only did he not take accountability for what he did, he blamed you for it. He will never change and he will do even worse in the future. Trust me.
4) You stay with the kids. He goes. If you dont, he will have the advantage. DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. he needs to leave. CHange the locks and get a lawyer ASAP. You may need to hire a PI to get more concrete evidence that a true affair is taking place but in the state of VA, you will probably both get 50/50 custody. BUt, atleast, you have the advantage since he did this to you.

Good luck and stay strong. He sounds manupilative and I am pretty sure he is going to say what he needs to to have you stay and not divorce. DOnt buy that crap

Hoping for the best for you, OP. Fwiw, you sound awesome!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going through the same thing myself. Except he's in love with her and wants to be with her. I didn't catch him. He told me. smh Good luck to you OP!

He'll see how much fun it is when he has no money and has his weekends taken up by child visitation.
What an ass. I'm sorry PP.

Why would his weekends be terrible taken up with child visitation? This is stupid.

Anonymous wrote:Going through the same thing myself. Except he's in love with her and wants to be with her. I didn't catch him. He told me. smh Good luck to you OP!

He'll see how much fun it is when he has no money and has his weekends taken up by child visitation.
What an ass. I'm sorry PP.

Going through the same thing myself. Except he's in love with her and wants to be with her. I didn't catch him. He told me. smh Good luck to you OP!

Anonymous wrote:get his phone and gather all the communications you can proving his infidelity. Do it now before he deletes everything. he knows where this is heading. what a fuck head. Why do parents (not always the dad, I know) do this shit to their kids? And they fact that he txted this person tells me there was no regret. And how in the hell did he txt YOU by mistake?

YES YES YES!

Here are my suggestions:
1) agreed with- first thing is first. Dont freak him out. Act like you are willing to forgive him, so he doesnt try to cover things and delete things too quickly. Make sure to get as much "evidence" as possible. Screen shots, e-mails, look at your bills- are there questionable charges on his part. Get all your finances in a row. Get all account balances, write down everything. Start taking pictures of your home, room by room. So you know what was there at this very moment in case something happens to disappear later. Trust me.
2) Once you have all important documents, finances, evidence, etc. with you- take it to a trusted person's house. Say, family member or close friend. I would also include very special and important things like pictures, heirlooms, jewlery.
3) Sit him down and let him know you are leaving him. If you dont leave him, you are stupid. Not only did he not take accountability for what he did, he blamed you for it. He will never change and he will do even worse in the future. Trust me.
4) You stay with the kids. He goes. If you dont, he will have the advantage. DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. he needs to leave. CHange the locks and get a lawyer ASAP. You may need to hire a PI to get more concrete evidence that a true affair is taking place but in the state of VA, you will probably both get 50/50 custody. BUt, atleast, you have the advantage since he did this to you.

Good luck and stay strong. He sounds manupilative and I am pretty sure he is going to say what he needs to to have you stay and not divorce. DOnt buy that crap

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The guy went on a date and you guys have them divorced already. It sounds like there have been marital issues, and now you're being forced to confront them. It could be much worse. It sounds like you can work though it if you want to. I'd ignore most of the posts here, and move on with fixing it.

Yeah oddly enough we seem to be concerned that the married guy went on a date. In addition to being an underemployed compulsive gambler. Lots of reasons to stay with that gem of a guy!

Ha! So true--and he was sexting away and talking about the sex they were going to have next time.

This wasn't his first time at the rodeo.

He got caught. He'd be banging away by now if he hadn't mis-text

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The guy went on a date and you guys have them divorced already. It sounds like there have been marital issues, and now you're being forced to confront them. It could be much worse. It sounds like you can work though it if you want to. I'd ignore most of the posts here, and move on with fixing it.

Yeah oddly enough we seem to be concerned that the married guy went on a date. In addition to being an underemployed compulsive gambler. Lots of reasons to stay with that gem of a guy!

I forgot about the double standard here, if it was switched, it'd be "he was ignoring her, all she did was meet up for coffee" etc. You're right, instead of working on the relationship, throw him out, screw the kids, and take him for everything, is much better advice.

Take him for what? He doesn't have shit! Her standard of living will probably increase without that monkey on her back.