Anonymous wrote:

In our case, it was a mutual decision that one of us should stay home, and the other one of us earns enough that this is not an issue or stressor.

Not today.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you missed the point. My main gist was that proceed with caution. If your husband isn't 100 percent on board and you are not 100 percent on board with your choice to SAHM, choosing to be a SAHM can be problematic and lead to serious issues if your marriage implodes. Like I had explained upthread.

Agreed. Marriage is a partnership in which each person has a say, it's not just up to a wife to unilaterally decide she wants to SAH. And just because a DH doesn't make enough to fully support a family with a middle class lifestyle ($$$ in the DMV area), doesn't mean he is not quality. Each spouse needs to carry their weight whether it be through childcare, household chores, etc. or earning an income (or combination of both). I've had a female friend act as the primary income earner while her DH was in law school and working a low paying clerkship. Now he's making $$$ at a firm, so she is a SAHM. I also have girlfriends who work part time jobs, earn more than their spouse, etc. and they are in happy marriages. At the end of the day, it's really about each partner contributing.

Would I love to quit my job and pursue other things that interest me more such as spending more time with my first baby once he's born in a few months? Sure. But it would be totally unfair of me since I make about the same as DH and we would be much less financially secure without two incomes. I don't like my job, but I like that at 30 I am already vested in a federal pension and have a fair amount in retirement savings. I like that I am climbing the career ladder at work and will be able to contribute toward my children's college funds. And God forbid anything ever happen to DH, I will be able to continue to support our household.

This isn't to say that every woman should work and no woman should ever SAH. Just make sure the decision is mutually agreeable and beneficial to your family, so your DH doesn't resent being an ATM.

Also, I find it funny how threads about men who become unemployed, stop looking for work, aren't contributing much financially to the home are considered deadbeats that the DW should leave!

Honestly,mouth can comment on this in an informed way until you have had a kid ir two. Your priorities may Chang pe and you may find yourself at home for longer than you thought pre-kids, or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you missed the point. My main gist was that proceed with caution. If your husband isn't 100 percent on board and you are not 100 percent on board with your choice to SAHM, choosing to be a SAHM can be problematic and lead to serious issues if your marriage implodes. Like I had explained upthread.

Agreed. Marriage is a partnership in which each person has a say, it's not just up to a wife to unilaterally decide she wants to SAH. And just because a DH doesn't make enough to fully support a family with a middle class lifestyle ($$$ in the DMV area), doesn't mean he is not quality. Each spouse needs to carry their weight whether it be through childcare, household chores, etc. or earning an income (or combination of both). I've had a female friend act as the primary income earner while her DH was in law school and working a low paying clerkship. Now he's making $$$ at a firm, so she is a SAHM. I also have girlfriends who work part time jobs, earn more than their spouse, etc. and they are in happy marriages. At the end of the day, it's really about each partner contributing.

Would I love to quit my job and pursue other things that interest me more such as spending more time with my first baby once he's born in a few months? Sure. But it would be totally unfair of me since I make about the same as DH and we would be much less financially secure without two incomes. I don't like my job, but I like that at 30 I am already vested in a federal pension and have a fair amount in retirement savings. I like that I am climbing the career ladder at work and will be able to contribute toward my children's college funds. And God forbid anything ever happen to DH, I will be able to continue to support our household.

This isn't to say that every woman should work and no woman should ever SAH. Just make sure the decision is mutually agreeable and beneficial to your family, so your DH doesn't resent being an ATM.

Also, I find it funny how threads about men who become unemployed, stop looking for work, aren't contributing much financially to the home are considered deadbeats that the DW should leave!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This, PP! I cannot believe women, smart women do not realize how freaking risky it is to be a SAHM. I am the poster who's 51, with five girl friends going through horrific divorces. It is so, so short sighted to stay home beyond a short period of time and it is incredibly stupid to not take one's self seriously enough to make sure you have a plan to get back into the workforce once your kids are a bit older (i.e. retrain or new degree, etc.).

I am incredibly lucky. I did the SAHM thing for five years. But I also kept my certification valid, worked on professional development, went to conferences, and eventually went back and my career is fine. In fact, it is great. My friends who are going through divorces are all good, smart women. Their marriages weren't the strongest (obvi), but from an outside perspective, things really went downhill when the time came for them to look into working again and they just weren't ready for prime time. Their frustration, boredom, and angst manifested itself. The husbands clearly checked out and the whole mom does everything and is all knowing and dad works thing just sets the stage for affairs, checking out, and just leaving.

These women should have protected themselves. I'm not saying working would have saved their marriages. I am definitely saying their lives would have been easier now if they had taken the time to invest in themselves and their own worth by keeping their careers at least viable.

How do you know which SAHMS are keeping up with their certifications, etcetera? There seems to be a lot of sweeping judgements on here .




Frankly I don't care , it is no ones business that I have a trust that I get annual income from , for example , and am not at all worried about finances since its more than my husbands income ( and it's just interest , not touching principal ) but since I say nothing about it I realize the assumptions people may make about me

But your situation is the exception rather than the rule.

In our case, it was a mutual decision that one of us should stay home, and the other one of us earns enough that this is not an issue or stressor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you missed the point. My main gist was that proceed with caution. If your husband isn't 100 percent on board and you are not 100 percent on board with your choice to SAHM, choosing to be a SAHM can be problematic and lead to serious issues if your marriage implodes. Like I had explained upthread.

Agreed. Marriage is a partnership in which each person has a say, it's not just up to a wife to unilaterally decide she wants to SAH. And just because a DH doesn't make enough to fully support a family with a middle class lifestyle ($$$ in the DMV area), doesn't mean he is not quality. Each spouse needs to carry their weight whether it be through childcare, household chores, etc. or earning an income (or combination of both). I've had a female friend act as the primary income earner while her DH was in law school and working a low paying clerkship. Now he's making $$$ at a firm, so she is a SAHM. I also have girlfriends who work part time jobs, earn more than their spouse, etc. and they are in happy marriages. At the end of the day, it's really about each partner contributing.

Would I love to quit my job and pursue other things that interest me more such as spending more time with my first baby once he's born in a few months? Sure. But it would be totally unfair of me since I make about the same as DH and we would be much less financially secure without two incomes. I don't like my job, but I like that at 30 I am already vested in a federal pension and have a fair amount in retirement savings. I like that I am climbing the career ladder at work and will be able to contribute toward my children's college funds. And God forbid anything ever happen to DH, I will be able to continue to support our household.

This isn't to say that every woman should work and no woman should ever SAH. Just make sure the decision is mutually agreeable and beneficial to your family, so your DH doesn't resent being an ATM.

Also, I find it funny how threads about men who become unemployed, stop looking for work, aren't contributing much financially to the home are considered deadbeats that the DW should leave!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This, PP! I cannot believe women, smart women do not realize how freaking risky it is to be a SAHM. I am the poster who's 51, with five girl friends going through horrific divorces. It is so, so short sighted to stay home beyond a short period of time and it is incredibly stupid to not take one's self seriously enough to make sure you have a plan to get back into the workforce once your kids are a bit older (i.e. retrain or new degree, etc.).

I am incredibly lucky. I did the SAHM thing for five years. But I also kept my certification valid, worked on professional development, went to conferences, and eventually went back and my career is fine. In fact, it is great. My friends who are going through divorces are all good, smart women. Their marriages weren't the strongest (obvi), but from an outside perspective, things really went downhill when the time came for them to look into working again and they just weren't ready for prime time. Their frustration, boredom, and angst manifested itself. The husbands clearly checked out and the whole mom does everything and is all knowing and dad works thing just sets the stage for affairs, checking out, and just leaving.

These women should have protected themselves. I'm not saying working would have saved their marriages. I am definitely saying their lives would have been easier now if they had taken the time to invest in themselves and their own worth by keeping their careers at least viable.

How do you know which SAHMS are keeping up with their certifications, etcetera? There seems to be a lot of sweeping judgements on here .
Frankly I don't care , it is no ones business that I have a trust that I get annual income from , for example , and am not at all worried about finances since its more than my husbands income ( and it's just interest , not touching principal ) but since I say nothing about it I realize the assumptions people may make about me

But your situation is the exception rather than the rule.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I personally enjoy the freedom to do what I want from day-to-day, and I am in absolutely no hurry to ever return to a desk job (an outdoors one, maybe).

ME ME ME!!

Twelve years home and going strong, and my family likes it this way. We are lucky not to need my income, and everyone prefers having me around the house and at everyone's disposal. To each their own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I personally enjoy the freedom to do what I want from day-to-day, and I am in absolutely no hurry to ever return to a desk job (an outdoors one, maybe).

ME ME ME!!

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I personally enjoy the freedom to do what I want from day-to-day, and I am in absolutely no hurry to ever return to a desk job (an outdoors one, maybe).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This, PP! I cannot believe women, smart women do not realize how freaking risky it is to be a SAHM. I am the poster who's 51, with five girl friends going through horrific divorces. It is so, so short sighted to stay home beyond a short period of time and it is incredibly stupid to not take one's self seriously enough to make sure you have a plan to get back into the workforce once your kids are a bit older (i.e. retrain or new degree, etc.).

I am incredibly lucky. I did the SAHM thing for five years. But I also kept my certification valid, worked on professional development, went to conferences, and eventually went back and my career is fine. In fact, it is great. My friends who are going through divorces are all good, smart women. Their marriages weren't the strongest (obvi), but from an outside perspective, things really went downhill when the time came for them to look into working again and they just weren't ready for prime time. Their frustration, boredom, and angst manifested itself. The husbands clearly checked out and the whole mom does everything and is all knowing and dad works thing just sets the stage for affairs, checking out, and just leaving.

These women should have protected themselves. I'm not saying working would have saved their marriages. I am definitely saying their lives would have been easier now if they had taken the time to invest in themselves and their own worth by keeping their careers at least viable.

How do you know which SAHMS are keeping up with their certifications, etcetera? There seems to be a lot of sweeping judgements on here .
Frankly I don't care , it is no ones business that I have a trust that I get annual income from , for example , and am not at all worried about finances since its more than my husbands income ( and it's just interest , not touching principal ) but since I say nothing about it I realize the assumptions people may make about me

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we get back to the topic? I'm a SAHM, and I'm interested to know what it's like for other SAHMs that have gone back to work. (I'm not OP.)

Does every thread have to derail to SAHM vs. WM? Hold the judgment.

i refuse to read all of the post on this thread, but this one i'd love to address.

i was a SAHM for 5 years, loved the first 2 and hated the next 3. when my kids were 5 and 3, i went back to work for the Federal Government, full time, GS13. it is FLIPPING AWESOME. i love working, i feel so much more accomplished and good about myself. i love the social aspect of my job. i also like a lot of components of my job - some of it sucks, some if it i am not awesome at, but others parts of it i LOVE and am really good at. i also have amazing bosses and decent coworkers.

so, in some, going back to work (not for financial reasons, DH makes a lot of $) for me was all about working and feeling good about it.

How did you manage to get a job with the Federal Gov't after 5 years?